Alice sighed in relief as she picked Amelia's face out of the crowd. Moving like the seasoned traveler she had become, she swiftly navigated her way through the clusters of people until she was face to face with the neurosurgeon.
"Hey lady," Amelia smiled warmly at her. Alice returned the smile, hesitating only briefly as she closed the gap between them and hugged her. Sensing Amelia's surprise, the teen blushed at her impulsive show of affection. She pulled away and took a step back. Mercifully, Amelia takes it all in stride.
"You smell of rain and airport," she teased, watching Alice make a face.
"I think I saw the sun a whole of three times in my two week visit," she shook her head, "I am definitely a Cali girl at heart." She gestures to the vibrant skies and blinding sun that greets them as they step out into the parking lot.
"An LA tan suits you, that's for sure. Leave it to Seattle to fade it to a vampiric shade in just a handful of days." Amelia spotted her car and clicks her keys, her VW flashing its lights and beeping. She opened the trunk and Alice quickly tossed her belongings in, shutting the hatch and moving to the passenger door as the car starts. Alice cringed as she sat down and her leg touched the hot leather.
"Seattle may be rainy but at least you don't scald your ass every time you need to go for a drive." She grumbled. Amelia burst out laughing, but couldn't help but nod in agreement.
Throughout the drive Amelia kept the conversation light, not once mentioning Alice's slip up with the weed or asking her about her time in Seattle. Alice knew that these topics would come up soon, but for now she was just grateful that Amelia didn't push it. She spent the majority of the drive back deep in thought. Her visit to Seattle had made it glaringly obvious that she still had a lot of work to do. Yes, she was clean and sober, and composed enough to hold her grades at school, but she still had a long way to come with her other demons. Seeing how everyone was thriving in Seattle brought light to the fact that she had to really get herself together if she wanted to go back without causing chaos. As uncomfortable as the realizations made her, she knew that she had to start by opening herself up to everyone in LA and allow them to help her.
Twenty minutes later, the car pulled up to the impressive beach house that Alice was slowly starting to associate as home. The pair hopped out and gathered Alice's belongings, heading into the house. They both sighed in relief as the blast of cool air from the air-conditioning washed over them.
"We're home!" Amelia called out to Addison, who was predictably in the kitchen. A few moments later, the redhead stepped out into the hallway.
"Alice, hey! Welcome back!" She grinned.
"Thanks, Addie." Alice smiled back warmly, before the talented surgeon hurried back to what she was working on at the stove. The teen glanced down at her feet where her bags lay. "Guess I'll go unpack," she sighs heavily, gathering her stuff and heading for the stairs.
"I don't envy you; the only thing worse than packing is unpacking." Amelia called after her.
A short while later, Alice heard a soft knock at her door. "C'mon in." She calls out, glancing up to see Addison make her way into the room. She took in her surroundings, amused to find Alice surrounded by small mounds of clothing from where she is sitting cross-legged on her bed.
"It's a work in progress." Alice said drily.
"Sure it is. Dinner's ready." Addison tipped her head in the direction of the staircase.
"I'm not hungry," came an immediate reply. The surgeon considered this for a moment.
"Come on down anyways and have a bit." Her tone was kind, but firm. She had spoken to Callie earlier that day, who was worried that the teen's disordered eating habits were reappearing with a force. Alice rolled her eyes, but conceded.
"I'll be down in a bit." She said vaguely, hoping to get the older woman off of her case. The gifted surgeon clearly didn't buy it, standing in the same spot evidently waiting for Alice to get up and actually follow her down the stairs. The teen let out a hassled sigh but pushed off the bed. Dinner passed uneventfully, though she was well aware that Addison watched her like a hawk to make sure that she ate enough. The trio chatted lightly about Alice's time in Seattle, and filled her in on what she had missed at Oceanside.
"So Violet got the keys to her new place." Amelia started.
"Oh, yeah?" Alice replied, more out of courtesy than genuine interest.
"Mmhm. I may have volunteered your services to help her unpack since you've still got a few days of spring break left." The brunette grinned at Alice as she processed this information and stared back with an eyebrow raised.
