"The Truth Hurts"
Rating: K+
Thanks again for your feedback! I know most of you were surprised/disappointed that Charlie didn't tell Joey the entire truth but I really wanted to play things a little differently from the show and you'll see why in the upcoming chapters. Enjoy reading!
Chapter Ten
Charlie, seated next to Joey on her living room floor, continued to deepen her kiss with Joey. Joey slipped her arm behind Charlie's neck, pulling her closer...before pulling away. Why? they both wanted to scream. Joey closed her eyes quickly, settling her face against Charlie's forehead again. "That was..." Joey breathed. "Yeah that was..." Charlie agreed, not completely certain what she was agreeing to. Joey sighed heavily, "You're right...we shouldn't be doing this." Wait what? Charlie panicked. That's not what I meant. That kiss was unbelievable...it felt so right. She needs to know that's how it felt to me. "Joey I..." Charlie couldn't finish. Joey smiled, "I know that was amazing. I mean the kiss was amazing. But now is not the time for us to complicate things. We are both grieving in our own way. And falling into each other's arms is just the easy way to deal with it. But it's not how this should be happening. This...us is just a comfort thing..." And I need more than that.
Charlie wiped some tears from her eyes, "Right of course. A comfort thing...it's just a friend thing." "Just a friend thing," Joey repeated in agreement. "So this doesn't...um change things between us?" Charlie hesitated. Please Joey...it has to. Joey shook her head, "It's a kiss Charlie. Not like we haven't done that before." "Right but not when we were 'just friends'," Charlie pointed out before shaking her head and adding, "Except for that time I kissed you after Robbo kidnapped you...I forgot how good a kisser you were." Yeah right, I didn't forget for a moment. "You're not so bad yourself," Joey laughed. "Not so bad? That's all I get? You are lying, I know how much you love...d kissing me," Charlie grinned cheekily, "I'll just have to prove you're lying. Next time when you least expect it I'll kiss you and make you see how good I am." "Is that right?" Joey asked disbelievingly. Before Charlie could reply, Joey leant forward catching Charlie's lips with her own. Slowly letting go, Joey teased, "Nope still think you're 'not so bad.'" Charlie stared at her shocked, "Well that's...not fair. I wasn't ready yet." Joey chuckled.
"I'll still take you by surprise and prove that you Joey Collins are lying to me...is this okay?" Charlie paused, "For us to be doing this? The whole kissing thing...it's..." "Comfortable?" Joey suggested, "It's always felt like that with us but now maybe it's just a friend thing." "Just a friend thing? So basically we're friends...who might occasionally...hug and kiss?" Charlie wanted to clarify. "I think we shouldn't go defining our relationship but yes I would be okay with that," Joey decided. A smile spread across Charlie's face, "Are we the type of friends that also make out? Have the occasional grope and...sleep together...like the naked kind of together?" Joey looked at her shocked, "Well Charlie I...you're teasing me aren't you?" Charlie nodded, then disagreed again teasing, "Not at all. I just want to be clear where we stand...and what kind of benefits I can look forward to from your friendship."
"Well even if I was that kinda girl I don't think either of us are in a place in our lives for that to be a good thing. But if I ever feel the desperate need to make out with someone, I know who to call," Joey grinned. Charlie nudged her arm, "Not funny. But you're right neither of us are ready for anything more than a few kisses. I'm glad we can be the type of friends that are always honest with each other." Yeah of course, except for the fact I'm constantly lying to you about how I really feel they both thought. Joey grinned and took hold of Charlie's hands, "Absolutely. To uncomplicated friendships." Charlie nodded her head in response, "To uncomplicated friendships." Charlie leant forward again, brushing her lips against Joey's. "See nothing complicated about us kissing," Charlie tried to convince herself. "I'm glad. But do you think...maybe we can keep this part of our friendship secret from Ruby? I just don't want her to get her hopes up and think we're back together when we're not," Joey explained.
