Chapter 10: Without You
About a week later, things hadn't improved at all between the sisters. Ruby and Dia never talked to each other, sometimes glancing sadly at one another. Neither wanted to confront the other. Everyone at practice knew it and couldn't help but get distracted by their worries, dragging morale through the mud. It was a serious blow to everyone, and no clear solution was arising. It was a Tuesday, the cool fall wind blowing coldly against Ruby's face as she made her way to the studio. She knew Dia was already there, as they had established a sort of time difference to commute to the office of about 10-15 minutes. They were eating cold cereal instead of pancakes like they usually would, Dia hardly bothering to dress herself as thoroughly as she usually would. Some days went by where they didn't even hear each other's voices. As Ruby trailed her fingers over a freezing railing, she made her way into the building. She gazed into the common room where she first met Timothy, half imagining him there with his game console engrossed away from everyone else. She sighed heavily, walking slowly to the studio. When she opened the door, she noticed most of the studio was empty. Curiously, she looked around until she saw Karla standing by the door.
"Oi, Ruby!" She called with a wave. "We're having a meeting. Hurry it along!"
"Ok, ok!" Ruby said with mild annoyance. "You don't need to rush me."
Karla grunted. Ruby had gotten a bit of attitude since the incident, clearly more irritable. Nobody could blame her, but Karla was getting a bit sick of it. Karla always responded to things that bothered her vocally or at the very least passive aggressively. As Ruby stepped into the room, the two of them glanced at each other with a shared look of annoyance. Ruby sat down on the far end of the table away from Dia. Dia stared sadly at her hands. Karla walked up to the front of the room, starting with a heavy sigh. They all knew this wasn't going to go well.
"Listen up, assholes!" She began in her usual vulgarity, "I'm sick of y'all moping around and killing the mood. You're professionals now, so acting the part ain't that hard. If I'm the one acting responsible here and trying to push something, I feel like you should all know something's up. I sure as hell don't have the biggest brain of the bunch, but I know you're all better than this. Starting today, I'm gonna make a push to get this stupid thing-"
"Karla." Ruby interrupted. "These things just take time. Don't get so worked up, things will go back to normal on their own, ok?"
"Ruby, we have an album set for release soon. We lost valuable time at the training camp, and Kanan was sick as a dog so she didn't get to do much other than puke in a bucket and feel like shit all day. We need to have this settled as soon as possible, ya hear?"
"Karla, I'm not just going to forgive and forget because you tell me to. Now go mind your own business and leave me be."
"I'm your advisor, it's literally my job to be on top of your business." Karla said, her tone beginning to raise as she tightened her fists. "If you don't want this group to go under, learn to pull your own weight."
"I don't wanna hear it, so just shut up already!" Ruby said with a glare. Karla slammed her fist onto the table, making a few jump back in surprise.
"Don't talk to me that way you little bitch!" Karla said, returning the glare. Hanamaru glanced from the argument to Dia who was sitting next to her. Dia was shaking. She normally would speak up and silence something like this, but now she was too scared to. Hanamaru could see the despair in her eyes.
"Both of you calm down, getting angry isn't going to help anything." Kanan broke in, standing up and looking scoldingly at the two of them. They both sat down wordlessly, Karla folding her arms and fidgeting with her sleeve.
"Look, I think part of what Karla was saying was right, but we can't force things. We're not going to work well in this state, so I want us all to go home early tosya and think over what you want to do." Kanan turned to Ruby. "Even if you can't bring yourself to forgiveness now, I'd like you to at least think over what you could do so down the line things will go back to how it was. Ok?"
Ruby sighed. "I guess." Without another word, she got up and walked right out the door. "What a waste of my time, why did I even come in here today?" She said under her breath as he walked back out.
"I'd like to stay here and have a chat with you if you don't mind." Mari said, putting her hand lightly on Kanan's shoulder. "I think I have an idea."
