Author's Note: G'day, people of the world! Hope you're all having fantabulous weeks so far :D After having several misadventures of late, I'm somewhat back to my usual pleasant disposition. I've been waiting for weeks to write this chapter and the moment has finally arrived to share it all with you. The title is based on one of my favourite quotes by Oscar Wilde. This extremely long chapter is dedicated to Sam Puckett.
Disclaimer: I do not own iCarly or the wise words of Oscar Wilde.
"Wow, Lewbert really isn't a people's kind of person," Brad noted somewhat dryly.
"Yeah, Lewbert isn't really…any kind of person." Carly offered, matching his tone.
"Makes sense. With all the grunting and shrieking he does, you could easily mistake him for some kind of wild animal in disguise." Brad joked light-heartedly.
"True. But what wild animal would actually want to pretend to be Lewbert?" Carly questioned in wonder as she and Brad got into the elevator at Bushwell Plaza, laughing amiably together.
Brad had insisted on walking Carly up to her apartment when they had gotten back from the Crown Ridge Mall, which she thought was extremely sweet of him. After their run-in with Freddie, Sam, Gibby and Patrice, Carly and Brad had tried to salvage the rest of their pleasant evening. Unfortunately, the encounter had left a decidedly bad taste in their mouths. So in spite of their better attempts to keep things light-hearted and casual, both Carly and Brad ended up feeling more distracted and pensive during the movie and throughout their light meal of cheese burgers and French fries at the Groovy Smoothie.
After exchanging more small-talk, Carly and Brad finally got out of the elevator and stood outside the front door of the Shay's apartment close to 10pm, their stances awkward and self-conscious.
"So um…thanks for asking me to hang out tonight. I had fun," Carly finally said in a meek tone.
"Yeah, me too. It was kind of a train wreck at the start, but it got back on track towards the end of the night." Brad agreed evenly.
"Yeah," Carly agreed with a small smile on her face.
"That's not true at all, is it?" Brad asked abruptly.
"No," Carly replied in that same tone of voice, a sardonic smile etched on her face.
Brad bowed his head and chuckled slightly while swinging his leg back and forth.
"I'm sorry that things got super uncomfortable between you, me, Sam and Freddie, Carly," he apologised meekly, finally locking eyes with her.
"Don't be sorry, Brad. If anyone should be apologising, it's me." Carly replied soothingly.
"How come?" Brad questioned, wrinkling his nose in confusion.
Carly sighed and ran a hand through her dark brown locks before responding.
"Because…I'm the reason why everyone's been acting so crazy lately. Maybe not the whole world, but…it's definitely the case with Sam and Freddie. You're the only one who hasn't been affected or permanently damaged by my 'weirdness'." Carly explained with air quotes and a silly grin on her lips which didn't meet her eyes.
Brad surprised Carly again by grabbing hold of her wrists in both his hands and then holding her steady. The action reminded her of how Freddie had pulled her close to him hours ago in the iCarly studio. The thought made Carly feel light-headed, especially when she dwelled on how Freddie had leant in closer to her face and almost kissed her right before Spencer had killed another one of their goldfish with an inexplicable fire. It took a second or two before Carly reluctantly forced herself to focus on what Brad was currently saying to her.
"Maybe you could've handled this whole thing a lot better. But the same also applies to Sam and Freddie. You're not entirely responsible for this, ok?" Brad said in a low murmur, a kind smile spreading across his cheeks.
Carly nodded slowly and smiled. Then she did something more unexpected than Brad's actions of a few seconds prior. With their hands still attached, she stood on her tiptoes and laid a chaste kiss on his cheek before pulling back. Brad cleared his throat self-consciously, which made Carly want to giggle.
"Uh…what was that for?" he asked in a small voice.
"Just a 'thank you' for being so sweet to me and for tonight. It was kind of a train smash, but I'm glad you were there to keep me from crashing and burning. You've been a good friend to me lately, Brad. It means a lot," Carly answered sincerely, locking eyes with Brad.
Then she slowly disentangled their hands, irrevocably breaking the connection between them.
"You're welcome, Carly. The feeling's mutual." Brad stated, matching her tone.
Carly smiled again and unlocked the front door before turning to face Brad again, feeling strangely reluctant to say goodnight to him.
"For what it's worth, it was just as hard for me to see Sam tonight as it was for you to see Freddie. Goodnight, Carly."
"Night, Brad."
