The Hunger Games: A Parody of The Hunger Games

by labonath151

Come read the new (it's actually kind of old...) and exciting story of Katniss Everdeen! Reviewed by an amount of people I can count on two hands and one foot, the funny (you be the judge), tangent-full story of love, fake love, and a vat of ketchup. We've got creepy Cinna, Kanga Rue, a big, anti-climactic plot twist, even more anti-climax, and so much more! (PLEASE READ IT PLEASE)

10. Chapter 10: I am Suddenly Hungry

THE HUNGER GAMES: A PARODY OF THE HUNGER GAMES

By: Myself

Dedicated to: Katniss Everdeen

And Peeta

And Gale

And all those who died

And to you, my readers

And especially to my dead bunny

I miss you Cuddles!

This will only contain random things that will be weird

And it will not make sense

ENJOY!

Well now, it certainly has been a while. Maybe the reason I have this up now is because I was writing this instead of studying for my science test - WHICH WAS REALLY EEEEASY! But in any case, this is the chapter before Katniss enters into the Hunger Games. Will Cinna actually get at Katniss? Will Peeta and Katniss have a strange discussion? WIll there be some double entendres? Probably. You'll just have to read to find out!

Chapter 10: I am Suddenly Hungry

I don't know why I am laughing. Oh, that's right, I borrowed Peeta's joke book. Derp. Anyway, it is the day we are going to depart for the arena. I stole Peeta's joke book because I am too lazy to buy my own. Are there even joke book stores in the Capitol? I don't know! And I don't even care. Imma gonna be outta here in a jiffy, word! Wait – I already went through that mental discussion about what word means. Should I do it again? OH MY! It's an internal conflict within an internal conflict! Internal conflictception! Wait, that's not a word… word… this is going to end really soon if Bob doesn't like this new chapter. It's supposed to be thrilling and exciting and intense and awesome because I might just DIE! He said that he sent out a poll and 99% of the readers wanted me to die in Chapter 10. But then there was a big protest all over the world, and they had a slogan saying that "We are the 1%", so I guess maybe they will make an impact! But then again they were just sitting there and shouting and doing nothing, so yeah.

Pardon me. Peeta just told me that the slogan "We are the 1%" is a global protest about the economy. Now that's ridiculous. Because if it's happening right now it means we are on two separate timelines, which means that if there were a way to cross into the other time stream I would end up in past North America! Yay! That would be super-awesome-and-splendidly-fantastic-with-a-cherry-on-top! But wait a minute, that is altogether impossible! My mind has officially been blown. And the narrative has halted, so I will get back on track.

So I see an Avon girl.

The plot is pretty thin right now… so I will tell a story about how Gale and I met. So once I was walking in the woods shooting squirrels left and right, when a fat boy walked into the path of my arrow. He got an arrow to the knee, but I had magical powers back then, so I healed him. He felt grateful, so he gave me a dead pig and I sold it and got about 7 dollars. Yeah, that's about it for the story about how we met. But after we met we went on several extraordinary adventures, like the time we went through the magical forest of swirly candy canes, or the time we swam in the ocean of chocolate gum drops. Wait, those were the times we were on drugs, so they don't really count (NOTE TO YOUNG AUDIENCE DRUGS ARE SUPER BAAAAAAAAAAAD! SO DON'T HAVE THEM!). But how we actually met was there was a snare and I touched it and it snapped on my hand so I did a bit of an Irish jig trying to get it off and Gale walked up and he started jigging with me until his foot got caught in a trap, so I toughened up and took it off me and him, and he was crying so I slapped him, shocking him into happiness, and then we were good friends. ! That was a really stupid story I never should have told the audience about it. The audience is you! Oh snap! I have just lost my train of thought so I will… um… read a chapter summary… yeah good idea!

It's morning now after my thoughts about Gale and Irish people, so I go eat breakfast.

"Peeta's going to train with me and you are a sucker," says Haymitch Abernathy. So I drop my jaw and do the Irish jig. Did you know that once I had a dog who was Irish? Yes, I did, but then on Bring-Your-Dog-To-Work-Day, he was in an unfortunate accident with my father in the mines. He died. I cried when I came home and my mom said, "Why are you crying Katnip?" After punching her repeatedly, I said, "Irish Dog died!" That Is right, we named the dog Irish Dog because that is precisely what he was. So, then my Mom said "Oh no – is father dead?" I said, "Yeah, I think so, but who cares about Dad? IRISH DOG BEEPING DIED!" What does beep even mean? I don't know. But my mom slapped me, and then Prim slapped me, and even that stupid cat Butterface slapped me silly. So I was sick and in need of a doctor and my mom just said "Oh heeellllllllllllllllll no!" so I went to Gale, and that's how we met.

Back to the widely expansive and epic narrative. You know what? We haven't had some good dialogue in a while so how about I copy a transcript of something that happened when Peeta and I met on the roof again.

"Hey Kantkiss Neverclean."

"PEETA! You know that's from another parody, an actually PUBLISHED parody! If they sue us, Imma gonna kill you and Bob will after that, and then you'll die in the Hunger Games! So just quiet yourself down."

"Oh, that's what I was reading the other day! You know they called me Pita Malarkey, and that made me cry. By the way what does malarkey mean?"

"Um… let me check in the dictionary."

"This is the Capitol they do not have any dictionaries you fool. It was probably degrading anyway. They think that I do not have the ability to kiss and that I never bathe myself in water? SHAAAAAAME!"

"Prove it then."

"What, you want to watch me have a shower?"

