She knew she shouldn't be nervous like this. There was really no reason for her to be. She'd done things like this a hundred times before. Nothing particularly scary about it, except maybe the fact that she was doing it with Flame Prince. She wondered aloud if that was indeed the case.
"Well maybe," Cake replied, scratching behind her ear. "Y'know, it sounds like you're not too sure what to think of the guy anyway."
"Eh, he's probably fine," said Fionna, shrugging it off. "A little dangerous, but nothing too intense, I don't think. Not out of my league, anyway."
Cake answered with a snort. "Yeah well, if he's anythin' like what you told me he is, I say he sounds like more trouble than it's worth to ya...".
"Nope," Fionna responded firmly. "I need this plan to work, Cake. I need to become really good friends with this dude and take him to the Ice Kingdom so we can put that stupid snowboob to rest for good!"
"I still think it's kind of a stink bomb of a plan, booger."
"What? Why?"
Cake sighed and sidled up beside her. "I know I said I'd trust you to handle things better, baby, but I really think this plan's just fulla nasty holes."
"Come on MOM, be real with me. I can handle this. I'm a master hole-plugger, you know that!"
Cake crossed her arms and glared disapprovingly. "Fi, don't use that word with me. You know how it gets me ten kinds of upset!"
"What, hole-plugger?"
"No, I'm talkin' bout the word 'mom'! I got mommy issues, remember?"
Fionna threw her hands in the air and turned around, blowing a raspberry. "You and your mommy issues...she's MY problem now."
"Ignorin' that comment," Cake said, sharp teeth grinding. "I just don't think you're really lookin' at the big picture here. There's a whole mess of potential problems with this your little scheme, girl. I mean, think. If he burns the grass wherever he walks, what's gonna happen if you take him to, say, the Candy Kingdom? He'd prob'ly melt the royal palace!"
"We're not going to the Candy Kingdom though," Fionna replied, back still turned and foot tapping impatiently. "We're going straight for the Queen's thumpin' heart!"
"And that's another thing!" Cake carried on, ignoring Fionna's remarks. "You're takin' him straight the Ice Kingdom! What if his fire just goes right out! I was up there last night, girl, remember? It was pretty glob-be-darned COLD up there!"
"We're going in the daytime, though. Seriously, mom, knock it off! I can handle this!"
"Fionna! What'd I just tell you about that word?" She stretched herself up nose-to-nose with Fionna. "You know what, never mind. I shouldn't even be talkin' to you, I should take some action around here! This idea is dumb and you have no idea if it even works! I'm shuttin' this fat mess down, right now!"
She was met with a bonk and a shove. "No! You shut that yaptrap of yours! I know I can handle this. You really gotta trust me!"
"Don't you smack me like that!" Cake growled. "I'm doin' this for your own good, girl!"
"But you're acting just like your mom!"
"Well someone's gotta be responsible around here! And it sure as heck ain't you right now!"
"What do you mean I'm not responsible?!" Fionna shouted, throwing her hands in the air and pacing as she spoke. "I've just liberated a prince from captivity and made a new friend! I'm gonna show him all around the world for the first time, AND launch a preemptive strike on my mortal enemy, AND take care of her whole bizarro romance crush business all in one big kerplop! I'm doing it all by myself and that's TOTALLY being responsible!"
"Fionna, don't raise your voice at me like that!" Cake growled, raising her voice at Fionna like that. "I know a bad idea when I see one! My tail's frizzin' just THINKIN' about everything that's gonna go wrong with your stupid plan, and you KNOW how right my tail is! You gotta show some respect, girl!"
"Respect MY tail!" Fionna snapped, bending at the waist and slapping her bottom.
"FIONNA!"
"WHAT? WHAT, MOM?"
Cake's face was screwed tightly into a furry ball of anger. "...Fionna, if this is the way you're gonna treat me, maybe I should just stop helpin' you altogether."
Fionna turned away, arms crossed. "Why don't you, then? I'm a big girl now. I can fight my own battles. What are you even doing to help lately, anyway?"
"You little..." Cake hissed. "I've done plenty to help you. You couldn't have beat those fire lions without me! I even helped you prove your butt-fart theory about Ice Queen and Flame Prince!"
"What are you talking about?"
"Remember how Ice Queen showed up outta the blue last night?"