With a nod and shrug of his shoulders, Brad dug his hands into his pockets and walked off slowly towards the elevators before climbing in and riding back down to Bushwell. After watching him go, Carly shook her head momentarily at the irony of the entire situation and let herself into her home, shutting the front door behind her with a loud click.
"Spencer, I'm home!" she called out in a booming voice.
Spencer came bounding out of his bedroom, dressed in a pair of skinny jeans, Converse sneakers and a short-sleeved checkered shirt, paint smudges all over his arms and cheeks, completely out of breath.
"Hey, you're back! How was your 'date'?" he asked with air-quotes.
"For the last time, it wasn't a date, Spencer. Brad and I just went to see a movie, we got a bite to eat afterwards, then he brought me home."
"Sounds like a date to me."
"Was not, he didn't even kiss me goodnight," Carly pointed out, conveniently leaving out the part where she kissed Brad on the cheek.
"You don't have to kiss someone on a date."
"You would know. You only kiss people you don't date."
"Nyeeeagh!"
"Nyeeeagh!"
Both Carly and Spencer dropped their annoyed stances instantly and resorted to wide grins. Then Carly moved into the kitchen and began rummaging around in the cupboards looking for something to snack on.
"Did you at least have a good time, kiddo?" Spencer asked curiously of his sister.
"Uh, yeah. It was certainly an…interesting night." Carly offered with very little conviction, crunching a little too hard on the oatmeal cookie in her hand.
"Just be careful."
The sudden seriousness of Spencer's tone caught Carly completely off guard.
"What do you mean by that, Spencer?"
"Just that…you and Brad have been spending a lot of time together…"
"Spencer, it's not like that between me and Brad. He's just been helping me through some confusing stuff lately, I swear. We're just friends, everything's fine." Carly replied with emphasis.
"You can't blame me for being a little concerned. Things have been kinda weird between you, Sam and Freddie for days now; you were crying earlier right before Brad came to pick you up, then you just pulled yourself together in 5 seconds' flat. I hate to say this, but this just isn't like you, Carls." Spencer responded cryptically.
"Sam kissed Freddie last weekend during the lock-in and then he asked her out on a date tonight…right after I told him to. I've kinda been avoiding dealing with all of it until now." Carly explained with some difficulty, feeling like she had nothing left to lose now.
Spencer was clearly floored by this new information. But he recovered himself quickly and fixed Carly with a penetrating look that made her slightly uncomfortable.
"I can see why you'd be confused by that and why having Brad around makes you feel better. But if you're hanging out with Brad to get back at Freddie or make him jealous just because he's with Sam now-"
"I'm not doing that, Spencer." Carly answered firmly.
Spencer knew all too well that Carly's tone of voice indicated that the conversation was over. He put up his hands in surrender and pursed his lips before continuing.
"Ok, you don't wanna talk about it, I get it. All I'm saying is that you should be careful. Things may be complicated right now, but you don't wanna go make it worse by not dealing with what's really going on here. No matter what happens, Sam and Freddie are still your friends, just try and remember that. You know you can always talk to me about this stuff, right?" Spencer asked as gently as possible.
Carly relaxed her defensive stance and her shoulders slouched, knowing that Spencer was right.
"Of course I do. Thanks," she mumbled meekly.
Spencer nodded in response and a silence ensued between them. This didn't last for very long when they suddenly heard someone knocking persistently on the front door. The Shay siblings caught each other's eyes and frowned in confusion.
"Are you expecting anyone?" Carly asked curiously.
"Nope. Socko's only coming over around 3am," Spencer offered, which Carly had no response for.
Spencer jogged towards the door and stared through the peephole. He frowned even more and moved to unlock the front door. The door opened and revealed Sam standing behind it, her hands pursed together in obvious agitation.
"Sam?" Carly questioned in amazement, moving a few steps forward.
"Hey, guys." Sam greeted with a self-conscious wave of her hand before placing said hand back into her jeans pocket.
"Come on in," Spencer implored and stepped aside.
Sam acquiesced and entered the apartment, looking for all the world like a stranger to her surroundings. Carly couldn't help noticing that she was still dressed in the same clothes she'd worn several hours ago at the Crown Ridge Mall.
"I'm sorry to just drop by unannounced like this-"
"Since when has that ever stopped you before?" Spencer asked with a loud snort.
He quickly dropped his mocking smile when Sam raised an eyebrow at him, a dangerous glint in his eye.
