IX. To Protect A Secret
Though Remus had arrived at the Owlery ten minutes early, the other boys clearly did not see the necessity in being punctual. James, Sirius and Peter strolled into the connecting corridor at only about thirty seconds until midnight, chattering loudly enough to wake the entire castle.
"Hey Remus," Peter greeted, sounding downright chipper about the whole ordeal.
"Looks like he decided to show up after all," said Sirius, snickering. "McGonagall wouldn't let you off?"
James, however, at least had the decency to look conflicted.
"You alright, Lupin? I didn't expect you to actually be looking peaky."
"Suck my bollocks, Potter," Remus snapped at him. He was looking peaky, and could feel it down to the bones, too.
"Sure, mate," said James coolly, as Sirius and Peter both began laughing behind him. "I'd prefer to do it in private, though—might be a bit awkward with these blokes around…"
"Shut up!" Remus groaned. Sirius' laughter had advanced to an obnoxious howling. "Bloody hell, why'd you have to ask for a detention?"
"Didn't I already say? I wanted to see if you'd turn up tonight or not. And I'd be able to keep Sirius company even if you didn't, so it was worth it either way."
Remus had just been about to call James the worst insult he knew when the caretaker came marching around the corner from the other direction. Apollyon Pringle was the sort of man with a permanent scowl on his face, and even took great pleasure in it whenever he needed to dole out punishments.
"So it's the usual suspects and these two," said Pringle, bitterly. "You keep getting off easy, I tell ya. If I had my way, you lot'd be hanging from the ceiling…"
"Why aren't we?" asked Peter.
"Why don't ya ask Professor Dumbledore?" Pringle grumbled. "I aughta resign already, Dippet never had anything against a good beating… hard as anything to keep you little snots in line when there's no fear left in ya…"
"I doubt you'd still have this job if it weren't for us," sneered Sirius. "You call yourself a caretaker? This school's filthy."
Pringle did not hesitate to hit Sirius upside the head with his broom.
The Owlery was generally off limits to students at this time of night, but the caretaker unlocked the door and forced the boys inside after confiscating their wands. Four sets of cleaning supplies waited for them within, as well as two stepladders and more dirty perches than one could count. Save for a few exceptions, the hundreds of owls that slept in the Owlery during the day were out to hunt or fetch mail for their owners.
"You'll be in here cleaning until two in the morning," Pringle said, rattling his keys in their faces. "And I'll be locking the door after ya, so don't ya even think about escaping."
Pringle slammed the door shut, causing a considerable amount of droppings to come loose and land on top of them.
"This sucks bullocks?" said Peter hopefully.
"It's only funny when we say it, Pete," James informed him, and ruffled his already untidy hair with an indignant look on his face. "Christ. This job stinks a lot more than I thought it would."
Remus understood that he wasn't just referring to the smell. Moldy straw and the bones of small animals crunched under their feet as they moved further inside.
"What if one of us has to use the bathroom?" asked Peter.
"Go in the corner," Sirius suggested, dropped his bucket to the floor, slopping water everywhere. He was the first to roll up his sleeves and resign himself to the work ahead, but then once he had his brush actually in his hand he hesitated.
"Anyone ever have to clean stuff before?"
"Not me," said James, sheepishly. He held his own brush like it was an alien device. "My mum just uses her wand."
"Our house-elf does the cleaning at my place," said Sirius offhandedly, and the others gave him jealous looks.
"What about you, Remus?" Peter asked. "You've got a Muggle parent, right?"
"Er," said Remus, slightly off-put. He couldn't remember ever telling Peter this directly. "Yeah, Mum's had me do a little cleaning before… says it's good for me to learn to do things without magic and all that…"
"Share your secrets with us then, Lupin," encouraged James. Remus felt ridiculous to pick up his brush and instruct them on a matter he found so intuitive, but the other boys watched the demonstration he gave with apt attention.
"Also—just, er, don't just do it all wimpy like," Remus said. "And wash the brush off occasionally. That's really all there is."
