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WARNING!
This story contains subject matter which may be offensive to some readers. I will try to post a warning before each chapter if I feel there is a need, but the story in general deals with mature themes.
You're the only one
You're the only one
I'm so wrapped up in your gaze
Hoping this is just a phase
But when all is said and done
I know you are still the one
You're the only one
You're the only one
Cupids bow has sprung
Now you're the only one
-The Black Keys
EPOV
"Ok, I'll be back by noon today," I say, as I head out the door.
"Ok, have a good day," Bella says with a soft smile as she sits on the bed reading a book.
It's been three weeks since Bella told me her story. Even though she's still looking out the window and over her shoulder all the time, she seems to have relaxed somewhat. She seems to have found comfort in me knowing the truth. Our bond has grown stronger, and I've become more protective. I have no idea what resources this Alec fuck has, and I have no idea if he's really coming after her. For these reasons, among others, I feel like she shouldn't stay in the same place for too long.
I told her I was working a short day, but I'm really not going to work at all. I'm going to the train station downtown to buy tickets to take Bella back to Forks. I walk at a fast pace to the train station. It's not raining, the sun is out, but the wind is blowing and I can feel it go straight through my clothing. A shiver rips through me and I pull my hood tighter around my face as I continue on my way.
As I walk, I still keep an eye out for Jake. I've heard from people that he's been around lately, but I still haven't seen him. I plan to get the tickets and have us leave town on the first train out, but I want to talk to Jake before we go. I want to make sure he's not in any trouble. He's been a good friend to me, and I don't want him to think I've just ditched him.
I'm going to buy one-way tickets, because I'm not sure how long Bella will want to stay in Forks. I've worked overtime everyday for the past three weeks and saved enough money for us to stay there for a while, if that's what she wants. I let Mike know what I was doing and he gave me all the hours I wanted so I could save money. Mike was really cool about me going, and said I would have a job when I came back.
I hope I'm doing the right thing by not telling her about this whole trip, I've set it up as one big surprise. I'm doing it this way for a couple of different reasons. First, I feel she deserves it. Since her mom died, no one has done anything nice for her. Second, I'm worried if I tell her in advance, she'll work herself into a complete panic. I worry she will over think things too much and make herself sick. I want to try to make this exciting for her, even though I know facing her old home town after all this time will be hard.
I push all of that aside and walk up to the ticket counter of the train station.
The girl behind the counter looks bored; she sits there and inspects her nails, but she perks up when she sees me approaching the counter. She flutters her eyelashes at me; I assume this is an attempt to flirt. She really just looks like she has something in her eye. She wears the standard uniform, but has her hair done so it looks like there is a bump or some shit under it. She is too tan, her skin looks an unnatural shade of orange. She looks ridiculous. Her fake nails are over an inch long; she annoyingly taps them on the counter, and the smell of stale cigarettes rolls off of her. She leans forward on the counter pushing her chest out.
"How can I help you?" she asks suggestively. She blows a bubble with her gum, and pops it with a loud smack that echoes against the walls of the train station.
"Yeah, I need a couple of tickets," I say, not giving her any more attention than what's considered polite. She picks up that I'm not interested and rolls her eyes. She straightens her back and turns to her out-dated computer.
"Where to?" Her voice is now flat and impatient.
"Forks," I say.
"Forks?" she questions.
"Yeah, you know, in Washington. Forks." She starts to type on her computer. She continues to tap on the keys, it seems like she's writing a novel, how much typing can it really take? She blows another bubble then turns to me.
"Amtrak has no station there," she says.
"What's the closest one to the town?" I ask.
"Do I look like a map?" she asks rudely. I'm tempted to let her know that while she doesn't look like a map, she does look like a cheap hooker.
"You can't do a search?" I ask as politely as I can manage.
"Nope, there's a map with all of our stations on the wall over there, sir," she says with fake professionalism and turns away from me.
I have no desire to fight with the self-righteous bitch behind the counter, so I walk over to the wall with the maps. I study all the locations and realize our best chance is to get dropped off at their station by the ferries. We'll have to take a ferry over, and then I guess take a taxi the rest of the way. It looks like this will be more expensive and complicated than I thought.