"I mean, volunteering is traditionally done by those who are actually offering their services. What exactly are you doing to help fulfill your friendship obligations on this front?" Alice shot back.
"Oh, we volunteered you. Free child labor." Amelia smirked.
"I'm not exactly the muscle of this little group, but I like Lucas more than any of you losers, so." Alice responds playfully.
"Exactly, this is why we delegated you to that job." Addison smiled knowingly.
"Sure, whatever. I'm going to go check in with Lexie and them." Alice stood and gathered her dishes, disappearing with them into the kitchen. The sound of utensils scraping against the plate and the dishwasher rack being pulled out filled the air. Moments later, Alice returned and grabbed an armful of condiments that are no longer being used. She slid them back into their respective slots on the fridge door, and made her way out of the kitchen, heading towards the stairs.
"Thanks for dinner, Addie." She called politely over her shoulder, taking the steps two at a time.
Alice sighed as Lexie's phone went to voicemail, although she wasn't all that surprised; between being well into her third year of residency and prepping for the baby, she was constantly busy. The teen contemplated calling Arizona, although she was still pretty ticked at the paeds attending for spreading word of her would-be relapse with her eating disorder to Callie, who presumably circulated it back to Amelia and Addison. She instead chose to send a text to Jo since she had been scheduled to work all of the day, and then tossed her phone aside. She decided on reading to pass some time, and settled down with Gone Girl. A few minutes later, someone knocked on the bathroom door. It opened a few seconds later to reveal Amelia.
"Hey kiddo," The surgeon made her way over to the bed, sitting down opposite of Alice, who glanced at her with mild irritation before setting the novel down. Amelia's gaze drifted down to read the cover. "Great book," she nodded approvingly.
"Just started, but it's kind of slow." Alice shrugged.
"It gets better." The vivacious brunette assured her.
"So, did you need something?" Alice asked expectantly, though in the back of her mind she knew where this visit was headed.
"How have you been since your slip up?" The neurosurgeon wasted no time by beating around the bush.
"Not great. Seattle was… tougher than I expected. The cravings were worse even before I found the pot, and now they're back tenfold." Alice grimaced. When it came to addiction, Amelia was the person that Alice could rely on to understand better than anyone, but being open with others was a task that she was still working to become comfortable with. Violet said that it was due to her profound lack of intimate relationships from her parents, and lingering distrust of people. This made absolute sense to the teen, but knowing the logical root of her problems didn't make them vanish any faster. Amelia smiled empathetically.
"You can get through this; you got clean after relapsing much harder before. We'll make sure you're alright." Amelia nodded encouragingly. Alice picked at a loose thread on her shirt hem, avoiding meeting the surgeon's eyes. "Hey," Amelia reached out and gently tipped Alice's chin upwards so that she looked at her. "I mean it; you're going to be alright." She said resolutely. Alice nodded slowly. Satisfied, Amelia let her hand fall.
"I won't keep you from your book." She jerked her head to where the novel lay split, and stood up. "Just make sure that you talk with Violet on Friday when you're with her for moving day, ok?" She paused at the door.
"Yeah, whatever." Alice muttered, and watched as the door closed.
Alice busied herself the rest of the night with unpacking and laundry, trying desperately to occupy her mind. The mundane tasks didn't help much though, and she eventually wandered back downstairs to find something else to do. Amelia was perched on the couch but glanced over as she heard the teen enter the room. She smiled brightly and patted the cushion beside her. Alice hesitated briefly, but sat herself down anyways.
"Great timing, this episode just started." Amelia mused as the signature opening credits for Criminal Minds played on the screen. Alice grinned as the shot panned to Reid.
"Dibs," she muttered, right as Amelia eyes him appreciatively.
"Nu uh, you're like ten years too young. That one's all mine," Amelia gave Alice a playful shove. The teen rolled her eyes.
"Whatever, cougar." She quipped, eliciting an eye roll from the surgeon.
