Wow thank you to everyone for their well wishes and enquiries about my health, I promise you all I am back to 100%.

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Thank you especially to the following people for sharing your thoughts with me, scrux2, Godlove, Harley Quinn Davidson, waterproof88, Dominomino, Judelltar, CR00, taymm15, Breakdown6, julsola007, Ohsoclever1, vts, Born2Try, this story great, Chillanin1 and Dani.

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I realised I hadn't been doing disclaimers, but I assume you all realise that I do not own SON, much to my incredible sadness!

Angels on the Moon

Chapter Ten

Spencer's POV

"Spencer, just calm down!" Clay said with a gentle hand on my shoulder.

I shook it off and snapped, "Calm down? Are you kidding Clay?! There is no way in hell I am calming down until I know Allie is safe!" I glanced up as Dad raced up to join us, "No sign of her at the main house?"

He shook his head sadly, "No she wasn't there Spencer. Your Mom has stayed behind in case Allie turns up. She'll call us if anything happens."

"Ok...ok so we have to look for her, we have to find her. Glen can you go down to Carlin House and see if Allie made her way down there?" Glen nodded and jogged off to his SUV.

I turned to Clay next and asked, "Clay can you please check the barn, sheds and the paddocks, see if she's with Donkey? We all know how much she loves that pony," Clay agreed and started running down the driveway.

Next up was Chelsea, "Chelsea can you search down the driveway towards the road? I don't think she would have gone that way, but you never know. Make sure you look in the shrubs along the road, she might be hiding."

"No problem Spence, I'll call if I hear anything," Chelsea replied before heading off down the driveway.

"Madison can you stay at my place just in case she comes home? Dad and I will check the trails and the forest," I said, my voice husky as I held back tears. Madison gave my hand a squeeze before heading back into my house and Dad and I headed off for the trails, hoping against hope that Allie wouldn't have gotten too far and that we would find her quickly!

I wouldn't feel better until I knew that my daughter was safe.

Ashley's POV

I sat by the window in Spencer's old bedroom, actually I had spent so much of my childhood there it felt like it was my childhood bedroom as well, and gazed up the driveway at the cottage where my wife and my daughter lived. My girls.

I lifted my hand to push my limp, thinning dull brown hair out of my face and felt my fingers tremble against my skin. I was a goddamn mess and I had no one to blame but myself. Everything I had become, everything my family and loved ones was going through was my fault. I was the cause of so much pain for everyone in my life. They would all be better off if I had managed to kill myself with those fucking drugs. More often than not I really wished I had.

It hurt so much to know that I had destroyed the best parts of my life, it was like I couldn't move, or function. All I could do was sit and stare out at the farm that had once been home to me. I searched the property for memories of better times and waited for the little moments when I got to see Allie and Spencer. Anything to take me away from the fucking thoughts that made me want to leave this place and find the nearest possible bar or dealer to send myself into the bliss of oblivion.

I watched Spencer and Allie whenever I could. I watched them in their garden, coming and going from their house. I watched the lights go on and off in their cottage and dreamed about what they were doing.

Since I had left my girls two years ago I had tried not to think about them, but they ended up being the majority of what I thought about. I thought about them both so much it was just easier to stay high. It was easier to lose myself in the drugs, alcohol and my demons than to face the truth of it all. To face up to the fact that what my life had become was entirely my doing.

I knew that I had put Spencer and our family through hell, and I don't think I could ever begin to forgive myself for that. Listening to Spencer talk about all the pain and heart break I had caused her, watching as she broke down in her old bedroom two nights ago, killed me. All I wanted was to lose myself in the nothingness that only drugs could provide. After she had left I had searched through all my stuff, hoping that Paula had missed something in her search. I found nothing.

Instead I was forced to spend the night facing up to the pain I had caused Spencer. The part that was hardest to hear though was that she still loved me. How could she still love me when I had destroyed everything? I was poison and everyone I touched ended up broken. It almost made me angry, why couldn't she just give up on me like anyone else would have? Why were they forcing me to 'get better' when I wasn't worth it. Why wouldn't they just leave me alone and let me disappear like I deserved?

I was lost in thought when the sound of panicked voices downstairs caught my attention. "Arthur! Spencer just called, Allie has gone missing!" Paula cried almost hysterically.

I felt my breath catch in my throat and quickly walked over to the door so I could hear what they were saying.