"Sorry," he apologised meekly before bowing his head.
"Anyway. Like I said, I'm sorry I dropped by like this. But I really need to talk to you, Carly. It's important." Sam continued on in a frank voice.
Carly looked over Sam's appearance and tried to read the look on her face. But her best friend wasn't giving anything away with her overall body language.
"Spencer, is it ok if you give me and Sam a private moment?" she asked politely of her older brother.
Spencer, who had been watching the two teenage girls very closely all the while, gave a sudden start at being addressed directly.
"Right! Private moment! I'm gonna go back into my bedroom…which no one is allowed to peek into at any time. If you girls need anything…that's where I'll be."
With the demeanour of a frightened bunny, Spencer literally sped back into his bedroom. Carly didn't have much time to ponder on her brother's peculiar behaviour, her entire being focused on Sam now.
"So…I figured you'd still be with Freddie or at home by now." Carly began by way of introduction when Sam remained standing where she was.
That seemed to rouse Sam enough to move just a little, swinging her arms at her sides.
"Let's just say me and Freddie ended things a little early tonight, in more ways than one. I had every intention of going home; but somehow, I ended up here. I guess it's because I've always treated this place like home." Sam answered with a wistful glance at her surroundings.
"What are you doing here, Sam?" Carly demanded seriously.
She wasn't relieved at all when Sam sighed loudly in response and looked like she was on the verge of puking on the spot. Carly had never seen her best friend in this light before; the sight unnerved her a great deal.
"Carls, I have to tell you something. And once I say it, there's a good chance that you're probably gonna hate me forever."
"Sam, that's crazy. I know things have been weird and uncomfortable between you and me these past few days. But after everything we've been through, I could never hate you." Carly protested sincerely in spite of her feelings of foreboding.
"You might change your mind once you hear what I have to say." Sam replied grimly.
"Sam, you're freakin' me out here."
"Good. Because what I'm about to say is gonna make you freak, big time."
"Sam, just spit it out. What are you trying to tell me?"
"Carls, I have to talk to you about Freddie-"
"I don't think I wanna hear anymore," Carly interjected rapidly, changing her mind instantly, a wave of unease sweeping over her at the sound of his name.
She was already moving towards the stairs leading up to her bedroom when Sam's words stopped her.
"You have to! I have to say this once and just get it off my chest. And you need to hear it too – you can decide afterwards what you wanna do with what I'm about to tell you."
Carly turned around again and came back towards Sam, new courage flooding through her veins. Spencer had told her she needed to face whatever came next. It was now or never.
"Ok. What do you wanna tell me?" she asked meekly of Sam.
"The thing is…I haven't been completely honest with you about this stuff with Freddie. I'm not just talking about everything that's happened this past week, I mean…everything to do with Freddie. I've been lying to you, Freddie, and myself. And it's time that I came clean about…everything." Sam began in a hasty tone, her face now tinged with green.
Sam paused again before daring to look Carly dead in the eye as she spoke.
"When Freddie broke up with you a year ago, he said it was because he was just 'foreign bacon' to you, that you only loved him because he saved your life. But here's the thing: Freddie didn't come up with that analogy all by himself, I told him about it first."
"So…you gave him advice which concerned 'foreign bacon'?" Carly asked in bewilderment.
Sam shook her head vigorously, stubborn tears threatening to fall from her eyes, making her feel all the more wretched.
"No I didn't. Freddie thought I gave him advice. But I wasn't, Carly. I wasn't trying to help him or you. I was trying to sabotage the both of you."
"The truth is…I fed Freddie that chizz about 'foreign bacon' because…I wanted him to break up with you."
Carly blinked for several seconds while she tried to digest what Sam was trying to tell her.
"You wanted Freddie to break up with me? Because you thought we weren't right for each other?" Carly prodded uncertainly.
Then the truth hit her when the tears began to leak from her best friend's eyes.
"Oh my God," Carly breathed in realisation, the horror stunning her like a bullet straight to the chest.
"Carly-"
"Oh my God! You told Freddie that on purpose because you already liked him back then! Oh my God!" Carly screamed, clutching her face in her hands like she was in pain.
"Carly, listen to me! I wasn't thinking clearly! You and Freddie happened out of the blue and it freaked me out! I didn't know what to think! And then the answer just came to me and I knew what I had to do."
