"Another round?"

Their waitress Darcy – yes, Jared knew her name was Darcy because Jensen kept saying it every ten fucking seconds – was circling them like a shark, offering them rounds piss flavored beer or whiskey shots every fifteen minutes, on the house – always on the house. And Jensen kept taking them with a devilishly wide smile and a wink, always with a, "thank you, Darcy," or "you're awesome, Darcy." Jared was taking the drinks too, of course, but did Jensen have to be so – so damned Dean about it? Hey, not to say that it was a bad thing for Jensen to really get into his Dean role; after all, this was about as method as either of them could get with their acting – but it was one thing to act the part; Jensen was taking it to another level, like he was some twelve year old with his first boner, desperate to pick up the first woman who showed him an ounce of attention. And Darcy kept touching him on his shoulder, always telling him things like "you were really great, ya know," or how she was "always glad to have you around." She'd smile at Jared when she said it too, but there was something different about the energy she had around Jensen. He was starting to think that, yeah, maybe Dean did bang her. He banged her and she was harboring some crush; there was no other reason for them to be receiving such lavish attention and endless free booze.

Jared accepted the latest round from Darcy with about as antagonistic of a smile as he could muster. She furrowed her brows and opened her mouth as if she was about to say something, but then quickly shut it again, shook her head, smiled at Jensen, and walked off. Jared looked over and saw Jensen drunkenly leaning against an empty high topped table near the darts game while grinning and winking at what was now the waitress's back. Jared strode the couple of paces from the table he was leaning against and into Jensen's space. He grabbed Jensen's shirtfront and brought his mouth to close to ear.

"Dude. Lay it on a little less."

He gave Jensen a gentle shove, but Jensen was so sloshed that he stumbled back a couple of paces before straightening back up.

"You lay off," Jensen shot back. "Besides, a little drinking doesn't seem to be hurting my game." He snickered and gestured to the board, where Raspy and Dragon Tattoo were arguing over who got the last throw for their round. Beside them the scoreboard showed "Winchester" in the lead by over 200 points.

"You don't actually think she's hot?"

"I dunno, she's okay, I guess." When Jared scoffed and threw him a tight-lipped disapproving stare, Jensen tilted his head back and broke out into a full, barking laugh. "Aw, Sammy, you're so cute when you're jealous."

Jensen raised the beer bottle in his hand to his lips, but Jared grabbed it out of his hands and set it gruffly on the table. "No more."

Jensen frowned at him, looking indignant and confused. "Dude, what's your problem?"

Jared's nostrils flared and he clenched his jaw as he glared at Jensen. He couldn't articulate why Jensen's behavior toward the waitress was making him so angry; it just was. Just then, he heard a 'whoop' and he and Jensen stopped glaring at each other in time to see Raspy and Dragon Tattoo engaged in a little victory dance. Whoever had thrown the last dart had managed to hit a triple score on the nine. Jared sneered at them.

"Congrats guys. So now we're only, what, 190 points ahead?"

Dragon Tattoo walked over to the board and pulled out his dart. "Fuck you, asshole." He walked back up to Raspy, stood beside him, and held the dart up menacingly at Jared's head as if he was aiming a throw at him. "I should just show you what a good darts player I am by throwing this thing through your fucking eye."

Jared laughed derisively. Ever since he'd gotten to this jacked-up universe, everything was making him angry, from being stuck in a place where he had no money or fame, to thinking about Sam playing house with his wife, to his unsettling feelings whenever he saw Jensen with their waitress. But it felt good to rile this guy up, to make him match his anger. "Judging by your performance tonight, I'm not worried, you dick."

Beside him, Jensen stood upright, or as upright as he could get just then with how drunk he was, and tugged on Jared's sleeve. "What are you doing?" His voice was a little slurred as he loudly whispered into his ear. "Dude, chill."

Raspy smirked. "Listen to your boyfriend, Winchester. Chill."

Beside him, Jensen shook his head and lifted his hands in an emphatic shrug while wearing a wide-eyed, perplexed expression. Jared rolled his eyes at him and then focused a glare at Dragon Tattoo and Raspy, clenched his jaw and cracked his knuckles. That boyfriend joke was getting old really fast. And Jensen could pretend like he didn't understand why they kept making that joke about them all he wanted, but Jared was sure Jensen was at least partly to blame, what with those big, pretty eyes and that goddamned model face he kept making.

In a couple of strides, Jared had crossed the room and knocked the dart out of Dragon Tattoo's hand. In response, Dragon Tattoo punched him square in the eye. The bar suddenly went very quiet, as all eyes turned to them.