"Please, I'm hardly a day over 30." Alice shrugged but let it go, shifting until she found the perfect position in the couch. The two fell into a comfortable silence, listening intently as the team pieced together a profile. Moments later, the scene changed and the unsub is now the focus of Addison's massive flat screen. Alice felt her breath catch in her throat as the sadistic unsub, a middle aged man whose modality of choice is stabbing, cornered his latest victim. In a matter of less than thirty seconds, the flashbacks that had been lingering in Alice's subconscious for weeks, fighting to resurface, came flooding back.
"Stop!" She blurted out, cringing as she turned away from the TV and pulled her knees to her chest.
"Huh?" Amelia, who was engrossed in the show, glanced up and looked over to Alice, startled.
"Alice, are y-" the surgeon started to speak, but she gets cut off.
"Make it stop." Alice begged. Amelia scrambled for the remote, finally jamming the off button as the actress started to scream. The TV went black and the room was met with silence, save for Alice's ragged breathing as she spiraled into a panic.
"Alice, hey, you're alright, you're safe here," Amelia started, desperately trying to prevent the teen from losing it completely. If Alice heard her speak, she didn't show it. Amelia considered her option for a split second, and makes her decision. She got up and quickly moved to sit so that she was facing Alice, and gently placed her hands on the teen's shaking shoulders. Alice's head snapped up at the contact and her wild eyes darted around the room before her gaze connected with the concern-filled, vivid blue eyes of Amelia.
The older girl felt Alice's shoulders relax, although only slightly, as her breath was still ragged and body consumed with trembling. "You're fine, you're safe. It's just you and me, only us. No one's here to hurt you." Amelia kept her tone low and comforting, and gradually the teen's breathing regulates as the blind panic leaves her body. The two sat like this for a few minutes, until Alice gathered her composure.
"Sorry, I usually have a better… handle on those flashbacks," her features were a mix of fear and embarrassment. Amelia shook her head at the unnecessary apology, though her eyes burn with confusion and curiosity. Alice let out a heavy sigh.
"I know you want an explanation, but I can't. At least not right now, anyways." She added. The surgeon smoothly concealed her surprise at her leaving the end open to talk about this later. The Alice that she knew a few months ago wouldn't have dared to even offer this. Amelia nodded, glancing over at the clock which read quarter past eleven.
"I've gotta get up to bed, I'm due for a consult at the practice at 8 tomorrow." She stood, waiting for the teen to do the same, but Alice remained seated.
"I'm just going to stay down here; I doubt I'll be getting any sleep now anyways." She winced.
"No, come up. Even if you're going to be up half the night it's not good to be alone." Amelia replied firmly, though not unkindly. Alice relented and got up, following her closely as the surgeon turned off the downstairs lights before she headed up to the bedrooms. Alice and Amelia parted ways at the stair landing, and the surgeon headed to Addison's room, undoubtedly to fill her in on what had just taken place.
Still shaky, the teen numbly went through the motions of showering and brushing her teeth, but didn't even bother climbing into bed; she knew that sleep would elude her tonight. She sat herself at her desk and mindlessly opened up a textbook, not even really aware of what she was reading. The hushed conversation between the adults, which Alice couldn't quite make out, fell quiet and moments later there was a soft knock at her door. Amelia let herself in, her gaze falling upon Alice with concern. She looked at a loss for words; not knowing the particulars of the teen's situation made it hard for her to know what exactly to say.
"Wasn't the first time, and it probably won't be the last." Alice said morosely, recognizing Amelia's struggle. She slammed the book shut and moved to sit herself on the bed. She sat cross-legged at the top and left room across from her, an invitation. The neurosurgeon was quick to catch on and settled down on top of the purple throw.
"It's stuff like this that kept me coming back to the pills." Alice admitted quietly, staring at her hands, "The highs were fun but it was mostly to quiet the thoughts and numb the memories."
"I get it. I did the exact same thing." Amelia responded, and Alice's head snapped up as she studied the surgeon with surprise. She knew that Amelia had battled addiction, but like the surgeon with her, she didn't know the specifics of her story.
