Chapter 10

His hands clenched over the steering wheel, grip tightening until his knuckles shone white in the darkness. The contorted brow was the sole testament to the mixture of frustration and dismay that coursed through his veins; the remainder of his expression suggested only deep shock and his features were as blanched as his long fingers. With a surge of anger at his lack of restraint, he recalled the way the words had simply dropped from his lips, falling limply into the silence that had hung between them. Overwhelmed by emotion and discarding his defences along with his better judgment, he had plunged headlong into the empty chasm below. His lips had barely grazed the softness of hers before she had pulled away, the fear rising quickly in her eyes even as the blush rose in her cheeks. Before he had time to recollect his senses, she had vanished, leaving him alone, entangled by his own thoughts and heightened senses. As the ire of moments ago dissipated, an inexplicable sadness seized hold of his heart, constricting its beats. In a split second of feeble submission to his whims, he had quite possibly, destroyed the precarious foundations of the friendship that over the last few weeks he had come to treasure beyond all other; his deliverance now lay in the hope that the damage was not irreparable.

An insistent tooting from behind him startled him from his thoughts; he had been stopped at the traffic lights, wholly unaware that the colours had faded through one cycle and were now progressing through the next. Sighing softly, he lifted a hand in apology and as the lights turned green again, sped off into the darkness as though with every metre he put between them, he could erase the memory of what he had done.

"Ok how about we try in here?" suggested Michaela, gesturing towards the particularly extravagant window display. Katie stopped, eyes widening in delight as her gaze roamed over the swarthy pirate leaning heavily on his wooden leg beneath a large cardboard oak, the benign looking fairy holding an ornate wand and the three small dwarves seated beneath the large toadstools in the foreground. Michaela smiled as her daughter turned back towards her, the excitement that her words clearly failed to express reflected instead in her elated expression.

"Come on then," laughed Michaela as Katie remained mesmerised before the window, nudging her daughter gently towards the entrance. Once inside the dim lit shop, Katie barely hesitated, hurtling off instantly towards the rails of clothes, frequently stopping at random shelves here and there in a desperate attempt to view all the items at once. Michaela grinned at her antics, and began searching the rails for a suitable costume, all the while keeping an eye on the blonde head she could see bobbing up and down a few feet away.

"Mommy! Mommy! Come here!" called Katie suddenly and Michaela strolled over to her side.

"What is it?" she asked, looking down at the slip of shiny green fabric clasped in her daughter's hand.

"Look Mommy," exclaimed Katie, "it's a mermaid's outfit. Can I get this one, please Mommy?"

Michaela glanced down at the skimpy material, a small frown forming as she contemplated the accompanying mauve bikini and plastic coral necklace.

"I don't think so sweetheart," she explained softly, bending down to be on eye level with her daughter.

"Besides," she added as she noticed Katie's face fall, "I think it's for grown ups."

Before Katie had a chance to retort and possibly suggest that she buy the offending outfit, she hastily turned away and picking up a crimson cape, continued brightly, "How about this Katie? You could go as Little Red Riding Hood."

Katie was unconvinced, her eyes still riveted on the glittering tail on the rail in front of her.

"Here," said Michaela, bending down once again to rub the red velvet playfully against Katie's cheek and earning a giggle in return, "you could wear it with the dress I bought you for Christmas."

"And look it comes with a basket too," continued Michaela, grateful to have successfully diverted her daughter's attention and eager to keep her interest, "you could take your lunch in it and maybe we could buy you some cakes to take to school too, just like in the story."

"Can I wear my shiny shoes too?" requested Katie, her face lighting up at the possibility.

"Of course," assented Michaela immediately, "and you could take Dusty too."

Dusty was the name of Katie's favourite toy, a snow white wolf that she had had ever since she was a baby. For two years or so he had remained nameless, requested simply by hand gestures or the occasional crying spell. Yet after a particularly long sojourn under Katie's crib, from the shelter of which he was prised by a frantic Michaela, he had emerged, his white fur hopelessly smattered with grey and his small tail resembling a particularly woebegone feather duster. Michaela had then jokingly suggested they name him Duster and Katie, unable to quite articulate the ending, had dually shortened it to Dusty; the name had stuck.

"But Mommy, Dusty isn't a bad wolf like in the story," protested Katie with a frown that ironically resembled the one that had darkened Michaela's features just moments ago.

"Well, I'm sure Dusty wouldn't mind acting, just this once," interposed Michaela diplomatically, "and I bet he'd love to come to school with you and meet all your friends." Katie paused for a moment as though contemplating her options before picking up the crimson cape and running with it to quite the other end of the shop.

"Katie!" called Michaela in surprise, adjusting her purse and hurrying after her daughter.

"Katie," she repeated as she drew level with her, "what are you doing?"

"It's so pretty Mommy," said Katie, nestling her head against the large skirts of a lone dress that hung on a hook in the corner of the store. Michaela glanced up at it; the bodice was of pale blue brocade, each thread seemingly spun with the slightest hint of silver, the curving neckline edged with intricate lace, mimicking the design of the elbow length sleeves. Reaching out, she caressed the fabric of the skirts, expecting it to be starched beneath her touch; yet the fabric was curiously soft, falling through her fingers to rest in delicate folds of pale azure; it was magnificent. Sighing dreamingly, Michaela picked up the label and examined the price. It was more than what she had intended to spend on a costume but in this town, so different to Boston, she would certainly have to attend other events where she might need one...

