Author's Note: Sorry that this one took so long folks…I was working full time this summer and now I'm in Japan for school (woohoo!) so I'm pretty busy. I do intend to finish this, but it's going to take me a while. I'll try to post more regularly (how long's it been? June?). Also I'm keeping this thing technically rated PG-13, because last I checked FF.net had decided that it would only show R-rated and above if you selected an option. Just keep in mind that this is really officially an R-rated story that will creep into NC-17 sometimes. I refuse to rate this entire story NC-17 because my first lime is in this chapter, 140 pages into the story. Blah. So beware the lime ^_^!
Disclaimer: I don't own Final Fantasy 9, but I do own my original characters!
How Fair This Place
By Bmv no Miko
Chapter 10: Wounded Wings
She sighed and shouldered her pack—it had already begun to cut into her shoulders. The day was crisp and cool with a brilliant blue sky, and would have been one of her best traveling days ever, complete with a bubbling stream. But, she was painfully aware of the silent mages following her. For three days, all attempts at conversation had proved useless. She was embarassed for trying to make them leave, and they for forcing themselves upon her, but no one was turning back. The duress of travel was catching up with all of them except perhaps for 192 and 44, both of whom seemed able to walk forever. Though she had only been walking half a day, she was already weary and in terrible need of a rest. I didn't think I'd be so tired, being pregnant like this… She pressed on for some time lost in her thoughts, until she realized that 56 was by her side.
"You okay?" he asked in a low voice, not wanting 192 to hear.
"Yeah, just tired. Do I look that bad?"
"No, you're just getting slower and slower. We can stop, you know."
"It's not sunset yet."
"Um, why does it have to be sunset before we stop?"
"Because_" But she stopped herself, fingering the straps of her pack. Because if I don't hurry, you'lll just die all around me. "Because." He straightened his hat, frowning.
"Well," he said carefully, "I'm about ready to stop for the day, if that's okay with you." They slowed to a halt and stared at each other for a moment. No you aren't…you're just trying to help me out, aren't you?
"What's the holdup?" 192 asked flatly.
"We're going to stop now. If that's okay with everybody else, I mean." 56 said, not looking at her. There was silence for a short moment, then 44 stepped forward.
"Well, if that's the case I'll have time to cook us something better than what we've been having, eh? I'll build a fire under that tree there," he said cheerfully, though tension underlied his deep voice.
Slowly and silently they made their way to the large oak and set their things down among its roots. As usual, 192 set his pack down away from everyone else, just on the edge of the canopy's shadow. He stood staring north for some time, tall and proud, as though waiting for something. The wind rustled his robes softly, and for a moment she had an impression that there might actually be some kind of noble blood in him. Or maybe it's just the image… With a sigh, she went to the stream and sat down awkwardly on its rocky banks to wash her face and soothe her aching feet. Tiny silver shad darted away as she splashed. 44 sat on a boulder washing his pans and gathering water to boil the vegetables they'd brought from 189's garden.
"So, is everything okay?" he asked casually after a while, not looking at her and rythmically scrubbing at the black iron.
"Oh yeah. Nice day."
"Yes." She gave him a sideways look—it was more unbearable to be awkward with him than anyone else. Some of his glossy black hair escaped the confines of his hat when he leaned forward, and she was reminded of the one time he'd really let her look at him in the light. I've lived with you for weeks…we should have more to say to each other than this. Tentatively, she rested a hand on his knee and stared pensively into the water. She could feel him tense and slow his work as she stared across the stream.
"Thank you for coming with me…I'm glad of the company." It had been annoying at first to be so easily bested by them, by 288, but as the hours wore on she found that having them there was a comfort. Even 192 seemed to have settled down, though she still couldn't fathom why he'd come. If only we could get this silence out of the way…
"You're welcome," he said after a short silence, "But I thought…well, you didn't really want any of us to come, did you?"
"Hmm. I don't know…I thought not, for a while…but maybe I really did want you to come and I just didn't know it." She stretched her legs out in front of her and wiggled her toes in the cold water, peaceful with the sort of weariness that comes only after a long day's exertion.
