Shit's about to get real.
Please review if you're enjoying the story and thanks for reading once again! xxx
Chapter 10

Alex and I had been home for a few months now and it was so good being back in the place we knew and loved. Charlie are Bryarly had done a big spring clean and I found it to be the perfect chance to do some re-decorating. I organised with Bryarly to go down to the local home wears store and surprise the boys with a few pieces of new furniture.

We we're in the bedding section when we came to a small set up of a childs bedroom. I was frozen in that stop and I couldn't take my eyes off the picture on the dresser. It was of a little baby, looking like it had not long been born. The look in its eyes reminded me of my own baby and I suddenly felt my chest tightening and tears welling up in my eyes. Bryarly spotted me and quickly whisked me away from that area, changing the subject as we went along. We came home with some interesting finds, but I couldn't will myself to be excited about it anymore, after seeing that picture. I loved decorating and I thought it would take my mind off things but every time I saw the picture of mine and Alex's wedding on the wall, and the small bump under my dress which was barely visible, it just made my feelings even worse.

Throughout the whole afternoon I was quiet. Alex could tell, but he never dared to ask why, as he was afraid of how fragile I'd become over the last few weeks. He never brought up the conversation about more children, even now, months later, the pain is still raw as hell and I still miss Xander every day. Although on this particularly cold spring day, I was curled up on the seat by the window with my big doona, just staring at the TV with a cup of tea in my hand, forgetting to drink it, letting it go cold.

People were moving around me but I didn't notice. I moved my gaze to the window and this seemed to stir Alex from in front of his laptop, which was in the room directly opposite me.

He came over to me and put his hand on my shoulder, somewhat reassuringly. His hands were warm compared to my pale, cold skin and this seemed to end whatever stupor I had got myself into.

"Carrie. You haven't moved for hours." Alex said, seeming very concerned.

"Oh, yeah. Right." I said, getting up from the chair.

Alex put his arm on my lower back and lead me into the kitchen.

As I washed up my cup on the sink he stared at me, looking like he wanted to ask me a question.

"What is it, my love?" I said as I walked over to him and put my arms around his neck.

"Carrie." He said seriously as he put his hands on my hips.

"We need to talk about some things."

"What things?" I said, trying to sound calm and collected.

He sat me down at the dining table, took my hands in his, stared directly into my eyes and said.

"I want to try for another baby."

I couldn't think of any words. How could he have suggested this? After everything that we've been through and he just comes out with this like it's no big deal, how could he?

"Alex, I.. y-you know I, I can't" I said, shaking my head in disbelief.

"That's the thing Carrie, ever since what happened with Xander, you haven't been the same and I think having another child will help you heal, and move on." Alex said patiently.

"No." I said.

"You're just going to say no, without giving it any thought?" Alex said.

"I... I don't want to." I replied.

This was a lie. I couldn't put all my emotions into words. Alex was right, but I was too stubbon to admit it.

"What!?" Alex said, letting go of my hands. "Shit. I don't believe you Carrie."

"Well... I don't know what I'm feeling right now. Please Alex, I need some time.." I said quietly.

"Carrie! You've had so much time!" Alex yelled, standing up from the table.

I flinched at his words and the volume of his voice. I looked at Alex in disbelief, waiting for him to say sorry, or even anything for that matter. But he just stood, breathing heavily and trying to hide the emotions in his eyes but he knew as well as I did that I could read him like a book.

I stood up quickly and stormed to the hallway. I was so mad at Alex now, how could he have said something like that to me? I needed him now more than ever but it seemed he was doing everything against me.

I grabbed my bag, my coat, and my umbrella and walked to the front door.

Alex followed and yelled, "I'm sorry baby, I'm so sorry. Please don't go. Carrie!"

I slammed the front door shut and heard him calling after me but I wasn't going to go back, at least not tonight. I headed for the only place I knew I would be 100% welcome. Jack's.