It was the middle of the night when Yuuri heard his phone ringing. He was still drunk on sleep when he noticed Father Victor was calling. Grabbing for his phone he was able hit the button to accept the call.

"Father?"

He could heard heavy unsteady breathing coming through the phone. He sat up immediately and turned his lamp on next to his bed. Seeing it was barely two in the morning, it knew it was morning where Father Victor was.

"Father? Is everything ok?"

"Just… talk to me… please Yuuri." He could hear a strain in Father Victor's voice.

"Um… okay. I am sorry… I don't know what to say."

"Anything Yuuri… tell me of the orchards and your life growing up."

Yuuri decided to tell Father Victor the time him and his sister had tried to build a tree-house in one of the orchard trees. They had only managed a few boards over the branches they could sit on. After a few weeks the boards started to split and when his sister fell out of the tree breaking her arm they made them take the boards down. He went through stories of how his parents would always be out yelling for him when he was up hiding or sleeping in the trees.

He could hear a light chuckle coming from the other end of the phone. "I would have loved to have seen you younger climbing trees Yuuri. I bet it was adorable."

How his priest could make him blush over the phone still amazed him. "I am not sure if my parents would agree with that. They were always looking for me."

"Yuuri… mom passed this morning." He heard Father Victor's voice crack again.

"Oh Father… I am so sorry."

"Thanks, but please, tell me another story." The cracking in his priest's voice as he could hear how he was trying hard to keep himself together.

"Do you want me to come out there?"

"No… I want you to talk to me."

Yuuri was telling him how the books were going and how he almost had converted over his spreadsheets and how they could soon be utilized in the church. He did not know much of what to say so he just rambled. He could hear the shaking voice of Father Victor through the phone and would try to pick a lighter topic to talk of. He had been talking for a long time and had gotten up to get a drink of water.

"Oh Yuuri… I am keeping you from sleeping aren't I?

"Don't even worry about that Father."

"I could use one of your hugs." He barely could hear Father Victor talking as his voice was so quiet.

"If I were there, you know I would." His heart was aching. He would do anything right now to be next to his priest holding him and letting him cry.

"Yuuri… I've got to go back in… thank you."

"Of course Father. Please, call me if you need me."

"I will. Pray for me Yuuri."

"Always."

Yuuri could not get back to sleep after talking to him. He curled up in a chair in his living room and turned on the TV. Flipping through the stations he could not find anything to watch. He wished he could be with Father Victor right now to comfort him. He did not even realize an infomercial was on the TV, nor did he notice the silent tears scrolling down his cheeks. He just stared at the cross on his wall and prayed for his priest.

He did not know for how long he sat there, but his alarm had chimed waking him up.

Yuuri realized he had fallen asleep on his couch, and by the soreness in his neck and back, at a bad angle. Standing up, he stretched then went to the kitchen to make some coffee in hopes it would wake him. Looking at his phone he saw Father Victor had sent him a message, thanking him for talking to him. Yuuri shook his head and wished his priest would understand it was the least he could do.

Yuuri wished there was more he could do though. He even knew that if Father Victor were to ask him to go out there, he would have booked a flight first thing. He hated knowing his priest was alone there. Actually, he did not know how alone he was, because he did not know much about his family. He knew Father Victor had always been close to his mother, but he never heard a thing about him having a father or siblings.

Yuuri made his cup of coffee and sat back down on his couch, turning on his TV. As he sat back, sipped his coffee, his thoughts ran to what he knew of his priest. Whenever they talked, it was always about him and his life, never much about Father Victor. Yuuri knew it would not a be good time to bring that up, especially now, but it weighed on his mind. When he brought up Father Victor's past, he would hear stories of his childhood with his mother, but nothing more, and nothing relevant.

Yuuri frowned and figured he had better go get ready for another mind-numbing day at the office.

"Vitya, tell me about him," he heard his mother whisper.

Father Victor took his mother's hand and held onto it gently. "Oh mother, he is truly a blessing. Let me show you, I have a picture." He pulled his phone out and got some pictures they had taken at the yard sale together. Yuuri and him smiling as he took a quick selfie, he had done the same with others so it did not seem out of place.

"Oh Vitya, he has Silas's eyes," his mother all but whispered.

Father Victor nodded, "Yes, but that is their only similarity. Mother, if two could be any more different, it would be Yuuri and Silas." He had to chuckle at that thought.

"My beautiful boy, don't let your past keep you from your future. You deserve happiness, Silas and God will understand this. It has been a long time since I have seen that sparkle in your eyes." Her breath was ragged and she had to pull hard to get air.

"Mother rest. I will be right here."

"Vitya, I love you, promise me you will live and love."

"Mother…"

"Vitya, promise me. You can have both, life and love. You have always chosen one over the other. I need to know you will grasp both." Her voice was strained and it made his heart ache.

