Chapter 10

Later that evening Nikki was curled up on her sofa, her television was blaring out but she wasn't sure what it was, nor did she care it was just helping to cut through the silence. All of a sudden the phone beside her started to vibrate, slowly she uncurled herself from her position and reached for it. She hesitated on seeing the caller but then pressed answer and help the phone to her ear.

"Nikki, it's me."

"I know, it comes up on my phone."

"I wasn't sure you would pick it up."

"I did consider it."

"Can I come round?"

There was another pause"...yes, I suppose so."

"Have you eaten?"

"Not yet." Nikki looked wandered over to the kitchen and opened a few cupboards.

"You haven't anything in, have you?" He was right, the cupboards were mostly bare apart from a couple of random tins. She wasn't usually here in the evenings so she hadn't bothered to go shopping for quite a while.

"I've got baked beans."

There was silence on the line for a minute. "I'll bring something." He said finally before phone call ended and Nikki returned herself to her previous position on her sofa.

Just as she had got herself comfortable, the doorbell rang and Nikki levered herself off her sofa. Other than Harry she wasn't expecting anyone and she predicted it would take him at least half an hour to appear. Cautiously she unhooked the chain and opened the door.

"Nikki?" The familiar voice said sheepishly, she looked up, Harry was there, stood on her doorstep hiding behind a large brown takeaway bag. She took the bag and was greeted with the fresh aroma of spices.

"I was outside, in the car." His cheeks flared up in embarrassment,

"What would you have done if I was out or if I said no?" Taking his hand she pulled him into her apartment, before shutting the door firmly behind him.

"You? Out? Or saying no?"

"I might have done."

"It's unlikely."

"Am I that predictable?"

He glanced at the large bag that she was now having to support with two hands, "Have to invest in some extra large scrubs I suppose."

After eating they both relaxed on the sofa, the air of tension between them now well lubricated by the wine that had been flowing since Harry had stepped in the door. Nikki looked at Harry closely, his still had bags under his eyes which she knew to be a symptom of his continuing sleepless nights. Suddenly a wave of guilt passed over her.

"Listen Harry. I'm so sorry." Harry turned to face her, placing his glass down on the table beside him.

"What for?"

"I've been so distant the last few days." Nikki took hold of his hand.

"Distant?"

Gently she picked up his other hand and turned to face him. "And I've been watching you struggle, Harry, I watched you and I haven't done anything to help.. "

"Nikki." He squeezed her hands, wanting to bring some comfort, but she just continued feeling like this might be her only chance to get it off her chest.

"I even told Leo I would be there for you and I wasn't. I'm sorry, I've been too wrapped up in my own troubles. My own stupid trouble" Harry gave up with subtlety and placed his finger onto her lips needing her to stop.

"Nikki, firstly that isn't your job and secondly I don't always need rescuing. Sometimes people have to do things on their own. I need to do things on my own."

"Is it getting any better?"

"Slowly, sentencing happens next month but the lawyers are pretty confident that they will be the maximum. Then we can put the whole thing to bed at last."

"It can't have been easy, seeing the evidence again, seeing her." Harry had had to return to Hungary for the trial, he had sat through days of evidence and Nikki had been well aware of the effect it had on him.

"No, but I will get over it. It takes a while but we have to learn to move on, eventually. You know that."

"I'm sorry about You and Anna, I'm sorry it didn't work out."

"I've had time now to go over it all, again and again. That night, before it happened. Anna asked me what I wanted, whether I was truly serious about her, about us, she pressed me for an answer." Nikki moved to speak but Harry again silenced her needing to finish.

"I couldn't think and then….." He breathed out heavily, "it all happened." A flashback ricochet back into his mind, he replayed the walk from the balcony to the bedroom and that discovery, to Anna lying still and silent. He bit his lip in an effort to bring himself back to reality.

"Harry, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to bring it all back."

"Will you quit with the 'I'm sorry' line, Nikki. You say that a lot, you know. Get this in your head will you ….I don't need you to say anything to bring it back, I can do that all on my own…."

"Let me continue, Nikki, I need to get this off my chest. That time with Anna was so 'exciting', we had a lot of fun. Serious wasn't really a word I could pin down at that moment. And then before I realised it she was gone and I was left just with this anger not just with her murderers but with myself. I hadn't given her any reply, she had died cross with me because of it." Nikki again moved to speak but he again gently placed his finger onto her lips.

"No, Nikki not yet. There's one thing I've come to realise over the past year... I now know that I never gave her an answer because I didn't have one."

Harry breathed in deeply as if drawing upon some vestige of courage deep within himself,

"Hindsight is a great thing isn't it?" Nikki turned her head in confusion, "I think I can say truthfully now that I didn't love Anna, I think I loved the idea of being in love with Anna but Anna the person, I'm not sure. I'm fed up of feeling guilty about it now, I should have loved her more, I knew that was what she wanted but I'm not sure we had what it takes to last."

He paused allowing her time to reflect on what he had just said. "Saying that, I would have stayed with her I know that, I would have stayed with her for the baby's sake and not my own."

Nikki pointed to the wine bottle on the coffee table in front of them, "Harry, I think maybe we should put this away now."

"It's not the wine talking, Niks. I've really missed this, us"

"Harry, we've drunk nearly two bottles."

"Tell me Niks, what would you say if I told you Wednesbury is desperately trying to get back into your good books."

"You're mistaken.."

"I told him he didn't have a chance."

"You'd be right."

"Maybe you should give him a chance."

"Why is it so hard, Harry?"

"So you would?"

"No, I'm not talking about him. We would kill each other. No, I mean we seem to spend all our time looking for the right one. It must be possible, Leo managed it, him and Janet. I want to be that happy someday. I don't want the constant drama, I want to wake up after an argument and know that they'll still be there beside me."

"Maybe we should just stick with friends….good friends." She raised her eyes and met his gaze, slowly she raised her hands to his chin and guided it nearer. The kiss when it came, was so gentle and natural, Nikki felt herself melting into it. Harry wrapped her into his embrace and she rested her head upon his chest.

In the comfort and security of his arms, Nikki remembered the cloud that had been hanging over her for the past few days, the threat of being wrenched away from all that she now considered to be home, the money worries that were now plaguing the Lyell centre.

"I don't want this to end, Harry. I'm scared about what happens next."

As if he knew what she was now referring to, Harry replied, "So am I, Nikki."

Again he bent his head to kiss her, wishing the action could dissolve all that had gone before. This time Nikki returned the kiss with more passion, he grasped her closer and she returned with the same vigour before reaching to unfasten his shirt buttons.