Chapter Ten:
"Are you sure you don't need a hand?" Patrick asked Robin as she walked into the house.
"Not since the last five times you asked me," she smiled as she walked to the couch and sat down. She was feeling much better, but the effects of the meds were taking a while to dissipate.
It had been two days since she woke up and Patrick hadn't left her side. She had been tired and had slept much of the time, but now she was ready to get back to living her life.
"Sorry," he smiled as he sat next to her.
She looked at him and squeezed his arm.
"I don't mind that you're watching over me. I am not really so sure I'm ready to be alone."
He tucked her hair behind her ear and stroked her cheek.
"I'm not going anywhere."
They hadn't really talked about things and other than hugging; they hadn't kissed since she woke up. There was so much still unknown and Patrick was afraid to push her.
"Is Emma coming home soon?" Robin looked around at the house she had longed to come back to.
"Yes. She went to school today, but Mac will bring her over after. She will be thrilled to see you here."
"I want her to be happy. I just want her life to be calm and I don't want her to know anymore sadness," she said and wiped her eyes.
Patrick put his head in his hands and Robin reached to him.
"Hey, what is it?"
He shook his head and wiped his face.
"So much of her sadness is my fault," he stood up and paced. "I brought so many changes to her life and it was confusing and heartbreaking for her. If I had spent one minute thinking of what was actually happening, I could have saved her so much heartache. I could have saved you, too. I should have saved you."
Robin knew they needed to talk about this and it needed to happen now.
"Patrick, I need you to listen to me for a minute," she said. "Please come sit here with me."
He nodded and walked to sit with her. She faced him and her eyes were swimming.
"I love you," she began and held up her hand when he went to say something. "I love you and that never stopped. Through all the time we were apart, I stayed just as in love with you as the day I left," she wiped her eyes and her chin quivered.
"But you moved on. You fell in love with Sam and I need for you to know that I understand. I don't want you to give up on the life you want or the love you've found. I'll be okay. I don't want you to hurt anymore."
"Stop, please," he said brokenly.
She looked at him and waited.
"I thought you left me. I thought you chose to stay away when Emma and I needed you and I can't explain why, but I allowed myself to believe the worst. I think maybe I always felt like I wasn't enough. I worried that you would realize I wasn't the man you thought I was and when you stayed away, my fears were confirmed."
He looked at her and then continued.
"I was with Sam and I did love her, but if I'm honest with myself, I wasn't in love with her. She was a connection to the life I had with you. She missed Jason and I missed you and we just became comfortable together. There was no passion. There was comfort."
He stood up and paced a little as he spoke.
"I wanted Emma to be happy. I wanted to be happy. I figured if I pretended long enough, then it would all work out. I had my great love and if that never happened again, I was okay because I had Emma and she was the best thing I ever did in my life."
He walked back to her and sat down.
"I'm not telling you this to be an ass or to try and excuse what I ignored. I need for you to understand that when Jason came home, it was evident that Sam was in love with him. It didn't matter that he had no memories. She did and she adores him. I understood that because I felt the same way. I love you. I have always loved you and the life we planned is the only life I want. I have tried to move on. I have tried to live my life without you in it, but it's not working. I don't work without you. I am not the man I want to be without you. I know it's a long shot and I have a lot of making up to do, but will you please give me a chance to show you that I love you?"
She reached to cup his face in her hands.
"I love you. I don't want you to do anything but be yourself. I love your arrogance and your intelligence. I have missed talking to you about cases and challenging you over surgery. I want to be your friend and your confidante and I don't want there to be any more sadness. I just want you to be happy."
"You are what will make me happy," he said and leaned in to press his mouth to hers, finally kissing her and pulling her into his arms.
She kissed him back and they were both startled by the doorbell ringing.
"I'll get rid of whoever it is," he said.
She sniffed and smiled as she wiped her eyes.
Patrick opened the door and saw Jason standing there.
"Hi. I wondered if I could speak with Robin?"
Patrick looked at her and she nodded.
"Will you stay?" she asked Patrick.
He smiled and walked to sit with her. Jason came in and sat on the chair across from them. Robin leaned against Patrick.
"How are you doing? I didn't really get a chance to talk to you at the hospital," Jason said.
"I'm good, really. I'm feeling better every day and I'm looking forward to a life of zero excitement," she smiled.
"Right, well I guess that's good," Jason said and eyed Patrick.
"What is it?" Patrick asked.
"Does Robin know about you and Sam?"
Robin put her hand on Patrick's knee and smiled at Jason.
"I know all about it and Patrick and I are good. You don't need to worry about me, okay?"
Patrick looked at her and then at Jason.
"Right, so I wanted to thank you for saving my life. I have had very few memories, but the most powerful ones so far have been of you. I wish I had remembered sooner and could have helped you, but I guess all we can do is move forward. I know you are someone very important to me and I don't want to ignore that," Jason said.
Robin felt Patrick put his arm around her and she nodded.
"We were important to each other at one point," she said. "We shared a lot and we helped each other during a time in our lives where everything was chaos. You are my friend and that will never change. I hope you regain your memories and I think it's actually likely you will. Right now, I want to concentrate on being a mother to Emma and maybe even practicing medicine again. I just want my life back and I hope you find happiness in yours."
Jason nodded and stood up.
"I'll talk to you soon."
Patrick walked him to the door.
"Not too soon."
He smiled tightly and Jason rolled his eyes and left. He turned to Robin and saw her cross her arms.
"What, he's still a jerk."
She grinned and stood up to walk to him.
"I love you."
"I love you, too."
"So what do we do next?" she asked. "Should I look for an apartment?"
He shook his head.
"What? No, this is your home, Robin. Why would you want to leave?"
She crossed her arms and looked around.
"It's not really my home anymore, Patrick. I know you love me and I love you, but we can't just pick up with our lives like everything is the same. You don't need to pretend the last year didn't happen. I think maybe you need space to figure out what's next."
"No I don't," he said. "I don't want to spend another day without you. I want to wake up with you in my arms and I want to hold you all night long. I won't pressure you to do anything you don't want, but I think we've spent enough time apart. I want you to move back in with Emma and me. I want us to be a family again."
She looked around and saw the signs of another woman's touch. She just didn't know if she was ready to be back with him.
"Can we just take it slow? I don't want you to rush into anything."
He saw the hurt on her face and knew she still doubted his feelings.
"Robin, please believe me," he pleaded.
"I do, but we've both changed, Patrick. I just don't want to do the wrong thing."
He went to respond when Emma rushed in.
"Mommy! You're home!" she ran to Robin and hugged her tightly.
"I'm home baby," she said and laughed at how excited Emma was.
"You look amazing," Mac said as he walked in.
Patrick watched Robin sit down with Mac and Emma and he knew he needed to do something to renew her faith in him.
He had an idea.