I walk back to the ticket counter and am disappointed to see that the same bitch is behind it. I was hoping that she would have gone on a break or something. I walk up to her window and she takes her time before she acknowledges me.
"Can I help you?" she asks as if she didn't just speak to me five minutes ago.
"Yeah, I need two tickets to the SVF station, the ferry docks in Seattle, Washington."
"Two?" she asks, I nod.
"When would you like to leave?" she asks.
"When's the next train out?" I ask. She goes back to her typing.
"There's a train that leaves at eight p.m. tonight." That's sooner than I was thinking. I guess it doesn't really matter though. While I'm thinking about what I want to do, the girl behind the counter starts tapping her nails - impatiently and loudly on the counter. I look behind me and see no one waiting in line. There are a few people looking at the maps, but no one is waiting to work with her, so she can just sit there and wait for me. The only thing that's making me hesitate is I'm worrying about Bella's reaction.
I decide to buy the tickets anyway because I figure if she doesn't want to go to Forks, we can at least spend a day in Seattle.
"Ok, perfect," I say.
"Just one then?" she asks.
"No, I said two," I say back to her.
"Oh, going with a friend?" she asks, the fluttering lashes come back. Fuck, she's getting friendly again.
"My... uh... girlfriend," I say. With the admission of a girlfriend the bitch stare comes back along with the gum popping. I'm shocked at how much I enjoyed saying that. That's what Bella is, right? If asked, would she consider me her boyfriend? The situation is too confusing. I hear the bitches annoying voice asking me a question, I snap out of my musing.
"Sorry, what?" I say.
"I said you owe 76.50."
"Oh, I just want one way, not round trip," I say. She rolls her eyes.
"That is one way." Fuck, I had no idea how expensive the train is. I pull the bills out and slide them across the counter. It pains me to hand the money over I've worked so hard to earn. I think about the person in the motel room waiting for me and decide that it's more than worth it. She takes my money and hands me the tickets. While at the station I use the pay phone and book us a room in Forks. I was worried I wouldn't be able to get a room on short notice, but it doesn't seem like Forks is a hot spot, and the lady on the other end was happy to book us a room.
On the way back to the motel I stop at the store to pick up a couple of things for our trip. I grab the cheapest duffle bag I can find. I figure between her and me we can fit all of our clothes and toiletries in it, we don't have much. I go through the aisles and grab snacks, figuring the food on the train and ferry will be expensive.
I'm walking up to the counter to pay when I see a whole aisle of girly shit. I stop wondering if I should pick up something for Bella. I really have no experience with girls except for one night stands. I've never been close to any of the girls I've been involved with. It does seem like every girl around wears makeup though. I'm not sure why girls do this; does it make them feel better about themselves? Would Bella like something? Something that might make her feel a little better and maybe a little more confidant for our trip. Feeling like an idiot, standing in the middle of the store analyzing makeup, I decide to take a quick look.
I walk down the aisle feeling completely out of place. Everything is pink or fucking sparkly. Bella doesn't wear makeup, or maybe she does and just doesn't have a way to buy any? Fuck, even if she does, I would have no idea what she would want. I scan all the items feeling out of place and stupid for even trying. Right when I am about to walk out of the aisle I see a whole row of lip gloss, she's always putting my chap stick on, maybe she would like something nicer like this?
I can't stand to be in this aisle any more. I pick out one of the glosses and throw in into the basket. I make my way to the counter and pay for everything. Walking back to the motel, I feel myself get nervous. I start to question everything. Was I wrong to plan all of this without her? Will she be upset with me? I figure the only way I'll find out is by asking her.
I pick up my speed and make it to the motel. I have a key, but I still knock as I open the door, just so I don't catch her changing or anything. Not that I would mind all that much.
"Hey," she says brightly as I walk in.
"Hey, what you working on there?" I ask.