They started to work right away. Pringle hadn't specified whether or not the Owlery needed to be spotless by the time he came back, but the group decided they'd best do as much as they could anyway. No one talked much at first, but once they'd gotten past the fact that the Owlery was disgusting and their arms were steadily growing sore, each of them became more efficient at their work.
They began chatting again, Remus learned several things about the others he hadn't known before. James Potter, for instance, was apparently from an old wizarding family living in the village of Godric's Hollow in the West Country (Remus had already heard of the place, of course, as everyone knew Godric's Hollow was named for Godric Gryffindor himself). James' parents were rather old, he told them, and he had no siblings, so he had led a fairly uneventful life before coming to Hogwarts. James took pride in his family's ownership of a great number of magical artifacts, though he confessed that he didn't know the stories behind most of them.
Sirius, who was of course from the pureblooded and incredibly rich Black family, was a Londoner—which explained his accent—and it was immediately obvious that he more or less hated his own home. His family was positively fanatical about their heritage, he said, and a great number of them sympathized with Voldemort and his ilk. Andromeda Black, in Sirius' opinion, was the only member of his family who had turned out alright, or, indeed, the only member of Slytherin House who had turned out alright. Remus readily agreed with this assessment—Andromeda had treated Remus pleasantly since the day they'd met, and had even sent him a present last Christmas, too.
As for Peter Pettigrew, he only revealed that his family was from Wales. Though his parents did not have some noble background, he was pretty sure that one of his grandparents had once done some work for the Ministry of Magic.
"Where are you from, Remus?" Peter asked.
"All over the place," answered Remus, carefully. He and his family changed their place of residence at least once a year, and they often lived in Muggle-only communities, where the neighbors were far less likely to notice anything funny about the Lupins. "My family moves a lot, so I've never really felt like I was from one place in particular. And Mum's a Muggle, like I said, but Dad's a researcher—he studies spirits, mostly."
"And your Dad had no problem marrying a Muggle?" asked Sirius, acting as though such a thing was impossible.
"Yeah. Dad says they met by chance when he saved Mum from a Boggart. She wasn't really in danger, of course, but it gave her a fright—"
"Very romantic," said James, grinning.
"The most recent place I've lived, though," said Remus, blushing a little, "is all farmland. I think I like being in the middle of nowhere best, actually, because then you can do whatever you want and no one's bothered. There's some woods within walking distance of our most recent house, and personally I think it's fun just to get yourself lost in there..."
"That sounds nice, actually," sighed Sirius. "I don't really like London—or what little I get to see of it, anyway. I'd honestly do anything to not have to go home again—my parents expect me to eat and breathe their every word, like my brother does—"
"You have a brother?" asked James, with alarm.
"Yeah, Regulus. Didn't I never mention him? He's a moron, anyway. Believes every word of all this purebloods-are-good-as-kings rubbish—"
"Are you glad that you got to be in Gryffindor House?" asked Remus.
"Of course I am." Sirius sloshed more water onto the step he was cleaning. "I was terrified I had no hope of escaping Slytherin the day I got here..."
"But you did," said Peter, proudly.
"Noticed, did you?" Sirius smiled weakly. "Gryffindor's been great, really. I mean, people weren't exactly pleased to have me around at the beginning, and that was tough, but it's still completely worth it to be away from my family's talk. I get to speak my mind and to hear from people who actually make sense for once. And James is the best friend I've ever had," he added.
"Aw, how sweet," James teased.
"You think I'm kidding? Blimey, before coming to Hogwarts, life sucked."
No one spoke, but it was clear from the looks they shared that they all felt the same way. It seemed that for all of them, for one reason for another, life had gotten better since coming to Hogwarts.
"How did you parents take it?" Remus inquired. "You know, when they found out you weren't sorted into Slytherin?"
Sirius laughed darkly to himself. James shook his head.
"He hasn't told them."
"Hasn't told them?"
"Can you blame me? Mum and Dad might've forced me to come home for Christmas but I just kept my mouth shut when they asked about school. None of my cousins have mentioned it to them either, but that's only because I convinced 'Dromeda to try and tell everyone my parents are so ashamed of me that they don't want it brought up..."