"Glad to hear it. We didn't want to be a burden."
"You aren't." If anyone's the burden, it's me…getting tired so soon. A soft breeze rustled the tree tops, and she shivered, pulling her feet out of the water. A haunting tune reached her ears, and she turned curiously to see if someone might be coming up the road. Come to think of it, maybe we shouldn't be traveling the road… 44 gathered his dishes together and precariously balanced a small pot of water. "Haven't heard him play in a long time. Travel must be doing something for him."
"Who is it? I can't see anyone playing anything."
"It's 192. He's got this little thing that looks like a squash with holes in it. He's really very good, but he doesn't play much." She blinked, surprised.
"Wow, I didn't peg him as a musician. He's been a little different lately…do you think I could talk with him now?" They both rose and made their way back to the campfire, where the others were arranging where they would sleep.
"I don't know. 192's always liked his privacy more than the rest of us, always been a little standoffish. For a while I thought he was just mean, but 288 told us about how everyone's different…and I don't know, maybe that's just how he is and he doesn't mean to offend anyone."
"So you're saying approach him at my own risk, huh?" He gave her a little smile and shrugged, nearly upsetting his water. Well, I have to try. I might should just let sleeping dogs lie…but I can't believe that he's well so suddenly. 123 gave her a curious look as she circled the tree, and she just barely heard him whisper "Good luck." Thanks a lot. Guess I'd better approach slowly… His back was to her, and he did not rise or stop playing when she came to stand beside him. For some time he went on without comment, and she decided it was safe to sit at his side. The tune was wandering, jumping from a few bars of some song to the chorus of another, but it was always slow and almost plaintive. She picked at blades of grass and felt guilty. He's angry with me for a reason, for something I can't remember. I wonder what happened to him? I can see how Kuja treated One…and he threw his regular mages away like trash. I wonder if I did something bad too…if I'm just the opposite of 123 and really did forget everything that isn't pleasant to remember…
The music drifted into silence, and she watched as he put the small instrument away into a brown velvet drawstring bag.
"Can I help you?" he asked with only half of his usual edge.
"Didn't know you could play. That was really nice." He grunted and stared off into the northern horizon. "So…your coming was kind of unexpected. I'd think I was the last person you'd want to travel with."
"I don't think you wanted to travel with any of us, so my being here shouldn't hurt much."
"Now, I didn't say that. I guess I'm just wondering why…?" He rested his chin in his hands.
"None of your business."
"Ah. Well, I'm sorry if I wasn't exactly welcoming_"
"You weren't."
"Are you feeling okay? I'd have been laid up a little longer than that with injuries like_"
"That's you. I'm different." She nodded and lapsed into silence, too tired to argue and surprised that she wasn't really vexed by him. Pans clinked behind her, and she could hear the others quietly talking, 56 laughing about something. Well, that's something you don't hear everyday… "Are you going to sit there all day?" She sighed and carefully leaned over backwards into the soft grass. The firmness of the ground felt wonderful against her sore back. Something tickled her nose, and she finally grabbed it—a thin lock of hair that had escaped from under 192's hat.
"Oh, you're a redhead. How appropriate," she mused, rubbing the firey strands between her fingers. He yanked them from her, eyes flashing with annoyance.
"Don't touch my hair," he grumbled tersely, stuffing it back into the darkness under his hat.
"It's really long. You should wear it down sometime." He didn't answer, but instead pointed toward where he'd been looking.
"See that forest over there? I think we'd be better off going through there. We'd cut off a big loop of the road. Speaking of which, we're traveling far too close to the road as it is. There's only these bushes seperating us from any humans that might come along." She blinked, surprised that he was offering advice instead of demanding.
"Well, okay…you're right about traveling the road. It made me nervous too. Have you been this way before?"
"Yes."
"Been through that forest before?"
"No, but let's just say I know what it all looks like from above."
"…Oh. Well, I'm willing if everyone else is, but_"
"But what?"
"Well, see those bushes in the undergrowth where that part of the woods starts? The ones with bright pink and yellow flowers?"
"What about them?" he asked irritably.
"They're full of redbugs."
"Redbugs."