"I know. But you know that Ruby never lets things go. She won't stop 'til she gets her way," Charlie grinned, but deep down inside she was deeply hurt by Joey's insistence to keep their new-found friendship/relationship a secret. I don't want to hide this. I'm not ashamed of being with Joey...in a semi-unofficial kinda way...or a completely official way. I want her to see that I've changed don't I? Suddenly frowning, Charlie looked into Joey's eyes, "Is this okay? For us to be happy and smiling with everything going on?" "I dunno but it feels right. Maybe it's something we need right now to get through all this," Joey smiled, "You're secrets safe with me by the way. Until you're ready to tell Ruby." "Thanks for being here. I know things have been weird between us but I really felt that I needed you to know." "It's fine. I'm glad I could be here for you...as a friend. If you like maybe I can come back tomorrow and we can just hang out for a while. Kinda not really hungry anymore for dinner, and maybe I should leave you here to think about telling Ruby what you've just told me. She's your sister Charlie. I know it's hard for you to talk about, but she deserves to know."
"Don't feel obliged to look after me, that's not why I told you," Charlie whispered. "I know Charlie. And I'm really glad that you opened up to me," Joey nodded. "I would really like it if you came back tomorrow," Charlie smiled. "I'll see you later than," Joey replied. Hesitating slightly both girls soon leaned in for a brief kiss. Pulling away with a grin on her face Joey said "Thanks for being there for me, and being okay with all this." "This being our uncomplicated friendship thing? As long as it's what you want, and doesn't make things uncomfortable for you, then I'm okay with this just being a part of our friendship," Charlie informed her. "It feels right Charlie. It feels nice getting closer to you but knowing that neither of us wants anything more," Joey lied.
Joey might not want anything more from our relationship but I don't know if this is such a good idea...why do I keep agreeing that all I want is to be her friend? Maybe because if she knows I'll never get to be close to her again. Never get to kiss her or... Charlie nodded slowly, "Of course. Well I'll ah see you tomorrow." "See you then," Joey agreed. Letting go of Charlie's hands, Joey stood up, and exited the house. Stopping outside the back door for a moment, Joey wanted nothing more than to rush back inside and tell Charlie how she really felt. Shaking her head, she continued walking. I can't tell her...I can't ruin what we have.
That night Charlie was curled up in Ruby's bed, glad Ruby was staying over at Annie and Geoff's to help them and Irene cope with the revelations about Belle, so she had the room to herself to think about everything that had happened that day with Joey. Opening up and telling Joey about her experience when she was younger was an amazing relief. I've never opened up to anyone before. She didn't run away, she was completely supportive. But would she be...if she knew the whole truth? Damn it, if Joey finds out it'll be one step forwards and two or quite possibly twenty steps back with your relationship! And our one step forward today was unbelievable. Feeling her lips against mine, knowing that there's still some form of attraction between us. Knowing that we have something special that won't ever change. It felt so right...to you. But to Joey...maybe it didn't mean as much to her. Is it worse that Joey has no problems with this? That she can kiss you and not want anything more?
I don't know if I can do this. Having her so close but yet so far. I can't keep this up forever. I can't be friends with her or kiss her and not have it mean anything. Every single kiss means everything to me. I want to be with her, but I can't have it both ways. I can't sit with her, and have her lips against my own forever wondering if she's thinking about someone else. And what happens when she does meet someone? Do we just stop this whole kissing couplely part of our friendship? Or just keep this like some dark secret? Of course she'll end up meeting someone because that won't happen with me. I mean it did with Angelo but it didn't work did it? Continuing to try and make things work with him, knowing he was always second best. Knowing that he couldn't make me happy the way Joey does. I can't go through that again with anyone else. I can't be with anyone knowing that I am in love with Joey.
I guess I have to get used to this. Knowing that one day she'll move on with someone who deserves her because she doesn't have a problem with being with me...but not being with me at the same time. I need it to mean something to her, the way it means to me. I need her to know that. I have to tell her the truth. I have to make her understand that I want to be with her...completely. And have her want the same thing. I need to stop saying that I'll tell her how I feel and actually just tell her. I need to take a chance. No more excuses, setbacks or interruptions. I'll tell Joey tomorrow how I really feel and just hope that she feels the same and wants me back.
"Mornin' Charlz," Ruby greeted as she entered their kitchen. "Hey Rubes. How was last night? How are Geoff and Annie coping?" Charlie asked as she stood at the frypan making pancakes. Ruby stumbled over, and leant against the bench. "Not great. They're pretty devastated. Belle's getting worse by the moment, she probably doesn't have too many days left," Ruby told her sadly, "But I need something to distract me. How's things with you? You seem like you're in a good mood." Charlie eyed her suspiciously, "What makes you say that?" Ruby leaned over to her, "'Cause you're making pancakes. You only do that when you've had a good night or are about to have a great day...wait does this mean...did you and Joey...?" Charlie smiled but shook her head, "No Rubes we didn't get back together." "But you two were so cute the other night curled up with one another..." Ruby trailed off as Charlie raised her eyebrow, "Okay so I peeked. Who can blame me? I just wanted to check you doing okay after the dinner. And then you girls had dinner last night...and well did you tell her how you really feel?"