"Oh my God, what happened?" Arthur asked in a deeply concerned voice.

"Spencer said she and Allie had an argument and while Spencer thought Allie was in her room she must have snuck out of the house. Spencer says she must have been gone for about 20 minutes to half an hour by now. She is beside herself," Paula said tearfully.

I moved to the top of the stairs so I could see them and watched as Arthur pulled his wife, who was still in her pyjamas having been woken up by her cell phone, into his arms and held her close. "Shh Sweetheart, it's going to be ok. I'll go help Spencer and the others look and you stay here in case Allie shows up."

Paula nodded against his chest and Arthur kissed her on the forehead before releasing her, grabbing his cell phone and racing out the door. Paula watched him go with worry marring her features.

I just felt sick. I know I had walked away from Spencer and Allie, but I love them. The thought that Allie was off somewhere by herself was almost too much to take. I really fucking wished I was high.

Before Paula could catch me up on the stairs I crept back through the upstairs hallway and snuck down the very back staircase that led out to the coat room. These stairs were almost never used these days, but Spencer and I had used them a lot as kids when we were sneaking away from Glen and Clay.

I stepped out of the house and into the sunlight, blinking as my eyes adjusted. I couldn't believe only an hour or so ago I had been out here eating breakfast with Arthur and now I was going to look for my missing daughter who I hadn't really ever been a parent to.

I guess if I had really stopped to think about what I was doing I would have been shitting myself at the thought of coming face to face with my daughter for the first time in 2 years, and to be frank seeing her without me being high for the first time in pretty much her whole life. All I was thinking about was getting to my daughter and getting her back to Spencer safely. It was like I was on autopilot.

I walked up the path between the house and the paddocks, sticking to the shadows of the line of trees when I saw Clay heading towards the paddock where Donkey lived. I will admit I almost had to laugh when Spencer told me Allie had named her pony Donkey, but then it made me sad to think I wasn't there for the conversation that decided that. I had missed so damn much. It felt like I had missed too much to ever go back and make it right. So the least I could do was help them search.

I figured if Allie was anything like me she wasn't going to hide somewhere people could find her, unless she actually did want to be found. I strode up the path and disappeared into the trees at the edge of the forest. I started walking up hill, following a narrow path that had been worked into the ground after many years of Spencer and me racing up here, although the path was kind of hidden unless you knew where to look for it.

I was breathing heavily only a few minutes into the walk, which wasn't too surprising given all the damage I had done to my body in recent years. Once I had prided myself on living healthy, exercising and eating right, that all changed when…well…no I am not going to talk about it yet.

I charged on up the hill, gasping as I struggled to breathe. I reached the top and stopped, resting my hands on my knees, as I fought to get my breathing under control. I raised my eyes and looked around the clearing that had been Spencer's and my spot since we were 5 years old. This place held a lot of memories.

Finally my eyes came to rest upon the huddled up figure of a small girl with messy dark brown curls. I sighed and walked over to where Allie sat with her knees tucked up against her chest and her arms around her legs. She had tears on her cheeks and her big blue eyes were watching me with curiosity.

I cleared my throat and said softly, "Hi Allie."

She looked up at me and then turned her face away to stare sullenly out over the view of the farm. I moved closer and sat down next to her, leaving a little bit of space between us. "Do you know who I am?" I asked gently.

Allie nodded and said in a sad voice, "You're Ashley, my Momma, and you went away when I was only little."

I nodded, "Yeah that's true, I did go away." I paused for a minute and then said, "Everyone is really worried about you Allie, your Mommy is really sad."

Allie bit her lip and said quietly, "Mommy and I had a fight. I said she was mean, but I don't know anymore. Maybe I was mean, not her."

Part of me couldn't quite believe that I was there, sitting next to my four year old daughter having a conversation, while another part of me just couldn't believe how right it felt. I had always kind of viewed Allie as a living reminder of what went wrong, but that was stupid. She was the single greatest thing I had ever been involved in. Maybe I hadn't helped raise her, but she was a part of me and I was a part of her.

I smiled kindly at her and asked, "What did you and your Mommy fight about? I'm sure neither of you meant to be mean or upset each other."

Allie looked up and fixed me with a look so reminiscent of Spencer I almost gasped, "Mommy and me were fighting about you."

I felt my eyebrows shoot up into my hairline as I asked, "About me? What about me?"