"Yeah, you told her to come. You were her 'word among the herd' nonsense or whatever."
"That's right," she responded, spitting on the ground. "I risked my butt out in the Ice Kingdom to go up and see her, told her some garbage story about how you hated her so much you went to find a boyfriend, and sure enough, she took the bait!"
"Yeah, so? Hey wait...that means she already knows my secret! You brought her right to me and spilled my beans before they were even done cooking! Cake, you stupid butt stick!"
"WHAT DID YOU CALL ME?!"
Fionna ripped her hat off by the ears and cast it to the ground. "YOU'RE the reason she found out about my secret plan! YOU gave it all away! Where's my hat trick now? I just lost the secret part of my secret weapon! Let's just hope to highest Grod she doesn't figure out how to use Flame Shield or something now!"
"Oh, well look at Miss Smarty Farts over here! She's okay not even knowin' if her own plan's gonna work, but it's the end of the world if there's A CHANCE her enemy knows about it! Talk about strategic brilliance! What a mastermind we're puttin' our trust in over here!"
"Cake, I told you," Fionna said through gritted teeth, "It's not about strategy with me! I just roll with it and make it work! There's not always time to plan for everything, don't you get that?"
Sighing heavily, Cake stretched herself back up to eye level. "All that's totally beside the point anyway, Fionna. Right now I'm tryin' to make you understand that this is never gonna work! Ya got too many puzzle pieces bouncin' around in your brain with no way to put 'em all together! You're gonna hurt yourself and prob'ly some other people too if you don't stop, drop and roll this plan right outta your head, okay? This guy's obviously dangerous. I'm just tryin' to help!"
"Well you can stop it," Fionna replied bitterly, snatching her hat from the ground. "I've already got Ice Queen all over my butt as it is, and I don't need your dumb theory-testing baloney getting her any closer to it! Why don't you just go plop off?"
Cake remained silent for a moment. She was angry enough that her ears may as well have been steaming like teapots.
"Go hang out with your boyfriend or something," Fionna added grimly. "Let me handle this...MY WAY."
Their eyes locked in a brief staredown, neither blinking nor backing away. Cake broke first. "Tch, you are such a wrench, Fionna. Fine. I ain't helpin' you on this one. No more. You and your hot flippin' husband can just burn down the whole globbin' country, for all I care! I'm goin' home."
She stormed off a ways, before calling back over her shoulder. "And I'm eatin' the chocolate cake I was savin' for you, by the way!"
"You turd!"
Cake turned away sharply, raised her tail and blew a raspberry. "Butts to you, burpface!"
"I hope you barf clam guts!"
By that point though, Cake was already out of range. Fionna pushed her hat angrily back into place, whipper herself around to walk away, then abruptly stopped face to face with Flame Prince.
Her grumpy face imploded into a forced smile, her cheeks remaining flushed. "Dude, when did you get here?"
"Oh, moments ago," he said, brushing the thin coat of ash and dust off his shoulders. "I followed the sound of raised voices...".
"Oh."
"So then! Is my champion wife showing me around the entire land today?" He seemed not to notice or care about the feud that had just gone down.
"What...oh, yeah. For totes sure, dude." She pushed the hair from her face. "We're going on a special mission to the Ice Kingdom!"
"Ice...Kingdom?" he asked, flickering eyebrow raising slowly. "Isn't that my elemental opposite?"
"Yeah, of course!" she responded faux-cheerfully. "It's gonna be rad, trust me. We can go snatch a penguin or something!"
Maybe even invite it to a barbecue after... she added mentally. Wait, no. Ew. Why did I just think that?
Flame Prince considered this for a moment. "...and you're certain that's the best locale for me to visit on my first day in this, the 'New World', as it were?"
"Yeah, why not?"
"Hmm...". He rubbed his chin, looking skyward. "Very well, you know the curves of the land far better than I do. I'll trust your judgment and such. But you'll stop and show me every sight along the way, won't you?"
"Huh, why?"
"Come now, Fionna," said Flame Prince, crossing his arms. "I've explained more than once now that I want to see THE WORLD. Not merely a corner of it, not merely a suggestion of it on a map, nor a painting, nor a folk legend. I want to EXPERIENCE the world, in its glorious entirety. I want to see and touch. I want to make it MINE!"
