Chapter 10

Girl Power

Jamie couldn't sleep and was surprised that she even tried. She just couldn't deal with Monica's smothering, but

well-meaning intentions to the supportive friend. She kicked off her pink fleece blanket and went to the

damaged box…who told the dill hole to go through her stuff? She hated when people went through her private

things. It was put off to the side by the closet, because she had to get the lock fixed thanks to that jerk. She

bent down to grab the manila envelope and her first driver's license and put it in her tote. She needed to go

somewhere and she didn't care what time it was on the clock. 10:00? It was earlier than she thought. She felt

so ugly that she could bear to look at her reflection in her own mirror. Years of gained self-worth flushed down

the toilet because of the repulsive words that came out of Eric's mouth. This couldn't wait. She put on her white

Keds with the purple laces and was just going to throw her gray sweater coat over her pink-v neck sleeping

shirt and pj pants with the tiny red hearts on them. She should've done this sooner, not for that asshole, but for

herself. She didn't want to face Monica's questions so she grabbed her black tote bag from the floor, grabbed

her car keys, and walked out of the apartment without making a sound.

Jackie was doing what she had to do instead of being in a hot bubble bath and wondering why the guy at the

grocery store made eyes at her, but never asked her out? It was her typing with a slow hen peck style because

she hated computers to make an Excel spread sheet to issue the paychecks for the week. There was a slight

commotion outside and Jamie barging in her office with the night hostess behind her.

"Ms. Burkhart, I tried to…."

"Go back to your station, Ellie. Um, Jamie, do you have an explanation as to why you are in my private office?"

Jamie closed the door, "Okay…where the fuck is he? I'm sure you had tea and cookies

degrading me and my friends behind my back…." Jamie opened the door to Jackie's private bathroom and her

closet.

"What in the Hell do you think you are doing and what are you talking about?"

"Like you don't know, Jackie!"

"Uh…no, I don't know…"

"Fucking spare me!" She took the manila envelope out of her tote bag and threw it on her desk, "He was here…"

"Who? Are you talking about Eric? I haven't seen him since the last time he was here. And I think he's better off

without you…. you're a stalker."

"Yes, I am a stalker." Jamie retorted back with sarcasm watching Jackie open the envelope. The one-minute that

seemed like 5000 days as Jackie read the documentation in front of her and then looking back up at Jamie in

disbelief.

"What in the world?" She ran her fingers through her long hair, "I—I…I think I'm going to be sick…."

"That's the reaction that I was hoping for." Jamie replied deadpan as Jackie sped by her to close the door, which

didn't do a damn thing, she still heard the gutful wrenching of her puking because she found out the truth

regarding Jamie's birth identity.

"I—I'm sorry," Jackie emerged wiping her mouth with a paper towel and looking for the peppermint Altoids in her

desk drawer, "I didn't-oh fuck….this explains so much."

"You and Forman both want tidy little boxes to put me in and you don't think of the pain I went through…still go

through!"

Jackie offered Jamie a mint from the tin box. She shook her head no.

"I have many questions…. but I don't hate you…. I'm glad to know that you're alive…a little pissed off that all this

time you were my cosmetics rep and you never told me…."

Jackie went in for a hug and naturally Jamie pushed her away.

"No. You don't get to do that – done playing martyr?"

"Putting up your walls…. too bad there wasn't an operation for that."

"There is. It's called a lobotomy." She joked.

Jackie laughed. "Is it okay to laugh…Jamie?"

"Of course it is."

She didn't go there…. Jackie didn't go down that road that Jamie was certain Jackie would have. She sat on the

couch.

"Have you eaten today?"

"Not much."

"How about we share some cake and coffee?"

She was reaching out. It was nice gesture and Jamie didn't want her walls to return, because what if she ever

turned on her sisters? She was 40 years old, it was time to start acting like it in terms of emotions and letting

people have their freak-outs. Except for Eric. She never wanted to see that jerkwad again.

"What kind of cake?"

"The special today was chocolate with marshmallow frosting."

"Are you tempting me with cake?"

"Is it working?"

"A little bit." She missed her friendship with Jackie maybe they could have a real one after all.

"Good and you know…." Jackie smiled, "You're getting a hug anyway. I'm still confused…have many questions,

but hate you? Never."

Jamie smiled, "You don't know how much that means to me, Jackie."

"Oh, shit. Are you going to cry?" Jamie reached to get the tissues off Jackie's desk.

"I can't bear to hear anymore…. how awful for you."

She finished her piece of cake and put the fork on the dessert plate as she wiped her eyes. Jamie didn't even

get that far along in her story before Jackie let her waterworks flow.

"I hope you don't feel guilty…because you didn't know."

"But as your former girlfriend…I should've pieced it together…."

"That I'm transgender? There was nothing for you to piece." Jamie drank her coffee.

"Can I say something fluffy?"

"You can say whatever you'd like."

"The doctor's did a fantastic job, because I never would have guessed in a million years…do you still have a…?"

"Thank you. And Eww…while there are some people that elect to never have surgery or to never go on

hormones, I can tell you with pleasure that the albatross is gone." Well not so much gone as used to create

what they used to call "lady parts" back home.

"I miss that albatross." It felt so good to talk all of this out with Jamie. Everything and her actions with Eric was

like the ultimate jigsaw puzzle being put together.

"Well, you're entitled."

"So you love Eric?"

"No. Loved Eric. He said some nasty and mean things to me and my friend who is staying at my house because

she had nowhere else to turn."

"Are you gay?"

"No. That has nothing to do with it. I'm a woman who loves men. Yes, there are some trans people who are gay

on top of this. We're only human."

"Do you think my questions are stupid?"

"No. I wish everyone would ask questions, open up a dialogue, and make it easier for everyone involved." Jamie

held Jackie's hand.

"Give Eric some time…I bet he didn't mean it. You know how he is."

"Don't call him or do any matchmaking crap."

Jackie looked into Jamie's blue eyes and knew if she did call Eric, Jamie would see it as a betrayal and she loved

being friends with her.

"I promise, honest. Why are your eyes bluer?"

"Contacts. I'm near sighted – and I figured why get clear contacts when tinted are so much nicer…?"

"Well, they look stunning. Are we friends?"

"If you want to be…"

"I do want to be. I've missed you so much…. maybe, we can cruise for guys together…there's this guy at the

store…."

"I missed you too, Jackie…. when I found out that you were in San Diego, I couldn't stop living my life just

because you were here. I debated telling you then, but I couldn't risk anything…so – maybe, I misjudged you."

"When I first came here I hated your guts."

"Deserved."

"Oh, S…oops, sorry. I mean, Jamie. What are you going to do now that Eric…."

"The same that I have always done…go to school to get my degree sell insane amounts of cosmetics, and forget

that I even put my heart on the line for one undeserving son of – -can't say that last part. It's not true…. he's

just undeserving. The fucking jerk…"

"It will get better…you know what? I have these same jammies. Except instead of hearts, I have the ones

with…"

"The little unicorns and rainbows."

"How did you know?"

"Because," Jamie tried to smile in spite of her heartbreak, at least she was able to be friends with Jackie. It was

a good turn of events and made her feel a tiny bit more at ease, "I know you."