*All original twilight characters and themes belong to S. Meyer, rated M for mature themes.
"You all should have just let me die." I was suddenly grounded again, her words punching me in the stomach.
"Stop pacing Esme." Carlisle's voice was soft as he reached his arms out and gently held my shoulders, stopping me from turning and retracing the path I had been walking repeatedly for the past hour. "You're wearing out the carpet." he tried to let me know he was only joking with a small smile but I could only glare at him.
"She hates us. Bella absolutely hates us." I ranted to my husband who was still holding me in place and I saw his face turn, his features taking on the same sadness and frustration that I also felt.
"You all should have just let me die." Bella's words rang through my head over and over, my heart shattering again at each repetition. After she had muttered the phrase, the only words that she spoke were the ones asking us to leave her alone. We had all left the room at her request, only Carlisle staying to examine her and Edward staying because he refused to leave her side. It was only moments later that she fell back into a deep state of unconsciousness.
I couldn't take the thoughts of Bella, the girl that I thought of as a daughter, hating us and soon I was on my knees, my hands twisted in my hair as I sobbed into Carlisle's shoulder. I didn't realize that he had come down to his knees at well but I knew that the leader of our family was feeling the same sense of loss as I was.
Carlisle spent the next little while rocking with me while I cried dryly for all that Bella had been through, for every bruise on her body, for every second that we weren't there for her when we should have been. When I had cried it all out, my sadness turned to anger and at that moment the current target of my anger made his way down the stairs and into the living room.
"You." I spat out and moved quickly to stand in front of him, my finger poking him in the middle of his chest.
"Charlie requested some privacy with her," Edward informed us in a dead voice, his body moving slow as though at any second he would bolt right back up to her.
Look what you've done to her Edward. Look what you've done to our family. For just a second I allowed the instinctual part of myself to take over, the part that Edward had always referred to as a monster, and she pulled back from him only to slam into him yet again. His body flew threw the air across the room and into the brick fireplace, shattering several bricks before he collapsed to the ground, his body unwilling to fight me.
Immediately following my assault on my son, I felt guilty and rushed over to help him up, regretting instantly the thoughts I had allowed myself to direct at him, for my violent behavior.
"I'm sorry Edward," My voice was filled with shame and my internal voice was echoing it as Carlisle and Emmett helped him stand up.
"You're right." he whispered and I saw the venom sitting in his eyes, glistening pools that showed his own sadness. "It is my fault."
I continued to apologize to Edward, my heart even further crushed as I realized how I had treated my son. He had been the only one aside from Carlisle who was there when I had awoken into this life, he had always held a special place in my heart. And now, now I worried that I had destroyed that connection that we shared. My words meaning more to him than those of the others. I was his mother in every sense of the word, knowing that I, at least on some level, blamed him for the falling of our family, hit him as hard as his own feelings on the subject.
When Edward had heard enough he slipped out of the house and I heard him in the forest, ripping trees from the ground, heaving boulders around, and his anguished sobs as whatever was going through his head continued to torment him.
"Do you know when Bella will wake up again?" Rosalie looked to Alice, her voice oddly soft, her beautiful face still marred with worry over the girl that she had always pushed away from her.
"No... I don't want to go back there... to her mind..." We were all still trying to understand what had happened to Alice during the course of her visions and she had so far been unwilling to tell us any more than what she had said after she first woke up.
"Are you able to tell us what you saw Alice? You said that you saw what she had been through, everything. Can you tell us about it?" Carlisle asked her cautiously and I watched as her tiny form shrank back into Jasper's arms, a slight tremble moving through her body.
"No, I don't know, and she didn't exactly say it, but it felt like she asked me not to tell you all what happened, not to show... Edward." she shook her head as she spoke and I watched as her eyes squeezed shut tightly. The sight of Alice like this frightened me nearly as much as the sight of Bella did. Alice had always been tiny but she was a force beyond anyone, even the strongest men of our family. To see her curled into Jasper, fear rippling across her features again pounded into me how broken we were as a unit.