"When I was 5, I watched my father die. Derek and I were in the store with him; a regular weekday afternoon, and two men came in. They held him at gunpoint and demanded that he give them his watch." A look of sadness and frustration passed over the surgeon's stunning features. "He refused, and so they put a bullet through his head. Seeing that, especially when you are so young and impressionable, does a real number on you. As I got older, I found myself less and less able to cope. By high school, I drifted to that wrong, sketchy crowd that every school has, and a friend offered me some pills. I was hooked instantly; the high, the escape- was unlike anything I had ever known." Amelia looked up and was surprised to see that the teen's eyes glimmered with unshed tears for her story. The ordinarily reserved, defensive girl looked at her with empathy that sprung from troubles that no one her age should ever have to know.
"I'm sorry." Alice forced out in a broken whisper. Amelia shook her head fiercely.
"Don't be. I got myself into that crowd, and I've dealt with the consequences of my mistakes. If you're going to take anything away from that story, let it be the knowledge that you can pull yourself together and not let your past be the defining moment of your life." Alice pursed her lips. Maybe it's too late hung in the forefront of her mind but she instead settled for silence. Amelia frowned, knowing that there was something left unsaid. Alice averted her eyes, her resolve to stay quiet, wavering under the insistent gaze of the neurosurgeon.
"It's late, and didn't you say you have an early morning at the practice tomorrow?" She finally spoke, turning her gaze back to meet Amelia's icy blue orbs. The older of the pair sighed and stood up, clearly reading Alice's signal that she was at her limit.
"At least try and get a bit of sleep, alright?" Amelia said, not unkindly. Alice gave a nod, but they both knew that it was only to placate her request rather than an actual motion of agreeing.
Hours dragged by, taunting Alice as the numbers on the clock turned at a glacial pace. 6:30AM rolled around, and the teen could hear the idle conversation of the two adults getting ready for work. She forced herself off of the bed and wandered over to her dresser, taking in her appearance in the mirror above. She looked like death warmed over; the dark purple circles under her eyes popping against the ashen pallor of her skin. She weighed her options, quickly choosing to get dressed and spend the day at the practice. Though most of the doctors would be busied with patients, she wouldn't have to spend the day completely alone with her thoughts.
Alice tugged on a pair of jean shorts and a light cashmere V-neck, courtesy of J Crew, and headed to the bathroom to brush her teeth and splash some water on her face. Glancing at her makeup drawers on the counter, she neglected the products entirely. She was well aware of the fact that she looked about as rough as she felt and honestly didn't care enough to bother hiding that from the gang at the practice. The look of surprise on both of the surgeons' faces would have normally tempted at least a small smirk from Alice, but today her features remained unanimated.
"Uh, I was hoping that it might be ok if I spent the day at Seaside. I'll stay out of everyone's way, but I just didn't really want to spend the day alone…" Her voice trailed off with uncertainty.
"Absolutely. You know that you don't even have to ask, you're always welcome." Addison's tone was warm and betrayed none of the surprise and curiosity that was surely lurking under the surface, for which Alice was grateful.
An hour later, Alice had set herself up at the bar section of the practice kitchen, with some schoolbooks littering the long counter. The sleepless night quickly won over, however, because when Charlotte walked in mid-morning to fix herself a mug of coffee after having done rounds at St. Ambrose, she found the teen asleep, head resting on the counter atop of her folded arms. She frowned at the girl's precarious position; the barstools were tall and backless, making it easy to tip right off if she moved in her sleep.
The chief of staff poured herself a mug of coffee and considered her options. Addison and Amelia were both doing consults or surgeries all day, and Violet too had a steady stream of patients. Making up her mind, she walked over to the teen.
"Alice?" She called out, to which she got no response. "Alice!" She tried again a bit louder, this time briefly tapping her arm. This worked, and finally Alice sat up, blinking a few times in confusion before she got her bearings.
"Oh, hi Dr. King. Sorry, I guess this textbook really is the put-you-to-sleep type." She felt her cheeks flush violently red. Truthfully, the southern woman had always made her a bit nervous, having an air of authority about her that made you terrified to think of the prospect of what crossing her might bring.
The blonde doctor shook her head at the apology and gave the teen a smile. "Why don't you pack up your stuff and set up in my office instead?" She suggested kindly. Alice gave her a startled glance.
"Um, I don't want to inconvenience you or anything, I'll be alright."
