This chapter is going to be everything you guys wanted and everything you didn't know you wanted! I really hope you guys like it. And as many of you guys have pointed out, Katniss has been emotionally cheating on Gale for a while now, but they haven't technically cheated yet, and that's what they are concerned about and don't want to do. I just wanted to point that out. Thanks again for all of your support. Enjoy!
When Wednesday arrives, I'm a wreck. I've been trying to stay away from Peeta to avoid the temptation to kiss him and physically cheat on Gale, but every night—I can't help myself—I have to sleep next to him. However, now I toss and turn next to a sleeping Peeta; I watch him, just trying to mold his face into my memory. But I give up fighting for sleep and I creep out of his bed around four a.m., and make my way down to the kitchen. I find Finnick sitting at the table, munching on toast and drinking from his "player" mug. God, seeing Finn just seems to ease the tension in my life. You can't be stressed sitting next to a guy who's so damn relaxed.
"What's up, Finn?" I ask, trying to be nonchalant. I really don't want him to think I'm cheating with Peeta.
"What are you doing up so early?" He asks, sipping his coffee.
"I could ask you the same thing." I walk over to the pot and pour myself a cup, trying to steady my panicky, beating heart.
"I have an early lesson for seniors at 5:00 on Wednesdays." I finally take in his red swimming trucks and lifeguard tank top. I nod and make my way over to the table, sitting across from him.
"So Gale is coming home today. Are you excited?"
"Sure." I take a sip, letting the hot liquid burn my tongue.
"Why were you upstairs?" He inquires, suddenly making the connection I hoped he wouldn't.
"I fell asleep when Peeta and I were painting in his room last night. And you know Peeta, he probably didn't want to wake me up," I lie. Jeez, that was easy. How did I think of that so quickly?
He nods knowingly. "Yeah. That's Peeta for you." He exhales slowly. "He's always been the guy who never wants to hurt anybody. Even with something simple as moving you while you're sleeping. He…well he cares. About everyone. And it sucks to watch him try to please everyone. Sometimes I wish he would just go after something that he wants, without worrying about hurting others. Do something entirely…selfish."
"I think you lost me," I whisper, drinking my coffee.
"He's a thinker. He thinks too god damn much. And I just want him to act. I want him to get something that he wants, instead of watching by the sidelines."
All I can do is nod. I want that for him too.
The next minutes pass easily in comfortable silence and soon enough Finnick leaves for work. I head to my bedroom and curl back into my bed. This whole choosing thing is going to be one of the hardest decision I've really had to make. Hurting one of them is going to hurt me. I've grown so attached to Peeta in the last few weeks, and Gale…well he's Gale.
I must fall asleep while thinking because a few hours later, there's a quiet knocking on the door, and Peeta peeks his head through the crack between the door jam.
"Hey, you left," he says as he walks into my room and sits on the end of my bed.
"Yeah, I just needed some time to think," I say stretching myself out under the covers. And it's basically impossible to think when he's shirtless next to me.
"I get that." He nods, then takes a deep breath, his blue eyes locking with mine. "We'll still be friends, no matter what, okay?" I want to say something or even nod, but the sadness takes over. I don't want to be just friends with him.
"Can you just…can you just hold me?" I ask. I hate being weak, but I need him right now; I need the pain to disappear, if only for a little while. He nods and climbs into bed with me, under the dark sheets and spoons me—running his hand along my arm.
I feel his warm breath on the back of my neck. "Katniss, I'm falling in love with you," he whispers, weaving his fingers with mine and brings it across my stomach, squeezing me tighter to his chest.. "But I will turn off my feelings if you need me to. I will ignore you if you need me to. I will move out if you need me to. I will…love you from afar if you need me to. I will do anything you need me to."
Silent tears begin to stream down my face. I can't lose him. I can't lose him. Not him.
We lay there silently for at least a half an hour, just snuggling, letting the tears fall down my face without wiping them away, before my phone rings, echoing throughout the room. I turn around and reach across Peeta's lying form, and grab the phone that lies there on the nightstand next to a pile of books.
"Hello?" I answer, without looking at the caller-ID.
"Hello, is this Katniss Everdeen?"
"It is," I say, swiping my hand across my face, smearing the spare tears that have collected there.
"Hi, this is Caesar Flickerman. I am the head of the Entertainment section of The Denver Post." The man's voice sounds overly happy and completely eccentric. "Our editor-in-chief, Mr. Heavensbee, said that you were the perfect candidate for our book reviewer job, and I am calling you to offer it to you."
A rush of happiness runs through me. God, I needed this. I needed something to cheer me up and this is amazing. "Absolutely. Yes, absolutely, I would love the job!"
"Great! Well, come on down to The Post on the first of November in…ten days, and we will get you organized and show you everything! Welcome to the team!" His announcer voice practically bursts my eardrums but I'm too happy to care.
"Thank you so much! I will see you then."
We mumble our goodbyes and then I set my phone back on the table and look down at Peeta, who I just realized I had been laying on the entire time I was on the phone. His face is smiling, his eyes crinkling and his dimple showing.
"You got the job!" He yells, grabbing my hips.
"I'm so excited." I put my hands on the side of his face and lean down until our noses are touching. "Thank you so much, Peeta. This happened because of you. You helped me get the job of my dreams."
"And I would do it again."
I hold myself back from pressing my lips to his; instead, I just take a deep breath, inhaling his delicious scent. I think I know what to do.