"I saw you with Gramps this morning and I asked Mommy if I could see you, she said you had to get better first. I wanted to help you get better, but Mommy didn't want me to see you. She never told me you were here and I don't remember you. I wanted to see you and Mommy said no," Allie said tearfully.

I was at a loss, I had no idea what to say or do. The last thing I had ever wanted in coming to the Carlin's farm was to drive a wedge between Spencer and Allie. I was also blown away by how mature and grown up my little girl was for a four year old. Spencer had done an amazing job.

I finally murmured, "Allie your Mommy was just trying to protect you, she just wants what's best for you."

Allie looked up at me with big blue eyes full of confusion, "But why is it best for me to not see you?"

Wow, what a question! What can you say to that? I took a deep breath and said sadly, "Because I am sick Allie and I really hurt your Mommy. She is scared I might hurt you too. I've made a lot of mistakes Allie and I have hurt a lot of people."

Allie looked thoughtful before she asked, "Why didn't you ever come and see me?"

I swallowed around the lump in my throat and choked out, "I've been sick for a long time Allie and I just couldn't come and see you. I didn't want you to see me when I was in a bad way. I just couldn't come and see you, I couldn't."

Allie sighed in a very Spencer like way and shook her head, "I don't understand why you were away for so long. Mommy missed you every day and I wanted to know you! You shouldn't have stayed away for so long."

I had nothing to say to that, she was right. My four year old had more sense than I did. She was wise beyond her years.

Allie reached over and took my hand in her little one, making my skin tingle and my heart ache so painfully I would have sold my soul for some pills or booze, instead I had to feel it all. The aching love for that little girl and the agony of years' worth of regret. I wanted to run but then she smiled hesitantly at me and said, "Now that you're back, don't go away again ok?"

I nodded and gave her hand a little squeeze, "I won't."

Allie's smile widened and she moved closer to snuggle against me, I wrapped my arms around my little girl and nearly cried at the amount of love I felt for her. I knew I had to get her back to Spencer who had to be losing her mind, but I wasn't ready for my moment with my daughter to be over. Allie rested her head against me and asked, "Can you tell me a story about you and Mommy please?"

"Sure, um I have the perfect story…"

Flashback

I leaned against the stall door and patted the nose of the gorgeous chestnut mare behind me. She nudged my shoulder roughly before taking a mouthful of my hair in her mouth and chewing. I hastily yanked it out and scowled at the cheeky looking mare while Spencer and Kyla burst out laughing as they groomed their own horses.

I rolled my eyes, "Ok so Contessa here has a big personality!"

Spencer giggled, "Face it Ash, she is you in horse form!"

I shrugged and beamed at my best friend as I clipped a halter onto Contessa and led her out of her stall so I could groom her.

The three of us were all now much too big for Henry, Spencer and I were 15 and Kyla had just turned 13 a few weeks ago. Thankfully Mr and Mrs Carlin had a stable full of horses for us to choose from. They used the horses as a part of the therapy and rehab they did over at Carlin house that was on the farm. Plus both of them had grown up on farms in Ohio so they kinda couldn't cope without the horses.

I smiled over at Kyla who was standing on a little stepladder in order to brush her mare Bonnie. Bonnie was a cute, large palomino pony that Spencer had ridden until she grew out of her and her parent's bought her a quarter horse for her last birthday.

"Come on Ash, get a move on or Kyla and I will go riding without you!" Spencer teased as she finished cleaning out her gelding's hoof with a hoof pick. She wiped the mud off on her jeans and smirked at me as she moved over to her grooming box to throw the pick back in. she picked up a soft body brush and started to run it over the glossy black coat of the muscular gelding. His name was Dodge and Spencer was a little besotted with him. I'll admit that I was a little jealous, just like I was whenever anything or anyone else took Spencer's attention off me.

"I'm moving, I'm moving! Sheesh!" I grumbled jokingly.

Spencer winked at me and walked over to help a struggling Kyla lift the saddle and saddle blanket up onto Bonnie. She reached under the pony and did up the girth. Kyla thanked her and climbed onto her stepladder so she could put the bridle on the patient pony.

Spencer started to head back to Dodge when a slow, romantic song came on the radio. She turned it up and started swaying a little to the music. Kyla sighed and said, "I love this song, I wonder if anyone will ever dance with me to it."

Spencer smiled and replied, "Of course they will! But I want to be first!"