"I've told you putting it off will just make it worse, mate," warned James. "And now Easter's coming up..."
"Well, you know me. I'm all about instant gratification and not the long-term..." Sirius tried to make a joke of it but didn't have the heart to make it work. "Look, I'll tell them when I'm good and ready. I will. I'm just not exactly looking forward to being sent off to Durmstrang when they find out, alright? I'd never see any of you ever again."
"I'm hoping your parents just disown you, personally. Mum's always wished she could have had more kids, I'd bet she could convince Dad to adopt you if I just put in a good word first."
"Ha! Wouldn't that he something..."
"Maybe we should change the subject to something more happy," suggested Remus.
"I agree," said Peter, brightly. "Here's a subject: what sort of half-breed are you, Remus?"
Remus paused for a moment and then smiled crookedly at him. "Pardon?"
"Peter," James sputtered. "You don't actually believe that rumor?"
"Of course I don't, I'm joking. If he was anything but completely human I think we'd all be able to tell—"
"We prefer the term part-human, actually."
"What?" Sirius now looked at Remus like he'd Transfigured in front of him. "So that means you're—?"
"I'm part centaur," said Remus dryly. "You know, half-human but also half-human?"
"God dammit, Lupin!" Sirius laughed with relief and picked up the brush he'd dropped. "You actually had me going for a second!"
"I knew it wasn't true," said Peter, beaming. "What a bunch of rubbish."
"Speaking of a bunch of rubbish—" James had a suddenly wicked look on his face. "So long as you're sharing your secrets, I think it's about time Lupin told us what was so important about today that he almost wasn't here."
Remus froze with his eyes on the patch of floor he was scrubbing. Moonlight had been shining down on him this entire time...
"Subtle, James," snorted Sirius. "Look, now you've made him panic."
"I'm not panicking," Remus whispered. "It's nothing."
It was just one day before the full moon—just one day before!—and here he was, bathed in the light of his least favorite celestial body and still feeling no worse than if he'd been coming down with a cold. He'd started off feeling irritable, of course, but now he felt neither violent nor hungry nor any of the other things he associated with the night before his transformation...
"Nothing? Then what were you going on about before?" James sounded annoyed. "You really were just sick? But you were acting so damn suspicious earlier—"
"You did make it sound like a big deal," Peter agreed.
"It's not a big deal," insisted Remus.
"Yes it is," said Sirius. "We have to pry it out of you even now. Tell the truth, Lupin."
The truth? Remus was in a frenzy of thought—what would seem reasonable for him to say? Peter had already pointed out that he was absent from class on a regular basis, so this already limited his excuses to a near hopeless degree. It did not help that some very small voice in the back of Remus' head wanted very badly to tell these boys everything he had been keeping secret for all these years...
No. He must lie. He had to lie if he wanted any hope of staying at Hogwarts. The truth could only end in everything taken away from him; everyone taken away from him: Lily, James, Sirius, and Peter...
They were too precious to him not be lied to.
"I'm out of class once a month to visit my mother," said Remus. "She's very ill."
The room went silent for a moment.
"Oh god," said Sirius.
"I'm sorry," Peter said, averting his eyes.
"What's the matter with her?" asked James, troubled.
"The doctors won't tell us what they know," Remus invented quickly. He couldn't bide for time: he had to act like this was all old news and like he wasn't making it up. "We're not even sure that they know what it is..."
"Doctors?" James said incredulously. "Send her to Mungo's, they'd find what's wrong with her faster than a Muggle ever could…"
"Not if she's got a Muggle disease, though," Sirius pointed out. "There's still plenty of diseases not even Healers understand, you know."
"Right," Remus said, nodding solemnly. He was glad Sirius had said this or else he never would have thought of it. "And Mum's not getting better, either. She has to stay in bed all day. All the time."
"And you visit her once a month?"
"Yes. About every month."
"Wow..."
"You must be afraid," Peter whispered.
"Of course he is," said Sirius, impatiently. "His mum's probably gonna..."
They fell silent once more. The other boys wore looks of immense pity and Remus turned away. It was not because he wanted to compose himself, as the others would be led to believe, but because he was ashamed.