I'm not surprised people were happy with how the last chapter ended ;) Hope you'll enjoy this chapter too.
On with the update!
Chuck glanced nervously at his wristwatch. Blair would be dropping off Sebastian within fifteen minutes. It would be the first time he took care of Sebastian all on his own for the whole weekend. Nate and Serena would be there, but not the entire time and not to help look after Sebastian. On one hand he was looking forward to getting a chance to bond more with his son; on the other he couldn't help worrying that Sebastian would hate every minute of it.
When Blair finally knocked on the door he got up and absent-mindedly wiped his palms on his thighs. He was very fresh from his break-up with Emmy and hadn't told Blair about it yet, not really knowing what to say to her. He wasn't sure how it would feel to be face to face with her now that they were both single.
He answered the door and let them in. Blair had a smile on her face but he knew it was fake. She hated dropping Sebastian off. It was always the same story. He would cry and ask her not to go. Chuck could only imagine how challenging that was for Blair. Especially since she never got to see how it rarely took the child more than five minutes after she had left to stop crying and start playing with his toys. While Blair knelt to help Sebastian take his jacket off Chuck realized that the toys they had bought for Sebastian were all at Emmy's place. Nate hadn't been by to pick up his things yet. He could only hope Blair had packed some entertainment or they would have to go on an emergency trip to the toy store.
"Blair can I talk to you for a moment?" he said, deciding to breach another subject while she was there.
"Uh-huh" Blair said absent-mindedly. "Sebastian hold still!"
"I can do it!" Sebastian insisted angrily and sat down on the floor to pull his boots off.
"Just let me help you."
"No! I can do it!"
"Let him try" Chuck said. "We can talk in the meantime."
Blair paused for a second, then rose to her feet again with a nervous look on her face.
"Talk about what?"
He grabbed her gently by the arm, trying to ignore the feeling he still got whenever they touched, and led her a few feet away.
"Things with Sebastian and me are… well, progressing" he said in a low voice. "Very slowly but still."
"That's great" Blair said, her face lighting up with a genuine smile.
He returned her smile for a second, losing his trail of thought. Then he made himself focus and let go of her arm to help keep his mind clear.
"I worry though that we don't see each other enough" he said. "I don't think we'll ever make true progression when we go eleven days in a row without spending any time together."
"You're welcome to stop by my place whenever you want to see him" Blair said, casting a glance at Sebastian who was angrily trying to pull his shoes off but having little success. "Just call first so you know we're home."
"I want more than just that" Chuck said. "I think it's time I had him every weekend."
Blair said nothing for a minute. She hated the thought of not getting to spend weekends with her boy, especially now that she had begun to work for her mother.
"Chuck I don't know…" she said. "Can't we make other arrangements? That he spends an afternoon or two with you every week?"
"We can discuss it further later" Chuck said, looking over at Sebastian who was getting really angry. "I just wanted to give you a heads up on where my mind is."
Blair nodded, relieved that the topic had been dropped for the time being. She walked over to her son and knelt again, pulling off his right boot with a firm tug.
"Mommy!" Sebastian yelled. "I can do it!"
Blair ignored him, knowing he would stop being mad at her in about a minute and start crying instead. She wanted their parting ritual over with as soon as possible. Chuck got down next to her, reaching for the other boot.
"I can do it" she snarled at him, not realizing how much she sounded like Sebastian.
Chuck rolled his eyes but backed off.
Fifteen minutes later Blair had left and Sebastian had stopped crying. Once the tears stopped Sebastian went and got his boots again.
"What are you doing?" Chuck asked.
"Boots. We leave soon."
"Actually, not today."
Sebastian gave him a confused look. No wonder, almost every weekend he had visited they had stayed at Chuck's place for less than an hour before going over to Emmy's. This would be the first weekend they spent entirely in this apartment.
"Go there tomorrow?"
"We'll be spending the weekend here" Chuck clarified.
Sebastian seemed to ponder this new information for a moment. Then he shrugged and walked towards the living room with Chuck in tow. He walked over to the couch, tossed his bag on the floor and threw himself down on the comfortable cushions. Chuck repressed the urge to tell him to put his bag away and instead focused on undoing his own tie.
"Where's Emmy?" Sebastian asked.
"She's not here."
"When will she?"
Realizing he was about to have a serious talk with a near-four year-old Chuck walked over to the couch, let his jacket slip from his shoulders and tossed it carelessly on an armchair.
"Look" he said. "Emmy… is not going to come around anymore."
"She lives here" Sebastian objected. "And in the other place."
"Actually she doesn't. Live here, I mean. And she won't be coming by."
Sebastian looked down at his hands for a minute, his face and his posture signaling how sad he was to hear that news. Chuck had stopped right by the couch and Sebastian's eyes fell on his well-polished shoes and slowly made their way up to his face.
"Is she mad at me?" he asked in a sad voice.
Chuck's features softened a bit. He could relate to that question. It almost felt like a déjà vu from his own childhood and he had the odd sensation that he was Bart looking down at four year-old Chuck after another au pair had been let go. It had taken Chuck many years to realize the constant dismissal of au pairs and nannies had nothing to do with him and everything to do with things like Uncle Jack seducing them or them failing to live up to Bart's child-rearing standards. Bart had been a believer in the chastising approach to answering the kind of question Sebastian had just asked, seeming to think that his son would be less of a handful if he was given a tangible reason to behave. When Chuck had asked his father if his au pair had left because of something he had done Bart had usually confirmed that idea and told him that unless he learned to behave no au pair would stick around for very long.
Chuck sank down on the couch next to his son and gave him a small, reassuring smile.
"No Sebastian, she is not mad at you. She's mad at me though. For not letting her come over to play with you."
"Why?"
"We're just… not right for each other" Chuck said, leaning back on the couch. "When you realize that you need to go your separate ways. Everyone deserves to live their life with someone who truly loves them."
"I don't undewstand."
"We broke up. Sometimes grown-ups just… break up."
"She's never coming back?"