Spencer grabbed Kyla's hand and they started laughing and swaying to the music right in the middle of the barn. I couldn't tear my eyes from Spencer, which had been happening more and more lately. It was more than best friends, but I wasn't sure I was ready to admit what it really felt like to me. So instead I just watched as my best friend grew more beautiful every day. I waited eagerly for every touch, hug, kiss or moment together.

I couldn't stop thinking about her or wanting to be with her. I was starting to think that I might love her as more than a friend. I was…I was in love with her. I was 15 and in love with my best friend.

Sometimes I even thought she loved me back.

Spencer and Kyla continued to dance around the barn and then Kyla shoved the blonde in my direction and said, "Dance with Ash!"

Spencer smiled her special smile which I knew was just for me and walked over to me. I bit me lip and murmured, "I don't know how to dance like that Spence."

"Don't worry, I'll show you. It's not hard," Spencer whispered.

She took my hands and rested them on her waist and then wrapped her arms around my neck, bringing our bodies so close that I could feel all of her against me. She rested her cheek against mine and started to sway us to the music. I moved my body with hers, closing my eyes and snuggling in even closer.

Spencer kissed me softly on the cheek and tangled her hands into my curls. We moved together until the song ended and then slowly pulled away just a little. We looked into each other's eyes and I swear I could see the same love and wanting I felt in my own.

I inched my lips slightly closer to hers, but at the last moment chickened out and kissed her on the cheek instead.

We stepped away from each other shyly and both looked at Kyla who rolled her eyes, "Man when are you two going to admit that you love each other, like in a girlfriend kind of way? Seriously you two need to wake up and see what's right in front of you!"

Kyla turned back to Bonnie and Spencer and I glanced up at each other quickly before rushing over to saddle up our horses.

Maybe soon we would be able to admit how we felt, but we just weren't ready yet.

End Flashback

I finished my story and found Allie snuggled up to me almost asleep. I smiled down at my little girl and scooped her up in my arms. "Ok Allie, let's get you home to your Mommy."

I struggled under the weight of her, my body a little too destroyed to have much of any strength in it. I staggered down the hill, careful not to wake the now sleeping child I held against me. Her head was nestled under my chin and her arms were warm around my neck, it felt really right.

I made it down the hill without dropping her and slowly headed towards the cottage. I was almost there when I saw a sobbing Spencer being held by Arthur and the rest of the family standing around with looks of concern on their faces.

I was about to call out when Spencer looked up and her broken blue eyes met mine.

Spencer's POV

As soon as I saw Ashley with Allie in her arms I took off running towards them, my tears of fear now coming pouring down my face as tears of relief. As soon as I reached them Ashley passed Allie over into my arms and I hurriedly checked her over, sobbing all the while.

"She's ok! Oh thank God she's ok," I called back to the family who were standing back to give us room.

I looked into Ashley's eyes and said with sincerity, "Thank you for bringing her home."

Ashley nodded and quickly ran her fingers through Allie's messy curls, with the barest hint of a smile, and turned to walk back to the main house. She had gotten about four steps away when Allie, now very much awake, pulled out of my arms and ran after her calling, "Please stop! Please!"

Ashley stopped and turned around. She knelt down to Allie's level and actually smiled. Not a tiny hint of a smile, but a full blown, Ashley Davies nose crinkling smile. I hadn't seen her smile like that in over four years.

Allie quickly threw herself into Ashley's arms. Ashley cradled our daughter to her like she was the most precious thing in the world. I lost it and started to sob again. I had dreamed of seeing this, seeing my wife hold our daughter. I just wished it was under different circumstances.

Ashley raised her eyes to meet mine and what I saw there mirrored what I was feeling. For the first time in a long time I actually felt the connection between Ashley and I.

Allie clung onto her Momma and said, "thank you for finding me and for telling me that story. Thank you for bringing me back to Mommy."

Ashley husked out, "You're welcome Allie."

Allie pulled back a little so she could look into Ashley's eyes and then she said in a sad little voice, "Please can you try real hard to get better? I want you to be able to be my Momma for real and you can't do that unless you get better."

Ashley closed her eyes for a moment as two silent tears made their way down her cheeks. She lean in and kissed Allie tenderly on the cheek and whispered, "I will get better I promise you. I will get better for you and your Mommy."

Ashley held Allie to her and then sent her back to me. I scooped our daughter up in my arms and looked up to meet Ashley's eyes before she turned and walked slowly towards the main house.

God I hoped she was able to keep her promise.