"Yeah, they make you itch a lot."
"Have you ever been this way?"
"Well, no," she admitted.
"We need to go that way," he said firmly. She raised her hands in surrender.
"Okay okay…Geez. I was just warning you, that's all. I'll take your word for it."
"Good." She sighed, but felt like perhaps she was making progress. Maybe speaking to me is his way of thanking me for helping him? Or maybe he just likes to travel. She sat up and dug her toes into the cool grass.
"You know…I can't help but notice that you always sleep far away from us, and you don't eat with us either. We wouldn't mind your company," she said tentatively.
"Yes, you would. And you don't want me sleeping near you, trust me," he said quietly.
"The offer's there anyways. We're going to cook those squirrels 163 got yesterday and have some veggies. I'll bring you some when it's done…if you don't come eat with us." And, as was expected, he didn't come.
163 awoke with a start, his heart hammering in his chest from the sound of an almost monstrous wail. He blinked and quickly slid his glasses down to his nose so that he could see. The stars shone in a clear sky through the canopy of the great oak, and the night was quiet except for the popping of the embers, cicadas' songs, and the soft snoring of his companions. He sat up, his stomach tight and jittery. Maybe a nightmare? He stared at 123, resting soundly beside him with his hat still on. 44 had an arm loosely thrown over Shorah, and she in turn was holding on to 56. There's nothing to be afraid of…everyone's here…everyone's here… He thought this over and over to himself, trying hard not to think of the awful time before he'd come to the village, when he'd been alone and sleepless every night, jumping at every sound. I…I guess I'll just get closer to 123 and go back to sleep…The night air was rather chill and he already missed being warm under their blankets.
Then he heard a softer noise, a sort of crying and moaning as though something were in pain. He clenched his thick blanket tightly, suddenly even more afraid than before. But, it would not do to hope that whoever was wouldn't notice them what with the fire blazing away like a beacon.
"I-is someone out there?" he asked in a low voice, ashamed at how much it shook. There was no answer except a tiny whimper. He swallowed. Although he was terrified, he clenched his teeth and slowly rose so as not to wake 123, determined to find out what it was. Maybe if it's dangerous I can warn the others… He felt suddenly superaware and tensed, more willing to see their threat than to let it hide in the forest like a phantom. As deftly as he could, he inched around the tree trunk, keeping it always to his back, as he scanned the surrounding trees. He'd already been all the way around when he heard the crying again, accompanied by a soft 'Please…please leave me alone…'. He had an epiphany, and quickly moved around the tree again.
Sure enough, there was 192, whimpering and tossing in his sleep. He gave a sigh of relief and felt his body go lax, breathing freely for a moment. Then a new kind of doubt settled in him. At first, he wanted nothing more than to return in peace to the comfort and warmth of the blankets. Then, as he watched their surly companion, he felt a little guilty. If it were anyone else, I would have woken him up and held him like my brothers did for me. If it were anyone else… The wind rustled in the trees, and he shivered. It's so cold, and he must be cold, being away from the fire and not sleeping with us and all… One last time he looked back longingly at the fire, but knew that to go back to it now would be selfish. On edge but resolved, he tiptoed softly to 192's side and knelt down. He looks so innocent and harmless asleep… An unexplainable fear worked through him, as though he shouldn't dare to be so near this creature who was so much better than him. It was an odd feeling, and he shrugged it off with annoyance, reaching out to touch the tears on his brother's face. Suddenly, 192's eyes opened, and 163 jerked his hand back with a gasp.
Those eyes were glowing crimson.
There wasn't much time to be afraid, and everything was a confusion of darkness and movement. He felt himself being slammed backward into the hard earth, and since he was too shocked to struggle he soon found himself pinned. For a moment something sharp and cold dug into his neck, and a voice that was 192's and yet definitely unlike his normal voice hissed,
"Don't you ever, ever touch me again_" The sound made his skin crawl. Then there was a loud boom accompanied by rushing wind, and the weight was off of him. He found himself scooting away as 192 sprawled backwards himself, hit squarely by a strong wind spell.
