DISCLAIMER: As always, I do not own Twilight or any of the characters, they belong to SM.

Chapter 10 – Apologies

BPOV

I felt like crap. The entire night was spent tossing and turning. When I did finally manage to fall asleep I was plagued with nightmares of all the people in my life gathering around me to remind me how worthless and unwanted I was. On top of the crappy night, now I have to spend the entire day at home trying to keep myself busy and not tip Charlie off that anything is wrong. Maybe if I'm lucky he will go fishing today.

I lay there in bed for I don't know how long going over everything that had happened the last several days. When I went o meet Edward last night I had let myself hope that he really did want me around and that he would understand what I had been going through. That idea was quickly shot down when he just sat there when I finally opened up to him about things in my life. I was just glad that I had edited the story and not told him everything. God only knows what would have happened if I told him everything. As it is he wanted nothing to do with me after hearing what I did tell.

About an hour later I decided that I needed to try and face the day. I pulled myself out of bed and gathered my stuff for a shower. Since Charlie had been up for a while I wouldn't have to worry about using all the hot water. I stood under the scalding water trying to let the burning water wash away all the shame I felt for being who I am and for burdening those I loved. I fought against the tears that wanted to escape because I didn't deserve to let the pain out. I deserved all the pain that had come to me. I scrubbed my skin and when the water started to turn cold I decided the time had come to face Charlie and proceed with the day. I made lists in my head as I was drying off of everything I needed to do today. Clean the kitchen, laundry, grocery shop, vacuum, homework, the list was endless. At least by doing these things I would keep out of Charlie's way and be helping him as well.

I dressed in a faded pair of jeans, my favorite hoodie and some flip flops before I pulled my hair into a messy ponytail for the day. After assessing myself in the mirror to ensure that Charlie wouldn't see that I hadn't slept or that I had been crying, I took a deep breath and left my room. As I reached the top of the stairs I heard voices downstairs. Charlie was talking to someone, but I couldn't quite make out the voice because they were muffled by the television. As I made my way down the stairs I wanted to turn around and go back to my bedroom as the voice became clearer. What was Edward doing here? He wouldn't tell Charlie what I told him last night, would he? I started to panic because if Charlie knew what I told Edward then he would for sure send me away. I couldn't control my breathing and I had to take a seat on the stairs until I regained control.

I sat on the stairs for about 10 minutes before my breathing had calmed enough that I was ready to finish making my way downstairs. I wasn't prepared, however, for Edward to be standing at the bottom of the stairs as I stood back up.

"Hey," he said. "I was just coming up to see you."

"Oh," was all I could reply. I had no idea what to say to him. Didn't he get enough of my humiliation last night?

"Yeah, well I tried to call you last night and all I got was voicemail and I wanted to see if maybe you wanted to do something today." He replied as he shuffled uneasily while looking at his feet.

While a big part of me wanted to shout at him and demand he tell me what he really wanted I knew I couldn't do that because I didn't want Charlie to know about any of this. After taking a deep breath I responded, "I would love to Edward but I really can't. I have a lot I need to do around here and I also have homework to do. Sorry."

Unfortunately for me Charlie wasn't as engrossed in the television as I thought and he decided to pipe up. "Bells, go out and have fun. You do more than enough around here as it is. Besides you didn't get to go out on your birthday and you deserve to go out and have some fun."

I groaned, not just because he took away my excuse but Charlie had basically told Edward about my birthday. Apparently the gods were against me right now. Swallowing hard I realized I didn't have much of an excuse anymore so I told Edward I would go out with him. After Edward assured me that what I was wearing was appropriate I grabbed my wallet and we were out the door.

I got into the passenger side of Edward's car with a low thank you as he shut the door for me. After he got into the driver's seat he started the car and we began our silent ride. After about 15 minutes I decided to break the silence.

"So where are we headed?"

"I thought we would go grab something to eat in Port Angeles and then maybe hit the bookstore. Basically I just want to spend time with you so we can talk," he replied.

"What is there to talk about Edward? I don't think there is anything we need to talk about after last night."

I was watching Edward as I spoke and when I told him we didn't have anything to talk about he let out a grimace. Why would he do that? Apparently he just wants to talk because he feels guilty. At this I decided to continue. "Edward, you don't have to pretend you want to spend time with me. There is nothing to feel guilty about. I knew how you were going to react before I told you what I did last night. I'm sorry but I'm not really in the mood to be placated and to have someone spend time with me out of guilt so why don't you just turn around and drop me off back in Forks. You don't have to drop me off at the house because I wouldn't do anything that might make Charlie suspicious. I will just find something to do for an adequate amount of time and then head home," I replied as I stared out the window.

I head Edward sigh beside me before he pulled the car to the side of the road. "Bella look at me," he said.

I didn't want to look at him. I didn't want to see the look on his face showing me that my assessment of the situation was exactly what I thought it was so I kept my face turned toward the window. The next thing I knew Edward had turned the car off and he got out of the car. I refused to look up so I turned my face so that I was looking at my hands sitting on my lap. The next thing I knew the passenger side door was being opened and Edward had crouched beside the door trying to get my attention.

