Cyberwoman:

Chapter 10 –

The scream was a scream of pain, so I wasn't surprised when Ianto got up and ran towards the sinister sound. I knew the sound of every member of my teams screams. I knew them well enough to know that it wasn't any member of my team screaming. It was Lisa. The reason Ianto fled. Since Ianto was alive and well, the pain of my own body decided it was time to make an appearance and as he moved I collapsed back onto the floor, curled up in pain. I made a painful moaning sound and forced myself to work through it. I just kept telling myself that the pain will go away soon enough because my body will heal and it'll be like there was never any pain or injury to my body at all. At first I don't hear anything but then I hear Gwen shouting, presumably at Ianto:
"Get out! Get out I said. Move!"
If 'Lisa' has been hurt, Ianto wouldn't want to leave her. Dead or just badly injured. He's in love with her, right? Even if she was –at that point – evil and trying to kill us, if she's hurt, you'd want to stay. But it's not safe and Gwen knew it. Okay, they wouldn't be telling him to leave if she was dead because there would be no threat to escape. So, I presumed the Cyberwoman was still alive and well. Time to make sure I have everything ready for my plan. The worst part is that if Tosh doesn't have the electricity back on time, Ianto might have to watch more than I want him to see. More than he wants to see. More than I want to see. More than anyone would want to see. I guess, I just have to have faith in my team.

"You should be dead!" I hear Owens voice.
'Technically I shouldn't even be born yet' was what I wanted to say but I didn't have time to answer any questions that that reply would present. So, instead I say: "I'm the stubborn type."
I've gotten off the floor, picked up my gun and put it away, tucked into my belt. I have a blow torch and Myfanwy's BBQ sauce. I turn the blow torch on and order everyone else to get behind me. I don't want to do this.
It's the only way.
That doesn't mean I want to do it, it just means I have too. The Cyberwoman is coming towards us and she doesn't seem to understand why I'm holding a blow torch and BBQ sauce. I wonder if Ianto saw the sauce. He feeds Myfanwy when time escapes me so he should know what it is, at least. Even if he did see it, he properly didn't know what I was going to do with it because he didn't say anything.
"That's right, stay back" I say, holding the blow torch at almost arms length. I want her to be at least a little afraid but I know Cybermen don't feel fear. They don't feel anything. "This will at least give you heart burn."
"The power will run out" she replied. "I can wait."
We don't have time to wait. I have to act now!
"Jack, help her. Give her a chance to surrender" I don't have to bother turning around to see who said it. I know it was Ianto.
I was starting to get a little annoyed at his refusal to see that it wasn't going to work. She has had since the day she arrived in this building to surrender. Since this morning when she was discovered and all she did was try to kill us and take over the world. We were way past giving her chances and I was way past letting Ianto try. There was no hope at all in that anymore. I was sorry for Ianto but there was no other way. She can't be saved. She never could have been saved. If Ianto had have realized that in the first place none of this would have happened. He was only postponing his pain. If he'd have let her go right away, sure it still would have hurt but –although the pain never goes away- it would have eased quicker and better. Now that he tried so hard to control something that was beyond his control, beyond anyone's control, he only made it worse for himself. Sometimes you just have to let people go and this was one of those times. You need to know when to fight for something and when you have to give in. Giving in isn't always a sign of weakness, it can be an act of strength and it's the first sign of letting go and moving on.

"Have you not seen what she's done?" Owen took the words right out of my mouth, again. I'm starting to think he has some kind of mind reading power or something.
"Let her stay in the cells, help reverse the process!"
"I told you, we're past that" was my reply.
I didn't look back at him. I went to but I had to stop myself. If I look back – I can't promise myself that I'll continue. Stay in the cells and reverse the process. Didn't we have this conversation already? There is no reversing the Cybermen conversion, once it has began there is no stopping it. Not really. It wasn't Lisa anymore. We can't put her in a cell. Odds are she'd find a way out...Or he'd let her out because she said she wanted to go for a walk or something and she'd disappear. There was no other option. I was going to have to do it.
"Hold him back!" I ordered.
Hoping no one was going to ask questions. Too much to ask for, I guess.
"What are you gonna do?" that's Gwen's voice. Of course, damn policing skills, she was trained to be nosy.
"Don't ask questions, just get him on there and hold him!" I look over my shoulder slightly to make sure she's moving Ianto away and then I turn back.
I grit my teeth and start squirting the BBQ sauce over the cyberwoman's metal clad body. Does Ianto get it now? The smells pretty strong but will he be paying attention to the smell above all the other things? Did he think it was just oil and I was setting her alight? I didn't care what he thought, I just hoped that the power was back soon so that we could get out of here before my plan went into too much detail.

"What is that stuff?" There she goes again.
"A kind of BBQ sauce, it helps her identify her food" I answer.
"Help what identify its food?"
I don't bother answering her because she'll find out soon enough. Once I'm sure the Cyberwoman is covered enough I put my things down and step back. Climbing onto the invisible lift and begging for Tosh to hurry up. Once on there, I turn to look at Ianto. Those eyes. Insane with fury and I was sure it was only going to get worse.
"I'm sorry" I said to him briefly before turning away.
I couldn't look at him and press the button on my wrist strap at the same time. I just couldn't. It didn't feel right. It felt wrong. But I knew it was right. My brain knew it but my heart didn't agree, I gave up getting those two to agree many, many years ago. I press the button and as soon as Myfanwy screeches, I'm sure everyone knows what I have been planning and I can bet that Ianto will have a few things to say as soon as we're above ground and all this is over.
"Come on Tosh, hurry up" I whisper as we all watch Myfanwy fly out of her nest.
"You'll kill her" Ianto tells me.
Owens got a pretty good grip on him now and Gwen's is sort of holding onto him with one hand pulled up into a fist, clinging to his jacket. Right now I don't need to worry about him trying to get off the lift and escape.