Ruby did nothing for the rest of the day. She laid in her bed, tried to sleep and occasionally passed out for an hour or so. Karla and Kanan's words rang in her head, baraging her mind. "Karla may have had good intentions but...she didn't need to be so rude. She's always so full of herself. I hate it when people tell em what to do. Have I always thought this way? Maybe it's just a result of this whole mess. What gives them the right to tell me how I should be living? Who I hang out with? Who I trust? Dia went and did that all the time and look at her now. Stained by guilt, moping around all day. You did that to yourself, jerk. Jerk... Jerk... Jerk…"
Ruby snapped out of her internal monologue, looking at the clock. It was about 12 in the morning. She had spent all day thinking of what she could do or not do, which resulted in a huge headache. Groaning, she sat up and got out of bed. She was thirsty. She stopped in front of Dia's room. She paused a moment and and glanced inside through a small sliver. Dia was asleep in her bed, facing the wall. She had buried herself in blankets. Ruby tiptoed her way to her desk, taking a peek at what Dia had been doing. In the faint moonlight she could make out a few designs for costumes. They all had various themes and were overall pretty nice looking. Ruby however knew her sister too well to see something was off.
"Why does have such large gloves in all of these costumes? She's told me before that the length of that can flap around too loosely. It's not like her to make a mistake like that…"
Ruby shook her head and snuck back out without waking Dia. As she came to the kitchen, she noticed some stuff on the counter.
"Dia must have made a sandwich and forgotten to put away the dishes. Just because you're feeling all mopey doesn't mean you can be a slob."
She got out a glass and put it up to the faucet to get a drink. She got a bit too much water in it, so she took a quick sip over the sink to lower the water level. There was a faint but odd taste to the water, just enough to stand out.
"Dang it, maybe the filter's acting up again. Better not drink any more of this." She thought as she poured the rest down the drain. She went to the fridge to grab a glass of milk instead. Cold milk in the middle of the night isn't the best thing Ruby wanted, but it was better than nothing. She walked back to her room slowly and quietly, hoping the next day everyone would have a good plan that would help ease her mind.
Ruby walked in the next day to find another meeting going on. Everyone was looking at the head of the room where Mari stood in front of the white board with a knowing smile. Ruby knew she was up to something.
"Good Mooooooooorning my little Wubykins! Auntie Mari's here to share a cool new idea!"
"Please never call me that again." Ruby said passive aggressively.
"I got a plan, and it's just 7 letters!" Mari said, scribbling away at the white board to form huge letters."A! M! E! R! I! C! A! A-me-ric-AAAAAAAAAAh!" Mari sung in an opera voice.
"Mari what in the world is this?" You asked, puzzled.
"We're going on a tour overseas! Broadening our horizons! In a week, we'll be touring in the U. S. of A! We're taking part in an autumn music festival, so shape up girls and let's get ready to rock!"
"A week!?" Riko burst in. "That's hardly any time to practice!"
"Then you better get that booty into action and kick it doing some practice!"
"Do we even have costumes for it yet?" Yoshiko added.
"I happened to spy Dia making a few new outfits!" Mari said with a wink. "I think Ruby's is especially cute!"
Dia wordlessly got out her notebook, pushing it onto the table for everyone to see. Chika practically jumped onto the table looking at it.
"Wow, Dia! This is really cute! I never knew you were into costume making!"
"I-It's nothing special...really. I think I drew the sleeves a bit too short…"
Ruby looked skeptically over her design. The gloves were pretty big, albeit fitting the hands themselves right. Her analysis from the night prior still hadn't changed, but something was still off. "She should know that's too big, let alone too small! Her arms are fully exposed for the most part, is she trying to make it extend up most of her arm? That makes no sense, in Old Aqours they tried a glove like that and Dia said it was so uncomfortable she didn't want to do it again...so why is she doing it now? Is she trying to do this as a form of self-punishment?"
"I think the length is just fine!" Chika said happily. "Don't change a thing, I'm immediately in love with it!"
"You really think so? I just made what came to mind…" Dia said with her eyes on her knees.
"Don't be so hard on yourself! I think it's great!" You chimed in. "If you wanna trust anyone on making a costume right, I'm your girl! And I say you did great!"
"Well...thanks I guess. I still don't think it's special."
"Ruby, what do you think?" Chika said with her hands on Ruby's shoulders. "I know you love costumes too!"
Ruby looked at the design silently as Dia sat with a dejected look. Dia knew Ruby would pick up on it.