"Hey, baby, I missed you."
Gale pulls me into a hug, slipping his hands into my loose hair. Gale arrived home at 9:00 p.m., looking unbelievably handsome in his straight suit. He immediately walked me into our bedroom after only giving Peeta and Finnick a brief hello.
"I missed you, too," I mumble, squeezing him back. Because I did. He's my best friend.
"And you thought about us?" He pulls his face away from my hair and looks into my eyes with his soft brown ones.
"Yeah. I did." I bite my lip. "But I think I need a little more time." I have decided, but I need tomorrow to say goodbye to the one I'm not choosing—before everything gets all sad and terrible.
Gale exhales and his calm, loving demeanor is suddenly gone; now he looks pissed. "You know what? You've had enough time. You either love me or you don't!"
"I do love you, but it's not that easy!" I shout, stomping my foot.
"IT SHOULD BE!" Gale rips off his jacket and throws it on the bed. "Fine, if you want more time, I'll give it to you! I'm going to the bar." He walks past me and out of our room, slamming the door behind him. I put my head in my hands. Fuck, I miss when things were easier.
I wait in my room, patiently, for him to come back; just lying in our bed, the covers pulled up to my chin, in grey sweats and a baggy blue t-shirt. He just needs to let off some steam. He's done this before. A few years ago we got in a huge fight over hell if I know, and he went out and got completely trashed. He came home around one, apologized, and we went back to normal.
When I hear the door open and close, I glance at the clock: 4:37 a.m. Fuck, that's way later than last time. I see the door creak open and I sit up in bed. He looks like ass, his suit crumbled and his hair standing up all over his head.
"Gale, what the hell? It's almost five in the morning, where have you been?" He walks towards me, his face broken, and then collapses on his knees on the ground near the end of the bed.
"Katniss," he croaks. "I'm so sorry."
"Hey, it's okay. It's fine. You just needed to go out and relax a bit—I understand." He shakes his head, and then a sob escapes from his throat, choking him.
"I made a mistake."
I frown. "What do you mean, you made a mistake?" I ask, extremely confused. I mean, yeah, he made a mistake, I suppose. He got mad. But he gets mad all the time and never calls it a mistake. Wow, he must be drunker than I thought.
"I didn't mean to do it. It all happened so fast. I mean, I was getting a drink and it was just…she wanted me. And you didn't. And I fucked up."
"What kind of mistake?!" I yell. Oh god, this can't be happening. He's not saying what I think he's saying.
And then he starts to cry, his voice garbled with spit. Gale always has a spitty mouth when he cries. "It was one time, Katniss, just one time."
"You fucked someone?" My angry voice quivers as the tears start to stream down my face.
"I'm sorry, Katniss. It was a mistake. I love you. I love you so much."
"Who was it? Who was the chick that you fucked!?" I jump up off the bed and make my way over to him on the ground. He runs his fingers through his tousled, chocolate hair.
"I don't know, just some chick," he mumbles, sniffing loudly. He looks back up at me, the tears flowing from his eyes. "Katniss, you have to forgive me. You have to. I need you in my life. I can't be without you."
"Yes you can! And now you are! YOU ARE WITHOUT ME!" I scream, wiping the tears angrily from my face. He doesn't get my sadness—not anymore. He gets my anger.
"No, please no. You can't break up with me."
"I JUST DID! YOU DON'T GET TO FUCK SOME SLUT, AND THEN COME CRAWLING BACK TO ME!"
Suddenly, the door is thrown open. "What the hell is going on?" Finnick barges into the room, and I see panic on his face through my tear-blurred vision. "Katniss, what the hell?" He walks over to me and wraps his arms around my shoulders, pulling my body to his. But I push him away.
"GALE FUCKED SOMEONE! HE FUCKED SOMEONE!" My voice cracks on the last word, and I take a deep breath, trying to calm myself, but doing that just causes my tears to start again. I give up on anger and sobs crack my chest. I lean back against Finnick's chest. Then I look back to Gale. His tears are gone and now he just looks dead, his eyes empty and staring up at me. I shake my head. "I've been through a lot of hurt, Gale. I never thought you would hurt me too."
"I'm so sorry." He takes a deep, shaky breath.
My sobs increase, my whole body shaking and shuddering, and I bend over gasping as I try to get air into my empty lungs. Suddenly, somebody is picking me up. I tilt my head against Peeta's neck, my tears wetting his bare shoulder. "Shhh, I've got you," he whispers into my scalp, gently cradling me with one arm under my knees and his other around my shoulders. He shoots a glare at Gale, as he still lies crumpled on the ground. "How could you do that to her?" His voice is laced with venom and disbelief.
Without waiting for an answer, he turns around with me in his arms and leaves the room; he walks right through the kitchen and the living room and he begins to take me upstairs, towards his bedroom. He bumps his door open with his hip, then moves us to his bed, laying me down on the soft turquoise sheets and crawling in next to me—pulling the covers over us. He spoons me, trailing his hand up and down my arm, whispering words of reassurance in my ear as I continue to cry my eyes out. I feel like my chest has been ripped open and my heart has been replaced with asphalt.
Gale cheated on me. He cheated on me. No matter what I felt for Peeta, I never actually cheated on Gale—I could never cheat on Gale. And I never thought he would ever cheat on me.
And I never thought it would hurt this much.