I can feel her warm body on mine, feel velvet fur on skin. Glossy feathers create a wall between us and the rest of the world. Twisting tail holds our bodies close. Head tilts in to kiss me. Then the tail and wings and fur disappear and I'm with a normal woman. A beautiful woman but conventionally so. No laughing silver eyes, no long, silky silver hair, no velvet black fur, no twisting tail or glossy wings. No feathers around the eyes, wrists and ankles. I wish it was 'Tana who had just kissed me, that it had been her who had whispered her love in my ear. Even if Logan would kill me, I wish it was my Shadow I had just kissed. My beautiful, dangerous, kindly Shadow. My Etana. The woman I kissed twice and lost my heart to. The woman who wasn't kissed until she was 3000 years old. The woman who knew our love was doomed but loved me all the same. I love her even through she'd dead, even though her body now lies rotting in the ground. I wanted her when I first saw her. If I hadn't been frozen, I would have gone back for her. Found a way to make her love me. Married her, slept with her. Given her children. Grown old and watched her remain young. Let her go before I hurt her too much. I would do anything to go back and change time so I could be with her. Done anything to feel that velvet fur and glossy wings. Done anything to see if her hair was silver or black. I would willingly kill to have her back. Why the Russian had to go thirty minutes too late, I'll never know. But because of that, I will never have her, never hold her. Never kiss her, never feel our bodies become one.
The great Captain America fell for an ancient mutant. I admit it freely. But Etana was and still is the greatest woman I ever have or will meet. I loved her. I love her.