"We actually didn't end up having dinner. She came over after she'd found out about Belle, she was pretty upset, and after I comforted her I sort of opened up to her about..." Charlie looked away. "The baby?" Ruby finished. "Yeah. We were just both upset and there were some things that I felt Joey should know about my past," Charlie admitted. Ruby swallowed hard, "Some things you don't want to tell me about?" "Ruby I--" "It's fine Charlie. I mean I wish you would tell me about what you went through. This was my little niece or nephew you know but I'm still glad that you are at least opening up to Joey for once. I'm happy you two are trusting each other...was it a boy or girl?" Ruby suddenly asked, "Sorry I know you don't want to talk about it...I just...sort of feel the need to know..." Charlie turned away from Ruby to grab a plate, so Ruby wouldn't see her face when she lied, "It was...a boy. Look do you have any plans today? It's just Joey said she'd probably come over so we can spend some time hanging out and I was sort of hoping we could have some time to ourselves."
"I think I can make some plans with Xavier today so you girls can have some space. Is there any particular reason you want some alone time with her...wait is she coming over for breakfast and you're hoping to win her back with your tasty pancakes?" Ruby grinned. "Not exactly...and quit teasing me about my pancakes, they're the only thing I know how to cook without burning the house down," Charlie shook her head as she placed the pancakes on her plate and sat down at the table. Ruby moved to sit next to her. "So when you said that you were 'not exactly' trying to win her back today...did that mean what I think it means?" Charlie sighed, "It's complicated with us...and last night kind of made things more complicated – don't ask because I'm not telling – but yes I am hoping to talk to her about our relationship and I'll just hope she doesn't freak out." Charlie suddenly frowned, "Do you...think she'll freak out?" Ruby smiled, "I think you need to tell her the truth, and let her trust you. That's all she needs from you Charlz. Well I'll leave you to it. Good luck today. You both deserve to be happy." Charlie nodded her head, "Thanks Rubes," as Ruby left her alone to finish her breakfast.
Charlie sat at the table with Ruby, Morag and Ross that night, upset and disappointed that Joey had failed to show up that day like they'd arranged. And she hasn't returned any of my phone calls. Maybe she changed her mind about us. Ruby looked over at Charlie, and smiled, trying to give her some support after her disappointing day. Charlie tried to return the smile, commenting about the food, "This is great Rubes." "Eat more please," Ruby insisted. "I'm full I had a late lunch," Charlie explained quietly. "Wish you could of come to the diner for lunch today," Morag stated. "Yeah I just needed to have a rest," Charlie lied. Please I spent the whole day waiting around for Joey to turn up or call and then she didn't. God I'm such a fool for thinking today could go well. "Well if we're all done, Morag's bought us some delicious cake for desert," Ross mentioned. "Not for me I'm full thanks," Charlie sighed. Hearing a knock on the back door Charlie excused herself, "I'll get it. It might be...Joey."
Joey stood at the doorway, and when Charlie saw her she hesitated as she walked over to her. "Hey come in," Charlie quietly invited. "Not interrupting anything am I?" Joey asked. "No. We just finished dinner. How about we clean the plates?" Charlie suggested, walking over to the sink. Joey joined her, "Yeah sure." "I wasn't sure if you were gonna come," Charlie admitted. "Sorry I got held up...with um it's not important. How you feeling?" Joey asked as she picked up a tea towel and started drying the dishes Charlie was washing. "Better after talking to you. How are you?" Charlie asked. "I haven't been able to stop thinking about what you told me. You've been through so much. Look at you you're still so strong," Joey stated proudly. "No not really," Charlie disagreed. "Yes really. I'm really glad you opened up to me Charlie. That's all I ever wanted. For you to be open and honest with me. So don't stop talking okay?" Joey recommended.