"Don't be ridiculous, you could have fallen off the stool at any moment had I not woken you up. It's no trouble, and I have a couch anyhow," the southern woman insisted, moving to help the teen collect her things.
"Late night?" Charlotte asked conversationally as the two gathered the books and made their way into the spacious office.
"Yeah, something like that." Alice murmured. She perched on the black leather couch but remained fairly tense, re-situating her work but unable to concentrate on what she was trying to do anyways. The perceptive doctor suspected that there was more to the story; it was no coincidence that all three of the ladies who shared the house came in looking worn out. Addison had a constant look of worry present on her features, and Amelia too had an air of concern about her. The Alabama native sent a quick message to Alice's two guardians as so to save them the worry if they came looking for the teen and couldn't find her.
For the next few hours, both women worked in silence. Charlotte could tell that the teen was considering working up the nerve to start a conversation, but by the time Amelia came by the office to take Alice out for lunch it became clear that she was still pretty intimidated. Sighing in frustration as the door closed, Charlotte was left alone in the office contemplating what could have happened to a person to make them that timid.
Several days later
"Why don't you take a break for a while? Come and sit." Violet broke the sweaty teenager in front of her's focus. Alice had been carrying boxes in from the truck outside since she had arrived at the house that morning, without more than a few polite answers to the small talk Violet prompted her with.
"I'm alright. Addison's going to pick me up in like an hour and it seems like you've still got a lot to do." Alice replied, setting down the two boxes in her hands. "Are these okay here?"
"Those are fine. And you've done more than enough today. Here," Violet handed her companion a bottle of water and gestured towards the couch a midst the mountains of boxes in her new living room. Alice hesitated for a few seconds before accepting the water and sitting down on the couch. She knew she was in for an impromptu therapy session, whether she liked it or not.
"So tell me about your trip home. How did that go?" Violet asked, taking a seat next to the younger girl.
"It was, um, a lot. Did Amelia tell you what happened?" Alice stared at the doctor uncertainly. Back in Seattle, it seemed like she never had to tell Jessica what was actually going on in her life. Lexie had always been one step ahead of her. However, Violet shook her head and waited for her to elaborate.
"Okay. Well I had a bit of a slip up. Nothing too major; it was just some weed I found in my old room. I called Amelia while I was high and told her right away, and Alex and Jo know too." Alice admitted.
"I see. How're you feeling about that?" The older of the two prompted, leaning back on her couch. Alice sighed and stared down at her hands.
"Bad. I really didn't want Jo to find out, but Alex was right about not hiding things from her." She admitted. Violet nodded, a bit surprised at Alice's willingness to admit someone else was right. Wanting to keep the ball rolling, Violet hurried to steer the conversation towards Alice's sister.
"Tell me about Jo. A new sister is a pretty big deal, right?" Alice nodded, and shockingly smiled a bit.
"I like her a lot. She's smart and funny, and from what I've heard she's a pretty kick ass surgeon. I feel bad that she's kind of having to get involved with all of this. I mean, Alex told her everything after I messed up, and she just came over to Arizona's apartment and hung out with me anyways. I think, honestly, Jo's a little too good for me." Violet frowned a bit at Alice's last sentence. "Too good for me" was an expression she had heard Alice use before, except formerly in regards to Lexie.
"Why would you think that she's too good for you? Just because you've made some mistakes?" Alice let out a long sigh before averting her gaze to the floor and shaking her head.
"It was more than a few mistakes. My whole life was a mistake for months. I was hurting people and myself and that's the only reason I'm here in LA. I just feel awful that Jo has to deal with me when I'm not completely fixed yet. What if the next time I visit, I have a meltdown or slip up again? What if she has to see that?" Alice blurted out, worry etched all over her face.
"She's your sister, Alice. If she's going to be in your life and if you're going to be in her's, each of you are going to have to accept every part of the other. Even the difficult stuff. I'm sure Jo isn't perfect." Violet pointed out wisely. Alice remained silent for a few seconds, processing her words.
"Um, she lived in her car during high school. But she still became a surgeon, so I'm pretty sure she is perfect."