"No" Chuck said. "I know that probably makes you sad. To tell the truth it makes me sad too. The thing is, when there's love in a relationship you can get through almost any obstacle. When the love goes away… you lose that ability. It doesn't mean you're not sad to say goodbye or that it doesn't hurt to lose that person. You just have to trust that in the long run it's better to set each other free."
"How can you not love someone you loved befowe?"
"People change" Chuck shrugged. "Sometimes you love them still but not enough."
Sebastian pondered this for a minute. He was fascinated that he had gotten a straight answer to his question. Mom always tried to hide unpleasant things from him and made up stuff or told him he would understand when he got older. His father never seemed to do that.
"Is Emmy sad?" he asked.
"Very."
"Because you made her sad?"
"Because I made her sad" Chuck nodded.
"Can't you tell her you're sowwy?"
"She needs to be sad right now. Sometimes you have to go through feelings you'd rather not. There are times when you have to say and do things that will hurt other people. It's complicated. In the end… she would be much more sad if we hadn't broken up."
"Why?"
"She loves me more than I love her. I want her to find someone who loves her the way she deserves to be loved."
Sebastian's eyes were wide with fascination. He had never gotten this many straight answers to difficult questions. He was slowly beginning to like the way his father spoke to him like he was an adult and not a child. He didn't always understand much of the things he said but it made him feel grown up to have someone talk to him that way. Like his father saw him as smarter and bigger and more clever.
Glancing over at Chuck he decided that since he was answering so many questions this might be a good time to ask one of the things that had been wondering about his father.
"Are you Santa?" he asked.
Chuck had never been more surprised by a question in his whole life. Sebastian looked at him with eager anticipation, on the edge of his seat to hear the answer. He had been nursing this particular theory for quite some time but never thought he would actually ask the question. In his mind it made perfect sense. His father was very rich, which Santa would have to be in order to give presents to all the children in the world. He was almost always working, which Santa would have to do to get everything ready for each Christmas. There was someone at his work named Rudolph, which Sebastian was fairly certain was a reindeer name only. Plus, Mom had been telling him all his life that a mother and a father were people who always loved you and looked after you. It had made more sense with Mom since she was there all the time but if his father was Santa he would have been coming to see him when he had the chance – on Christmas when he was going around the world handing out presents. Sebastian had just not met him since he always ended up falling asleep before Santa got there. Besides, if Santa wasn't looking after you then who was?
It took a minute for Chuck to form an answer. He had no idea where on earth this question had come from but he kind of liked it. He liked the idea of his son thinking something like that about him and part of him wanted to tell him that it was true. The rational part of his brain told him it was a bad idea to indulge fantasies like that. Still, he was Chuck Bass, and if there was one thing he knew how to do it was answering a question in a way that later allowed him to claim he had given either a "yes" or "no" answer depending on what ended up working best.
"I'm not saying that I am Santa" he said, leaning a little closer to Sebastian. "But if I were I wouldn't be allowed to tell anyone. No one's supposed to know who Santa really is."
Sebastian nodded slowly, mouth slightly open with fascination.
"So don't tell anyone that you think I'm Santa" Chuck added, figuring it was probably better if his son didn't go around telling people that his father dressed up in a red suit and broke into their homes once a year.
"I promise."
"Good. Good boy. Now, what do you say we go out and buy some dinner?"
Sebastian nodded with wide eyes. Chuck smirked and got up from his seat.
"I can put my own boots on!" Sebastian cried excitedly and ran off to do just that.
Chuck shook his head slightly and laughed.
"Okay, but hurry up. If you can put your boots on before I get my coat on we'll go get some ice-cream after dinner. If I win I get to help you with your boots."
When they got back two hours later Nate and Serena had gotten home and were busy making a big mess in the kitchen. They didn't even hear Chuck and Sebastian coming in until they walked into the kitchen. Serena had her arms wrapped around Nate's neck and he was trying to get her to eat something off a spoon. They were both giggling like little kids and it almost seemed like a shame to interrupt them.
"Chuck!" Nate exclaimed when he noticed them.
"Sebastian!" Serena added. "There you are. We've been wondering where you took off to. Dinner is almost ready!"
"We've already had dinner" Chuck said. "Now we're getting some lemonade."
"Aw, we went through all this trouble to make dinner for the four of us" Serena pouted and gestured to the mountain of groceries and dirty dishes sitting on the counter.
"Coq au vin?" Chuck said with eyebrows raised as he leaned over the large pot on the stove. "Impressive. Especially when your target audience thinks spaghetti is the height of culinary sensation. Sis, no three year-old would eat this."
"Sebastian's almost four" Serena pointed out as if that made all the difference in the world. "Aren't you, little S?"
"I'm not little S" Sebastian pouted.
"Touchy" Serena commented to Chuck. Then she grinned widely. "Never mind dinner. We've also got pannacotta for dessert!"
"Home-made?" Chuck asked.
"Bought from the deli down the street" Nate confessed, wrapping his arms around Serena's waist from behind.
"Then we might consider eating it. Right now though, lemonade."
"Sebastian we're going to have so much fun this weekend!" Serena chirped while Chuck went to the fridge. "We should totally have a pajama party!"
"I've seen the pajamas you keep here" Chuck objected. "None of that until he's ten years older. Keep anything perky well-hidden, thank you."
"Such a prude" Serena grinned.
"I'm not a prude" Chuck insisted, handing Sebastian a glass of lemonade. "Can we just please hold off on the inevitable debauchery? This is the one innocent Bass on the planet. I like it that way for now."
"Okay, forget pajama party" Nate said. "We're going to have a great time, aren't we Sebastian? We really should get to know each other better. After all, Serena is your aunt and I would have been your godfather if we'd known each other when you were little." He turned to Chuck. "I would have been his godfather, wouldn't I?"
"Yes" Chuck said with rolling eyes.
Sebastian eyed the adults with confusion and suspicion while he sipped his lemonade. He liked Serena a lot though he hadn't spent much time with her and he had no opinion of Nate yet. Their eagerness to see him had confused him at first but now he was beginning to find it natural that people wanted to be around him.