He kissed his mother's hand, stared down at her, "Of course mother. I will grasp both."

"Vitya… don't let what happen with Silas get in the way of how you feel for Yuuri. I can see how your eyes look when you speak of him. They sparkle and dance. I have not seen that spark in your eyes in a long time. Promise me Vitya… my beautiful baby boy… promise me you will have life and love. I cannot bear leaving knowing you will be alone..." he could hear the strain in her voice and see the tears in her eyes.

Father Victor cupped his mother's cheek and kissed her forehead, "Mother, I promise I will have life and love. I will not be alone"

"Thank you my Vitya. I love you. More than anything."

He watched as his mother turned her head, falling to sleep. A few hours later the doctor came in asking if he wanted to do the last rites, or if they wanted to call in someone else. Father Victor shook his head, "I'll… let me call Father Feltsman… I… cannot."

He made the quick call to Father Feltsman and sat holding his mother's hand till he arrived. Once he saw the man standing there, he let go of his mother's hand and embraced him. It had been five years, and he swore, Father Feltsman had not changed one bit.

"Oh Vitya. I wish we were meeting under better circumstances."

Father Victor stood there, holding his mother's hand as Father Feltsman gave the last rite. Father Feltsman stayed with Father Victor till his mother took her last breath. Father Victor let the tear slide down his cheek. He let go of his mother's hand, kissed her forehead and walked out the hospital.

Stepping outside he found a quiet place to sit and pulled out his phone. He needed to hear Yuuri's voice right now. He needed to be grounded again. He could feel himself losing control and knew he would need to cry and grieve, but right now, he wanted to hear his Yuuri's voice. He knew it was late and Yuuri was probably in bed. He felt selfish as he called in hopes he would pick up."

It was weird how fast Yuuri could do the books and get the spreadsheet updated without Father Victor to distract him. He had actually gotten up to date and met with the secretary to show her how to input everything. He felt a little sad knowing he did not have the church evenings to look forward too, but he also knew he could just go spend time with his priest too.

He had already worked for the day, gone to his parents for dinner, and was now back home. He did not know what to do with himself. He was feeling lonely and pathetic when his phone rang, as he looked down he saw it was Phichit ringing.

"Yuuri, I am bored. Let's go get a drink."

"Sounds perfect."

They had met at a local bar and talked over a few beers.

"Dude, Yuuri, I am telling you, she shot me down before I could give her a good reason to date me." Phichit laughed and had his arm draped around Yuuri.

"Ah, Phichit, she doesn't know what she is missing."

"Cheers to that!"

Yuuri and Phichit sat talking for a couple hours. They ordered some food and just enjoyed being out of the house.

"Yuuri, are you ever going to tell me who your mystery man is?"

"Um… no. It is not my secret to tell."

"Ugh! You are killing me!"

Yuuri had to smile as Phichit didn't bring it up often, but when he did, he always would ask who it was. Yuuri would love to sit and just tell him everything, how he felt, get some advice, anything. This was something he had to keep to himself, as it was not just himself he was damning if anything got out. He knew he trusted Phichit, but he also was scared of the reaction he might get. How do you tell your friend you have fallen for a priest? How do you tell anyone this?

Yuuri shook his head and smiled back at Phichit. "I know Phichit, and I appreciate you understanding. Just… I can't explain, but it is complicated."

"It makes me worry you'll be hurt." Phichit turned serious; he did not do that often.

"Honestly, I probably will be, but he is worth it."

He could see Phichit flinch a bit at that statement, but he made sure he smiled at him either way. He could feel his phone vibrating in his pocket and saw it was Father Victor calling, shaking his head as he knew it was the middle of the night in Saint Petersburg. He excused himself and stepped outside.

"Father?"

"You're not busy are you?"

"No, just having a drink with a friend… Father, are you okay?"

"Can you call me once you are done?"

"I can talk now, I'll just tell…"

"Yuuri! No! Please… spend time with your friend, then call me back ok?" He could tell Father Victor was set on this. "And Yuuri, don't rush."

"Okay. I'll call you soon."

When he got back to his table, he saw Phichit have this grin on his face. Yuuri gave him a questioning look.

"Yuuri… since when do priests… who are out of town… call on a weekend night?"

Yuuri wanted to gasp, but he kept his composure. "He ugh… had questions on something on the spreadsheet I did for the church… he ugh… has access to it." Dammit, he was lying again.

Excellent speech becomes not a fool: much less do lying lips a prince. (Proverbs 17:7 )

Phichit cocked his eyebrow up at him, still with a questioning look, then starting to laughing. "Ha ha ha, I guess you are right! I mean he is a man of God and all! I don't think even you'd be that desperate for someone."

Yuuri could feel the absurdity of it all. Phichit was right. What was he thinking?