Tosh takes longer than I would have liked, I did give a tough job, I will admit that but I didn't want to watch this and I didn't want Ianto to see it either. Owen, Gwen and I have to stand on the small lift, cramped and pushing against each other and listen to Ianto scream and cry to be let go. He tries to struggle but Owen and Gwen are much stronger than him. I don't have anywhere to look; I don't want to look back because I'll see Ianto. If I look forward, I'm forced to watch my prehistoric pet try to eat around metal on a human body that has the mind of a computer and bodily functions of a robot. Finally the lift starts to move.
Thank god, is all I think as we start to ascend to the outside world. Ianto screams again, this scream drags out longer than the others. He's doing the whole "Noooooo!" Cliché that you see in films. When the hero's lover dies and its sad and they cry and scream. He's doing that. Only, watching happen in a film is different to hearing it in real life. Watching a film, you know it's all faked, you know the person is really fine. In real life, you know it's the opposite. You know that person isn't coming back. You know that they're not okay. The fact that it wasn't Lisa anymore but a Cyberman/woman didn't make it any easier. It should and I thought that it would but it didn't. I look up most of the time the lift is moving. I glance back and down a few times. I regret those looks straight away. I block out the screams and the cries. So, although I know Ianto is talking, I refuse to hear what he's saying. I'm better off not knowing.

"Have some fucking mercy"
Apparently my selective hearing isn't nearly selective enough because I hear that line clear as day. I refrain from saying anything. She was lucky to get away once, after trying to kill Gwen. She was then lucky one more time when she got away again and she was lucky that I was willing to give you chance. I have tried to do things your way and it's not working. I'm done trying to fix her; it's time to take her down. Sorry Ianto, there's no other choice here. We have showed so much, too much mercy already and we have been given none in return or has Ianto forgotten that she tried to kill him? We hear the screams coming from the Hub bellow. Those screams sound almost human. Almost. I just stare up at the lift. It's taking too long. It doesn't always take this long. Although, the Hub isn't running on full power.

Finally, we're on the ground above the Hub. Ianto wonders a little way away from us. He doesn't want us to see him cry and I don't want to see him cry either. I feel bad enough already. Tosh comes running over to us, happy that it worked. She asks what happened but I wave my hand in her direction dismissively and mutter: "Don't" to imply that she doesn't want to know. It's going to take a long time to get the image, those screams, both from below and behind, out of my head. This is one of those events that I will never be able to forget. It's not until Ianto turns back to me that I actually start to fear for my life, for the first time in decades. He looks even angrier than he was down in the Hub. I don't notice it at first. When he first turns around I'm afraid to look at him but eventually I think, I'm going to have to face him at some point, might as well me now. So, I turned. I turned and I wanted to runaway. He looked so... wrathful. Like he was ready to maim anyone who came near him (and me even I didn't take a step closer). I wanted to back away but I thought I properly deserve whatever it is he is going to say, so I face him and I wait for his harsh words.

Words, I was expecting. A punch in the face, I was not. It was so out of character for Ianto although I suppose that watching his girlfriend get devoured by a creature that was extinct over five thousand years ago had driven to lose his mind a little bit. I don't blame him; I would have lost my mind a little bit too. I did the first few times I lost a lover. He has got a good punch him though. Knocked me to the floor. Pure hatred and rage behind that hit. Gwen pushes Ianto back and Owen helps me put makes sure that I don't get any closer to Ianto. Right now, the day had been too much for me and I was ready to start throwing punches back. I was going to reframe myself from doing so, no one was willing to let me get that close to him anyway, so hitting him was out of the question. The words followed right after the punch did and I'm not sure what hurt more, the hit or the words that seemed to be spoken with such truth, such... verity that I believe he meant them. Like he had meant to say them for a long time and just wasn't sure how.
"You could have saved her!" That is not the bad part, that's only the beginning. "You're worse than anything locked up down there. One day, I'll have the chance to save you and I'll watch you suffer and die" that fact that he never will see me suffer and die does not make the words hurt any less.

That was it. I went towards him a storm brewing behind my eyes. If that was what he really thought, I could show him a real monster. Show him how bad I really can be.
"It was the only thing that would stop her!" My voice isn't half as violent or hostile or scary as I want it to seem. I just have to hope that it at least provokes fear in him somewhere. If it does, he doesnt show it. His face only shows anger and pain. Tears appearing in the corner of his eyes. Not falling yet but soon to be. He had a couple scratch marks on his head, not bleeding but glistening in the faint moonlight. If he knew the true nature of my past, he would see that the person I've been today, is nothing compared to the person I used to be. Owen pushes me back and Gwen guards Ianto like he's a baby and I'm an abuser. Is he turning my team against me too?
Of course not. You're being paranoid. Today has put a lot of stress on everyone but you have to remember you are a leader, you have an image to maintain, you are not allowed to show your emotions and this day has properly been a lot harder for Ianto than you.
Then, a different part of my mind gives it a counter argument: Or, is that what they want you to think?
To hell with keeping up appearances, to hell with the rules and to hell with emotions.