"Come on" Chuck said and nudged him towards the living room. "We have some crayons around here somewhere. You can draw your mom a picture. I think these two are better left to their own devices."
He lead Sebastian out of the room, hoping crayons and paper would be enough to keep him entertained until it was time for bed. Tomorrow they would head out to the nearest toy store and he would send Nate over to Emmy's to get his stuff.
Later that evening Chuck leaned back on the couch with a tumbler in one hand and his feet up on the coffee table. Keeping Sebastian entertained had been no small feat and now that the child was asleep he was exhausted. He should probably be heading to bed but he wanted to enjoy this brief moment of solitude while it lasted. He wanted more time with his son but at the same time it could be straining to look after him, especially now that he no longer had Emmy to help him out. Things were still pretty awkward between him and Sebastian for the most part and it was becoming glaringly obvious to him how little he knew about children and how to interact with them.
He heard footsteps coming down the hall and looked up. It didn't sound like Sebastian's. It turned out to be Serena, who came walking in barefoot, wrapped in Nate's robe with probably nothing underneath. Chuck nodded to her and she came over and sunk down next to him, putting her feet up next to his.
"What are you doing up?" he asked, taking a sip from his tumbler.
"What are you doing up?"
"Haven't gone to bed yet. You?"
"Couldn't sleep."
He nodded. She leaned her head back and sighed.
"How early does that kid of yours get up in the morning?"
"Don't worry, he won't wake you."
"I want us to have breakfast together, the four of us."
"We can do that on Sunday if you want to sleep in tomorrow."
She studied her fingernails for a moment, not sure what to say. Chuck didn't say anything either, content to just sit there in silence. After a few minutes Serena looked at him and decided to breach the subject she had been avoiding for the past couple of days.
"How are you?" she asked. "I haven't even asked. You break up with your girlfriend and I don't even bother to check that you're okay."
He laughed a little.
"I'm fine. It's weird not being with her anymore but I feel like this break-up was long overdue. She and I were just… not connecting anymore."
"Nate's worked up about it. He thinks you made the wrong choice and that you'll regret it."
"Is that what you think?"
"I think if you weren't sure about the two of you then this was the right way to go." She paused and bit her lower lip for a second. "You were going to leave her months ago. You would have if you hadn't found out about Sebastian."
"Yeah" Chuck said.
"I assumed you stayed with her because you realized you didn't want Blair anymore" Serena said. "The way I understood you back in June you were going to end things with Emmy in order to be with Blair but Blair is no longer part of the equation. Is she?"
"It's not about whether or not I can be with Blair, nor about whether or not I should want to" Chuck objected. "It's about me and Emmy and the fact is that I knew a long time ago that what I felt for her wasn't enough. I should have ended things the moment I knew for sure. I feel like an ass but not because I broke up with her; because I stayed with her when my heart was no longer in it. To be completely honest my heart never was fully in it. What I felt for her has always been… affection and gratitude above anything else. I've loved her these four years but now I'm not entirely sure I was ever in love with her."
"So this has nothing at all to do with Blair?"
"I believe it has been well established by now that my appreciation for Blair is somewhat less than it used to be" Chuck answered dryly.
"What are your feelings for her now?" Serena asked, wondering if she would be brushed aside or if he would actually open up. "Do you still have any?"
"The relevant issue is not what I do or do not feel for her" Chuck said, taking another sip from his tumbler. "What matters is what I've come to realize she never actually loved me. Years of misery and drama could have been avoided if I hadn't been so blinded by my lust and longing for her."
"I know you don't always think highly of my intelligence but I seriously do not follow this logic and I don't think it has anything to do with brains" Serena said, looking at him like he had declared he believed the earth to be banana shaped.
"We had a passion and an attraction that only happens once in a lifetime. It's easy to confuse that for love. I'm not saying she lied to me, I just don't think she understood the emotions involved. Serena she can't love me and then go and do what she did."
"I'm mad at her" Serena said. "Mad as hell. Even I don't believe a thing you just said. I know for a fact that she does love you. I should think that would be what upsets you the most – that she can hide your son from you in spite of how she feels about you."
"That's just it; I don't think she, or anyone else, could."
"She loves you Chuck. I know that she does. She and I had a talk this summer, before everything went to hell. It wasn't even about the things she said that night, it was about the way she said them and the look on her face whenever she said your name. Do you honestly think anyone could have faked the love she bore you when you were together? You know I'm right about this."
"I'm not so sure" Chuck said in a dejected tone.
"You don't want her to love you still because it's easier to be angry at her then and you won't have to even consider the possibility of a future for you."
"There can be no future for us" Chuck snarled, a little too insistently.
"Probably not. I can promise you though that she does love you."
He sighed, not wanting to hear it right now. It was enough dealing with his own conflicting emotions without adding Blair's to the mix. Whether or not she loved him was irrelevant, or at least that's what he tried to tell himself. At the same time there was a part of him that felt relieved at Serena's insistence. He turned his head and looked at her, realizing this was the first time in months she had spoken kindly about her former best friend.
"You know what I don't really get?" he asked.
"What?"
"Why you're still so mad at her. Don't tell me it's on my behalf. You've never been that fond of me."
Serena was quiet for a minute, trying to decide what to say. It seemed Chuck had turned the tables and now put her in the tricky spot.
"I just don't understand how she could do it" she finally said. "How could she hide her pregnancy from me, her best friend? I've been nothing but an afterthought to her all these years. She never bothered to call me and see how things were going with me."
"Much the same as how you didn't contact her when you were in Connecticut" Chuck pointed out.
"That was for a much shorter period of time and there were no babies involved."
"No but on the other hand you took her boyfriend's virginity before you left town. She forgave you. In like a tenth of the time it's taken you to forgive her now."
"It just… really hurts, you know?" Serena said, her fingers playing with the quilt next to her on the couch. "She doesn't even seem to care much! At least when I came back from Connecticut I tried my best to make her forgive me. Blair hasn't done anything."