"Please buy it Mommy," pleaded Katie, "please!"

"It is a little expensive, Sweetheart," rejoined Michaela instantly, startled from her reverie and quickly letting go of the dress, albeit with a touch of reluctance.

"But you would look beautiful!"

"You don't think I'd look beautiful in another dress?" asked Michaela in mock alarm and after a moment's contemplation, decided to give in to her desire and concluded, "Well, then I should buy it."

"Yeah!" exclaimed Katie, shooting off towards the counter, leaving a smiling Michaela to follow in her wake.

Sully was on his way to the kindergarten to pick up Hannah. Driving his noisy van reminded him of the drive in the BMW and instantly his mind was filled with Michaela again. Yet this was dangerous territory right now and so he desperately searched for another topic. Thankfully, he rapidly found one; until now, he hadn't spent much time thinking about the Fairy Tale Day at the kindergarten. Of course he would be there for Hannah's sake but there was only one problem: all of a sudden, his daughter had insisted on them wearing costumes and he didn't want to disappoint her. He already knew what he could wear. Last summer, his search for new material for his book had led him to an Indian reservation further north. He had met a Cheyenne there who had introduced himself as the medicine man of the tribe. At this revelation, Sully hadn't shown any sign of amusement: only sincere interest in all the facts he heard and thus the Indian had opened up, willing to tell him much more than he did to normal tourists. Ever since then, he had maintained contact with Cloud Dancing and in fact, considered himself honoured to call the Indian his friend. For his last birthday, the medicine man had sent him a pair of buckskins and a shirt that was made of incredibly soft leather so his costume wasn't going to be a problem. Finding something for Hannah would be difficult though since his little girl had insisted on being an Indian too. Well, maybe he should take Charlie's suggestion and look for a rental shop…

Michaela switched off the engine and delving into her purse, pulled out the small pearl earrings she had picked to go with her costume, but in all the haste of leaving, hadn't had time to wear. Slipping them on easily, she chanced a glance at her reflection in the mirror; despite her best efforts to appear as the mature woman she was, she couldn't help but feel that she looked somewhat ridiculous. However, catching Katie's eye, she smiled broadly before swivelling in her chair to face her daughter, still strapped into the back seat.

"Ready to go?" she asked lightly.

"Yep," replied Katie, hastily undoing her seat belt. Yet as Michaela made to open the door, an indignant voice checked her movements.

"You forgot your crown Mommy."

Sighing softly, she looked over at the passenger seat; sure enough, the small tiara that she had been determined to leave behind, glittered against the dark leather upholstery. Picking it up, she gingerly placed it amidst the crown of curls and eager to avoid another opportunity to bemoan her appearance, she hastily pushed open the door and stepped out.

A blur of red shot towards the buckskin clad figure beside him and discerning the long, blonde hair, he instantly glanced up, searching avidly for her amidst the chattering crowd. Sully's breath caught as he finally glimpsed the familiar coppery tresses, hastily suppressing the memories of the silky strands caressing his hands as the rosy fragrance filled his senses. She was moving sedately towards them, weaving deftly between the groups of parents and children as though engaging in an intricate dance. The long skirts swirled about her ankles, the flow of the fabric flattering her slender form. In another's hands, the costume would doubtless have appeared absurd but she carried herself with a refined elegance that rendered it wholly believable; she was beautiful.

"Hello Sully," she said with a slight smile.

"Hey," he replied, eyes still perusing the elaborate lines of her costume, "you look…"

"Ridiculous" supplied Michaela, verbalising the thoughts that had been plaguing her mind ever since she had first put on the dress in the confines of her room.

"No," corrected Sully quickly, a smile pulling at his lips as he added softly, "you look beautiful."

"Thank you," she replied quietly, the smile fading from her lips, "I only really did it for Katie anyway."

The compliment had clearly troubled her and though he could fully comprehend her feelings, he could not prevent the involuntary sadness that seared his heart as he noted her change of expression, dismayed that she feared his words were a preclude to something more.

"Michaela," he breathed, "we need to talk. The other night, I never meant…"

To his great surprise, she raised her eyes at his words, meeting his own with a steady gaze.

"It's alright Sully," she interposed, "I know what you are going to say and there's no need, really."

"But I…" he interjected, desperate to explain.

"Please Sully," she continued, "try to understand. I don't blame you for anything. With everything that happened with my family, in Boston, I came here with little hope of fitting in."

"And then I met you," she added with a smile. "Sully, you're my best friend. It's been so long since I had someone to talk to, that I had almost forgotten what that feels like. I just….I'm just not ready for anything more yet."

Sully could barely conceal the relief from his expression and added equally softly, "If you change your mind, I'll always be here."