"Wait, are you trying to SEE the world, or CONQUER it?"
"It's an expression, silly!" he teased, batting a paw like Cake might have. "I just want to see the world for what it has become. I want to see if it's like the world the ancient tomes talked about."
"Oh...um, yeah," Fionna said, shifting her weight. "We should probably keep it brief though...we don't want you to go burning up stuff like a madman or anything."
The prince snorted, steam rising from his nostrils. "Rude. I'll have you know it's no fault of my own if this grass crackles and crumbles beneath my feet."
He stepped back on his heel, twisting his ankle back and forth as the grass lit up and charred black beneath it. "Someone should really cast that Flame Shield spell on the grass if they want it to remain unburned."
Fionna smacked her lips and put a fist to her forehead. "FP, I don't think that's how stuff works...".
The prince raised her chin with his index finger. Ow. "I know what you must be thinking. But this isn't a dumb idea. It's just difficult to understand. I can see it plainly in your face."
He pulled away and turned to look back at the harsh, smoky skies of his homeland. "You tell me that this world still isn't ready for me, the same as said my furthest ancestors. I can see though, that it is really YOU who is not ready for me."
Fionna raised an eyebrow and leaned against the tree trunk, arms crossed.
"You explained in no uncertain terms to me that you aren't ready to be married. You aren't ready for the responsibility of princessship. I can accept this. But, though your opinion carries a certain weight, you are not the world. The world's opinion isn't contained within your own tunnel-vision view of total readiness. I think you'd be wise to consider that perhaps, yes, the world IS ready for me, with or without you. Preferably with, of course, so that I may have a guide and such, haha, but that is quite beside the point."
She waited a minute before cocking her head and asking, "So you're basically going to explore the world with or without me but it'll be better with me cause then I can maybe stop you from burning stuff up like the awesome kick-butt hero I am?"
The prince paused, running the sentence through his head and adding the missing punctuation to calculate its meaning. "...yes. Yes, that sums it quite nicely."
"Fine," she said, blowing the hair out of her face. "But we're going to the Ice Kingdom. Today, and no later."
"Acceptable," he nodded, holding out an elbow. "Shall we, then?"
Fionna stared at his fiery, almost-glowing skin. Why did it have to be fire skin? Should I just deal with it? I probably should...just to be polite. Don't want him to suddenly not like me. That's not the plan.
She gulped and put her arm in his. Ow. Ow. Ow. And with that, they began their journey towards the glistening distant pillars of the Ice Kingdom.
This is totally going to turn out fine, right? She thought, trying to ignore the smell of cooking flesh. Ow. I mean...all I have to do is stop him from burning the whole country down. Ow. Wait, wasn't that what Cake was trying to...bleh, shut up. No. Cake isn't here. Ow. I got this. I can handle this. Ow. My plan is defs gonna work. Just gotta calm my wits and get it taken care of!
right?
Before too long, they found themselves looking downhill over a small open field. Beyond that, further toward the horizon, rose a narrow strip of lively forest, precursor to the Ice Kingdom's dominant mountains.
The field presently before them was dotted with dilapidated makeshift tents and hollowed tree stumps. A rusty iron barrel sat in the center, around which were gathered a cluster of hunchbacked near-humans in tattered trenchcoats. They were murmuring to themselves and to each other. One with a particularly bushy beard was talking into a greenish glass bottle like it was a telephone.
"Aw poopsicles, I didn't know the Hobo Kingdom was squatting here..." Fionna said distastefully. "These guys are harmless, but they kinda reek and are always asking for free food and junk."
"Oh? Well, reek or otherwise, if they're harmless, I should like to meet them!"
"Ugh, you gotta be kidding," she said, sticking her fingers in her nose. "They're gross like rotten teddy bear meat."
"Whatever," the prince said, holding up a hand. "I'm going to greet them!"
Fionna reached out to grab his wrist, but missed and ended up with nothing but singed fingers. Ow. She ground her teeth and pressed after him.
"Greetings, vagrants!" He announced, arms wide open. "I am your Flame Prince, Emissary from the long-forgotten Fire Kingdom. It is a humble pleasure to meet you all!"
The murmuring ceased and evolved into a four-second silence before reaching final evolution as a raucous party conversation.
