"Hi," said the man on the other end of the line.
"I'm sure you didn't call me to exchange pleasantries, David," the woman snapped.
"Susan Ross just left my office."
"I know. I'm her Chief of Staff."
"She asked me out."
"Do you want me to emit a girlish squeal and talk about what you're going to wear?" The blonde snorted in irritation.
"So it's okay if I...you know..."
"For crying out loud, Rosen. You and I? We're not a thing. We're not an acknowledged thing. We're not an exlcusive thing. We're never even going to be a public thing."
"Wait, are you-?"
"Our little arrangement wasn't permanent. But since you don't seem to understand that, let me explain some of the characteristics of a relationship to you. The people involved in it have to care about each other. People who care about each other send each other things. They introduce each other to the other important people in their personal lives. They call each other when they have free time, and text each other when they don't. They aren't embarrassed to be seen together in public. They aren't plagued with the instinct to hide behind oak doors and closet hangings whenever they meet."
"Elizabeth..."
"Maybe you care about me. That's cute. But I don't know how many ways to tell you I don't feel the same way. You're stifling me. You're annoying me. And you have terrible taste in jewellery."
"So you're-"
"Go on the date with Susan. Enjoy yourselves. Stay sexually unfulfilled for a few days until your heart begins to flutter each time she walks through a door. Maybe you'll kiss her. Spontaneously while she yucks about some geeky little side-project she's been let out of the playpen to do. And then you'll both be in love. And it will be amazing. And I will have found myself another worthy steed with which to ride to a higher level of power in this town."
"You sure don't pull any punches, do you?"
"Good bye, Rosen. Enjoy Hamilton."