"Ssh, it's alright Darlin', we won't make you speak about it." Jasper soothed his wife when she turned her head into his chest, his hands rubbing up and down her back softly but it didn't seem to help as she sobbed quietly, occasionally shaking her head no as if to answer some unspoken question. The rest of us just sat in pairs, simply waiting for something to change.
It took two full days before Bella again regained consciousness and there was a collective breath released that morning when we heard her heart rate increasing and her dry, unrecognizable voice say Charlie's name. His sobs could be heard from where we waited downstairs and I couldn't help but hope that she would allow us to see her, allow us to explain our side, to apologize once she regained her strength.
"I'm sorry Daddy," her cry broke my heart as Carlisle and I stood, Edward following to return upstairs to her room. We had decided that everyone else would stay out so as to not overwhelm her at first, and they were all waiting anxiously on the furniture in the living room.
"I know Bella, I know, it's not your fault sweetheart." Charlie was reassuring her and holding her hand as we approached the room and Carlisle knocked gently on the door, Bella's head moving slowly and painfully to look in our direction.
"May we come in Bella?" my husband asked she appeared to consider his request before licking her lips and answering him.
"Only you and Esme." she spoke in her new voice, "Not him." her eyes landed on Edward who's pained expression flooded his face at her words before he turned and fled the room, returning to the grounds where he continued his rearranging of nature.
"How are you feeling Bella?" Carlisle asked cautiously as he came closer and stood at the edge of the bed, Bella's form trying to cringe back as he got too close for her to be comfortable.
"I'm pretty sure that I don't look half as bad as I feel." she snipped at him in response and I tried to keep myself from reaching over to hug her, to hold her and tell her that everything would be fine.
Bella shifted in the bed and eyed the glass of water that was sitting on the nightstand and Charlie moved to bring the straw to her lips, her slight pull of the liquid seeming to take all of her strength.
"We didn't know Bella... I'm so sorry that we didn't come for you sooner. We had no idea..."
"Where's Alice?" Bella's voice interrupted me mid sentence, her voice still hoarse and dry but better after the water.
"She's downstairs with Jasper, Emmett and Rosalie." I answered, curious as to why she wanted to know where Alice was, "Do you want her to come up?" I asked and she tried to shake her head no, wincing in pain at the movement of her neck and instead answering vocally.
"No... it's just... she... was there... near the end... she was with me." she said and I wondered what she was saying. It wasn't possible, she couldn't have felt Alice looking for her in her vision... could she? "She kept telling me to... hold on. She said you were coming. But they were finished with me. Vic... Victoria... missing... were getting ready to kill me." her sentences were broken but I understood what she was telling us. If we had taken any longer getting to her, we would have found a much different scene when we entered her prison. "I told Alice no... told her... let... me... die." A tear trickled down her cheek and she turned her head away from us, closing her eyes, shutting us out. A loud crash could be heard from outside followed by an agonized wail as Edward heard her words and I felt my own tears of venom once again pooling in my eyes.
The next several days passed in much the same fashion. Bella wouldn't allow us to apologize, to explain and requested that for the most part we leave her alone. Charlie spent most days sitting by her side, coaxing her to allow Carlisle to check her daily, to continue with the IV fluids and vitamin packs that he pumped into her. Convincing her to attempt to eat small amounts and continue drinking water regularly.
"She was asking to go back home again today. When do you think we'll be able to leave, return to Forks?" Charlie asked on the two week anniversary of her rescue.
"Soon," my husband answered, his answer unusually vague and I knew that he was nervous about letting them leave, as terrified as the rest of us that we would never see her again.
"I want to try and get her working on regaining some muscle in her legs, teaching her to walk again... at least the basics, give her some exercises to build back up some strength." he explained and Charlie nodded his head.
Bella had been particularly uncooperative when it came to trying to regain her strength. She had spent the past six months handcuffed to various pieces of furniture, parts of the cabin and unable to walk. With the addition of her malnutrition in that time she had lost most of the muscle in her legs and was angry at having to relearn basics like walking, but Carlisle wanted to ensure that she at least tried before we let her leave his care.