"What the hell is going on here?" 123 shouted, his eyes flaring white. 163 touched his neck, eyes wide as his fingers met with the wetness of blood. Arms suddenly wrapped around him, and he stared at 123, disoriented and in shock. H…he was going…to kill me… He could hear 123 telling him that he was going to be okay, but he didn't feel particularly scared—just strangely hurt as he stared at 192. The crimson was fading from his eyes, and he rose with a start, staring at the knife clenched in his right hand. His expression was frightened and stunned for a moment, and he threw the blade to the ground as though it were a poisonous snake. 163 backed some into the tree trunk as 192's eyes flickered to his for a split second, anguished. Everyone was staring at the tall mage; it was the calm after one storm and before another.
"What do you have to say for yourself?" 44 finally asked, quietly and calmly. Then, as one might do after they've had an awful fright, 192 flew into a temper.
"I asked to be left alone, and I expected that request to be honored! I'm not like the rest of you! I'm not traipsing along in my own fucking innocent little world waiting to experience all that life has to offer! I'm here because I'm going one way and you happen to be going that way as well, and if I have to travel a day ahead or behind I will if you can't keep your hands off of me! I…I'm going somewhere to die, just like the rest of us, except I know where I'm going…and…and you don't because you're content to follow a pregnant whore to your demise!" He trembled with rage and looked as though he wanted to say more, but then spun and quickly disappeared into the forest. There was a heavy silence in the air, and everyone was too shocked to give chase. 163 held his neck and wondered if he was the only one who'd noticed that his temperamental brother had been holding back tears the whole time.
After that, they all sat around the fire, eyes burning with weariness but none willing to go back to sleep. 123 pressed a little closer to Shorah, still shaken from casting his spell and cold besides. 163 was at her other side, strangely silent and staring into the embers. I wonder if 163's okay…I wasn't even hurt and I don't feel so good at all… The image of 192 reeling backwards played over and over in his head. I…I wonder why I was so angry all of a sudden…I hope I didn't hurt him too bad…I didn't ever want to use magic against one of us…I hope he understands that I just… He sniffled and tucked some errant hair back under his hat.
"So…" 44 said slowly, "I wonder what we should do now?"
"It's awful cold tonight," 56 said quietly. "Maybe we should go look for him."
"No way," Shorah interjected crossly. "He's always cranky and mean, and we can deal with that, but you gotta draw the line at trying to murder people." She squeezed 163's hand and rested the other on her belly, her expression angry, tired, and on the brink of tears. 163 gave her a halfhearted smile and returned his gaze to the fire. Speaking of cranky… 123 thought. He sighed.
"Shorah…um…I don't guess I should tell you this, but…well…how to say it…? I know I don't just speak for myself when I say that…well…" He straightened his hat and didn't look at anyone, ashamed. "We all…at least everyone I've talked to…we all dream about killing people. A lot. It's like…it's like we dream what we did before…and sometimes, that's overwhelming…and we…we get a little…you know, destructive. When we wake up all of a sudden. Sometimes." He could feel her staring at him in surprise, but could not meet her eyes. "I'm sorry if I shouldn't have said that," he whispered by apology to the others. 44 shook his head ruefully.
"It's just the truth," 56 said sadly. "I remember when Mr. 55 set his own hut on fire after waking up from a really bad nightmare. He was so upset because he put so much extra time into building his." There was an awkward silence, and he wished he hadn't brought the subject up at all. But still…what if it was a mistake…sounds like he just woke up and…and… He clenched at the grass in shame. I wish we weren't like this…I wish we really were nice people…
"I know you don't like Mr. 192, Shorah, and I know he isn't nice to you. He shouldn't have said what he did," 44 began softly. "But we kind of have our own unique set of problems as a group, if you see what I mean. We've all done things and said things we regret later…and I just think we need to go look for him, that's all."
"He was going to cry," 163 said suddenly, and everyone's attention turned to him. "He…he gave me this…this awful look…and I know he hurt me…but…I just can't think that he meant to, even though I don't like him so much myself." She took a deep breath.