"I don't blame her" Chuck said. "She has tried. You didn't want to hear it. So she gave up. She has a son to raise and a very tangled mess to sort out with me. You believe she still loves me? I can tell you for a fact she definitely still loves you. You might have to reach out to her a bit too if you want your friendship back."
"Can it ever go back to being what it was?" Serena asked.
"I'm smarter than you but I'm not an oracle."
She gave him a shove and reached for his tumbler.
"Give me that. I need a drink."
"Wait…"
She downed what was left of the liquid and made a face before setting the tumbler down on the coffee table.
"What the hell?"
"Ginger ale" he said. "I thought it would be best to stay completely sober… in case Sebastian wakes up."
"God you're such a dad" Serena sighed and got up from her seat to go to bed.
Blair walked off the elevator in a hurry, happy to be home after another day of working for her mother. It wasn't exactly the job of her dreams but it was better than nothing and she could perhaps find something more suitable as time went on. While she did enjoy having a job to go to it was a bit difficult being away from Sebastian all day long. For almost four years she had spent her days with him and it was a huge adjustment to make. Luckily he had grown accustomed to Dorota and enjoyed being around her so aside from a few tears every morning when his mother left he was doing quite alright with the change.
She found him in the kitchen with a stack of papers and some crayons, working on a new piece of art. Blair had never understood children's drawings. They made no sense and seemed like nothing more than a waste of paper and crayon. She made an exception for Sebastian's drawings though, viewing them more as modern art than anything else.
"Hi baby!" she smiled and walked up to him to give him a big kiss. "Did you miss me today?"
"Yeah."
"What are you drawing?"
"Picture."
Blair set her purse down on the floor and walked around the table to take a seat. She leaned over to get a better look at what he was drawing. So far it was just a stick-figure.
"Who's that?" she asked.
"Me."
"Of course."
He looked pensive and was about to bite the bottom of the yellow crayon in his hand before Blair reached out her hand and stopped him.
"Can I draw Emmy in the picture?" Sebastian asked.
Blair made a face.
"Any reason why you'd want to?" she asked.
"She doesn't live there anymore" Sebastian said, grabbing a black crayon.
"What do you mean?" Blair asked. "Live where?"
"The weekend place."
"What do you mean?" Blair asked again, starting to feel a tiny bit of hope. "Did you not see her this weekend?"
"She can't come play anymore. Can I draw her in the pictuwe even if she doesn't?"
"Why don't you draw me in the picture instead?" Blair suggested, excitement building inside her chest.
"You don't live there" Sebastian shrugged and began to draw another stick figure, this one taller than the previous.
"And Emmy doesn't either?"
"Not anymore."
"Since… when?"
Sebastian shrugged. Blair was getting tired of having to pull information out of him and reached forward, grabbing both his hands with hers and giving him a stern look.
"Bas. Tell Mommy. Did Chuck and Emmy break up?"
Sebastian shrugged.
"That is not an answer" Blair said, frustrated that she couldn't find a better source than a little kid. "Did they break up? Did you hear your father say that they broke up?"
"Maybe if she's in the pictuwe she won't be sad anymowe" Sebastian mused, ignoring her demands for answers.
Blair let go of his hands and smiled to herself. Could it really be true? Had Chuck finally cut his losses and gotten rid of Emmy? She didn't dare believe it. It hadn't been much more than a week since Emmy had shown up asking for advice on how to help Chuck. Could things really have gone south for them that fast?
She saw that Sebastian had picked up the brown crayon and was drawing long hair on his latest stick figure. Apparently he thought Emmy should be in the picture after all. Blair smiled happily and decided she could allow it. So long as she was out of the real picture.
Chuck walked inside his office hiding a yawn behind the back of his hand, having gone straight to work from the airport after a five day business trip to New Orleans. It was February 12th, three days before Sebastian's fourth birthday and two days before the birthday party. The occasion could not have come at a worse time, work seemed to be piling up on him recently and he had barely had time to go out and buy birthday presents for his son. Partaking in the birthday preparations had been thrown out the window all-together; he had left everything up to Blair and figured it was probably best that way anyway. What did he know about arranging a birthday party for a four year-old?
He walked up to his large desk and tossed his briefcase on the new cherry writing desk before going to hang up his coat on the hanger in a corner. He had had the office redecorated a few weeks ago following his breakup with Emmy. The previous look and feel of it had been her doing and he didn't need the constant reminder of her. The new look of the office was a black and light blue styling with mostly cherry tree furniture, a combination which was all the rage according to the $100 an hour interior decorator he had paid to do the job. He was barely aware of what furniture he had or what colors surrounded him. The only changes which held any interest to him was the addition of a new movie poster and the removal of the framed photograph of himself and Emmy that had stood on his writing desk. The poster was one from the 2011 smurf movie and when his interior decorator had protested against it he had pointed out that at least they were blue and therefore matched the walls.
With a huff he sat down behind his desk, not pleased to see the large stack of notes Alice had left for him while he was away. He opened his briefcase, adjusted his tie and lifted out his small laptop and the binders he had been working on during the flight. He closed the briefcase and put it down on the floor, wondering to himself if he should send Alice out to get something for him to eat. Before he could press the intercom his eyes landed on the document at the top of the pile on his desk. He reached out and grabbed it, taking a quick look at the yellow post-it note attached to it.
"Miss Waldorf had these sent over on the 11th" Alice had written in her dainty handwriting.
There was another note attached, this one written on a notepad and he immediately identified the handwriting as Blair's. He read it with a mixture of nervousness and anticipation, figuring these must be drafts for a new custody agreement.
"I hope you can agree to keeping the every-other-week arrangement" Blair wrote. "In return I'd like to offer you as many weekday afternoons as you please. You can come and pick him up after you leave the office and spend a few hours with him before his bedtime. Also, remember you're more than welcome to come spend time with him at our penthouse whenever you so choose."