"Just making a little list, we're out of groceries, I really cant make anything out of what we have," she says apologetically. She hates to spend my money. She says she feels guilty for not contributing. I tried to explain to her I like being able to support her and that she does contribute; she cooks, cleans, and even though I didn't tell her this part, I couldn't imagine her not being here. She's thought about getting a job, but has such horrific panic attacks that it would be impossible for her to work around others right now... especially men.
"What's all that?" she asks, motioning towards the shopping bags I have.
"Um... yeah, can we talk for a second?" I ask, pointing to the table in the room.
"Sure," she says slowly, and nervously makes her way to the table. I go and sit near her. I'm all of the sudden terrified of how she will react to what I've done. Before Bella came into my life, I was always self-assured, always confident. Now, I find myself doing things for Bella, making sure what I chose to do is what will make her happy. So much has changed in these past four months she's been in my life.
"So, remember when we talked a few weeks ago?" I ask, referring to when she told me all of her secrets. My voice cracks a little, the nervousness coming out. She nods, and I can see fear in her eyes.
"You said you never had a chance to go and visit your mother's grave." She nods again and bites her lip nervously.
"Well I just thought that... that maybe now... I should've asked first probably... but I just -"
"What is it, Edward?" she asks, cutting me off.
"I may have sorta bought tickets for us to go to Forks, so you could see your mom," I mumble, looking at the table. I'm terrified of her reaction.
She says nothing and I don't risk looking up at her, I don't know if I want to see her expression. All of a sudden she jumps in my lap, hugging my neck tightly. I wrap my arms around her waist hugging her back. When she pulls back, she jumps off of my lap.
"Sorry," she says, embarrassed.
"No, it's ok," I say. She has tears in her eyes.
"Thank you so much Edward, you have... no idea how much this means to me." A tear escapes her eye, and I wipe it away. I'm so glad she isn't pissed at me.
"So I got this," I say, lifting up the duffle. "I figure we can fit all of our stuff in it." She looks inside of it and agrees it's plenty big enough. Now that I see her get excited, it makes me excited.
"So the train leaves at eight, that gives us time to get our clothes washed and check out of here, then-" I stop when I see her smile has turned into a frown. She starts to shake a little.
"What's wrong?" I ask.
"Tonight? You want us to leave tonight?" Her lip starts to quiver and I'm at a loss for words, she was so excited two minutes ago.
"Uh, yeah, did you have something else planned for tonight?" I asked incredulously, sounding rude.
"No... no... I just. Give me a minute." She walks away and goes into the bathroom. I sit in the chair, my mouth hanging open, confused. When she comes back out she takes a few deep breaths before she walks over and sits by me.
"If you don't want to go to Forks, we could just spend a couple of days in Seattle," I offer, not wanting the tickets go to waste.
"Are you going to... you know... stay with me there?" she asks.
"Of course," I say. "Wait, did you really think I was just going to drop you off there?" I was shocked after all this time; she still thinks I will ditch her.
"I bought one way tickets so we could stay as long as you want. Bella, look at me," I demand softly. She looks up, and I see fear in her eyes. I'm not sure I really want to say what I'm about to say, but feel I need to.
"Can't you tell... can't you tell at all that I care about you? That I would never... just leave you somewhere?"
She blinks at me. I start to feel stupid for letting my admission out, until she replies.
"I care about you too, Edward. I'm sorry... I know you wouldn't just leave me... but, I just can't help feeling scared." She fucking cares about me! I though maybe she did, but with her horrible past, I wasn't sure if she would ever be able to have those feelings. I'm shocked that I'm able to have those feelings.
"Well, I won't leave... not until you tell me to. We'll go up there, see what you think and we can leave whenever you want," I say. Her smile returns.
"Thank you so much," she says, giving me another hug.
We linger, holding each other. I slowly pull her back down to my lap. She looks at me somewhat shocked. Once she relaxes in my lap, she slowly leans forward. I meet her halfway and our lips touch. We start to kiss, and just like the last time, I get an instant hard on. My hands find their way to her hair, and she deepens the kiss. I want to keep going but don't want her to freak out like she did last time. I also don't want her to think she has to do this because I bought the tickets for her.