"I…I realize that you boys do have special circumstances…if 192 were human…I wouldn't even want to stay here tonight, I'd be so afraid. There's so many good for nothing humans…and I don't quite agree with you, but I'll try to trust your judgement, because he's a black mage and because maybe for you it's different…but I'm not going to feel safe traveling with him…" she ended on a whisper, and 123 was surprised when she leaned against him and took his hand.
"I'm sorry about this…I'm sorry we all forced ourselves on you…this never would have happened…" he said sincerely, truly feeling guilty for the first time. She gave a watery chuckle.
"That's okay. I'd just be alone and cold and in the dark. I'm just all nerves right now and I'll be better in the morning. Is anyone going to look for him now?"
"I am," 44 volunteered instantly. "I have a fairly good sense of direction. 56, why don't you stay here and watch everything?" 56 looked like that was exactly what he wanted to do, but he rose with a sigh. "No, you shouldn't go alone, and anyways I don't think I can go back to sleep now. I need to walk around."
"Me too," said 163.
"But…but shouldn't you stay back? I mean, since he hurt you and all…?" she ventured. He shook his head.
"No…it's just a little cut, and I wanna convince him that I don't really hold anything against him, if we find him, you know. I've got to go, too."
"Well," she sighed. "I guess we should all go."
"No, someone has to stay and watch our things. Someone has to get some sleep tonight, too," 44 said, lighting a fireball in his hands as he prepared to leave.
"We'll stay, since we're the only ones left," 123 offered. I can't believe they're going out into the dark like that…they have to be scared…
"Sounds good. Stay put, okay? We'll be back in a few hours." With that, 163 and 56 lit their own fireballs and were soon off. With a groan, she leaned back into the tree and held her stomach.
"You people are hazardous to my health," she grumbled. Even though it was the the day's troubles behind her bad mood, 123 was hurt.
"You're mad, aren't you?" he asked softly, hugging his knees. To his surprise, she gave a little smile.
"No, I guess I'm just in a bitchy mood. It's not your fault these things happen. Let's try to go back to sleep, okay?" He nodded, and they both wiggled back under the covers and tried to get situated. "Wanna snuggle up to stay warm?"
"Sure." It felt good to have her arms around his back and to hold her in return—something solid in a world that often seemed so confusing. Suddenly, he remembered the last time she had held him and was embarassed. I wonder if she'll decide to sleep by herself again later on tonight. I wonder why she left that time… He blinked as her hold grew a little tighter and warm lips pressed against his forehead.
"I'm sorry for saying mean things, 123. I really love all of you and I'm glad you came. I was so worried when everyone was gone…I was so scared. I guess the idea of 163 getting hurt shook me up more than it should have…I'm sorry. I didn't mean to be difficult." He sighed and felt himself relax.
"We love you too. That's okay. Sorry for leaving like that…sorrier than you'll ever know…"
"I bet…123…"
"Yeah…?"
"You ever gonna take off your hat? Everyone else does…'cept 192, that is…and it can't be comfortable when you sleep…" He shifted uncomfortably.
"Uh…it doesn't bother me when I sleep…" he lied.
"Is it me…I mean…am I the reason you don't…?"
"Oh no…no, it's not you…it's just that no one sees me without it…that's all." He hugged her tighter, willing her to understand, his stomach fluttering with the night's stress and his eyes drooping. I hope I can hold up for this whole trip… He yawned.
"Oh…well…I love you anyway…" she murmured sleepily.
"Thanks," he whispered back, finally sinking into slumber.
"Um…not to be rude or anything…but could you explain to me again exactly why we're taking this path?" 56 asked wearily. For the four days since they had given up on finding 192, she had insisted on taking the dense, poorly marked trail through the northern woods. The humidity and the thick canopy made for a clammy and mouldy smelling undergrowth, and there were many stretches where fireballs were their only light. Strange creatures called in the night, and it was hard to sleep anyways knowing that they had left a companion behind. Besides that, everywhere their clothes pulled even a little tight against their skin, bright, red, itchy welts had popped up. This did obviously did nothing for anyone's mood, along with the fact that no one knew how much longer the forest went on.