He looked up from the note, feeling a touch of dismay. He had hoped she would agree to letting him have every weekend since they both knew that there was no point to him having Sebastian Monday through Friday. He wasn't enrolled in a daycare or preschool so he would have nowhere to go while Chuck was at the office. Offering to let Chuck pick him up and spend the afternoons with him was generous but he doubted it would work out very well in the long run. Too much back and forth. With a heavy heart he decided to read the rest of her note and then have his lawyers look over the draft. He wasn't quite prepared to settle yet.
"Let me know what you think on Sunday" Blair wrapped up her note. "Sebastian can't wait for his birthday and to spend it with you. – B."
Chuck didn't put much faith in the last statement but it was one of the things he just had to accept. He got up and ignored the pile of work on his desk, determined to go see his lawyers right away and go over Blair's suggestion with them as well as make up a counter plan.
Meeting with the lawyers took longer than Chuck had expected and he didn't get nearly as much work done during the rest of the day as he had hoped. He sent everybody home for the day at five p.m. and headed out to get something to eat but then he returned to the office to make the pile of work shrink before Sunday. It was close to eight in the evening when he walked inside his office and flicked on the light switch, nearly jumping out of his skin when he saw his uncle leaned back in his chair, feet up on the desk, arms crossed behind his head and with a cigar in his smirking mouth. Wondering what evil he had done to deserve another visit from Jack Chuck pulled the door shut with a bang and gave his uncle a murderous look.
"Greetings, Nephew dearest!" Jack cheered gleefully through his teeth, cigar bobbing up and down slightly.
"What could you possibly want?" Chuck asked, not so sure he wanted to hear the answer.
"Just to say hi" Jack said, taking the cigar from his mouth. "Hi."
"I prefer 'bye'" Chuck said, putting his briefcase down on a chair. "You know the way out, I presume? You sure knew your way in."
"Now don't be like that" Jack grinned, using a jar of pencils as an ashtray. "Here I came all the way to New York just to see how my favorite nephew has enjoyed his first year as a father. Well, first eight months. Actually first four years, but who's counting?"
"Right. You in monetary problems? I sure hope so. So I can sit back and do absolutely nothing to help you out."
"Cranky, aren't we?"
"What can I say, you just bring it out in me."
Jack got up from the chair and looked more serious.
"Did you check everything on the memory stick I gave you?"
"No" Chuck said. "Nor do I intend to."
"You're really not the least bit curious over everything you've missed out on?"
"I'm more curious over why you give a damn" Chuck said. "All this boy really is to you is another person you're going to have to kill and make it look like an accident in order to inherit the Bass kingdom."
"At least tell me you're taking steps to assure that the kid will turn out a real Bass" Jack said. "Teach him the family values, make sure he doesn't waste his life on stupid Waldorf-like things like law school, make sure he knows how to handle his scotch…"
"Seriously" Chuck said with a curious expression. "Why do you care?"
"No one screws with the Bass family" Jack said. "Blair needs to be taught a valuable lesson."
"Feel free" Chuck said. "Leave me out of it. And if you could do it without traumatizing Sebastian that would be peachy."
Jack chuckled a little.
"You really are bitter, aren't you? Well at least you're not fawning all over her like you used to. Good on you for finally finding some balls. Now if you just got rid of that wet rag you're practically shacked up with you might finally become a real man."
"Your intel is pristine as always. Emmy and I broke up a month ago."
"Huh. Well, who can blame her? Your sunny disposition aside, suddenly being saddled with a secret love child and an ex you can't quite seem to shake would probably be more than most women could handle."
"Are you quite done?"
With an oddly cheerful smile Jack put the cigar away and stood up, grabbing a paper bag he had had on the floor and placing it on the desk.
"The littlest Bass' birth certificate told me there's a birthday coming up" he grinned.
"Oh God" Chuck said. "You're not invited to the party."
"Wasn't expecting to be" Jack said. "You know, when my dear older brother so sadly passed away and you had gone AWOL I helped Lily sort through some of his things. She thought I was being sweet and helpful; actually I was taking the opportunity to dig through the boxes he kept in storage in the hopes of finding something that could be useful someday."
"Did you have any luck?" Chuck asked, deciding to take the bait.
"Nah. Mostly he just kept all sorts of crap lying around in boxes. Who knew Bart was the type who'd keep it around somewhere rather than just throw it all out? Anyway, in one of the boxes I found this."
He stuck his hand in the bag and held up a frog plushie that looked almost as good as new, save for a hint of dust having settled on it. Chuck eyed it for a second and wondered if his uncle had gone completely mental.
"What is it?" he asked.
"It's a frog."
"Yeah I can see that it's a frog. What does it have to do with anything?"
"I gave it to you" Jack said, letting the bag drop and glancing at the frog. He held it up a bit to give Chuck a better look. "Quack, quack" he said. Then he looked over at Chuck who was eyeing him as if he had gone clinically insane. "You thought that was really funny at the time. You were just a little kid. It was your… fourth… birthday, if memory serves."
"I can't remember seeing that thing before in my life" Chuck shrugged. "I may have had my share of stuffed animals but I remember each and every one of them."
"I think you only had it for about an hour or so" Jack said with a musing tone. "Bart, bore that he was, didn't let you keep it. Said it was unfitting, or something."
"Unfitting?" Chuck echoed with disbelief. "My father may have been a buzz kill but he didn't take toys away for no reason. Anyway what the hell does it matter? Why did you even hang on to it after you found it? Looks like junk to me."
Jack gave him a look which seemed to be a mixture between surprised and insulted. He studied the plushie again for a second and then looked back at Chuck.
"I thought your kid could have it" he said.
"Sebastian has enough stuffed animals, thank you" Chuck said, walking over to hang up his coat rather than keep it thrown over his arm. "Nate and Serena got him a Snowy plushie so the quota has surely been met."
"Can't hurt though, can it?" Jack said with a shrug.
"Why are you so invested in this?"
"I have no heirs of my own" Jack said, shrugging again. "That boy is the last in a long, proud line of Bass men."
"So?"
"I just thought somebody should have this damn frog. See it as a peace offering. An assurance that I won't try to screw around with your munchkin."
"Be that as it may I'm not sure I want him to have something from you" Chuck said, crossing his arms over his chest.