"Fuck!" he yelled, his hand flying to his injured eye. It hurt like hell and when he touched the socket, it already felt like the area was swelling

He heard his expletive echoed behind him, but much more softly by Jensen. Still holding his eye, Jared looked over at him and saw his wide-eyed, panicked face shifting his eyes around the room as if looking for the nearest exit. Maybe he was. Then, in a flash, their waitress Darcy was rushing in between him and Dragon Tattoo. She touched a hand on both of their chests and Jared felt her pushing him back.

"Whoa, hey! Okay guys, break it up!"

Dragon Tattoo's eyes narrowed but he obediently took a step back and Darcy backed up a few paces so she was standing next to Jensen. Jared heard Jensen say to the waitress. "We should call the cops."

The cops? He gave Jensen an alarmed look. What the fuck was he thinking? Sam and Dean were presumed dead and on the FBI's Most Wanted list in this universe. And that was when it occurred to him: if he and Jensen got into any significant trouble while they were here, they were going to land their asses in jail until when, or even if Bobby found a spell to bungee them back into their own universe. Sam and Dean might have the skills to break out of a holding cell, but he sure as shit didn't.

"The cops?" Darcy blinked at Jensen as if he'd lost his mind. Then she shook her head. "No. No, I don't think that's a good idea. Jay's on probation."

"Come on, Darcy. We had – I mean," Jensen pulled Darcy a little close to him and Jared could tell Jensen thought he was being quiet by the way he was leaning in to the waitress, but the volume of his voice dropped almost imperceptively. "We had a physical connection sometime, right?" She gave him a puzzled look. "You know, the sex… it was good, wasn't it? Maybe -" he awkwardly ran a hand through his short hair. "Maybe we could do it again."

In an instant Dragon Tattoo's face when from narrow-eyed and tough to shocked. "The sex?" His mouth dropped open and he gave Darcy a bewildered, slack-jawed stare. "You banged him?" Then his gaze shifted to Jensen and his face was a mask of fury. "You fucked my girl?"

Jensen's face went white. "Y-your girl?"

Darcy was shifting her horrified stare from Jensen to Dragon Tattoo and back again. "No! Jay, no!"

"Then…" Jensen's mouth dropped open and he looked to the floor, his eyes working back and forth crazily and then he looked back up at Darcy. "Then… what were you grateful for?"

"Grateful? I was talking about the zombies!" She turned to Dragon Tattoo, whose name was apparently Jay. "He's clearly black-out drunk. He doesn't know what he's saying. Nothing happened between us! I swear!"

Dragon Tattoo Jay wasn't even paying attention to Darcy anymore. He glared at Jensen with a look of absolute hatred and cracked his knuckles. "You're dead, Winchester!"

As Dragon Tattoo advanced towards Jensen, Jared rushed in between them.

"No, it's really not like that; he's not sleeping with your girl."

"Yeah, then what's it like?"

The kiss came ferociously and out of nowhere. One moment he was about to kick some dude's ass for repeatedly calling him gay and the next he was locking lips with Jensen. He'd done it so fast that he didn't even fully realize what he was about to do until he was already doing it. Jensen's lips firm and unmoving and then Jared felt two hands shove him and he stumbled backwards. Jensen quickly spun around in almost a full circle, stumbled forward into one of the high topped tabled knocking it over, and then projectile vomited a copious amount of liquor and caesar salad all over Dragon Tattoo. Even Raspy was in the splash zone. Dragon Tattoo stood rigidly upright with his arms slightly outstretched on either side of him, vomit dripping from his chin, and looking thoroughly disgusted and infuriated.

What. The. Fuck?"

Both Dragon Tattoo and Raspy lunged at them. In the next second, Jared was tugging at Jensen by his shirt collar and the two of them were stumbling out of the bar as fast as possible. Jared practically leapt into the passenger's seat and after two jabs to find the ignition with his key, Jensen was quickly starting up the old junker Bobby had loaned them. In just a couple of seconds they were peeling out of the Woodies's parking lot and quickly accelerating on the road. Jensen kept blinking and shaking his head as if he was was trying to clear his vision.

"Uh…" Jared started to feel nervous as the car drifted to the left. "Please tell me you can drink and drive as well as you can drink and play darts."

Jensen checked his rear view mirror, let out a deep breath, and then let his foot off of the accelerator. "Never a part of me tryin' a get into character. It's okay, I don't think we're being followed."

Five minutes later, they pulled the car into Bobby's salvage yard and the two of them stumbled into Bobby's house. Bobby was still sitting in the same place he was when they left – at his desk in front of a pile of books, mug in hand. As Jared closed the door behind him, Bobby looked up from his reading and took in the sight of them: Jensen, who was stumbling towards the stairs with a line of vomit on his shirt; and Jared, who was sporting a black eye and then took a false step and tripped on his way to the stairs. The older man shook his head and scowled.

"So," he took a sip out of his mug, "Sam and Dean ain't going to Woodies for a while."

With that, he looked back down at his book as Jared and Jensen unsteadily climbed the stairs to Sam and Dean's room.