"Whoa mans, y'all gather!" said an older trenchcoat covered in wispy clumps of white hair. His face was covered by oversized plastic sunglasses and he wore tissue boxes on either shoulder. "There's a fire in this trench, get yon and toast your digits!"
At his command, the rest of the hobos staggered their way across the field to form a rough circle around Flame Prince, each with their hands out. The scene reminded Fionna of an old movie she'd watched with Cake about zombies. This was the part where Flame Prince's flesh would have been peeled off and cooked like bacon.
Instead, these zombies were warming their hands in the prince's radiant warmth. "Oooh," said one in a satisfied groan of a voice. She turned to her neighbor and insisted he do the same. He too made the satisfied groan. Soon another followed suit, and another, and another until the entire circle hummed with a gritty but harmonious collective "Oooohhhhhh".
Fionna watched in fascination. This was going much differently than she had expected. The prince wasn't rampaging and the hobos weren't screaming, for one thing. Instead, they were all just gathered around him, marveling at the fact that he was alive, made of fire, and ON fire without suddenly not being alive because of it. His fire mingled with the almost visible scent of their stink, sometimes producing tiny, colorful sparks in the air as a result.
She smiled. It was actually quite beautiful, in a weird way.
"Hey, Fire Coat! Ya got thirsty? Need a swallow?" The nearest one held out his bottle, probably smiling beneath the enormous beard.
"Oh, thank you," the prince said, holding up a hand. "But I can't. I am fire, I can't drink my own elemental weakness, you see."
"Awh, but this will taste to you! Special. We named it fierywater!"
Uh oh.
"Well, I suppose if you've brewed it especially for fire folk...".
"FP, wait!"
He took a sip. The bottle instantly caught fire and exploded in his hand. In surprise he shouted and tossed it away, where it landed beside a tent, subsequently lighting it on fire. The hobos stared in bewilderment.
Ever quick to react, Fionna leapt over to the tent and began stomping on the flames. Flame Prince groaned and doubled over in pain.
"Whoa...dude, you okay?" she asked.
"Ouch...my flames..." he said weakly. "Don't do that."
"...wha...?" She stomped lightly.
"Owww...stop that!"
She stepped away from the tent and let it burn. "...ummm...?"
The wind picked up, spreading a few cinders and burning flaps of tent. "So...I can't put the fires out without you feeling like your guts are getting mushed?"
"Ugh...yes, that's about the gist of it."
Errant shreds of burning canvas fluttered throughout the Tent Kingdom on the ill-timed breezes, quickly setting the entire place ablaze. Fionna watched helplessly, fingers gripped tightly around the ears of her hat, pulling them below her chin.
"Hobo King...I'm really sorry about this. It's pretty much my fault...".
The supposed king adjusted his plastic sunglasses and sniffled. "It's a thing of the luck. Happens like the wind, it just is. But it's named fierywater, I see now. Got a whole different sky. Take good of your charbroiler man. Good chum full of fires, that is."
"Um...you're welcome. Or something. I guess."
The king suppressed a belch and summoned his fellow trenchcoats, leading them into the forest and mumbling about seeking a new barrell. Fionna watched them disappear, a dejected expression pasted sloppily across her face. Flame Prince hovered his way beside her.
"My first encounter was...less than awesome, I take it?
"Ya think?" Fionna said, hanging her head and trudging on past the burning tents. She was fighting hard to repress her instinct to put the fires out. They probably wouldn't get too bad though. Most of them had already died down, incinerating only small circles of grass now.
Come on, Fionna. Buck the stuff up and pull yourself together. It was a necessary sacrifice. You'll be doing the world a whole load of good once you get to the Ice Kingdom and snub out that snob, so it all basically works out in the end, right?
She took a deep breath and puffed out her chest. "Oh well, that was just the tents of the Hobo Kingdom. They're all just a bunch of poo-brains. It was probably time for them to move to a new clearing, anyway. They'll live."
Flame Prince rubbed his chin, raised his hand to speak, paused, changed his mind, and nodded.
"Now, let's keep right on moving," she continued, scoping the surrounding trees for the narrowest point they could pass through. "Think you can get through the forest without burning anything?"
"Nope," he said flatly.
"Floop," she muttered. "Well, we gotta go there anyway. Can't go around it or nothing, can we?"