"How could you do that? How could you look both me and Freddie in the eye and do that? I loved him!"
Before Sam could stop her, Carly had advanced on her and began pushing savagely at the shorter girl's shoulders with her two hands, causing Sam to stumble a little.
"I WANTED TO BE WITH HIM!"
The declaration rang through the entire apartment like a police siren. But Spencer didn't come out of his bedroom to check on them, not even once. All Sam could do was stare dumbly at Carly while the latter heaved in deep breaths, her entire body pulsing with unbridled anger.
"He was mine, Sam." She declared in a deathly cool voice.
Sam blinked in disbelief at her best friend. For a brief moment, she forgot what she had wanted to say while she too gave way to anger at Carly's words.
"Yours? Freddie's not your property, Carly. He's not a toy that you can just discard whenever you get bored and find somebody new to play with." Sam retorted indignantly.
Carly shrieked with laughter at this statement.
"Freddie's not a toy? Sam, do you even hear yourself? You've always treated Freddie like a toy that you could just break whenever you felt like it. When did that suddenly change? Was it 5 minutes before you kissed him during the lock-in?" Carly demanded with a callous smile on her face.
"I care about Freddie," Sam mumbled.
"Since when? Since you realised that he'd never like you more than he's liked me for years?" Carly yelled with malevolence.
"You're one to talk, Carly! I didn't see you trying to show Freddie just how much you care about him while you were trying to date Adam months ago. You were perfectly happy just being friends with Freddie until I kissed him last week. Face facts, Carly. You just can't stand the idea of Freddie not spending every waking hour of his life building a shrine to you," Sam spat in a malicious tone, moving dangerously close to Carly.
They were practically nose to nose, staring each other down while Sam jabbed Carly in the chest with her index finger till it began to bruise Carly's skin, the silence deafening in their ears.
Carly wanted so badly to refute Sam's words. But try as she might, there was nothing in her arsenal of resentment that she could level against Sam, nothing that compared to years of wilful indifference on her part where Freddie was concerned. Maybe Sam had tormented Freddie for years, but hadn't she done the same as well? Maybe her assaults didn't show up on skin, but they went far deeper than that and had lingered far longer than Sam's bruises ever could.
"You're right, you got me. I…I didn't know how hard it would be to see Freddie care about someone else like he did with me for all these years, much less if that girl turned out to be you. But that doesn't excuse what you did, not even for a split second," Carly retorted heatedly, the blood in her cheeks stinging like hot water bubbling over.
"Carly-"
"You're my best friend, Sam! I wanted to be with Freddie a year ago," Carly repeated, her voice breaking on the last part as salty tears fell from her eyes too.
"No you didn't, Carly! You just think you did, but you were wrong. And I helped both you and Freddie see that!"
Carly emitted a mirthless laugh that sounded and felt more like an irate scream as it jumped out of her throat, threatening to tear at her insides.
"You helped me? You didn't help me! You didn't even do this for me! You did this for yourself because you're…mean and thoughtless!" she stammered, her hands shaking with fury.
"You didn't want him before the taco truck! When he let you go, you just accepted it without question. Think about it! Just take a second and think about it! He chased you and you never wanted him…until he saved your life. You wanted to be with Freddie because you felt like you owed him."
"That's not true! You don't know anything about how I felt then or how I feel now! Get out, I want you to leave right now!" Carly fumed angrily while gesturing towards the door.
"No, I'm not leaving until we talk this out!"
"I said get out!"
"No!"
In a blinding flash, Carly shoved Sam backwards, her back hitting the wall behind her with a loud thump.
"I want you to go, Sam." Carly commanded in an icy voice.
Sam knew full well that she could've gotten out of Carly's steely grip on her shoulders and wrestled Carly to the ground like she was a toy. But she wasn't about to let Carly let her go; the idea was too fantastic to entertain.
"I can't, Carly." Sam replied in a pathetic tone.
"Fine, so talk then. Tell me why you did what you did – tell me why you lied."
"Because I didn't know what else to do – I was confused about my feelings when I saw the two of you together. Just like you're confused right now when you saw me and Freddie together tonight for the first time."
Carly finally let go of Sam's shoulders and backed away from her, feeling like she was seconds away from shutting down completely.
"Why are you doing this? Why are you trying to hurt me?" Carly pleaded morosely with Sam, her face shiny and wet with tears cascading down her cheeks.