"Dia, these gloves are too big. Not to be a moodkiller, but you always hated long gloves. Why add them now?"
"Well, I...I dunno what I was thinking. Sorry."
The room looked at Ruby as if waiting for her to say something. A few were shooting her frustrated looks. Ruby folded her arms and leaned back in her chair.
"Fine, we can use it for the tour. If you all love it, I won't make a scene." Ruby said. She looked off to the side expressionless. She knew Dia wouldn't make a mistake like that. There had to be something else at play. Her thought process was cut short as Mari dismissed them for practice.
Ruby meant to talk with Dia later that day, but she couldn't bring herself to. It was midnight again and she was thirsty again. She crept her way past Dia's bedroom and into the kitchen, finding another mess in the sink.
"Really Dia, again? Can't you clean up after yourself? Maybe I should bring this up tomorrow morning. Stupid Dia."
The shade was drawn so she couldn't see well, all she could make out was the faint outline of a knife. Same as last night. Ruby got a glass and headed over to the sink. Then she stopped and sighed.
"Crap, I forgot to change the filter. Guess I'll go and pour a glass of milk again." She thought, getting the jug out and filling up her glass. She put the milk back in the fridge and went to put the knife in their dishwasher. Ruby picked up the dirty knife and went to open the dishwasher. That's when she noticed the Dishwasher's light was on. It was clean.
"Wait a minute...there wasn't anything in the sink was there?" She thought, standing up and taking a look. The sink was completely empty. She felt something wet against her thumb, realizing the substance on the knife was liquidy. Ruby turned the knife to get a better look at the edge of it, as the way she had it turned blocked the moonlight. Her eyes widened with terror as she dropped it in the sink. The knife was covered in blood. She stood there for a second, reaching a possible conclusion she prayed wasn't true.
"Dia isn't...doing what I think she is...is she?" Ruby thought in a trance, creeping towards Dia's room. She slid open the door. Dia was asleep facing the wall. Ruby slowly made her way to Dia's bedside. Even in her sleep, Dia looked as sad and distant as she was when awake. Ruby extended a hand and grabbed the edge of her bedsheet. She gulped.
"Please tell me I'm wrong...Please let this just be some terrible mistake…" She thought with trembling hands. Reluctantly, she pulled aside the sheets. Dia's wrist and lower arm were covered in cuts, some newer than others. Judging by them, she had to have done this more than twice. Ruby took a step back and covered her mouth with both hands. She found it hard to contain the panic, trying her best to calm her breathing. She staggered out of Dia's room, walking down the hallway completely forgetting about the glass she had poured in the kitchen. She wasn't thirsty anymore. Only afraid. Her senses began to overpower her, making her pause in the hallway to sob lightly.
"Oh god...no...anyone but her...if I don't do something soon, she might-"
Ruby's mind shut down. It was too painful a prospect to think about. She fell to the floor with her hands on top of her head.
"You were always there to protect me...why is it when you need me most...I can't do anything?"
Chika gazed around the airport with wonder in her eyes. She'd never been to one before, let alone boarded a plane. You had to calm her down to prevent her from making security come and have to interfere, having to remind her quite often.
"Look at it take off! How do they even get something that heavy off the ground!? It's so cool!"
"Chika, quiet down before you make a scene!"
"I can't help it, it's just so crazy!" Chika exclaimed, hands shaking in excitement. As they boarded the plane, Chika was practically hyperventilating. Riko stood back a bit to watch them with a defeated smile. Riko couldn't blame her, thanks to Mari they were riding first class. Riko couldn't lie and say she wasn't a bit excited herself. Chika hummed and skipped into the room, her eyes gazing over the vast array of fancy stuff. They even had a personal bar for their own use. Chika practically squealed in delight, waving to the rest of them.
"It's so beautiful! Look at all these fancy things! I can't believe people don't like flying!" She blurted out excitedly.
"Don't let everyone else hear that." Karla said, glancing back towards the rest of the plane. She had never dreamed she'd get the opportunity to fly first class let alone at all, but here she was. She took in a deep breath, taking in the warm comfortable air. She felt great. Looking over at the bartender, she noticed his face seemed familiar.