"I'll do my best," Charlie concurred looking up at Joey, "Hey is everything okay?" Joey looked away, "It's fine Charlie," then frowned as she looked back up at Charlie. "Something wrong?" Charlie asked concerned. Joey shook her head, "No you just got something stuck in your teeth." "Oh," Charlie blushed. "Want some help with that?" Joey grinned. Before Charlie could respond, Joey leaned in and started kissing her. Charlie moaned slightly as Joey's tongue grazed her own, relaxing into the embrace. Charlie pulled back slowly, blushing bright red, "Did you get it?" Joey sighed shyly, "No I think I missed it. Maybe I should try again." Joey again leant in towards Charlie, before Charlie pulled back, "Joey what are we doing? Or um...what are you doing making excuses to kiss me?" Joey pulled away, "I thought you didn't have a problem with this. I thought this is what you wanted. Besides I didn't notice you push me away when I started kissing you. Look if this isn't what you want maybe I should leave."
Charlie pulled Joey back in front of her, as she started to walk away. "Joey what's going on? You don't show up today, then when you do you make moves on me. This is hardly what we talked about last night. I know you and I know this isn't like you. Talk to me...I opened up to you," Charlie whispered. Joey closed her eyes, then pulled Charlie towards her, slipping her arms around Charlie's waist, and leaning her head on her shoulder. "I'm sorry. I should've called you today. I spent the day with Aden and Belle again. I only planned a quick visit but it was pretty brutal. Belle's mother took her to the hospital against Belle's wishes and whilst Aden finally convinced her to let Belle go home to Irene's to...Belle's deteriorating so much they don't think she'll make it through the night. I wanted to tell you but I couldn't leave Aden. And now I'm here and trying to find comfort in all the wrong places," Joey confessed.
"It's okay really. I understand. I wish you could've told me what you were going through today. I would've been there for you. And just so you know you finding comfort in me isn't the wrong place. It's exactly where you should be, you don't have to make excuses if you want to kiss me," Charlie told her lightly. Joey exhaled heavily, "I know, I wish you had been there today. Sorry I'm such an idiot, and for screwing up this whole friendship with kisses thing we have." "You didn't screw it up. I'm not exactly clear on the rules myself...and ah that's sort of what I wanted to talk to you about today. That's why I was a little upset you didn't show today. So if you're up for it...can we talk?" Charlie murmured as she lifted Joey's face up so they were staring into each other's eyes. Joey nodded, "Okay. But ah maybe we should go outside so we don't get interrupted...we seem to have a bad track record with that happening."
Charlie took Joey's hand and led her outside. Sitting down on the porch swing Joey looked up at Charlie as she started to circle her thumb across Joey's hand. Joey smiled at the movement, then leant forward brushing her lips against Charlie's again. Wanting nothing more than to deepen the kiss, Joey was surprised when Charlie pulled back. "Look this isn't about me being upset anymore and trying to use you for comfort. I'm kissing you because we're friends. I thought you were okay with all this," Joey stated hurt. Charlie took a deep breath, then staring at their hands still entangled, whispered, "I'm not. I'm not okay with any of this." Joey cursed herself silently, "Why didn't you say anything earlier Charlie? I'm such an idiot for thinking you could be okay with this. I get it, you just didn't want to lose my friendship but you don't want to be with me so instead you--" "No I do!" Charlie declared, then more calmly, "I don't want to lose your friendship but...it's something I'll just have to risk." "What do you mean Charlie?" Joey asked confused.
Charlie looked up at Joey, captivated by the reassurance in her eyes, "I mean...I can't kiss you and not have it mean anything to me. I can't sit here with you and kiss you and pretend..." "Pretend what?" Joey asked hesitantly. "Pretend that we're together when we're not. Pretend that the only reason I'm kissing you is because we're friends. And pretend that kissing you means nothing to me...because it means everything to me...Joey I..." Charlie looked away afraid to look at the rejection she was sure would be etched on Joey's face. Joey shifted Charlie's face with her hand so Charlie couldn't look away. "What are you saying Charlie?" Charlie closed her eyes for a brief moment, "I'm saying I can't be friends with you. And I can't be in some semi-non-official relationship with you. I can't have it both ways Joey. I want you...I want to be with you. I want us to be together. I need you to know this is how I really feel. And I know we still have a lot of work to do before this could ever become what I want. I don't want to pressure you but I need you to make a choice...it's all or nothing."