"Oh, nonsense," he replied, perking up. "I could probably fly us right over that without issue!"
"You can? For legit sure?"
"Oh, absolutely! You see, fire when expulsed at high velocity creates thrust, which can be used-"
"Yeah, yeah. You're a human missile. Got it. Cool. But, uhm...". She hesitated.
"Yes?" he prompted.
"But if I'm holding on to you, it's gonna really hurt," she said, rubbing her arm. "Without Flame Shield, I'm like kindling to you."
The prince slumped forward a bit. "Without...do you mean you haven't been wearing your protection spell this entire time? Fionna, you absolute masochist...".
"Wha...no, I mean, I don't have any more Flame Shield. I totally and insurably do not have any more protection against touching you."
"So re-cast the spell, then."
"I can't, I'm no mage!"
"Oh."
"Yeah."
Flame Prince scratched his head, sparks emanating from under his fingernail when he did. "Well, that's problematic then, isn't it? There's clearly no quicker or safer way through this forest."
Butts, she thought. He's right. Gotta either send him through a minefield of fire hazards, or take all the burn myself.
"Or, you know, I could fly above and you could walk below...wouldn't that work as well?"
Fionna considered the idea. "...yeah, but you'd get across way before I did, and there's no telling what might get burned if you're just all over there by yourself. I gotta keep an eye on you at all times, ya know?"
Flame Prince frowned. "That's not particularly trusting of you."
"Do you WANT another Hobo Kingdom incident?"
"...I suppose not."
"Then I gotta do this the painful way. It makes the most sense."
Not really, she added mentally. This IS kind of a dumb plan, isn't it? Glob it all, maybe Cake WAS right. Ugh. But what can I do about it now? I started this mess, and it's gonna be ME who finishes it. I'm gonna get through this, get to the kingdom and dethrone the queen. Everything will be so much easier without her in the picture. I can deal with a little burning if it's for the good of the whole country, right?
"Alright, let's get it done and over."
Flame Prince clapped his hands together. "Excellent. Let you show you my favorite way to see the world."
Fionna rubbed her arm, wincing at the tenderness. None of her burns over the past two days had healed at all. Her whole body had been telling her "No!" every time she made a move that would put her in contact with the prince. It was even doing so now. But, as always, once she had made up her mind to do something, she went into it full-boar, regardless of physical discomfort. Or critical pain. A few more scars would only make her look tougher, right?
Somehow that thought brought little comfort now.
She bit her lip and took a deep breath, wrapping her arms around Flame Prince's chest from behind. Ow. OW. OWWW! The entire front side of her body was screaming. "...go! Hurry!" she growled, tensing every muscle she could.
Flame Prince nodded and knelt to the ground, body burning hotter as he inhaled deeply. OWWW. He very suddenly leapt into air, his limbs stretching out into long streaks of flame beneath him as his soared higher and higher above the crowns of the trees. The rush of passing wind did little to soothe the stinging burns, though. Fionna sank her teeth further into her lip and fought back the tears, holding on tight as they flew farther and farther over the treetops.
Oh glob, her brain screamed. You have to let go NOW. This is too much! It's like hugging a bonfire! You're going to burn all your skin off! LET GO!
She grabbed tighter in an effort to fight the pain, but that only brought her closer to the searing heat of the Prince's burning body. Tears streamed down her cheeks unchecked. She tried the opposite, pulling herself from contact with him, but felt herself slipping away when she did. If she pulled away, she knew it would only be a matter of time before she fell, and at this height, there was no way that could end well.
But I can't hold on anymore! I don't have any protection. I have to let go! There's just no other choice!
She cried out in pain and released herself, falling right through the Prince's comet tail and down into the brittle net of branches beneath her.
SNAP. CRACK. CRUNCH.
Branches whipped and lashed and snapped at her body all the way down. Some of the more gnarled ones even pierced her like daggers. She didn't have time to compare whether this was any easier than being burned alive or not. Not that she could really focus on anything but the pain at the moment anyway...
The stabbing feelings came to a halt when she at last landed on her back on the forest floor in a clump of moss and mushrooms. She lay there for a few moments, paralyzed and trying hard not to cry as she stared up at the hole she'd made in the tree canopy above her.