"Did you know when it first hit me?" Sam asked in a strange tone of voice, her face taking on an entirely different texture of despair now.
"When what first hit you? What are you talking about?" Carly fumed, feeling the last remaining dregs of her sanity slowly ebbing away.
"The first time that I realised I may like Freddie."
Carly's features altered altogether at Sam's words. Sam didn't wait for Carly to respond or start another angry tirade.
"Sure it was different in a way I'd never experienced before when Freddie and I first kissed two years ago. Even when Freddie helped me get rid of Missy, it wasn't enough to completely change my opinion of him. But bit by bit, it started changing deep inside of me without me even knowing. And then it finally hit home one night when I stepped into the Groovy Smoothie and saw you and Freddie together." Sam began in a cautiously weary voice.
"When Freddie and I were together? When was this?" Carly questioned in bewilderment.
"The night of the Sadie Hawkins dance when you went with Austen and Freddie went with Magic Malika. I saw you and Freddie dancing together in the Groovy Smoothie, Carly."
If Carly thought she had been surprised enough during the course of the day, she was clearly mistaken. She goggled unabashedly back at Sam, who wore an unfathomable expression on her face. In the space of more than a year, Sam had never even admitted to being in the same zip code as the Groovy Smoothie that night, much less in the actual restaurant.
"You were there?" was all she could utter in the wake of her conflicting thoughts.
Sam nodded slowly, feeling a distinct weight loosening inside of her and crumbling onto the floor.
"But you went to Gibby's house to try and convince him to come with you to the dance." Carly protested in a final ditch effort to avail herself of knowing more than she really should.
Sam gave Carly a contrite smile, which made the latter feel worse than ever, sensing that there was more behind her best friend's smile.
"I did and he was on a date with Tasha at his house (that's when I first met Tasha). So I figured I'd come find you, thinking we could hang out or something. I swung by here and you weren't back yet, so I thought you might be at the Groovy Smoothie with Austin. I got there around closing time and walked in and I…"
Sam stopped short and caught her breath, an unusual lump forming in her throat. She hadn't allowed herself the luxury of thinking about that night for such a long time. And now that she was finally giving herself a chance to revisit that night, she somehow found herself to be inadequate to the task. She gathered what little resolve she still had and went on with her story.
"I…saw you and Freddie dancing together." She finished slowly, her mind's eye taking her somewhere she didn't want to go…
Sam walked along the side-walk, the ringlets of her voluminous blonde hair catching in the wind and blowing across her cheeks. She shook her head and laughed humourlessly, thinking about Gibby again. After seeing his new girlfriend, Tasha, she wasn't shocked anymore about him wanting to skip Sadie Hawkins and spend time with her alone at his house instead. Tasha was ridiculously hot, even a blind guy would agree.
But at the same time, it made Sam reflect even more on her own looks. She wasn't hideous, that much she knew. But she'd never felt like she was beautiful, naturally graceful or as comfortable in her femininity as Carly. Then again, she'd never really tried to embrace it before until she started liking Pete. And Carly had helped make her girly until she realised that she'd never needed it to begin with where Pete was concerned. But then Pete had moved away and the whole thing had become a moot point. And here she was in a fancy dress and high heels, roaming the streets of Kennedy Square alone. At least her brown leather jacket fit her snugly and kept her warm. Plus, it looked good on her.
Sam saw the dim and cosy lights of the Groovy Smoothie ahead and smiled to herself. Through thick and thin, this had always been her favourite spot in the whole wide world, besides Chilli My Bowl. Some of her fondest memories had been in this place; most of these memories came accompanied by Carly and occasionally Freddie as well. She hoped Carly would be here, even if she was still hanging out with that nub Austin, who didn't know the meaning of shutting up. At least she'd still get to see her best friend. All she wanted to do was forget that this stupid night ever happened. But it wasn't meant to be as Sam walked through the glass doors of the Groovy Smoothie, her high heels making no sound against the hard wood floors.
It was a night she was destined never to forget.
And all she could do was stare at the scene unfolding before her eyes. Carly and Freddie were dancing together. But not in the awkward way that teenagers often did: holding hands and keeping a cautious distance between their bodies while swaying on the spot in an uncoordinated manner.
No, it was quite the opposite. Freddie was holding Carly right against his chest, his arms interwoven around her back like a vine. And Carly in turn was resting her head on his shoulder, a resplendent smile playing on the side of her face which Sam could see. Sam had never seen them like this before: so perfectly serene and at ease in each other's company.
