(Disclaimer I do not own Fruits Basket, you knew that already right? Poooor Rika! She is like my baby, I made her LOL. Hopefully she gts her happy ending. Review please!)

Chapter Nine: Break apart her heart

Rika's POV

What was I thinking? Man, I should really think about the consequences before my actions next time. This is such a mess and I just know things will never be the same now. I am such a jerk, to think I joked about it! I know Kyo loves Tohru and I just had to make things worse. Typical me.

I cannot go downstairs just yet, I need time to think, to decide what to do next. How can I explain this mess? Should I actually confess that it was not a joke and that in fact I described my own wants? Nah, not a good option. I have to re-consider my actions carefully before I lose him all together. I don't want that, after all Kyo is like the male equivalent of me. He is more important to me than anyone has ever been. I do not understand this feeling that consumes me, the emotion that causes my erratic behaviour. It only occurs around Kyo and I am starting to get annoyed with it. Why can't it just behave for once and allow us to have a blissful friendship? Maybe, we can't. Maybe it is too late for that now.

My head hurts from all this thinking, I need a lie down. Yeah, that would be the perfect solution. Maybe if I rest and sort out my head things will all be clearer. I really am clutching at straws here. Like what the hell do I really know about orange top? He is so annoying sometimes; he really knows how to get me worked up. Maybe it is not on purpose, it could just be because we are so alike but even so, even if I get worked up I do not feel anger. It is definitely something else, not quite sure of it yet. It is something that actually makes me feel alive, that I have a purpose at last. If I start to be honest if myself then I can be honest with Kyo. I can tell him the main issue with my own head, my heart.

Rika held her head in her hands, all this thinking was getting her nowhere. She had obviously hurt Kyo in her 'joke' and it would awkward to explain the issue. She felt as if she wanted to cry but she could not. Something stopped her. She had got her self defence mechanism within her body down to a T. If she was hurt her heart would harden and she would not care, she would feel nothing. It helped a lot during the years of bullying and torture but now her defence was weakening and Kyo was obviously the cause of it. She had no idea why he affected her so much; it was not as if he was anything special. He was just a teenage boy just like Yuki and the others.

Her chest felt tight and it was becoming harder to breathe. Realisation was starting to sink in, that time on the roof where she felt uneasy about being around him, the time at the lake when things were just too beautiful, too perfect and also that dream. It was all starting to add up and the thought terrified Rika. The thought that she could actually be falling for the orange top, the one who she could not have.

"Why does it have to be this way?" she mumbled to herself, her dark eyes tracing the outlines in the carpet. It was some predicament to be in, how would she be able to deal with it? Kyo was going to confess to Tohru soon and TODAY and then she would be left out again, the outsider with no-one. All alone. She dug her fingers harder into her mass of dark hair as thoughts of Kyo with Tohru cursed her mind, images of him kissing her, being with her and being happy with her. Why could did he have to be with Tohru and not her? Was she not good enough? Not pretty enough or normal enough? Rika did not dislike Tohru, it was not her fault for any of this, and it was not her fault that Rika felt something for Kyo. It was Rika's fault for allowing it to happen in the first place. She should have tried harder to resist by keeping away from him. It was too late now, way too late and now she had to think of what to do next.

~…I heard once that eyes reflect the soul, but when I look at you why don't I feel it's true? You always listen, but you never hear. You always talk when there's nothing to say. But, I believe that there's so much said in empty words…~

Kyo sat on the bottom step contemplating his next move, what to do next? Rika had really got to him back then but he did not mean to shout like that. He did not ever want to curse like that in front of her and he regretted it. Something inside told him she had lied, it was not a joke and perhaps it was something serious, a lot serious. He combed his fingers through his hair as he tried to make head or tails of the dilemma. What was wrong with Rika? On certain occasions she would go cold and clam up and not be herself.

"Kyo?" A voice was heard and Kyo turned in the direction. It was Shigure; he had re-appeared from his office with his countenance portraying a distinct sadness. Kyo's amber eyes diverted away, he really did not want to confide in the rambling dog right now.