Everything hurt. Everything burned. She tried to displace her thoughts, focus on something other than the sheer pain. Her mission. Her survival instincts. May as well take stock on myself, she thought grimly. See what the damage report looks like...
Tenderly, she tilted her head to look down at her body. Her entire front was a disaster zone. Her sleeves had been torn and shredded all the way up to the shoulder. Long slashes from the branches ran up her arms. The front of her shirt was scorched and full of gaping burn holes, exposing the scathed red skin beneath. Blood trickled from a open wounds. She'd lost a shoe. Her skirt was in tatters. She tried flexing her arms and legs. Sharp pain, but no apparent broken bones.
I can probably get up, she figured. It'll really, REALLY suck but I can probably do it. Gotta find the prince...
Yeah, that's a good idea, Fionna, she scolded herself. Ignore your own pain to go find the person responsible for it to make sure they don't cause any MORE pain to anyone else. You're in shambles, but you gotta make sure you're still the hero here. You gotta protect everybody or something.
It's just like dealing with Ice Queen, isn't it? I gotta ignore the pain and go track her down, make sure she doesn't jack up anyone else. I gotta be the protector. I gotta be the hero.
She wasn't sure how she felt about this comparison, so she dismissed the idea. She had other things to attend to anyway...
She once again bit her lip and winced as she painfully rolled over and pushed herself up. Burning shot up from her knees, through her stomach, over her breasts and down through her arms to her fingertips. Her cheeks throbbed. She could taste blood in her mouth. Senses screaming, she slowly pushed herself to her feet, steadying herself against the trunk of a tree.
Her vision swam, all the greenery becoming one big swampy haze as she tried to blink it all away and regain focus. Using a trick she'd learned from the Arrowhead warriors in the jungle, she trained her eyes on one single tree, trying to separate it from the rest of the rippling madness. She told her panicking brain that if all she did was reach that tree, everything would be okay. Just take one step at a time...
And she did. Step by step, walking her way across the thickly vegetated forest bed. Eyes only on the tree, she repeated to herself. Never mind that your feet are on fire. Never mind that your body's on fire. Never mind that the tree is also on fire.
She stopped and stared. The tree was indeed, as her eyes told her, ablaze, burning slow and bright.
No, wait. That wasn't even a tree anymore. It was...moving toward her.
"Fionna...are you going to be alright?" it asked.
She smacked her lips a few times. The tree was coming into proper focus now. "...hyeh?" she coughed.
It made a move to come closer, then restrained itself. "Oh, you're an absolute wreck...I doubt we should have done that."
"...Flayn Prins?"
"Look at you," he said pitifully. "And you're trying to walk and everything. Please, stop. You'll hurt yourself! Worse, I mean."
Fionna stood there a few moments, swaying slightly from foot to foot. Finally, she shook her head and brought herself back to full consciousness. "We gotta get you...away from here or something," she mumbled. "Get you outta the forest...come on."
She staggered forward, body still burning with each step. "Come on."
"Fionna, don't! You're going to kill yourself!"
The prince made another move forward to grab her, but stopped short, knowing full well the consequences of touching her. He ground his teeth together, body glowing brighter with anger. "You have to stop yourself! I can't touch you!"
"Can't," she replied robotically. "Gotta lead you outta here before you burn the whole place up...".
I'm useless, Flame Prince thought bitterly, hands balling into fists. She'll kill herself if she keeps going. She's too stubborn! Someone should be carrying her to the nearest medical facility instead...but I can't touch her without making it worse! She...she HAS to keep walking, then. She has to carry her own self to salvation...
Fionna continued plunging forward, not heeding his words at all. "Candy Kingdom's just outside here...and past that is Ice Kingdom. We're almost there, k?"
"Fionna, you are in no condition for further exploration today! You need to get to a hospital!"
She ignored him and continued forward, groaning as she ducked under a fallen tree.
"This Candy Kingdom..." said Flame Prince, pretending he didn't just set fire to a clump of tall weeds. "Let's stop there, alright? Surely you are as unto a champion even to them. They'll help you, won't they?"
Fionna put a hand to her chest and coughed. OW. OW. She spit out the blood in her mouth and nodded. I guess he's right, she thought. I am jacked up like nobody's beeswax right now. I gotta get some help, or I won't be able to watch the Queen's fireworks show later. Butts.