Without her.
Sam felt like she was watching a scene out of one of those classic Hollywood films where the hero and heroine are engaged in a romantic moment that you felt like you were intruding upon just by merely watching. But her feet wouldn't move for a few seconds, even though it felt like hours had passed by. The sight mesmerised her in the most obscene way, like staring at the grotesque and mangled victims of a car accident. She couldn't tear her eyes away, even though her brain was screaming at her to run.
She'd never seen something more perfect in her entire life than in this moment.
And it hurt.
But she didn't know why.
The faint recesses of her brain told her it was because she had been constantly betting against the odds of this moment ever happening for years: that moment when Carly would actually reciprocate Freddie's feelings. She had scorned it, openly mocked the idea that Freddie actually had a chance with Carly. And as it turned out, she had been wrong all along. Even T-Bo knew it too now, his eyes glued to Freddie and Carly while they danced, a goofy grin on his face all the while.
Then she felt an ironic shrug forming on her lips and shoulders when she realised that her feelings didn't really matter at the end of it all. She had intruded for long enough on Carly and Freddie's private moment; it was time to make a hushed exit before they saw her. She intuitively knew that they wouldn't want her to know; she was after all, a connoisseur of keeping secrets that nobody cared or dared to know about the real her. And then Sam's feet guided her towards the doors, pushing them open noiselessly. She looked once more to make sure that it hadn't been a dream. When she was reassured it was indeed reality, she let the door swing behind her, not caring if Carly, Freddie or T-Bo for that matter heard her leave. And then she was back on the pavement, weaving her way through more groups of couples, happy in each other's company, the sight mercilessly stinging her dry eyes.
It was only when she finally got home that she began crying unabashedly, feeling the tears being wrung out of her like dirty water out of a wet dish cloth, stretching her and squeezing at her insides.
But still, she didn't know why…
Carly didn't know when she had begun crying, only that she had released Sam from her hold somewhere in the middle of her best friend's narrative. She didn't know what to think or how to feel. All she knew for certain was that she was falling and there was no one or nothing down below to break her fall.
"You were horrible to Freddie for days after the Sadie Hawkins dance; insulting him, beaming him in the head with things. I thought you were worse than usual." She admitted in a wry voice as the pieces began to fall into place.
"I guess I was. I just desperately wanted things to go back to normal inside my head, but it wouldn't. It didn't help that Freddie was being really nice to me right after the dance; that just made me more frustrated and mad." Sam confessed.
And then Carly was abruptly angry again.
"Why are you telling me all of this, Sam? Why now? How could you keep this from me?" she exploded.
"I never had a real reason to bring it up until now. No sense in knocking over the taco truck again if ya catch ma drift. You have no idea how much I wanted this to go away, my feelings. I thought by beating up Freddie, I could somehow beat it out of my system. But every time I hit or insulted him, it backfired on me every time. And it hurts, Carls."
"That's not fair, Sam. You can't expect me to stand here and listen to what you're saying and actually believe that you really mean it. How can you expect that of Freddie after everything you've done to him for years?"
"I don't, not anymore. I told him to forget the whole thing tonight, forget that I kissed him." Sam replied calmly.
Carly's anger vanished at this pronouncement, only to be replaced with stunned confusion.
"You ditched Freddie?"
"I had to have been with Freddie to begin with to break up with him, Carls. Tonight was our first date and it didn't go well. All he could do all night long was talk about that chizz 'Mabel' movie we watched and how much Mabel reminded him of you and your bad taste in guys that aren't him. Mama can't miss what she never had." Sam remarked nonchalantly.
"But you were dressed so nicely and girly, this is a big deal. I realised that the second I laid eyes on you at the Crown Ridge Mall. I thought you two were…more." Carly protested somewhat lamely on the last part.
"I thought so too when he came to see me on Wednesday at my house and kissed me."
Carly's emotions were going haywire at this point and time till she felt like her head might actually explode from everything Sam was telling her.
"He kissed you?" Carly demanded, her mind reeling at the thought.
"Only because he found out about your date with Brad tonight," Sam elaborated.
"I wasn't on a date with Brad! Yeah, he asked me to watch a movie with him tonight. But just as friends! Then Freddie stormed into the iCarly studio and just accused me out of nowhere. He didn't even give me a chance to explain! Who eavesdrops on a private conversation and turns it into a huge misunderstanding?" Carly questioned indignantly.