"I'm worried about her," his statement came as he threw his spoon into his stew and sighed deeply, his forehead scrunched in thought.
"She still won't talk to me about what she went through... only says that she wants to go home and get away from him. I still have to practically force her to eat and drink and she tells me that she wishes you had let her die." he growled out the last part and I felt my heart ache at what she must be going through, at the betrayal that she must feel and something ignited within me, something telling me to go to her, to tell her whether she wanted to hear it or not.
"I'm coming with you Esme." Alice's small voice still wasn't quite back to normal either, whatever she had seen from Bella still haunting her and she caught me by surprise when she appeared at my side as I stood. The two men were still sitting at the table, their faces both asking the same question about my sudden movement and Alice's sudden appearance.
"We're going up to speak with Bella," Alice informed them and they stayed in their spots, their faces stunned as I squared my shoulders and prepared to go to my daughter, to act like the mother she needed right now.
"Bella." I stated as we entered the room and Alice and I each took a chair to the side of the bed. Bella's eyes were closed and her breathing even but her heart-beat gave her away.
"We know you're awake and it's time for us to talk." I spoke firmly but with a touch of love in my voice, hoping that she would know that I wasn't being deliberately harsh, but that she needed to face what happened.
"I just want to go home Esme. I just want to forget... everything." she spoke so quietly that I almost missed what she said and my heart clenched in understanding, but I wasn't going to give in this time.
"Seven months ago Bella our lives changed... all of them. Seven months ago we left you alone in Forks hoping that you would live the life that none of us had the chance to live, hoping that you would be safe. It was stupid and it was the biggest mistake that any of us has ever made and we will never be able to make up for what we caused to happen to you." I was still speaking firmly and as I did so I watched as Bella's eyes opened and she glared at me in what can only be described as pure hatred, her lip trembling with the velocity of her anger.
"My safety." she sneered at me and I was taken aback by the force of her own voice. "My humanity." I felt a shiver run down my spine at her words but I was happy that she was at least speaking to me, even if it was in malice. "A mistake." she spat and Alice looked at me worriedly.
"Did you tell her Alice?" she turned her head and Alice shook her head no, her eyes glistening with tears that could now unexplainably fall.
"You left for my safety and my humanity? Was it for my safety and humanity that your son lead me into the words and broke me? Reminded me of just how unworthy I was of his perfection, his godliness, that he referred to me as a pet, used to distract him from the tedium of his life?" her words were laced with venom and surprising strong, given her condition and the fragility of her body. I wasn't quite sure that I was hearing her right until Alice nodded her head to assure me that I was. My fury towards what Edward had done was radiating out of me when Bella spoke again.
"It was about my safety and humanity when you all decided to leave me without any protection, lost in the forest. And was it for my safety and humanity that you all just moved on with your life and left me in the hands of the most vicious monster that I've ever met?" she demanded and I hung my head, knowing that she was speaking the truth as she knew it.
"Bella. None of us moved on. We tried... but we couldn't. You Bella, were the missing piece to our family... the key to completing us." I felt myself losing control of my emotions as my memories of our miserable time in Alaska poured back into my mind. "We messed up when we left you Bella... especially Edward... but we were not happy and moving on with our lives and if we had known, if we had even the most remote idea of what you were going to go through we would never have left you. You mean so much to all of us Bella." I exclaimed emotionally and when I looked down saw that she had tears streaming down her face.
"Alice." she turned her head slightly and looked to the person who had been her best friend. Alice didn't look up however, her fingers fidgeting with the hem of her shirt.
"Alice... you saw it. You saw what they did... what she did. I know that you were with me there at the end, that you saw it all when I opened up... I could feel you there." her voice was quieter now and I was again left wondering where her thoughts were going.
"I saw Bella... I wish I didn't and I wish that you had never gone through that..." Alice replied and I heard Edward's growl from outside the building the longer that our conversation continued on.
"Did you see the day that she finally smashed the last of my will Alice?"