Just as Michaela was contemplating a reply, the school bell rang and both adults jumped at the sudden recollection of their surroundings. Hannah and Katie had linked arms and were already making their way to their classroom, completely oblivious to the parents they had abandoned in the corner. Sully smiled at the sight of the two girls before turning to back to Michaela.

"Shall we?" he suggested, bowing slightly and proffering his arm in an impression of upper class gentlemanly etiquette. Michaela bit back a laugh and took his arm, allowing him to guide her across the playground.

………………………………………………….

Whilst the adults, unsurprisingly all women except for Sully, were seated on chairs along the walls, the children sat in a circle on the soft carpet in the middle of the room. This was how they usually sat to hear their teacher reading fairy tales or other stories. As always on such occasions since Katie had joined the group, she and Hannah sat crossed legs side by side. Katie couldn't wait until it was her friend's turn; this morning Hannah had shown her a beautiful round item and explained she would know after her story what it was used for. So she barely listened to Alex who was talking about a knight and his sword…

Hannah's palms were sweaty. She clutched the dream catcher in her hand and hoped that no one would laugh at her. So far, all the children had only told fairy tales that everyone knew but she had come up with something very different. She had tried to tell the other children about the Indians before, first after she had come back with her Daddy from their visit at that sad place… It had frightened her a little there, although she had liked Cloud Dancing and his wife…

"Hannah, would you tell us who you are today and which story we will be hearing from you?"

The teacher's voice brought the little girl back to present and her heart started to pound wildly in her chest. Taking in a laboured breath, her voice was barely audible as she began, "My name is Snowbird and I wanna tell you an Indian legend…"

Instantly, soft groaning interrupted her. "Oh man…"

"Not again…"

"We are supposed to tell from a book!" Alex, the boy who never grew tired of teasing the two friends, rolled his eyes impatiently.

"Shut up! I wanna hear her story and it is from a book! Her daddy is writing it!" Katie had jumped up and glared ad those who had interrupted Hannah. "You should be glad to hear something new, you are such babies!"

"Katie, that's enough."

The teacher's firm voice quietened the little girl and made her apologize with her head bent down, "I'm sorry, Miss Frost…"

Embarrassed because she had lost her temper but certain that she was in the right, she lowered herself down next to Hannah again, avoiding looking at the others. Only when her friend leaned against her shoulder whispering, "Thanks…" she felt a little better.

After all children had grown silent again and with an encouraging look from her teacher, Hannah resumed, her voice stronger this time. "I wanna tell the legend of the dream catcher."

She lifted the round item to show it to the others and continued, "Long ago when the world was young, an old Lakota chief was on a high mountain and had a vision…"

While his daughter was telling the story, Sully's emotions were running wild. For the first time he had witnessed how other children had rejected his little girl because of something he had taught her. Had he made a mistake? He didn't want his child to suffer because of his convictions. On the other hand, there was nothing wrong in teaching the truth about the past…

As Hannah's voice became louder and steadier with every word she spoke, he recognized that there was no reason for him to worry. All eyes were hanging on his daughter's lips as she finished the tale, "…the hole in the center of the web allows the good dreams through while bad dreams are trapped in the web until they disappear in the morning sun."

With a wide smile on her face, Hannah lifted the dream catcher again and the children rose to their feet and gathered around her to admire and touch the Indian artefact.

The attention of the adults was directed at Sully and the teacher asked the question everyone wanted to have answered, "Are you really writing a book?"

Feeling uncomfortable with all eyes on him, Sully amended, "I'm only collecting the stories and pictures to illustrate them, I ain't writing myself."
This didn't stop the women's excitement though and while they continued plying him with questions, Michaela silently rose and went to her daughter who stood somewhat forlornly a little way away from the others.

Seeing her mother approaching, the little girl grew embarrassed again. She looked down at her feet and twirled a strand of her blond hair around her finger. Recognizing her daughter's regret at her actions, Michaela softened. During Katie's outburst, she had wanted to become invisible; being aggressive was not what she had taught her. On the other hand she had of course agreed with her daughter; standing up when someone was treated unfairly was the right thing to do. Sighing, she crouched down and opened her arms; Katie stepped willingly in her Mommy's embrace. Throwing her arms around her mother's neck, she choked out the words, "I'm sorry."

Michaela heard the tears that hindered her daughter from speaking clearly and soothingly rubbed her back, "Shh, it's alright. The way you told your friends your opinion was wrong but what you said was right. I'm proud of you."
Astonished, Katie bent back to look at her Mommy's features. "Really?"

As she heard the reassuring, "Really," a tentative smile crept into her eyes and she buried her face in the crook of her Mommy's neck again.

In the meantime, Sully had noticed that Michaela had left his side and looking around for her, he saw her consoling her little girl. He nodded a short, "Excuse me," to the women that surrounded him and rose in order to join mother and daughter. Stooping down, he too laid his hand reassuringly on the child's back and told her, "Thank you for being such a good friend to Hannah."

He hadn't done it intentionally, but somehow his palm had covered Michaela's hand on Katie's back. Despite their spoken conversation, Michaela didn't shy away and with new hope, Sully looked at her; from the deep of his eyes she saw hope rising up, a hope that no doubt had been reflected in her own.