"Oh chizz," Sam murmured in mortification.
"What?" Carly asked distractedly.
"Freddie didn't eavesdrop on yours and Brad's conversation, I did. I didn't tell him you were dating Brad on purpose, I swear. Freddie confronted you based on what I thought was true. I'm the one who misunderstood, I'm so sorry, Carls." Sam apologised emphatically, looking close to tears.
Carly sighed heavily and ran her hands through her hair. Then she moved sluggishly towards the kitchen counter and rested her back against the marble top, feeling distinctly worn out. Sam joined her a few seconds later and mimicked her stance, both of them staring straight ahead, their eyes opaque and fathomless.
"I think I'm suffering from information overload," Carly muttered after a few seconds of silence while rubbing her forehead with her hand.
"Welcome to my world. I've never had to think this much in my entire life till now. At least I finally got what I came for," Sam returned in a pensive voice.
"What exactly was that?" Carly asked curiously, craning her neck to stare at her blonde-headed friend.
"I know how you feel about Freddie. You really do love him; I guess it worked after all," Sam remarked in a tired voice.
Carly blinked several times while she pondered on the sudden gravity behind Sam's words. And then she rounded on Sam, shock coursing through her bones like white fire.
"W-w-wh-what? You mean y-y-you made all of that stuff up?" Carly fumed indignantly, pointing an accusing finger at Sam's chest.
"Nope, that was all true. But I wasn't sure if telling you everything would be the right thing to do. Now I know for sure." Sam replied with a small smile.
"But I can't still feel that way about Freddie. It's been over for a year – I…I tried to date other guys." Carly stammered in confusion, feeling a distinct migraine coming on from the night's events.
"Maybe you just had a hard time admitting it to yourself how you really feel after all this time. Kinda like me." Sam offered.
Carly turned to face her best friend with a sorrowful expression on her face.
"How do you really feel, Sam? Are you in love with him?" she prodded seriously.
Carly could've easily taken Sam's silence as acquiescence to her question and probably welcomed it. But still she waited for an answer that would most likely change everything between the two of them.
"Yeah…I guess I am, Carls. I just feel differently about him, more than I've ever felt about anyone I've ever liked before – Jonah, Shane…Pete. You want the truth? Well, there it is." Sam responded nonchalantly on the last part as if to dismiss the entire thing.
"Sam-"
"Carls, don't. It's done now, don't worry about it. It's fine."
"No, it's not! This is all my fault! I screwed everything up for you and I'm so sorry. Look, I'll talk to Freddie for you and make this right-"
"Stop! I don't want you to do that, Carls! You can't make this right, not for me anyway. But you can make things right with Freddie. He still loves you after everything that's happened lately, whether he likes it or not. And I think you love him too, for real this time. So please do me a favour and just quit fighting it or denying how you really feel!"
"How am I supposed to make things right with Freddie? He can't stand being in the same room with me for longer than 2 minutes." Carly declared in a dejected voice.
"Well, for starters, you can tell him that you're not dating Brad and that you never were. That will go a long way towards smoothing things over with the nub." Sam teased somewhat, causing Carly to chuckle lightly.
"What about you?
"I'll be fine."
"That's what I thought after I saw you kiss Freddie during the lock-in. But I think we both know that's not true now."
"Maybe I'm not fine; heck, we're probably all screwed up after eating our fries with a bottle of crazy-sauce lately. But I will be ok, I promise. So will you and Freddie."
"I can't do that to you, Sam. You're my best friend in the whole wide world. No guy is more important than that, not even Freddie. I can't go after him right in front of you. That would be wrong on so many levels."
"No, it isn't. You had him first, remember? Maybe if I'd been nicer to him years ago, things might be different now and maybe Freddie would've given me a real chance and not just because he couldn't have you. I guess we'll never know now." Sam answered with a shrug of her shoulders.
Sam grew alarmed when Carly's shoulders began convulsing and more tears ran down her best friend's cheeks.
"Hey," she said in a soothing tone, rubbing Carly's shoulder gently as the brunette started hiccoughing violently.
"I'm sorry, my emotions are just all over the place right now. I don't know what to do with all of this." Carly admitted through shaky breaths, covering her face with a hand to hide the remaining tears, feeling positively ashamed of her lack of control.
"I know you're confused, I've been pretty confused lately too. But we're halfway there now, the rest is up to you, Carls." Sam remonstrated patiently.