"Kyo, I know something is wrong. What has happened?"

"It's nothing to do with you-" he returned coldly, trying to ignore his cousin. Things would be so much easier if he was not here, if he left and went back to his master. Things were so much easier back then. Shigure leaned against the wall;

"Now, now Kyo. You can't say that. I live here and if there are issues within my house I deserve to know. Is it between you and Rika?" Silence. He refused to answer. It was none of his business after all.

"It is isn't it? Do you perhaps like Rika?" Shigure pursued, seeing frustration stain Kyo's tanned complexion.

"It's none of your business you damned dog!" Kyo cursed, his amber eyes flickering to his for a moment before turning away again. Shigure merely left his presence; he knew he had hit a nerve with bringing her up into the conversation. The odds were that it was true. Kyo gently rubbed his eyes in frustration, why couldn't things be clearer and easier? One thing's for sure he was determined to confess to Tohru but for now he needed to calm down and think about what he would actually say to her.

After some time Rika came to a decision. She had finally realised within her head that she could not lose him, not to anyone and especially not to Tohru. She needed to make things clear and tell him, no matter what the consequences were this time. The thought of rejection crucified her and the image of his amber eyes portraying his disgust would definitely induce her to tears but she tried to ignore that for now. If she continued to think negatively things would not go as planned. She needed to be strong and believe in herself. What had she got to lose?

Rika stood up, feeling her legs become slightly weak. She ardently hoped that he would understand and at least be nice about it. She did not want to be shot down in flames and made out to be a complete fool. She started her walk towards the door feeling each step drain her completely of her willpower. She had to do this to keep her sanity and to finally understand a few things. As her dark figure escaped the room and she turned the corner of the hall her dark eyes depicted his figure at the bottom of the stairs. It was not a positive image, his body was leant forward and his head dropped downwards. Maybe it was her doing?

She swallowed hard, feeling her heart begin to race within her ribcage. Her feet would not aid her any longer, they refused to move closer to the orange top and she remained at the top of the stairs merely looking at him from afar. He had not confessed she hoped, if he did then her efforts would all be in vain. Clenching her right hand into a fist she mentally kicked herself into gear. You can do this!This time her feet complied slowly she started to walk down the stairs. Her foot came into contact with one step that gave a huge groan under the pressure, this in turn alerted Kyo and he turned around to face Rika. She froze; it was too late to go back now. Instinctively she mumbled;

"I came to apologise-" Maybe he would not accept the apology?

"It is okay-" he mumbled back, turning his head back to his original state. He did not even seem bothered. Rika swallowed hard once more, she needed to explain why she lied and make everything clear between them and she needed to do it now. As she walked closer to Kyo and settled her figure on the step just above. Quietly she decided to explain;

"I have some explaining to do-" Kyo refused to turn his eyes to her again. He replied;

"What do you mean?" Rika sighed, indicating all was not well. Her dark eyes traced every detail on Kyo, well the back of Kyo. Even if he despised her she still could not prevent her heart from beating an unusual and almost sickening rhythm.

"I was not joking about what I said, I lied-" she confessed, awaiting the curse once more. He did not curse; he merely turned his figure around so he could face her. His face scarred with apprehension and worry. He was obviously unsure about what she had spoken of. His amber eyes looking into her own.

"What the hell is that meant to mean?" he asked, his voice showing a hint of anger making her flinch slightly. This was going to go downhill, it was for sure.

"I meant-" she started, her eyes now looking away. "-that Tohru did not say those things about dreaming about you. I lied-"

"So you made it up?" Kyo interrupted, seemingly infuriated. Quickly she shook her head. He seemed to quell at her action, so if she did not make it up what was the problem?

"I did not make it up. I told you something that I… that I…" she stuttered, feeling like an idiot once more. "-that I dreamt of"

The pause seemed never ending after she confessed. It was like a nightmare that she could not awaken from. She felt her heart start to crumble inside her chest and turn to dust. Kyo's countenance portrayed a slight confusion and she was almost positive he would be disgusted or abhorred by it.

