I do not own characters or world. Kili is about 8 in human years, while Fili is roughly 10.

Matchmaker(s), Matchmaker(s) (part I)

"Brother?"

Said blond dwarf was unresponsive. How very strange. "Fee?" he tried again, edging a little closer. He had seen his brother a good ten minutes ago, squinting, staring, as if focusing very hard on something across the room. He still hadn't moved an inch. Kili had grown gradually closer, said his brother's name a few times, but still hadn't managed to get his attention. Kili hated it when his brother got all thinky like this. It was much better when he stopped thinking all together. More amusing, anyway.

He, at last, resorted to his last option, closing the distance between his brother and himself, and reaching up to yank hard at one of the braids that hung down beside the dwarf's ear. "Anyone in there?" he squawked as his brother tipped over on his chair, letting out a surprised yelp.

Luckily, Kili had gotten out of the way fast enough to avoid the falling dwarf. He'd gotten very good at that, actually. It seemed that practice did, indeed, make perfect.

"Mahal, Kee, what do you want?"

Kili tsked, mischief bubbling up in him as he danced away from his brother, who was grasping around to try and get his feet back under him. "Mama wouldn't like to hear you using out maker's name like that, Fee."

Kili didn't miss his brother's glance around (checking to make sure that their Mama wasn't, in fact, listening in) and rolled his eyes when he finally stood back up, puffing his chest out a bit. "Kee, I have a plan."

Kili raised a brow (A skill he'd recently mastered, thank you very much). "A plan?"

"A plan," Fili confirmed with a nod and a grin. He set a hand on Kili's shoulder. "Walk with me."

"Walk? Where are we—"

Kili was cut off as Fili started him strolling along around their home in the biggest circles they could manage. Huh. This must have been what he meant. It seemed strange. "Now," Fili began. "My dear brother, tell me, what is the one this that out uncle Thorin doesn't have?"

Kili's brow furrowed in hard thought, before he guessed, "A third arm!"

"True, but not what I was going for," Fili sighed. "Try again."

"Uhm…A sack of carrots?"

"No," Fili groaned. "Not even close." After a moment of consideration, he corrected himself, "Alright, sort of close, but still not right."

Hmm…Like a sack of carrots, but not a sack of carrots… "Potatoes, then?" Kili guessed.

"No!"

"A sack of potatoes, I meant."

"Still on the carrot level," Fili huffed. "But that's even more wrong. He does have a sack of potatoes."

"He does?"

"Aye, of course. Right over there."

Sure enough, in the corner of the kitchen, a sack of potatoes. Probably their dinner for the next week. Huh. Figures.

"Then…" Finally, Kili surrendered. "This is hard! I give up!"

"You can't do that!" Fili shot back, a bit outraged.

"I can too!" Kili protested.

"Oh come on," Fili prompted. "You'll get it, I'm sure. Just keep guessing."

Kili groaned, but did as he was told. "A mule?"

"No."

"One of those big wide brimmed hats that I've seen—"

"No."

"…A mule?"

"No, again."

"Are you sure? Because I'm—"

"Fine!" Fili said, throwing his hands up. "Your stupidity had cracked me!" Kili glowered at the insult, but listened as his brother finally revealed this long awaited answer. "A lass!"

Kili wrinkled up his nose. "Really? That's it? I thought it might be something exciting, like…like a jar of worms."

"A jar of worms?" Fili repeated. "What good's a jar of worms?"

"What good's a lass?" Kili countered.

Fili rolled his eyes. "Oh, don't be daft. Everyone's got a lass."

"Not everyone," Kili argued. "Mama hasn't got one."

"She's her own lass."

"Dwalin hasn't got one either."

"He's…He's special, you see."

"What about you? You haven't got a lass, Fee."

"I do too!" Fili protested, his cheeks immediately flushing a dark red.

"Who, then?" Kili challenged, nonplussed.

"Uhm…Well, there's…"

"That's what I thought," Kili said with a smirk.