"How can you be so calm about this, Sam? I screwed up everything and now you get…nothing." Carly sobbed from behind her hand, her voice sounding more nasally than usual.
Sam sighed and bit that persistent lump growing and expanding in her throat. She had fought against this feeling all night long, willing herself not to cry in front of Carly, even when her whole body was aching with the effort.
"I don't have nothing now. I still have you, Carls. That's all I want; that's more than enough for me." She finally choked out.
Before she could even blink, Carly had pulled her hand away from her face. Instead, she used that same hand and grabbed Sam, pulling her into a tight embrace, her hand cradling Sam's head while she hugged her. And for close to a minute, Sam finally let herself cry while she dwelled on everything that had transpired all week long between her, Carly and Freddie.
But then she began withdrawing back into that part of her chest that didn't allow for any emotion, just like her mother had taught her from a young age. As long as you let someone in that part of your heart, that gave them the power to break it. Sam Puckett may be a fixer-upper, but she was far from broken. She would use that small part of her chest to heal up the rest of her aching, tattered heart. Her hands pried away gently at Carly's arms and she disentangled herself slowly, albeit reluctantly from her best friend.
"I have to go now."
For the first time all night, Carly actually dreaded the thought of Sam leaving her. And it made her cling to her best friend all the more.
"You don't have to go, Sam. You could…stay." Carly tried, gesturing towards the sofa, Sam's favourite spot in the entire apartment.
Nothing would've made Sam happier than to just flop right onto the yellow sofa she called home, close her eyes and drift off to sleep. But she couldn't do it, not yet. As much as she wanted things to go back to normal with her, Carly and Freddie, she wasn't ready. She needed tonight just to think or just to be without anyone pushing against her impenetrable walls. Even though she couldn't vocalise it, what Sam needed most was a little time.
"Not tonight, Carls." She replied simply and assuredly.
Carly had always admired that force of unadorned gravity behind Sam's words when she was in earnest. And she understood all too well now that her friend needed some space, even if she didn't want her to leave.
"Ok." Carly answered in a small voice, bowing her head slightly.
Sam nodded and moved away slowly from the kitchen counter.
"I never told you that you looked beautiful tonight," Carly piped up unexpectedly, which surprised Sam.
She didn't know what else to do but give Carly her signature smirk in response.
"Thanks," she murmured in return.
"Can I call you tomorrow?" Carly asked hesitantly, as if she and Sam were complete strangers now.
It took Sam several heartbeats to finally answer.
"Sure."
Then they both mirrored each other, raising their hands tentatively and waving at each other in parting. Then with another nod of her head, Sam opened up the front door and left, closing it behind her with a little more vigour. She rested her back against the Shay's front door momentarily and closed her eyes, feeling like she could fall asleep against the cool wooden surface at any second.
Pam had always told her that she was 'born to wander'. Sam had often thought Pam meant she was a deep thinker. But now she knew that it meant she was supposed to go places. Whether she intended to move with people she loved or wander alone was anyone's guess. Sam certainly wasn't going to think about it for too long. So she chose the latter and started walking, not bothering to spare a second glance at apartment 8-H on her immediate right as she crossed the lonely hallway.
Carly's hand was still raised halfway in parting, her eyes glued to the front door which Sam had walked through seconds ago. With a colossal effort, she brought her hand towards her face and began wiping away the tears that had fallen. Spencer found her in this stance several seconds later, walking cautiously towards her with muted footsteps.
"Are you ok?" Spencer asked timidly, having heard some of his sister's angry outburst, finally daring to come inspect the damage of hers and Sam's argument.
Carly turned to face Spencer, all remnants of despair gone from her face.
"No, but I will be as soon as I talk to Freddie and straighten out this mess that I've made." she declared with a determined air.
Author's Note: So...what did y'all think? Is it wrong that I'm totally lapping up all this misery in this story? Maybe my mind has finally unhinged, not really sure :P Somehow I feel like I won't be able to top this kind of intensity with the next chapter, I'll certainly do my best. Thank you so much to everyone who's been keeping me smiling with reviews, favourites and story alerts for this story. All of your feedback has kept me up at night, but in a good way forrealz :D Well, that's it for me for now. We're looking at 2-3 more chapters left of this shin-dig before the final penny drops. Hope you all rest, recuperate and reblog this weekend, cheers!