"That is impressive. But, think about how she sees you. You came out of the situation with your parents and now you're here in LA, working on moving past a lot of difficult problems. That's impressive too." Violet pointed out. Alice's face burned red and she kept her eyes locked on the floor.
"Yeah, well, I also overdosed on heroin and put Lexie through hell. What happened with my parents wasn't an excuse for that. I was selfish." Alice admitted quietly.
"We've talked about your pills before, but never really about the heroin. What happened there?" Violet pushed gently. She watched carefully, waiting for the younger girl's walls to fly back up. Alice debated for a few moments before speaking.
"I was really, really broken up about Anna leaving me. I realize now that she really wasn't that great, but back then, she was. I was in love with her. So I went over to Chip's one night and he told me it was fine; that it would be a better high. So I let him shoot me up and the next thing I knew, I was out. He called Arizona from my phone and she kept me alive until the paramedics got there. Lexie was in surgery the whole time, and when she got out, she had to wait outside a trauma room door while Christina Yang shocked my heart back into a rhythm." Alice shook her head, bitterness lacing her voice. Violet nodded, chewing her bottom lip as she listened to the teenager recount the incident.
"So that was when Derek suggested you come out here for a while?"
"Yeah."
"Even though what happened was awful and hard and terrifying, it did lead to something better, didn't it? You being here has been a good experience for you so far. I've watched you for the last few weeks and the improvements you've made have been huge. You're healthier and dealing with your emotions and flashbacks better." Violet noted. Alice nodded in somewhat of a sheepish agreement before glancing at her phone. Violet instantly picked up on it and knew that she was getting a little tired of talking this seriously about things.
"So what else happened in Seattle? How was getting to see Lexie?" Alice brightened up a bit at the mention of her legal guardian.
"It was great. I mean, I was a little upset about her hiding the pregnancy thing, but I get why she did it. And she and Mark really seem happy. They're going to be great parents." Violet smiled and nodded, noticing a trace of something that may have been sadness cross the teenager's features.
"And how do you feel about the baby?"
"I don't know. I think it's basically going to mean that they're done with me. I'll end up staying here for a while and then either crashing with Callie and Arizona for a while, or Jo and Alex. Or I'll just go away to college somehow."
"You think that Lexie and Mark having a baby means that they're done with you?" Violet tilted her head to the side.
"They're starting their family. They deserve to be happy." Alice muttered, shaking her head. The uncertainty about the baby situation had been weighing on her since she had found out, and now that she was finally saying it out loud, it only seemed more realistic. Lexie was moving away and she had a right to.
"Have you ever considered the fact that Lexie and Mark are going to want you to be involved with their baby? I mean, from everything you've told me, you're family to Lexie. And her baby is not going to replace you. If anything, it could bring you all closer." The psychiatrist rationalized. Alice paused for a moment, considering what she had just been told.
"I don't know. I guess we'll just have to see."
"That's a good plan-" Violet was interrupted by the sound of Lucas beginning to cry out from upstairs. Before she could stand, Alice shot up and headed towards the stairs.
"I'll get him." The teenager called out over her shoulder. Her doctor leaned back, impressed, and waited until she came back down less than a minute later with a content toddler in her arms. Lucas clutched a plush frog in one hand, sucking his thumb on the other, and blinked the sleep from his eyes tiredly. Violet watched as Alice sat down with him, comfortable as he chose to remain in her lap.
"That's exactly what I'm talking about. You're obviously great with kids; I've seen you with Mason too. Lexie probably can't wait to have you helping out with the baby." The older woman grinned, gesturing towards her son. Alice smiled down at Lucas and blushed. The three of them sat on the couch for the next half hour, until the sound of Addison's car in the driveway interrupted Lucas' impromptu play date. Somewhat reluctantly, Alice gently removed Lucas from her lap and sat him down on the couch. The toddler whined in disappointment and his mother quickly scooped him up in order to avoid a meltdown.
"Say 'bye bye' Lucas. I'm sure Alice will be back to visit soon." Violet helped her son to wave goodbye as her patient grabbed her bag and headed towards the door. Alice smiled and waved back before hurrying out the door into the bright LA sun.
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