"It doesn't have cooties nor smallpox" Jack scoffed. "It's a stuffed animal, for God's sake."
"Why give my child a gift at all?"
"We weren't always enemies, you and I" Jack pointed out. "Not everything I do has an evil ulterior motive. At the end of the day we're Basses and we need to band together against the common enemy."
"We have no common enemy. If there's nothing else I'd like to get back to work."
"You should lighten up a little" Jack said, smile back on his face. He put the frog down on Chuck's desk and picked up his cigar again. "Didn't Bart ever warn you that if you keep that frowny face for too long it may get stuck like that?"
"Goodbye Jack" Chuck said pointedly and walked towards his desk.
"I'll be keeping an eye on that boy" Jack said, heading for the door.
"Please don't."
Jack stopped at the door and grinned widely.
"I can help you dig up dirt on La Waldorf so you can sue for full custody and bring the child back to the Bass fold."
"Why exactly would you do that?"
"I'm really bored" Jack shrugged.
"You'll be even more bored if you're unemployed" Chuck said. "Start doing some work in Bass Australia or you'll have nothing to do all day but avoid the people who have restraining orders against you."
Jack cackled and left the office. Chuck shook his head, decided not to waste time wondering what Jack's deal was, and tried to focus on work. He looked over at the frog sitting on his desk and frowned. He didn't like the idea of Jack giving Sebastian gifts but on the other hand he couldn't think of any direct harm in it. After deliberating with himself for a minute he grabbed the frog and put it back down in the paper bag.
Eight people were gathered at Eleanor's penthouse on Valentine's Day to celebrate Sebastian's birthday the following day. Sebastian sat at the head of the table with a purple party hat on his head and cheerfully tried to sing along while the others sang "Happy Birthday" to him. At the end of the song Blair urged him to blow out the candles on the cake and he leaned forward to do so while everybody around him cheered and clapped their hands.
"Make a wish!" Cyrus cried.
It took Sebastian two tries to blow out all four candles but that didn't seem to bother him in the least. He grinned widely and seemed excited to the point where Chuck wondered if he really needed more sugar.
"I can't believe I have a four year-old nephew" Serena beamed.
"I had to restrain her when we went shopping for his birthday" Nate said, wrapping an arm around her waist. "Left to her own devices she would have bought half the store."
"Let's cut the cake" Blair said.
"Yeah, cake!" Sebastian cried, clapping his hands together.
"How about we let Dad do the honors?" Blair suggested.
She looked up at Chuck with a beaming smile and he gave her a smile back. She held up the cake cutter and he took it, careful not to touch her. Blair had been acting differently since his break-up and he had his guard up. He wasn't ready to try and get closer to her, petrified that he might end up getting hurt again. It was safer not to touch her and not to look at her too much or talk to her for too long. Now that Emmy was no longer there as a wall between them he had to keep a distance.
He began to cut the cake and glanced up at Blair for instructions on how large a slice he should give Sebastian. Once the birthday boy had gotten his piece he moved on to cut similarly sized slices for Dorota's two children before handing the knife over to Roman. Roman took care of serving the adults while Blair went over to the table where they had put the opened gifts. They had let Sebastian open the presents from the guests today, right before they sang and brought out the cake. Blair and Chuck had agreed that Chuck would come over for lunch the next day and they would give Sebastian the rest of the gifts from them then. Blair was curious to see what her boy had gotten since she had snuck out to put the candles on the cake during the gift opening and had missed two or three presents. She looked over the things he had gotten, all perfectly organized on the table with little cards to clarify who had given what. She noticed a plushie that didn't have a card in front of it and picked it up with a frown.
"Who gave this?" she asked, studying it with curiosity.
"Oh…" Chuck said, looking up from his slice of cake. "I did. I just… thought I should bring him something today for his party."
"Where on earth did you find it?" she asked. "It looks brand new yet… dusty, or something. It must have been sitting in some toy store's shelf for ages."
"I suppose" Chuck said evasively. "It's not a big deal. Just another stuffed animal to his ever growing collection."
Blair set it back down on the table and gave it no more thought. She walked back over to the others and smiled brightly at the sight of so many happy faces. Through some unspoken agreement everybody seemed to have set aside their differences for the day and were just enjoying the party. Chuck was sitting next to Sebastian at the table, a bit reserved still but more at ease around his son now than he had been before. Lily and Eleanor were talking about Blair and Serena's fourth birthdays while Serena laughingly used her finger to remove cake that had gotten caught in Nate's beard before leaning in to kiss him. The party was everything Blair had hoped for, much more than she had ever dared to expect when the truth had first come out. It had been less than a year but things were finally starting to feel hopeful. She was grateful beyond words that Chuck was on his own now and that she didn't have to have this day soured by the presence of Emmy. Since he was there alone she could drift off into the movie in her mind and pretend like she and her two favorite boys were a real family.
"Aren't you going to have some cake, Blair bear?" Harold asked with a smile.
"Yeah" Blair nodded. "Of course I have to have some."
It was a novelty cake shaped like a smurf with a birthday gift in his hands. Sebastian had been so excited when he had seen it but now you could barely tell it had once been a smurf. She cut herself a slice and sat down next to her father.
"It's great to see that you're both happy here" Harold said. "Though I'd be lying if I said we didn't miss you terribly. It's been so quiet at the chateau since you both moved."
"They have not moved" Roman insisted, sitting down opposite them with his second slice of cake. "Most of their things are still with us. This is only temporary."
"They're not coming back, Roman" Harold said in a tone that implied they had had this conversation before.
"Nothing's been permanently decided on, am I right?" Roman replied.
Dorota came up and interrupted them, leaning in to whisper in Blair's ear.
"Miss Blair. Miss Emmy on the way up in elevator."
"What?" Blair said with a frown.
She looked over at Chuck who was teasing Serena and Nate over something or other and felt a knot in her stomach. She didn't want Emmy to show up here today, even if she was Chuck's ex-girlfriend now. She had hoped she'd never have to lay eyes on the woman ever again. With a frown she rose from her seat and walked over to the elevator to hopefully get rid of the visitor before Chuck, or Sebastian, noticed she was there.
