*Chapter Ten: Tuesday Continued*

I stood there numbly in front of Spike, my phone in my palm as I stared at Angel's name flashing on and off the screen, only the sound of the shrill tone of my phone and the pelting rain could be heard in the silence.

"If you answer that phone, then this is over, I will know you've chosen him and I'll go back to Harmony." I continued to stare blankly at my phone not knowing what to do or say.

"… I'm sorry Spike… he deserves better than this." I answered so quietly that I wasn't sure he had heard me at first. He saw all he needed to know when I quickly pressed the answer button and brought the phone to my ear. "Hey Angel."

Spike stood there and stared at me for at least a minute, as if he was trying to memorize my face and without a second glance, he was gone and I was alone.

"Hey Buffy, how's the trip going?"

"Uh fine thanks." Angels overly chirpiness momentarily threw me off.

"Good, that's good" Something was definitely off, where was the brooding and over possessive Angel I was used to?

"Erm... how you been? I asked slowly making my way down the tower.

"Great thanks." He answered with unusual enthusiasm.

"Oh right - good… Erm I tried to call you the other night…" I remembered suddenly and began to feel rather nervous about the answer I was going to receive.

"Oh yea about that, I'd gone out with a couple of the guys … to a party." I frowned.

"What you - You went to a party? Wow! Who are you and what have you done with my boyfriend?" I laughed, remembering this was how it used to be, before things got complicated.

"Buffy-"

The tone in his voice made me stop in my tracks; he had suddenly turned serious. "What's wrong?" I was worried.

"…I don't know how to tell you this but I've met someone…"

"Oh." It was something I was not expecting and completely knocked the wind out of me.

"I'm really sorry, I was going to wait till you got home but I didn't think it was fair on you." To his credit, he generally sounded sorry and part of my heart broke, as I knew he deserved better than I for all the misdemeanours I had done behind his back.

"I completely understand - it isn't working is it?" I admitted.

"We were happy once weren't we?" He asked hopefully, as if to know all the effort he had vested in me hadn't been for nothing.

"We were." And I truly meant it; it was my fault we had got to where we were.

"Sorry it had to end like this."

"I'm sorry too."

"I want you to know that a part of me will always love you."

"I love you too." Then he was gone. And for the second time I had chosen the wrong man.

I couldn't blame Angel for what had happened, it was my fault for not ending it sooner and he deserved to be happy. I felt guilty for letting him think that he had cheated on me when in a way I had done the same thing to him over and over again. I should have told him the truth, I should of followed my heart and chosen Spike instead of doing what I thought was right, because what did I have left? Nothing, I'd lost them both.

Once that realisation hit me I felt the cold stabbing me like a knife, I was soaked through. Too tired and cold to move quickly, I dragged myself to the metro, my hot tears mixing in with the cold rain on my face.

"Hey, here she comes – Buffy over here!" I looked up to see Willow waving her arm franticly in my direction. It's not as if I wouldn't have seen them, they were the only people in the station. "Hey, is Spike with you?" Faith asked when I joined the group; I couldn't bring myself to meet her eyes.

"No."

"Oh I thought you guys were up there together… Spike said he wanted to talk-." Xander said before I cut him off.

"Spike bailed okay! Can we just drop it?" I said a little more sharply than I intended.

"Buffy are you okay?" Willow asked gently.

"I'm… I'm fine…" I choked out, staring at my shoes willing the tears not to come.

"Buffy-" Then I broke down. "Buffy what happened?" I felt myself being pulled into Willows arms.

"Can we just go back to the hotel please?" I sobbed.

Once we made it back to the hotel, I couldn't feel my body at all. The cold and wet had penetrated all of my clothes and soaked into my skin. Faith led me up to our room and plonked me down on my bed and started wrapping me in towels while Willow towel dried my hair.

"Buffy tell us what happened. You're clearly upset about what happened up there." Willow said handing me a cup of tea and sitting on the bed opposite mine, while Faith took a seat next to me.

"Spike … he … he told me everything, told me that I was all he could think about and that he wanted me." I said staring down into my tea.

"Oh my god - about bloody time!" Faith shouted throwing her hands up into the air dramatically.

"What - you knew?" I asked staring directly at her.

"Of course I knew everyone knows! Anyone can tell he's in love with you!"

"Why didn't anyone tell me?" I yelled back, slamming my tea down on the bedside table.

"I've been trying to tell you for months!" Faith yelled back at me.

Willow frowned at Faith and then continued. "Then what happened? Obviously this didn't end in hugs and puppies, did you tell him how you felt about him?"

"I didn't need to –" I sighed heavily, stood up and began pacing. "It all went wrong when he asked me if I was in love with Angel."

"What did you say?" Faith asked.

"What do you think I said? I told him not to ask me that, I know I shouldn't have got so defensive but he was my boyfriend and I did love him."

"Was your boyfriend?" Willow asked a confused look planted securely on her face. a glance at Faith showed she was wearing the same expression.

"I'm getting there – the phone rang and it was Angel. Spike made me choose, him or the phone … and I did the right thing … I couldn't ignore Angel, I thought he deserved better. So Spike left me and Angel dumped me, he's found someone else."

"Oh god Buffy." Willow said holding her hand out to me.

"Why didn't I follow my heart?" I asked to no one in particular, plonking myself down on the bed again, putting my head in my hands.

"Buffy it might not be too late, if you just told Spike how you feel he might come around." Willow asked hopefully.

"It's no good, I didn't choose him for the second time and now he's gone and I've lost my chance. I just hope he doesn't do anything stupid"

"Why would he do that?" Faith asked incredulously.

"He told me to tell him I didn't love him."

"What did you say?"

"I told him I couldn't."