Reluctantly, I pull away but leave my hands in her hair. Her cheeks are flushed; she's breathing heavier than normal. She licks her lips and shocks me by placing one more sweet kiss on my lips before standing up. She walks around the back of the chair, and I feel her arms wrap around my neck from behind. She squeezes me hard.
"Thank you so much," she whispers, leaving a kiss on my temple.
I sit in shock. I'm so glad she's happy about the trip, but even more that she seems to be opening up to me more and more. I finally snap out of my 'Bella induced haze' and jump up to get ready to leave.
We take what little clothing we have to the laundromat to clean it for our trip. We let the motel know we're checking out and get all out our belongings packed. She's emptying the bag of snacks, while I get the last of my toiletries packed.
"Oh I love these!" she says, holding up a bag of Sun chips. I laugh at her reaction over chips. She continues to comment on each snack item when I hear her ask, "What's this, Edward?"
Fuck, she's holding up that lip shit I bought for her. All of the sudden I feel so stupid for buying it.
"Uh, I just thought... that maybe... I dunno, it's stupid," I say, reaching to take the stuff out of her hand. She looks down and hands it to me.
"Is... uh... she nice?" she asks quietly, sounding sad.
"What?" I ask. I have no idea what she's talking about.
"The girl you... you know... you bought the gloss for," she asks.
I'm shocked to see her eyes start to well with water. She bites her lip in an effort to control her emotions. She thinks I bought this shit for another girl, and she actually cares. Fuck, maybe she cares about me more than I think.
"Yeah, she is really nice," I say. She looks up and gives me a fake weak smile.
"Oh, good," she says, giving the snacks her attention once again. I can't stand to see her hurt so I give up the gig. I already feel stupid I bought the shit, now I have to tell her why I bought it. I walk over to her and take the food out of her hands.
"Bella," I say softly. She looks up at me.
"I guess we've never talked about it... I didn't think there was a need to. I haven't seen anyone since we've met."
She looks at me, surprised. "It's ok, Edward. You know... if you want to. I know there are things... that I can't-" I cut her off. I don't want her to think just because we aren't having sex she isn't good enough for me.
"I bought it for you, I know it's stupid... really stupid. I just thought since we were going back to your home town you might want to feel... fuck, never mind it was stupid." I feel like an idiot, I turn to walk away and I feel Bella slip her hand in mine, pulling me back to her.
"No, it isn't stupid, not at all. No one has done anything... thoughtful for me since my mom died."
"It's just lip gloss, Bella; it's no big deal,'' I say, feeling embarrassed.
"No, it is Edward. It's a big deal to me," she says, taking her gift out of my hand. I lean forward and kiss her on her forehead. I'm happy that she likes the gift so much... but I still feel stupid for buying it.
We continue to pack in silence. Once the clock hits five, we decide to head out. We drop the keys off at the front desk and head down town. We stop, with no luck, at the Mission one last time to see if we can find Jake. We do see Miss E, though. She wishes us a great trip and lets us know she will let Jake know where we went when she sees him. Before we leave she pulls Bella aside and whispers something in her ear that makes her blush bright red.
We leave the Mission and head to the train station. We'll be early, but we're both buzzing about the trip we are about to take. I've never really gone anywhere, and even though it's just Washington, I'm stoked to get out of town. I look over at Bella and see her bite her lip; she is growing more and more nervous the closer we get to the train station. I reach the distance across us and grab her hand; she looks at me and smiles. I bring her hand to my lips and kiss it.
"Don't be nervous; everything will be good," I say. She leans into me, and I wrap my arm around her as we walk into the entrance of the Amtrak station.
This trip could go one of two ways. She could have a complete breakdown visiting the place where she was once so happy, but also the place where she lost the one person she loved, the place where her life fell apart. I hope it goes the other way that - she gets there and has some closure, she can say her goodbyes and start to heal from her terrible past. I squeeze her a little tighter, vowing to take care of her, and hoping I made the right choice in taking this trip.
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