I still refused to look at him so he took his hand and gently grabbed my chin and pulled my face so that I had to look at him. I tried to look away but he had a firm grip on my face. I didn't want to know what he was going to say.

EPOV

I should have known that this wasn't going to be an easy feat. I knew I had hurt her last night but I had underestimated just how much I had hurt her. I thanked God that I had talked to Charlie before I asked her to spend the day with me. While he had no idea what had happened yesterday, I was able to convince him that Bella needed to get out of the house and he was on my side when she made her excuses why she couldn't spend time with me.

So far the drive was silent. When she finally spoke I could hear the hurt in her voice. I needed her to listen to me, but it was obvious that she wasn't in the mood to listen. It ripped a hole in my heart when she basically told me to drop her off somewhere because I shouldn't want to spend time with her out of pity. How could she think so little of herself? All I wanted to do was spend time with her and it didn't matter what we were doing because just being with her made me happy. But how can I convince her of that when I keep screwing things up.

I tried to get her to look at me but she was frozen looking out the passenger's side window with a heartbroken look on her face. I pulled the car to a stop and I knew that I was going to have to force her to look at me. I had hoped to do this someplace more comfortable but I was afraid if I waited to have this conversation she would completely shut herself off before I could begin and we would get nowhere.

I got out of the car and went around to the passenger side of the car. I opened the door and noticed that she was now staring at her lap. I gently tried to make her look at me but she was being stubborn and fighting me. I held firm because I needed her to see my face when I said what I had to say to her.

"Bella, I am not spending time with you out of some sense of obligation. I want to spend time with you because I want to be with you. I know I don't always say the right thing, but I really like spending time with you." I sighed because I knew that I had to address what has happened if I wanted her to ever believe what I was telling her. "Bella, I screwed up last night. I let you think the wrong things after you poured your heart out to me and when I realized you left I was devastated. I know you probably don't believe that but I need you to try."

"Why should I believe you? You reacted like I thought you would, I was just too stupid to keep myself from letting it hurt." She replied with venom in her voice.

I flinched back not only from the words but also from the tone. I knew before that I had hurt her, but I hadn't let myself believe just how much I had hurt her. While I knew I wanted to be more than friends with her I had never thought she would want the same thing, but the tone of her voice had me questioning if I was right. Please just let me fix this because I couldn't lose her.

I took a deep breath before I could respond to her. "Bella, when you told me what your mom said to you I was in shock. I couldn't believe how anyone could say something like that to such a wonderful person. I couldn't believe how a mother could say that to her daughter. I was angry that you felt that way and I didn't know what to say and unfortunately I gave you the wrong impression. While you were telling me those things last night I felt my heart breaking for you because nobody, especially someone as special as you, should ever be told that they are a burden. Bella, when I noticed you were gone last night I freaked out. I wanted to come to your house to talk to you but part of me knew that you didn't want Charlie to know about any of this so I tried to call you but your phone was shut off so I resigned myself to wait until today when I could talk to you and apologize for being a jackass."

I couldn't tell if she believed me but she wasn't fighting me anymore and she was watching my face like she was contemplating. After an unbearable silence she spoke, "you are a jackass, but I shouldn't have run away either."

I cut her off. "Bella, you did nothing wrong. You poured your heart out and from your viewpoint I can see what it seemed like. I am so sorry and I don't want you to think you can't talk to me because I am a stupid ass. I screwed this up not you. Please can you forgive me?" I pleaded with her.

"I can forgive you only if you forgive me for running away." She responded quietly.

"Bella, there is nothing to forgive, but thank you for giving me yet another chance I'm not sure I even deserve."

I hesitated for a minute because I was scared, but I wanted her to know that I truly meant what I said and I pulled her into an awkward hug. After I pulled away I said, "Let's go get something to eat and we can do some more talking."

"Okay, sounds like a plan," Bella replied timidly.

I walked back around the car and pulled the car back on the road. When we got to Port Angeles we headed for one of the new steakhouses that had recently opened. My parents had gone there and my mom absolutely raved about the food so I thought I would take Bella there. When we pulled up outside the steakhouse Bella noticed where we were and she started to protest.

"Edward, this is too much. Let's just go grab some fast food or something."

"I want to take you here. Besides we wouldn't be able to really talk at a fast food joint. On top of that, I recall hearing your father say something about a birthday. Now why didn't I know about said birthday?" I asked her.

True to form Bella's cheeks started to flame. "First, we could talk at a fast food joint. Second, I don't like to fuss about my birthday. It isn't anything special, it's just another day."

I grabbed her chin to get her to look at me and stated, "Your birthday is not just another day. I wouldn't get to be here with you now without your birthday so it is definitely something to celebrate. So please just let me take you out and enjoy it because I know I will. I enjoy spending time with you." I told her before placing a kiss on her forehead.