"Hey, aren't you the guy from Mari's summer home?" She asked, resting one arm on the table.
"Ah yes, I follow Mari wherever she goes for her constant assistance. It'd part of my job description." He said with a bow.
"You do get vacation right?" Karla asked with a bit of concern in her voice.
"It's not that big a deal, I sometimes get weekends off. She pays well which helps my family out, which is what's important."
"Is it even legal to make him work with that little vacation?" Karla pondered to herself. As they all settled in, Dia and Ruby sat on couches on opposite sides of the airplane. Chika stared out the window, listening to the roar of the engines as they started up. She pressed her face up to the glass as they started to move down the runway. The rush of momentum made Karla stagger as she grabbed a seat. Everyone was glued to the windows, watching Japan become farther and farther below them. Soon, they were above the clouds and on their way to California. Chika spent the next half hour or so gushing about everything that day, followed by them watching a comedy for about an hour or so. As day became night, Chika was first to turn in for the night. All her yelling had tired her out. Everyone was asleep for the most part, Yoshiko tossing and turning in an attempt to sleep. Sleeping in an airplane wasn't as comfortable as she had hoped, even in first class. She rolled to the side and got out of bed.
"Ugh, where's the bathroom?" She thought as she wandered towards the restrooms. She noticed the light on the door was red for occupied. It was a First Class only restroom, so it had to be one of the girls. Glancing around the room she was able to deduct who it was.
"There's Hanamaru and there's Mari...yeah, it has to be Ruby." She thought. She went to knock, but the door opened before she had the chance to. Ruby peeked out, looking at Yoshiko.
"What are you doing up?" Ruby whispered. "I thought everyone was asleep."
"I couldn't, the plane's been messing with me I guess. Either way, I gotta go so…"
"One sec." Ruby asked. "Mind coming in here with me for a second? I need to talk to you in private about something."
Yoshiko looked at her skeptically, turning around for a second to make sure nobody was awake to get the wrong idea. She turned around and nodded. They both entered the small restroom, locking the door quietly. Ruby sighed and began to tell Yoshiko about her discovery about Dia. The whole time she told the story, Ruby hugged herself with her arms.
"Are you going to tell everyone else?" Yoshiko asked with concern.
"No. At least not yet. I don't want to cause distress, especially right before such a happy event. I'll probably try to cheer Dia up after the event, or at least try to comfort her. I kind of still find it hard to forgive her but...I'm scared for her. What am I supposed to do? What do I say? I'm so scared…"
Yoshiko didn't know what to do either. Keeping Ruby's wish in mind was the best she could do.
"I'll keep it a secret for now. Also uh...can I use the bathroom now?"
"Yeah, sure. Good night Yoshiko."
It was a strange experience to be in an entirely different country, everyone but Mari being new to the idea. Having to rely on Mari for proper translations wasn't something they were thrilled about, but as they hadn't taken much in the way of English they had little choice. Thankfully, Mari kept pranks to a minimum. It didn't mean she didn't do anything, as Kanan ended up getting a spicy wrap by "accident" at one point. Mari got quite the photo of Kanan's facial reaction to it too. Finally came the big moment, the moments just before the show. Chika peered through the curtain at the massive crowd out on a large field, glow sticks and excited folks as far as the eye could see. Chika's smile grew, turing back to the other members glowing with excitement.
"It's packed!" Chika said excitedly. "I wasn't sure we would get such a huge crowd in America, but I guess people love us here too!"
"It's so weird having a fall festival without the festivities we're used to back home!" You commented. "I hear they don't sell chocolate bananas here whatsoever."
"That explains why I couldn't find any." Yoshiko pouted.
"We can go to some nice place for a celebration dinner." Kanan suggested. "I wonder how different it'll be from the food we're used to."
"I've already got reservations at a fancy restaurant nearby!" Mari chimed in. "I'm two steps ahead of you sweetheart!~"
"Who are you calling sweetheart?" Kanan questioned. The group giggled, Yoshiko pausing for a second to walk over to Ruby.
"You're going to be fine out there, ok?" Yoshiko encouraged. "Just give em a smile and you'll feel just like you always have!"