At last they cleared the edge of the forest, a trail of razed greenery in their wake. The familiar and welcome sight of the Candy Kingdom's frosted gingerbread walls was in full view now, just beyond a stretch of empty grass field. Fionna breathed a sigh of relief and continued her trudge forward, working out in her mind what to tell Prince Gumball when she arrived.
Something was different, though. Something about the kingdom didn't look right. It was hard to tell at first if something was actually different or if it was just her eyes playing more tricks. It looked like there was a bunch of somethings gathered out in front of the gates. A bunch of someones, maybe. An army?
It WAS an army. Assembled ranks of peppermint soldiers, candy cane archers and cupcake barbarians stood defiantly in front of the gate, weapons drawn. A large, ornate cannon made from an ice cream cone stood poised behind them.
And standing at the forefront in glinting pink candy armor, cotton candy cape billowing behind him, stood Prince Gumball himself. His expression was bold and serious, as was the sharpened candy cane sword he held unsheathed.
Fionna stopped before the assembled ranks, then drew her sword. The artillery turned to her expectantly, only to watch her use it as a crutch. She looked at Gumball through questioning eyes, but his gaze remained fixated on Flame Prince.
The more hot-headed of the two princes stepped forward. "Are you the head of this kingdom?" he asked firmly.
Gumball nodded. "You must be the Flame Prince I've heard about."
"My reputation precedes me already?"
"A tribe of Twiglets from the forest flew in and said you were smoking them out. By accident, likely, but burning up their homes nonetheless."
Flame Prince frowned. "An unfortunate aspect of my being that I simply can't help. But yes, I am the Flame Prince. You likely already know Fionna the Champion."
"I do. Fionna, are you going to be alright?" his voice was unusually assertive. Fionna wondered briefly if it might be the Queen in there.
"I'll live...prob'ly..." she said, weakly.
Flame Prince took another step forward. "Aren't you going to help her?" he demanded.
Gumball remained still. "We will, in a few moments. There is, however, a more pressing matter to attend to here."
"More pressing than the medical needs of my wife?" His eyebrows flickered into small flames.
Gumball took a step forward this time. "This isn't the first time Fionna has shown up at the Kingdom gates in tatters like this. It happens quite often, in fact. She stumbles in hurt, tired and endangered, but victorious nonetheless. She is, as you have said, a true champion. But today, she has come here hurt, tired and endangered...but not victorious."
Flame Prince began hovering above the grass without realizing. "What do you mean? We survived the trek here, though peril and misfortune set us back! We are both alive! And after facing such hardships, for her especially, you claim she is not victorious? Enlighten me as to why!"
"It's because this time, Fionna has come WITHOUT defeating her opposition," Gumball replied testily. There was a subtle anger in his voice Fionna hadn't heard before. "Rather, she has brought the opposition directly to my gate!"
Several seconds passed as Flame Prince wrestled mentally with this statement. Finally he looked up with glaring, red-hot eyes. "I am the problem?!"
"Yes. You are." Gumball's words settled in the air with what Fionna would have described as an icy chill', had that phrase not already been completely ruined for her.
An aura of bright orange light gleamed off Flame Prince's skin. His hair jumped up another meter in height. "How am I the problem?! I've done nothing to you! And I've done nothing to Fionna! She has brought this on her own self!"
Gumball stood tall, eyes fixed on Flame Prince's. "I can't vouch for who is to blame over Fionna's present condition, but I can vouch for the danger you've put my kingdom in."
"What danger?!"
Eyes closed, Gumball inhaled deeply and raised his striped sword. "Long have the people of the Candy Kingdom been aware of the dual nature of fire. It burns and decimates, but also warms and illuminates. If left unchecked, it's sole function is to incinerate the life around it and leave naught but ashes...".
Flame Prince bit his lip as a thin wisp of steam rose from his eye. "...you need not remind me the fragility of this world, Prince. This world that obviously is still not ready...".
Hand still tightly gripped around the hilt of her sword, Fionna dropped to one knee. She didn't want to miss this scene, but her body was insistently sending her into shock, trying to forcibly put her out of consciousness. She licked her lips and ran a hand down her body, hoping the sudden pain of contact with an open wound would spur her to stay awake.