When the elevator doors opened she almost softened a bit. Emmy didn't look so good at the moment. She was well-dressed and had her hair in place in two braids but from the looks of it she hadn't been getting much sleep lately and she had probably lost a bit of weight. She had a smile on her face but it seemed forced and the look in her eyes was anything but happy. The less than welcoming look on Blair's face probably didn't help make things any easier.
"Hello Blair" she said, slight tremble in her voice.
"Emmy" Blair said. "What are you doing here?"
"I heard about Sebastian's party" Emmy said, her smile becoming a touch wider but still forced. "I'm not going to stay long I just…" She held up a present. "I wanted to give him this. I hope it's okay."
Blair wanted to tell her no. She wasn't going to play any part in Sebastian's life and it was better to make it a clean break. Yet she couldn't bring herself to say it. She could sympathize with Emmy. She knew far too well what it was like to love Chuck and to lose him. Now that the other woman was no longer a competitor she could see things more from her perspective and recognize what a terrible position Emmy had ended up in. One gift to Sebastian would do no harm in the long run anyway.
"Sure" she said finally. "You can give him a gift. Here, I'll take it."
"Oh…" Emmy said, handing over the present and looking over Blair's shoulder trying to spot someone. "I was hoping I could… give it to him myself. Wish him a happy birthday."
"I don't know that that's such a -"
"Emmy!" Sebastian cried and came running over. He threw his arms around her legs and grinned up at her. "Emmy it's my biwthday!"
"I know" Emmy said and her smile seemed more genuine now. She knelt down to give him a proper hug. "Happy birthday, sweetie!"
"Emmy I am this many!" Sebastian said and held up four fingers.
"You are, aren't you?"
Blair watched the scene with a frown but realized there was nothing to do about it now. She couldn't very well push the other woman back on the elevator and she didn't want to tell Sebastian to go back to the table. It was his party and he should get to do what he wanted to do. Without a word she walked over to the gift table and set Emmy's present down on it. Chuck was slowly walking over to the pair by the elevator, hands in his pockets, and she hurried over to keep an eye on what would unfold.
"Emmy's here" Sebastian told Chuck with a grin.
"Yes I see" Chuck said. "Hello Emmy."
"Hi Chuck" she replied, eyes starting to get wet.
"How have you been?" he asked in a low voice.
"You know what?" Serena said, walking over. "Sebastian I think you just got another present. Why don't we go and open it while your dad has a talk with Emmy?"
Blair opened her mouth to protest but Chuck nodded so she closed her mouth again. Sebastian took Serena's hand and followed her to the table. Blair reluctantly went after them, casting a glance over her shoulder at the pair by the elevator.
"I wasn't expecting to see you here" Chuck said, keeping his voice low so the conversation could be somewhat private.
"I wasn't sure I'd be welcome" Emmy said, rubbing her arms as if she was cold.
"You're welcome" Chuck said. "It's okay to stop by and wish him a happy birthday. I know you care for him."
"I love that little boy" Emmy said at the verge of tears, glancing over at the birthday boy who was opening her present.
Chuck nodded slightly. It was difficult seeing her like this, knowing all the pain he had caused her. He had nearly ruined Blair once and now he had perhaps done the same thing to Emmy. But she was strong and she would recover.
"I miss you" she said, tears beginning to fall down her face.
"I'm sorry" Chuck said. "Look, maybe you should… Maybe this isn't the time or place."
"Because of the party?" Emmy asked. "Or because Blair is here?"
"I didn't end things because of Blair and you know it."
"No Chuck" Emmy sighed. "Whatever the reason, Blair was a huge part of it. And you know it. You can't fault me for being bitter. I thought that by loving you and by being the better person and safer option I could get the ending I deserved. Turns out I was wrong."
He didn't object. He knew she was right but at the same time she was wrong. There was no point in debating it further.
"I'll go get Sebastian" he said. "Dry your tears. Don't let him see them. You can say goodbye to him and be on your way. I'm sorry about everything."
"Sorry doesn't help" she said, wiping a tear from her eyes.
Chuck walked over to his son who eagerly showed him what Emmy had gotten him. It was a board game for young children, the only game he had gotten for his birthday. Chuck obliged him with a smile and told him to go thank Emmy. Sebastian ran over to her and she knelt to give him one more hug.
"Happy birthday" she said.
"Want some cake?" Sebastian asked.
"Thank you but… I think I have to go."
"Come and play the game someday."
"Bye sweetie" Emmy said and gave him a kiss. She then rose and looked at Chuck who had come over as well. "He seems to have gotten bigger since I last saw him."
"Yeah" Chuck said, following Sebastian with his eyes as the boy ran back to look at his presents. "He's going to be fourteen and unruly in no time."
"I should go" Emmy said, pressing the elevator button.
"Okay" Chuck nodded. "I really do hope you'll be happy, Emmy."
"Same to you" Emmy managed.
They stood in silence, waiting for the elevator to arrive, well aware that everyone else in the room was trying to discreetly glance over at them. When the elevator doors finally opened Emmy managed a goodbye to the guests and then stepped on to leave. Chuck took a step closer and wished he had something encouraging to say but he didn't.
"Thank you Emmy" he said, not knowing what else there was to say. "For everything. I mean it."
The doors closed between them and he let out a deep breath. They both had to move on now. She to find someone else to love or another way of making herself happy. He to face the things he had been using her as a shield from. He walked slowly back to the party crowd but kept to himself for the next fifteen minutes, not really in the party mood any longer.
The party wrapped up when it was time for Sebastian's nap. Dorota stayed behind to help clean up while Vanya took their children home and the rest got ready to leave. When Blair came down the stairs after getting Sebastian to go to sleep she saw Chuck, Serena and Nate putting their coats on, laughing together. She almost indulged in the luxury of allowing herself to pretend she was still part of that happy group of laughing friends but quickly dismissed the idea. Nate was friendly towards her and Chuck was not openly mad at her anymore but Serena was a different story and she had a long way to go yet before she was a real part of the group again.