"Because, 56, 192 sounded really sure…he swore that if we went through here we'd save time and plus it would be safer because we don't travel the road. He has a point." I wish we hadn't left him behind…we really could have used him as a guide… There was no point in bringing up that the arrow pointing north that they'd left for him might have blown away, or that he might have gotten lost, because they'd been through all of that before. We couldn't find him anywhere, and we stayed for two days…I hope he didn't get hurt…I really hope he's okay… He blinked back tears, thinking of how awful it would have been if he'd never found Mr. 36. I just can't believe we had to leave like that…
"What I don't understand is why you believe him all of a sudden…he's not even here to be happy that you're taking his advice," 163 said irritably.
"I know, I know…it's just that, well, the Torre is pulling me in this direction. And even though I was really cross the night he stormed off, that day he was nicer to me than he ever was before, if nice is what it can be called. I think he was telling the truth."
"I agree," said 44, reaching down to scratch at a bite behind his knee. "I don't think he would have told her the wrong way when he thought that he was going to have to come this way as well."
"I just wish we knew where he was. Even if he tricked us all, I'd welcome him back about now," sighed 123, and everyone agreed. "Do you think he can find his way through this forest alone?" he asked suddenly.
"He says he's been here before, so I guess he does," Shorah answered, but there was a hint of doubt in her voice. No one bothered to ask about what would happen if he didn't know. It was better not to think about it. They walked on in an irritated and melancholy sadness for some time. The hours passed and they grew hungry, but didn't bother to stop and eat. The woods had grown dark and dense, and it was best to stay close together. It began to rain above the canopy, and every so often a thick drop would fall and give someone a chill. I wish this would be over. I wish we could just come out on the other side and she'd find what she wanted and this would be over… Finally, 163 called for a halt, and they dropped where they were with groans and sighs, darkness or no.
"I'm going to die, right here right now. Just bury me right here…"Shorah moaned melodramatically, and he could hear the leaves rustle as she wiggled on the ground.
"Don't say that," 44 said, annoyed. Wow, this is even getting to him…
"Everyone here?" 56 asked wearily, casting his fireball around.
"I think so…" said 163 absently as he created his own light.
"123? You there?" There was a long silence.
Two watched his old companions as they passed, his heart hammering, his stomach turning, and his skin itching madly from what seemed like hundreds of bites. He felt strangely on edge, and he knew that he was no longer thinking clearly. He wanted desperately to join them, but was also savagely angered that he wanted to be with them. Blood ran in his thoughts; it dripped and coursed from every tree. Vaguely, he knew something was very wrong, but he could not quite figure out what it was. Sometimes crimson would cloud his entire vision and he wanted murder, but when it went away he was always disoriented and they had gone on without him, and he would get angry all over again. He hated himself for hiding the whole time they had looked for him, he hated them for not looking more than they did. All I have to do is show myself and then they won't leave me behind anymore… He hated himself because he still could not bear to go to them. Food was in short supply, and he was getting wobbly. Nevertheless, he maintained his graceful perch in the treelimbs and was still almost as fast as he used to be when he'd had wings. In that manner he had managed to keep up.
Now he moved forward again with a sense of stalking. The time was coming for him to close in, take his prey for the fun that was in it. This isn't right! Somebody…help me… Cry as that little voice inside him might, nothing could sate the rage and heated desire in his veins, nothing short of blood or sex, and he knew it.
Delicately, he floated down from his newest perch and used his speed to fall in behind them. They were silent, but their steps were making so much noise that he was not noticed. He was proud and hurt and furious that they didn't notice. He couldn't tell who it was in front of him; he didn't care. With a silent springing leap, he silenced the mage, wrapped an arm around his neck, and dragged him into the undergrowth. A cold object dug into Two's side, and something in him registered …flute…123… But it didn't matter. His captive began to struggle, but as soon as he caught sight of the Waltz's crimson eyes he cringed and ceased in horror. Two watched with a wild light in his eyes, his body tensed as the others left. No one left to save you, little one…now you'll see what it feels like to be alone with no hope of help… Suddenly his stomach gave a violent turn and he retched, dropping the mage as an inexplicable panic surged through him. He dug his fingers painfully into the tree bark and let it pass, shuddering and coughing. When he looked up again, the mage was still there, sprawled on the ground and frozen in fear. Smugness and a sense of victory filled his heart, filled everything but the part of him that was terrified of what he'd become.
