Chapter Ten

A/N: Thank you to Jace5000 and PrettyLittleNephilim for reviewing the last chapter.

When she heard the door creak open, Jocelyn clenched her fists in preparation for another fight. True, she fought with words now far more often than blades, but the dangers were just the same.

"It's just me." came the voice of the intruder, and the woman calmed a little. She had become so used to the presence of her son that she no longer shuddered at the sound of his voice. "I heard you shouting at Father. I heard what you said."

"Which part of it?" Jocelyn asked. She did not truly want the answer. No matter what, Jonathan had overheard information she did not want him to know.

"What Father did to your parents." Jocelyn recoiled from the words, conjuring images of fire and smoke behind her eyes. She had thought that time might soften the blow, fade the details of that awful night, but she still remembered it just as clearly as she had the next day. She had given up all hope of forgetting long ago.

"I'm sorry." she sighed eventually. "I wish you hadn't had to hear that. I never wanted you to know what your father was capable of."

Jonathan looked around him, the edge of his lower lip clenched between his teeth. He looked as if the weight of the world rested on his shoulders; Jocelyn wished it was an unfamiliar sight. Eventually, he took a deep breath and spoke. "I already knew."

His mother's heart skipped a beat. "You… you knew?"

"I was there." Jocelyn looked up at her son, her eyes wide with horror. She could not have imagined a worse thing if she had tried. "Father was waiting there, for you. He probably wanted to make sure you believed the lie. And I was there with him. I still remember your face."

"Jonathan…" breathed his mother, the word a shuddering gasp. She managed to convey all her horror in that one word. He had been one year old, barely more than a baby, and yet he still remembered. Of all the curses the demon blood had given him, that must have been among the worst.

"That was the first time I ever remembered hating him." Jonathan confessed. The bitterness in his tone suggested that it had not been the last. "I asked him later why he did it, stood there, watching you scream. He told me I was too young to understand. He said it didn't matter, that you would learn your lesson soon and come back. I suppose he was right in the end."

Jocelyn's eyes fell to the carpet beneath her, her shoulders rounded as she sat on the settee. "Jonathan, you know that I didn't come back, don't you? You know I didn't… I didn't try to be here."

"You didn't want to be." Jonathan stated with a stiff nod. He almost looked disappointed. "My father would never give up on something he wanted so badly. He would have made sure you came back, even if he had to make you. That's the way he's always been."

The two fell silent, an awkward barrier falling between them that was nothing to do with Valentine. Jocelyn knew she should not have spoken the dreaded words, but she could not bring herself to lie to him, after all they had gone through to try and rebuild their relationship. It would not feel right, however much it may have been simpler.

"Jonathan, I don't regret meeting you again, not for one minute." Jocelyn's voice was quiet, as close to shy as the woman could ever be. The boy still did not meet her eye. 'He doesn't believe me.' Jocelyn realised. It was hardly a surprise.

"But if you had the chance to leave, you would do it without a second thought." Jonathan's voice was cold, the same way he had spoken to her when they had first reunited. It was almost as if all the progress they had made over the last few days had been a dream.

"I have to think about my daughter." Jocelyn answered honestly. She had held her tongue on the matter of Clary around her former husband, not wanting to give him even the slightest hint of where to find her. Jonathan was different; she owed him that much. "She's barely sixteen, she needs me."

"And I don't?" Though the words dripped with jealousy, Jonathan seemed more resigned than anything. It was heartbreaking to hear her son so certain of his place in her life, so sure that she would drop everything and run the moment she had a chance to get back to Clary. It was even more heartbreaking to know that it was true.

Or at least it had been.

"Jonathan, I'm not going to abandon you." she assured him. Jonathan laughed bitterly, but his mother was quick to cut across. "I mean it! I've already left you here once, I won't do it again. Not if you don't want me to."

"So if I said I wanted you to leave here right now and never come back, would you do that?" Jonathan spoke quickly, as if he wanted to force the words from his mouth before he choked on them.

Jocelyn sighed gently, having to restrain herself from shaking her head, the way she might have done when the boy was much younger. But she was not in control any longer. Jonathan was more a man than a boy, and she had been the one to give him the choice. She had to respect his wishes, however much they hurt her.

"I'm going to get out of here, Jonathan." she told him, desperately searching for his eyes. He was still staring resolutely at the floor when she stood, crossing her arms around her waist as she looked down to him. It was the only way she could hold herself together when she felt so much like falling apart. "And if you're not going to come with me, then I'm not going to wait for you."

Jonathan finally looked up, his mouth open and poised to tell the truth. But he was faced with only an empty room and a door slowly creaking shut.

A/N: Hope you enjoyed this chapter, everyone. Jocelyn obviously wants Jonathan with her, but realistically, I don't think she would put him above Clary. I'll try to update again soon; please review!