We got out of the car and made our way into the restaurant where I planned on getting to know this girl better and maybe even making progress in our relationship.

BPOV

As we entered the restaurant I fought to get my heartbeat under control. Edward had just kissed me. Granted it was only on my forehead but he kissed me and I let myself feel some hope that he really did like me the way I liked him. I tried to ignore the hostess who what flirting with Edward as she showed us to the table. I decided to focus on the happiness I was feeling after that brief kiss.

After the hostess left Edward and I ordered some drinks before settling into a comfortable silence while we looked over the menus. Edward asked me what I wanted and I told him I wasn't sure. I was looking over the menu, not so much looking at what sounded good, but looking for what was cheap. I felt strange enough being here but I didn't want Edward to think I only wanted him for what he would buy me.

I had my choices narrowed down by the time the waitress came back. I all but forced Edward to go first and then I looked at what I had been thinking about and chose something that was cheaper than what Edward had ordered. Happy to know that I had ordered cheaper than Edward and I wouldn't be a financial burden, I settled back and took a drink of my water.

Edward looked like he wanted to say something but I didn't want to push him so I just sat there in silence. Finally Edward made to speak. "So Bella, thanks for coming with me and giving me another chance. Like I said, I know I screwed up and I really want to spend time with you."

"Edward, I am just as much to blame as you. I shouldn't have put all of that on you and expected any different response than the one I got. It wasn't fair of me and I should be the one apologizing to you." I responded.

"No Bella, you did nothing wrong. I asked you to share something very personal and then I let my own thoughts get in the way. I couldn't have expected any other response from you because honestly if the tables had been turned I would have felt the same way you did. What bothers me most is that you have had to deal with those feelings at all."

I didn't know how to respond. Part of my brain was telling me to believe him, but another part of my brain was telling me that I couldn't trust him. He was just trying to lure me into a false sense of security. I told myself that I had to give him trust. I promised him that I would give him a chance and he knew that he had hurt me and he made an effort to try and fix it. That in itself showed that I needed to at least give him a chance.

I must have been quiet for couple of minutes because the next thing I knew Edward was clearing his throat and asking me where I went. I blushed and told him that I was just thinking. After that we sat there just chatting about inconsequential things until our food arrived.

After taking a bite of my chicken I let out a soft moan. Immediately my face was covered in a blush. "I'm sorry; this chicken is just really good." I explained.

Edward chuckled and said, "Don't apologize. I'm glad you like it." I continued eating and I thought I heard Edward say something about him wanting to be the one to cause me to moan like that. I didn't believe that is what I heard so I just continued eating.

We continued to chat throughout dinner and after dinner Edward refused to let me pay. I thanked him and we made our way back to his car. We decided that we didn't want to do any shopping because it was getting later than we had realized so we headed back to Forks. The ride back was once again quiet but it wasn't an awkward quiet as we listened to music.

The first thing that I noticed when we got back to my house was that Charlie wasn't there. He must have decided to head down to La Push for a little bit since I wasn't home. I hesitated before I got out of Edward's car because part of me wanted to invite him in but part of me wanted to end this day and not chance doing something to screw it up.

I decided that the polite thing would be to invite him in so after he let me out of the car and walked me to the door I stopped and looked at him. "Edward, would you like to come in for a little bit."

"As much as I would love to come in Bella, I do need to get home. I have homework I need to get done."

I was a little confused seeing as today was Saturday. As my brain started to argue that he just wanted an excuse to get away from me I found myself shaking those thoughts out of my head. Apparently my face must have shown what I was thinking because the next thing I knew Edward was speaking.

"Don't think like that Bella. I want to get my homework done today because I was hoping that you would come over tomorrow and spend some time with me and maybe stay for dinner." Edward said before taking my hand.

I wasn't sure what to think so I just responded with, "Okay, that sounds like fun."

Edward then grabbed my chin and said, "Bella, I had a really good time with you today. I would really like to do this again soon, but I want to do it when we just go out and not because I have screwed up." Edward smiled at me and continued. "I really like spending time with you and I can't thank you enough for giving me a second chance and I hope you let me take you out again soon."

Before I could respond Edward did something I only ever dreamed of. I looked up and Edward was slowly bringing his face to mine and he placed his lips on mine in a sweet kiss. Far before I was ready, Edward pulled back.

"I will call you tonight and we will set up plans for tomorrow. Thanks again for going out with me. You don't know how happy you have made me today." He said as he hugged me.

All too soon Edward pulled away and turned toward his car. I stood there until his car pulled away. Then I went into the house and thought about how much fun I had with Edward and how wonderful that kiss was. Could this mean that Edward wants to be more than friends? I wasn't sure but I did know that I was going to give him the benefit of the doubt and put my faith in him.

The rest of the day flew by as I cleaned the house, did the laundry and finished my homework. That night I fell asleep with a smile on my face and instead of the nightmares that normally plagued me, my dreams were filled with Edward and that kiss we shared.