A/N: Thank y'all for returning, I know I hadn't posted in quite some time. But I seem to be keeping it up fairly regularly now, so I hope you stick around. :) I know this is short as hell, but I will make it up to you...hopefully!
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Chapter 10: I Thought I Saw You Standing There
It had become somewhat of a problem.
Shawn kept seeing him.
He kept hearing him.
The part that really bothered Shawn, however, was the fact that he kept wishing that the falsities were real.
Why would he actually want to see his father? Why was he suddenly missing his presence? When did Shawn ever want his dad?
Maybe when he was young, when he still believed that his father would figure out what had been going on and put an end to it.
But not now.
Not anymore.
Right?
.
.
"Daddy? Please..." Shawn whimpered, voice high and anxious as he tossed in his sleep. "Where are you?"
With a jolt as striking as lightning, the young Spencer shot up in bed, panting. He calmed as he once again became aware of his surroundings, a dingy hotel room in a bad part of a town he didn't even remember the name of. His dad's image lurked just behind his eyelids, and the ache lingered under his skin. I miss you, dad.
Shawn was angry at himself for even allowing the thoughts to bombard him, why the hell should he miss his dad?
Because he didn't know, you hid it from him. The small voice in the back of his head responded, and he promptly told it to shut up.
But the voice wouldn't stop.
It hadn't for quite a few years now. It kept telling him that he needed to go back, that he was going to end up dead in a ditch somewhere if he didn't find a stable place to lay his head. And despite his efforts to normalize his life in every state he'd venture to, he was never able to accomplish it. His heart, unbelievably, was yearning to go back to the town that held so many horrible memories for him.
He tried to fight the feeling, but he knew that even if he did go back to Santa Barbara, his mother wouldn't be there and his father didn't have to know Shawn was there at all. So, why shouldn't he? He was 24 years old now, he could face it. Couldn't he?
Maybe.
Maybe not.
What if Gus saw him? He knew Gus would be furious, just as angry as his father would be.
They didn't understand, the didn't know the circumstances under which Shawn left. They didn't know of the darkness that lurked in the corners of his childhood home, that only he and his mother could see, no..they only knew that he left without a goodbye.
He couldn't go back, there was no way in hell he could possibly do it.
But he was doing it anyway.
"See you soon, Santa Barbara..." Shawn mumbled aloud as he drove through the darkness.