"It's not me I'm worried about." Ruby said, looking over her shoulder at Dia standing apart from the group with a sad expression. "I'm worried about her."
"Then why not give her a word of advice?" Yoshiko asked. "It might help lift her spirits a bit."
"Well I...I just-"
"Come on Ruby. Now would be a perfect time! Just do it!"
"But-" Ruby started as a director ran up to the group, cutting her off.
"We're about to go live, best of luck girls!" He said with a wave. Yoshiko sighed.
"Too late for that now." Yoshiko thought, stepping into position. The lights dimmed and the curtain moved aside to reveal the cheering crowd. Ruby forced a smile and took a deep breath. Standing up, they began their first live in America. The 4th song in, Ruby and Dia ended up somewhat close to each other. They exchanged glances, their smiles faltering slightly for a split second. It wasn't enough for anyone else to notice, but Ruby wasn't feeling any better. It was pretty dark out by that point, about 9:30 or so if she had to guess. Ruby's mood began to improve as she watched the smiling faces from the crowd. Everyone seemed to having such a good time she couldn't help but feel a bit happier. As the song ended, they were met with a round of applause.
"I guess Mari was right, this was what we needed." She thought happily. "I'll have to cheer up Dia during the break in the middle, she should at least be allowed to enjoy this the same way I am."
"Thank you, thank you!" Mari called to the audience. "We of Aqours are delighted to be here for your festival in A! M! E! R! I! C! A!"
The crowd cheered in response, Mari waving her hands in front of her to them all. Chika was next to take up the mic.
"It's such a blast for you all to welcome us so warmly! I'd love to come back again with all my friends for some more fun!"
At the sound of a boom, Ruby looked to the sky.
"Wow, I didn't know we had fireworks planned!" She thought happily. Her happy expression scanned the empty night sky turning puzzled. Looking back over the crowd, a growing dread started looming over her. The happy cheering had turned to screams of horror amidst even more booms.
"Those aren't fireworks...those are...gunshots."
The security guard motioned for the petrified idols to get back behind the stage. Chika looked like she was about to cry.
"It was going so well...why would anyone do this? Who could do something like this?" Chika thought as she slowly stepped backwards before rushing off stage with the rest of the members. Dia waved for them to get back, turning around to look over the chaos. Then she saw Ruby, standing still frozen with fear staring across the pandemonium. Dia ran back, grabbing Ruby by the shoulders and turning her towards her.
"Snap out of it, Ruby!" She yelled. "Get back there where it's safe!"
Ruby acknowledged, finally snapping to attention. She nodded and began to run. She looked back at Dia who began to follow suit. Then it happened. Ruby looked over her shoulder to watch in horror as a bullet tore a hole right through Dia's chest, blood splattering instantly from the wound. Dia fell to the stage, clutching her stomach as she screamed in agony. With her mic still attached, her screams echoed for the whole crowd to hear. Ruby ran back to help, only for Mari to grab Ruby and pull her back. Ruby kicked and screamed Dia's name over and over. Her screams were drowned out by Dia's, Dia's soon drowned out by the sound of incoming sirens.
"Yes. I'm afraid I'm going to have to cancel the reservation." Kanan said over the phone. "It's Mari Ohara. Ok, thank you. Have a good night." With a beep she hung up. She put the phone on the charger, walking over to Mari who was sobbing into her pillow.
"Alright, I cancelled it."
"T-Thank you…" Mari said in a choked up voice. She was too emotionally wrecked to make the call, so she had asked Kanan to do it for her. Chika, You and Riko had also moved to their bedroom. Hanamaru and Yoshiko were busy consoling Ruby, or at least trying to.
"I...I don't understand." Chika began. "It was such a happy place. Everyone was smiling. Everyone was having fun. Why did it have to end this way?"
"Life can be shitty sometimes." Karla added in. "Even the best things have the possibility to go wrong. I've learned that the hard way, and it seems you all have too."
"I want to know who would even do something like this." You said angrily. "When I figure out what scum would do this I'll-"
"You didn't get the report yet did you?" Karla cut in. "The man was at a hotel overlooking the festival. He shot several rounds from the window into the crowd before shooting himself dead. He killed himself before the cops could arrive, so we have no ideas as to why he did this."