"So let me get this straight-" he started. "-you're telling me that in fact you dreamt of me and told me it was Tohru?" She nodded, feeling sorrier for herself.

"Why did you do that?" He asked. She could do nothing more than shrug, she had no idea herself. The images of the dream knocked her off track and hence why she confessed.

"I do not know, but it is true. I did dream of you and I guess I felt like an idiot for accidentally telling you-" He blinked curiously at her. Rika now allowed her dark hair to cover parts of her pale face in an attempt to hide away from the issue. This was awful, the pressure was so immense. Her mysterious dark eyes dared to look into Kyo's. When she did she did not see any hint of horror, only sincerity. He smiled.

"You are silly yanno, it is only a dream. No need to get paranoid about it-" Her heart almost stopped, did he not care? She weakly nodded to deter to fact that she wished he cared, she wished she got some sort of reaction out of him. This hurt too much. Why did it even exist in her heart? She felt the urge to tell him everything, about everything she felt. All about the feeling that he gave her, that whenever she was with him she felt free and that she could actually be herself.

"-But it is way more than just a dream Kyo-" she began, feeling a sadness swell inside. She knew it would make no difference between them. Nevertheless it was too hard to keep this as a secret. His eyes concentrated on her and it gave her some courage to confess.

"-Ever since we became friends things have been great. You make me happy and feel like I actually belong somewhere. It is weird but you mean a lot to me and no-one has ever had this effect on me before-" she clenched her fists once more, her eyes looking down, her heart aching as she muttered;

"-I guess... what I am trying to say is that I lo-"

"Kyo is that you?" came a small voice that disturbed her confession. Rika's eyes rose to the kitchen door to see Tohru standing there, her large azure orbs sparkling upon seeing him. Too late. Kyo looked across at Tohru and then back at Rika and then back to Tohru. This was some predicament.

"What was you saying Rika?" Kyo asked, his amber eyes scanning her countenance for answers. How could she tell him now? It was far too late for that, but she knew she had to show that it did not bother her because she was strong wasn't she? She force a smile and chuckled to deter him of the fact it was killing her;

"It doesn't matter, some other time aye? Here is your perfect chance to confess Kyo-" she mumbled before standing up and slowly heading up the stairs, out of sight out of mind. She did not flee too quickly; she wanted to hear the cursed confession.

"Tohru-" she heard it begin "-There is something I have wanted to say to you for a long time but I never had the guts to. I love you, I always have and always will and I wondered if you feel the same" Wow, that was a bullet to the heart. Was this what heartbreak felt like? Well it sucked major ass that was for sure.

"Kyo… I…" she heard Tohru start up "-I… love you too" As if by instinct Rika allowed her legs to run up the stairs and away from this, run away from everything. Her world was crashing around her once more and she could not prevent it this time.

Rika's Pov

I am so stupid, to think Kyo would ACTUALLY like me back when I knew for a fact that he loves Tohru. What the hell was I thinking? Am I that deluded? Well, now I know that there is no way in hell that Kyo and I will ever be together, and I just have to accept it, to force a smile and move on as usual.

I am so good at pretending, I have had to do it so many times and no-one will ever know. No-one will see me break, not now or ever. I do not break, I am stronger than that. I will give my support to the relationship and get over it eventually. I have to. At least Kyo will be happy with her and I guess that is some consolation prize. If he was unhappy then I suppose that would hurt me more. It hurts anyway but I will deal and I will learn to cope and move on. It is not the end of the world even if it feels like it is at the moment. I know if mom knew she would fuss about me and make me feel worse so I will not tell anything yet or ever if I can help it. I will get over this in my own time, even if every time I see him it almost induces me to tears.

I'll go back to being an outcast with no friends, no lovers but I will always have myself. I am not alone. I will never be alone, or afraid. I will try to be happy, or fake happy for however long this takes. I should have known that Kyo would never have affections for an outcast, for a freak, a monster of society. He would never love the girl who lost her smile~

(Awwww this chapter was to clarify Rika's emotions etc, next chapter will be more about plot. Please review and gives thoughts, opinions or whatever else. Thanks)