He was back at his mother's place. Father Victor looked around her sitting room, and held his glass of vodka he poured from his mother's crystal decanter. He could feel himself being torn apart at the moment. Father Feltsman had come back with him to the house, but finally he made him leave once it got late. He had been pacing the house all night, unable to sleep. In regards to the call to Yuuri, he was glad Yuuri was out doing something, but upset they could not talk. He would wait though. He would never ask Yuuri to abandon his friend, because he knew Yuuri would.

He stood at the big bay window in the sitting room; his mother always left pillows there for one to sit and look out. The moon was out and stars glittered in the sky. He sat with his glass in hand and prayed. He knew he was soon going to break down and just cry, but he had not yet. He knew he had too, but right now he wanted to just hear Yuuri's voice. He was feeling conflicted about how dependent he was becoming on Yuuri. He had spent the last few years on his own, never having someone to lean on. Yuuri accepted it and welcomed it, he knew this, but it was foreign to him, and he liked it.

He heard his phone starting to ring, and seeing it was Yuuri, he picked up immediately.

"Yuuri, hello."

"Hello Father, are you okay?"

He sighed deeply and just sat looking out the window, "No Yuuri I am not… "

"Let me come out there Father, I can help you."

It warmed his heart every time he heard Yuuri concerned. "No Yuuri, you need to stay there. I know you would be here if I asked you to, and I am truly blessed to have someone such as you in my life… no Yuuri, I just need to hear your voice."

He could hear Yuuri sigh, "I feel useless over here. It is not the same anymore Father… with you gone… all I do is work and maybe go out with a friend for drinks… at least I could be there to comfort and help you."

"But you do this already as we speak." He hated to hear that Yuuri felt this way. He knew Yuuri was meant for great things, and living in that town was going to slowly dull the fire inside of him.

"So what are you going to do now?"

"Well we will plan the funeral and I will probably head back home. It will take some time before her estate and things are prepared. I guess I will wait till then." He hated thinking about all of this and what might happen. He sat at that bay window looking out to the sitting room and could not imagine anyone else in this house. He grew up in this house, the memories were scattered all throughout it. He could imagine bring Yuuri here and showing him everything. The pictures on the mantel, his mother's books, the gardens in the back yard. He had to shake that thought out of his head as it would never be. He sighed deeply and decided to just enjoy the time he had with Yuuri and listening to his voice.

They talked for a while longer. Nothing of any real importance, but was enough to calm Father Victor down and allow him to go to his old room and climb into his old bed and sleep. His dreams were filled of his mother that night. All their warm and happy memories coming to him like a soft whisper as he slept. When he woke the next morning, he was not sad; he felt like his mother had come to him in his sleep and gave him peace. He went out in the garden and prayed that morning.

It rained when he put his mother in the earth. Father Feltsman did a beautiful service and he stood next to his side. Neither man using an umbrella and allowed the rain water to wash over them.

Strangely enough the rains had stopped once the service was over. Father Feltsman and Father Nikiforov shook hands and hugged the mourners. They stayed at the site for quite some time, even watching the men come and start pouring dirt back into the grave.

"Vitya, let's go walk, you should not have to watch this." Father Feltsman had his hand on his shoulder and they rose to go walk.

The graveyard was large with the trees and flowers in bloom around them. They walked in silence for some time till finally Father Feltsman stopped.

"Vitya, you have been holding strong, are you ok?"

"Father Feltsman, I will carry on."

"That was not what I was asking. Vitya, I have known you for some time now, no we do not always talk, but I know when there is something on your mind. All things considered, there is more going on in that mind of yours."

Father Victor sighed and led them over to a bench to sit. "There is quite a bit on my mind Father…"

Father Feltsman rested his hand on his shoulder, "You can speak to me Vitya."

"I know Father… I just… I just don't know how to say it all."

"Sometimes Vitya, I find it best to just spit it out, then we aren't trying to cover what we really want to say."

"I think I have fallen for someone... and I feel conflicted with it all."

"Ah Vitya, I wish I could say I was surprised. You went through a traumatic event and jumped into this hard. You have the passion for it all, yes. You are an amazing priest… I cannot tell you what to do, this is between you and God… but know, you would not be the first."

Father Victor chuckle lightly, "That answered nothing…"

"You wanted an actual answer?"

"Of course not, I think I need to pray on it. Mother said I needed to chase this, she said I needed Life and Love… whatever that is…"

"Vitya, your mother was a smart woman. You are probably best to listen to her."

"Have you ever… had your faith swayed Father?"

"Why do you think this means your faith has swayed?"

Father Victor thought to himself about how there were so many things he wanted with Yuuri, not just physically… but everything. "I took a vow Father."

"You cannot change how your heart feels… you need to pray and ask yourself… are they worth it? Defrocking is a huge decision to make my son." With that Father Feltsman winked and they continued their journey out of the graveyard.