"I...see." You said. "So we'll never know why huh?"
"More than likely. At least if he's dead he won't kill anyone else." Karla said with a scowl.
"If he was aiming in that direction, he probably meant to shoot Ruby." Mari added. "If Dia hadn't stepped in, Ruby might've been the one shot."
The room sat in silence. There was a sudden knock on their door as a defeated Hanamaru and Yoshiko stepped into the room.
"Any luck?" Riko asked.
"She's inconsolable." Hanamaru began. "It's like she can't even hear us. She's beyond traumatised."
"What's she been saying?" You asked worriedly.
"She's repeating herself like a madman. I keep hearing her whisper to herself that she doesn't want Dia to die thinking she hates her. It was too much to bear, so we left. She needs some time to recover from the initial shock."
"She was hung up over Timothy for quite a while but never like this." Kanan pointed out. "It may be months before she'll even think of being an idol again. And that's given that Dia survives-"
"She'll live!" Chika yelled. "She has too! Dia's too strong for something like this to kill her! She can't...she can't…"
"I get what you're saying Chika, but we have to consider the possibility." Kanan said firmly. "Of course I want her to live! But if she doesn't pull through then Aqours may-"
"It can't!" Chika wailed. "We came so far, Dia can't die! I won't let her!"
"Chika, stop yelling!" Kanan yelled, ignoring her own advice. "There's nothing we can do right now, so don't vent your anger at me!"
Chika stood up, fists clenched and left the room slamming the door behind her. Kanan wiped the tears from her eyes and sighed heavily. Chika ran down the hallway to Ruby's room.
"I'm going to do something!" Chika thought as she stormed down the hall. "I'm an idol! I can bring a smile to anyone's face! If Kanan is going to sit there and mope, at the very least I can help Ruby cheer up. I refuse to accept Dia will die! She can't!"
Angrily, Chika, threw open the door to Ruby's room. Her enthusiasm was completely shattered at the sight of Ruby. She was huddled in a corner of the room, laying on her side and hugging her knees. Her eyes twitched about and she had a shaky smile that displayed utter insanity. In fact, her whole body was shaking. She was giggling to herself.
"R-Ruby?" Chika asked fearfully.
"Can you hear them? Can you hear them? All I hear is screams!" Ruby rambled. "The screams won't go away! They keep yelling in my ears! They tell me Dia's dead! If I hadn't gotten mad this wouldn't have happened! If Mari hadn't tried coming here to cheer us up this wouldn't have happened! If I hadn't froze this wouldn't have happened! The screams torment me because I did this...it's all my fault...ahahahahaha…"
Chika ran over to Ruby and grabbed her head.
"Ruby, snap out of it!"
"Can you hear them too? Are the screams drowning you too?"
"Ruby, please stop!" Chika begged as tears began to fall.
"I can't make it stop...I can't make it stop...I can't make it stop…"
"Dia will be fine! Trust me, she's alive! She can't die!"
"You heard them too didn't you? Those screams that echoed through the night air? Don't tell me she's alive! She's dead, and it's my fault!"
"Ruby, she'll be-"
"It's all my fault, it's all my fault, it's all my fault, it's all my fault, it's all my fault, it's all my fault, it's all my fault, it's all my fault, it's all my fault, it's all my fault, it's all my fault, it's all my fault, it's all my fault, it's all my fault, it's all my fault, it's all my fault, it's all my fault, it's all my fault, it's all my fault, it's all my fault, it's all my fault, it's all my fault, it's all my fault, it's all my fault, it's all my fault, it's all my fault, it's all my fault, it's all my fault, it's all my fault, it's all my fault, it's all my fault, it's all my fault, it's all my fault, it's all my fault, it's all my fault, it's all my fault, it's all my fault, it's all my fault, it's all my fault, it's all my fault, it's all my fault, it's all my fault, it's all my fault, it's all my fault, it's all my fault, it's all my fault, it's all my fault, it's all my fault, it's all my fault, it's all my fault, it's all my fault, it's all my fault, it's all my fault, it's all my fault, it's all my fault, it's all my fault, it's all my fault, it's all my fault, it's all my fault, it's all my fault, it's all my fault, it's all my fault…"