"Anyway," Fili began. "Point is, uncle Thorin needs a lass." Kili would have protested again, but his brother continued too quickly. "And it's up to us to find him one."

Now this, this sparked Kili's interest. If Thorin did indeed need a lass, as he apparently did, who better to choose her than his nephews? It was…well, as much as he hated to admit it, it was a pretty good plan. Flawless, really. Of course…"What is, exactly, the plan?"

His brother grinned.

It had been well decided that none of the dwarven women from their settlement would work to be their uncle Thorin's. There was just no spark (as Fili had said. Kili didn't really get what he meant, but nodded along with it anyway). So, they'd both ended up at the conclusion that they would have to find Thorin a lass outside of the settlement. Seemed easy enough, aye?

Not aye.

This particular detail of their plan was turning out quite a bit more difficult than either of them had originally anticipated. They were at least an hour down the road out of the Blue Mountains, and there was nothing. Nobody. The road was empty. You'd think at least one acceptable lass would be wandering about the roads. But no. Apparently not.

Fili was determined to press onward, even though Kili was growing weary. His boots practically had holes worn into the soles, and Kili was hungry. "Fee?"

His brother only grunted in response.

"Feeeee?" Kili tried again.

A slight nod as well that time. "Fee, I'm hungry."

"Just a little further," Fili mumbled out. "There has to be one coming along soon…"

Kili groaned out a huff, throwing his head back and stopping in the middle of the path. "Fee, we're going to miss dinner."

"Some things are more important than dinner," Fili replied sagely, pressing on down the road.

Kili let out a squeak of frustration, running a few paces to catch up with his brother. "Can't we just do this tomorrow?"

"Kee, Balin's always told us, 'there's no time like the present'."

"I've never gotten that," Kili said with a frown. "Why is time a present at all? Thorin doesn't bring it home after long trips to strange towns. Mum doesn't give them to us at solstice. Why is time like a present at all?"

"It's talking about an herb," Fili informed him, finally stopping and turning about. "You know, not time, but thyme." He suddenly gave Kili an incredulous look. "You didn't honestly think it was talking about time, did you?"

"Of course not," Kili scoffed, lying. He had no idea. His brother didn't need to know that though.

Fili sighed, then, and crossed his arms over his chest as he looked over Kili's disheveled state, then to the sun, beginning to reach its golden-orange arms out across the sky. "Fine," he grunted. "We'll go back. But if Thorin's lass walks by and we miss her, it's on you."

Kili rolled his eyes, following after his brother as he breezed past Kili down the path. His brother could be the biggest of pains sometimes.

Dis was a very responsible mother.

She had to be. With two boys and a grumpy brother to take care of, she didn't have a choice. She always fed her family when they were hungry, took care of them when they fell ill, bandaged their wounds. If her sons turned up missing when she returned home from the market, and didn't show up, even when dinner came, she went out, put a search party together to bloody find her babies. But on this particular night, her heart was at peace. Plus, Fili was old enough to take care of his brother. If it grew to be too late, she'd send out a search party. But she was sure they were fine.

Thus, following this line of thoughts, when Thorin came home from his long day of work, she simply slipped him a little lie when he asked about the boys, fed him dinner and sent him off to bed. When she heard small voices and footsteps coming down the path an hour later, she simply got out dinner for her boys, set it on the table, and stood behind her room's door, to listen as they walked in, disheveled, and ravenous from their day's adventure.

Dis was a very responsible mother.

Most of the time.

Because, honestly, who was to blame her if she just sat behind her door, trying not to laugh too hard at their topic of conversation, which of all things was about matchmaking. Matchmaking Thorin.

Mahal help them all.

This is, somewhat obviously, just the beginning of this fic. It may be two, perhaps three chapters. It should be fun though! As a younger sibling myself, I'm definitely relating with Kili here. Older siblings are ridiculous. Special thanks to mysterious victoria for her constant support of all of my stories, and for giving me the idea for this story. She's great! Reviews are love and life, especially if you want to see more lighthearted, humorous sort of stuff in this collection. Thanks for reading, and until a fortnight from now!