"Chuck" she said as she reached the bottom of the stairs. "Would you mind staying behind for a bit? I have something for you."
"Can't it wait?" Serena asked with a frown.
"I suppose, but…"
"Good. We're heading out for drinks at Kamikaze."
"You're spending Valentine's Day with your boyfriend and your brother?" Blair snorted.
"Who are you spending it with?" Serena countered.
"My Valentine is napping upstairs" Blair retorted.
"Wow, not even the official day of love can keep the bickering at bay" Nate sighed.
"Can it wait until tomorrow?" Chuck asked hesitantly. "I have… someplace to be after the drinks."
"Oh" Blair said, feeling a hint of panic inside. Was he going on a date? Was he meeting up with Emmy?
"Tomorrow?" Chuck suggested again. "I'll be here anyway to celebrate the birthday boy."
"Tomorrow" Blair nodded. "Thank you all so much for today. He really had a wonderful time. Thanks for all the gifts!"
"Our pleasure" Nate smiled.
The elevator doors opened and Serena, Nate and Chuck got on it. Blair watched them leave with a heavy heart before walking slowly back upstairs. She would be spending the rest of her Valentine's Day watching "Breakfast at Tiffany's", eating chocolates and probably crying into her pillow. Or, even more likely, binging herself on what was left of the cake and the cookies and then making herself sick. An awful way to spend Valentine's but at least it was something she had control over.
The following evening Chuck had dinner with Blair and Sebastian, their original lunch plans having been pushed back due to a meeting he had to attend. It was in many ways a low-key re-play of the previous day with Sebastian being so excited about his birthday that he could barely sit still and eat his dinner. When dinner and opening of presents was over Chuck agreed to stay behind and watch a movie before they put Sebastian to bed.
"But I'm not sleepy" Sebastian protested as Blair carried him from the bathroom to his bed.
"Yes you are" Blair said, putting him down on the bed. "Look at you, you can barely keep your eyes open."
"Is it my birthday tomorrow too?"
"Sorry. It only comes once a year."
"Like Christmas?"
"Like Christmas" Blair nodded. "Come on, lie down. What do you say I read you the story Grandpa' Harold and Roman got you? Chuck, would you go get it please?"
Chuck nodded and walked over to the dresser where three new books were waiting to be read. He picked up the one in French and brought it back to the bed where Blair had curled up next to an already half-asleep Sebastian.
"Thank you" she said.
"You're welcome" he said. He turned to Sebastian who had his teddybear in a firm grip and was sucking on his thumb. "Goodnight."
"Bas don't do that" Blair said, pulling the thumb away. She then looked up at Chuck who had taken a few steps towards the door. "You're leaving?"
"He's practically asleep already" Chuck shrugged. "I don't want to intrude on your bedtime ritual anyway. This day must be more special to you than it is to me."
She smiled a little and gently stroked the little boy's head.
"I can't seem to stop thinking about when he was first put in my arms" she said.
Chuck nodded.
"You said you had something to talk to me about. I'll be waiting downstairs."
"Could you wait in my room?"
"Fine" he said after some hesitation.
She watched him leave and shrugged her disappointment that he hadn't stayed behind to lull Sebastian to sleep. She opened the book, kissed her son's head and then began to read. After five pages he was sound asleep. She waited for a few minutes, enjoying the sound of his breaths and the way his chest heaved with each one he took. He had been so very little four years ago and now he was getting so big. Watching him grow had been the best experience of her life.
Eventually she got up and put the book aside on the nightstand. She let the night light stay on and walked through the bathroom into her room. Chuck was there, looking out the window with his hands in his pockets, seemingly uncomfortable. She harked and he turned to look at her. She smiled slightly, remembering so many happy times they had shared in this room, and some not so happy.
"So what's up?" he asked.
She walked over to her writing desk and opened a drawer. Inside was a large book. She let her fingers play with the cover for a moment before picking it up. She turned and held it up to Chuck with a nervous smile. He cast a glance at it but didn't seem to think it was anything out of the ordinary. It was a notebook, a large one, with purple cover and a silver back. There was something written on the cover but he couldn't make out what it was.
"I made this for you" Blair said. "But I admit it's a little harder to part with it than I expected. It's got a lot of memories. It's yours though and I want you to have it today, on his birthday."
"What is it?" Chuck asked, walking over to take the book. Their hands touched and he felt that spark.
"It's Sebastian."
He opened the book and looked at the first page. February 15th 2012 was written at the top and below followed various details about Sebastian's birth. What his weight had been, at what exact time he had been born, the name of the midwife who helped Blair through the delivery. There was also a picture of Sebastian at only five minutes old. Chuck studied it in silence for several minutes before turning the page. Every page was filled with various details about his son's life. Blair had meticulously written every milestone down. First smile, first time he rolled over, the date for each new tooth. Most pages had pictures, some had outlines of Sebastian's hand drawn and one had a tiny lock of hair from when it had first grown long enough to cut a strain.
"I missed you every single day" Blair said. "I grieved over you missing out on everything. I made sure to document everything so that you could take part of it someday. Every milestone from his first three years and four months are in there."
Chuck turned the pages slowly, not really reading any of the text. He would do that later when he was alone. Her gift surprised him. He wouldn't have been sure whether or not to believe that it had always been documented with him in mind but here and there he spotted his name where Blair had addressed something directly to him.
"Thank you" he said at last, looking up at her.
"You're welcome."
He nodded and looked at the book again. He had been determined not to find out details about his son through someone else's intel but there were things he had to read up on to know. He knew he would be spending a lot of time looking through this book.
Spontaneously he leaned in and kissed Blair on the cheek. Then he left, as surprised by his own actions as she was. She remained in the same spot for almost fifteen minutes, fingers gently brushing the spot he had kissed.
I'll be trying to update this on a weekly basis for a while… We'll see how that goes. My motivation is fairly low at the moment with all that's happened on the show but I want to get this story done. Thank you for reading and let me know what you thought of it!