"You are wrong, Flame Prince," Gumball continued. "This world may be fragile to you, but this does not mean we are not ready."
The fire dropped down a bit. "...you mean your people can cast the Flame Shield spell?" he asked hopefully.
Gumball shook his head slowly. "The Flame Shield is only a temporary solution. It's only meant to see that you don't get burned when dealing with a fire, and it disappears shortly after. If you expect to stay in this world, potentially bringing your particular brand of destruction upon us, then a Flame Shield will not be sufficient. Action must still be taken."
"...what kind of action?"
"You see, Flame Prince," Gumball said, turning his back to the fire, "There is a distinct difference between using fire to destroy...and using fire to bake."
He nodded to his general.
"RELEASE THE BATTER!" the general shouted as the enormous cannon was pointed directly toward Flame Prince.
There was just then a single moment in time that Fionna would later never forget. The aggregate look of terror and anger and dissent on Flame Prince's face. Gumball's solid, stern stare. The smell of hot brownies hanging in the thick, tense air.
Then, ear-splitting thunder.
Shot after shot rang out, echoing across the plains as Flame Prince was repeatedly blasted with massive, molten globs of chocolate cake batter. It piled up on top of him, imprisoning him beneath a delicious milky mountain. Fionna didn't even hear him cry out.
After the shots stopped firing, everything stood still. The echoing roar died off, and the even louder absence of sound took its place. Every frosted face in Gumball's ranks was staring at the mound of chocolate, completely entranced...
...because something about it was changing. The mound started growing crusty and thickening. Pores began to develop, expelling tiny blasts of heat, then they quickly disappeared. The bottom half began shedding crumbs as the top half swelled and ballooned upward. The swelling continued for several minutes, until the mound had well doubled in size, and then very abruptly, it stopped.
Fionna blinked. "...it's a cupcake."
Sure enough, there was a gigantic cupcake now occupying the spot where the Flame Prince had stood. The chocolate aroma in the air was now even thicker and stronger, and very warm. With one deep breath of the scent, Fionna lost all control and slumped over, out cold.
At that point, Gumball would have run over to assist her, but the cupcake seemed to be doing something rather important-looking. It was quivering, shaking more and more violently from side to side. A plume of fire shot out from the domed top. A fissure developed and ran its way up the sides, chocolate crumbs dancing down to the ground as the cupcake split in two and Flame Prince thrust his way out of the top.
He jumped forward and lighted on the ground before Prince Gumball, showering him with crumbs. Gumball stared back intently, sword still at the ready.
"So...that's the way it has to be, then?" Flame Prince said, scathingly. "You can't handle fire, so you have to imprison it?"
"If you intend to hang around," Gumball replied levelly, "Then you need to know your limits. You need to understand where your hot-headed presence will and will not be tolerated. I can't have you here, melting my entire kingdom, so if you get too close, I must not hesitate to put you under control."
Flame Prince sneered. "So this land of freedom is still a land of oppression in the end? A world not fit for a proud Flame Prince? What a life this is turning out to be...".
He glared over at the unconscious Fionna. "My wife has no interest in being my wife. She can't even touch me without an enchantment. One that doesn't even last but a short time. I've already lost everything I'd just been given!"
Gumball remained silent as Flame Prince turned and took a few steps away, leaving blackened footprints behind him.
"...so what business have I left here?"
He turned back to Gumball. "Very well. I'm leaving. Your kingdom shall not suffer under my natural flame any longer. I'm going away to a place where no one will care if things burn or melt. A new home. Tell my wi-tell Fionna that, when she awakens. Tell her I've gone to my new home."
Gumball nodded solemnly.
With that, Flame Prince turned on his heel, knelt, and blasted himself into the sky, flying high above the incoming cloud cover until he vanished from sight.
The moment he was gone, the air returned to its normal summer-morning temperature with a rush. Gumball dropped his sword and ran over to Fionna. "Get her to the infirmary! Be especially careful, she's got extreme burns all over her body, and there are many open wounds, big and small. Leave not one unstitched!"
As the pound cake nurses hoisted her onto the taffy stretcher, Gumball again looked skyward. A Flame Prince running loose in this world was nothing but an invitation to trouble. This confrontation may be over, but there would surely be more in the future...he sighed and followed his nurses into the gates.
We must always be ready for him then.