"Aw yeah, sure, let's make it a date. I'll cook you up some buns…"

"Peeta, enough with the double entendres, this is supposed to be a children's book. So you want me to kiss you, you mean?"

"Yes, that is right Katniss."

"Aw heeeeellllllllllllllllllllll no you idiot."

"Well it was worth a try."

"WOAH! Are you a – you know – a–"

"No, no it's not what you think!"

"YOU ARE A BAKER!"

*awkward silence broken by the sound of a squirrel hitting Katniss in the face*

"That was a strangely awkward silence."

"That was a strange squirrel and you are a really awkward person. I know you were revealing your true intentions with me…"

"Well I'm going to go, I've read the end of the story already, I know what you know… I CAN READ IT YOUR EYEYEYEYES…"

Another reason to kill Peeta before he tries to get to me. Because I know he wants to kill me now so that I will not beat the bloody pulp fiction out of him. Look at that, I just made a cool and witty reference to a popular media form! BOO YEAH! Uhuh I am the awesomesty westy person to ever exist on the Earth Smurf! LOOK AT THAT I AM ON FIRE! Actually, that was Chapter 8 I think. SO never mind that. Well, I hope Bob is happy that I did something interesting with that dialogue. It was slightly racy, but that's OK, because that's what the kids want. You see, I was talking to this 8 year old and… well that's another story for another time – NEVER!

Awkward silence broken by me saying awkward silence.

You know, doesn't that always happen to you? You're talking to someone and all of a sudden you both stop talking, and there is silence for a second or two (except for that kid crying in the neighbour's house), and then one of you says "Wow, that was an awkward silence", thereby breaking the awkward silence! I just don't get it! Well back to the narrative.

AUTHOR'S NOTE: I have not read the book entitled the Hunger Games in at least a year. That is why I am trying to stall and fill up space, if you haven't noticed, with Kantkiss Neve- rather, Katniss Everdeen's ramblings about nothing at all. Maybe I'll read it soon so that I can remember the story :D

BACK TO YOUR SORT-OF-NOT-REALLY ENTERTAINMENT UNLESS YOU ARE ENJOYING THIS

Really? That was really random. Do I ramble? I don't think I ramble. You know my mommy once told me that – true.

"So I am now in a helicopter surveying the land. It is black. And that was not a racist statement, dear friends like Cinna a.k.a. Lenny Kravitz. It is simply because I am in a helicopter with windows painted over with black paint. Not comparing African-Americans to paint or anything else for that matter, I am not racist..."

"Katniss, shut the swear word up!" Peeta yells at me, replacing a bad word with "the swear word" so that my story will appeal to a larger audience, other than bored people with no time on their hands hoping to die. Sorry if you are reading this and do NOT fit this description. "Katniss, you've been announcing the ongoing events for at least two hours. And you keep saying exactly the same thing over and over again. Give me a break and a gun so that I can eat my cake and then shoot myself."

"OK," I say, handing him a picture of a broken arm and a Nerf Gun. Taking the Gun, he shoots himself in the face, but the Nerf missile misses his face entirely. Either he is playing around or he had too much coffee again.

"Tributes, please fasten your seatbelts," says a loud and rowdy voice. "We are about to go through a time/space portal to an alternate dimension filled with butterflies and ponies," he says, and my face brightens. Peeta rolls his eyes.

"Yay, really, we are going to an alternate dimension!"

The man guffaws. Rudy Trudy. "You stupid person, we're actually landing in teh underground hangar where you will spend your last few precious seconds before being killed in brutal and violent ways only imagined by dictators and video game nerds. Loser."

And that's when I snap. A twig. Because I am awesome like that.

So, we land and talk and do a bunch of boring stuff, and I'm like WOOHOO and Peeta's like SHUT UP and Cinna's like PRECIOUSSSS, making a reference to Lord of the Rings. Wow, I knew he was a psycho, but I had no idea he read books. Maybe he just likes Frodo... a LOT! So and then we are in this really weird room, and I am alone there with Cinna. And the door is locked. That's when he makes his move.

"You are very pretty Katniss."

"IKR!"

"You are going to win the Hunger Games."

"IKR!"

"You are going to remove..."

"Oh no you didn't!"

"True."

After that the bell rings, so I go to answer the door. Being such a funny person, I answer: "Joe's Pizza, you order, we schmorder!"

Two guards glare at me. "Shut the swear word up lady. And get in that glass tube." I don't see why not. So I go in, but before, Cinna makes one more attempt at getting in me. He grabs at my chest area, and pretends to put a Mockingjay pin there. What an idiot, I hope he dies. Maybe he will. So the guards carry him off and I am going up in the tube. And then I am in the arena. Just because the chapter title needs to have some correlation with the chapter itself, I say out loud (to the chagrin of the other competitors):

"I am suddenly hungry!"

Any Hunger Games fanatic knows that the Hunger Games movie is coming out tomorrow (if you are really ignorant... it's Thursday). So this is in celebration of the day before. I am going to try and get the next chapter up tomorrow in celebration of the movie. In fact I was originally going to put this one up tomorrow, but hey - we could all do with a bit of light-hearted Hunger Games fun on the day the movie comes out. So stay tuned. The next chapter will involve... oh gosh, I don't even know what. YOu see, I write whatever comes into my head, so that's why it's really weird. I need to see a psychologist :P So if the whole thing is seeming out of whack - it is. Remember: read much, review often! And don't be shy to PM me if you think I am the craziest person in the history of .

TOODALOO!