"Light," he said in a dangerously quiet voice, and dozens of fireballs burst into flame around them, giving the forest an eerie, twilight appearance. With a simple flick of the wrist he released the silence spell, then stared at 123 with renewed shock. The sight of his erstwhile prey without his hat boiled his blood with fury and desire.
"192…" the mage whispered tremulously as he brought quavering hands up to straighten his hat, "…w-we…we…what h-happened to_" But his voice cut off with a squeak as a strong hand wrapped around his neck.
"You. You're one of them. You're one of his fucking little art projects, aren't you?" he whispered, seething.
"I…I don't know what you're talking a-about…192, let m-me go…you're…hurting…me…" 123 whimpered in a slightly strangled voice. Two tightened his grip and the mage gagged, tears finally leaking from his eyes.
"I should kill you right now, you know," he murmured silkily. "You touched something that was mine…was mine…I suppose you enjoyed it, didn't you? I suppose you thought you were special and that he loved you?" Crimson clouded his vision more than ever as he waited for an answer. 123's face went ashen.
"How do y-you know a-about…192…p-please…I…I didn't w-want…!" The pitiful pleading made him angry, and with a snarl he violently shoved his captive against a tree. He stared at the crying, weak creature and was filled with hatred. This thing…he slept with this thing instead of me…
"Did you not want to remember it, little one? Because I remember. I remember how he'd leave me to have fun with his toys. Did you know he called you a toy? And you know, he sent you to battle because he got tired of you and he didn't want you anymore," he grated out bitterly, horrified and glorified by the terror and pain in the eyes of his prey.
"I'm sorry…I-I'm sorry…please s-stop…please…"
"Oh no. Because you know…you are quite…beautiful…" he whispered, pressing himself against the trembling figure. Breathing hard, he slid one hand into the mage's coat, taking in the feeling of his soft skin with an impatient sigh. "I'm sure Kuja won't mind if I give you a try…he used to give me things he didn't want anymore…"
"No…nonono…I don't want to anymore…I hated it…I swear…" 123 whispered fervently. "I didn't m-mean to…t-touch anything I-I wasn't supposed to…"
"Is that so…? But you like this, don't you?" Deftly, he let his fingers glide down between his captive's legs and caressed the sensitive bump that he knew he would find. He smirked as 123 hissed between his teeth and moved into the touch. "See, can't help yourself, can you?" he whispered, stroking rythmically.
"Stop it…please…oh…oh…please stop…" the mage whimpered through grit teeth, backing into the tree, his chest heaving.
"Oh, but you don't really want me to stop," he said conversationally, loathe to hear those words on his own lips, pained to remember how he'd heard them himself when he was newly born. His stomach turned as he slid a finger into the warm entrance that he knew was there. Once again, 123's hips seemed to thrust forward of their own accord, and a cry escaped his lips. "You were engineered to want this from me, you know…and me to want this from you…and it just makes me positively sick." To his shock, 123's terrified expression slowly melted into one of astonishment, then firm resolve. Something is wrong…wrong… Strong hands wrapped around his wrists, and the mage gently but firmly moved his wandering hands away. Two blinked, so surprised that this weak creature would dare defy him that he forgot to enforce his will.
"I…I'm not sure what's wrong…with you…but I believe that we can overcome what we were engineered for. I believe that. And if you don't quit, I'll fight back. I'll fight back…even if I die." The words were delivered with such quiet certainty that Two stepped back despite the way his blood sang at the mention of death. 123 dusted himself off, straightened his clothes, and waited, his cheeks flushed from unbidden desire and anger. I always just let him hurt me, didn't I? It wouldn't have done any good to fight back…he'd have killed me…but I was content to be his whore…I was…I was… Something inside him convulsed, and the sense of hyperperception, of power and domination, the red haze…it all shattered, and he was fully aware of what he had done and how unforgivable it was. His knees gave way, and he retched and retched until his throat was raw. It was as though his world had turned inside out, and everything in him burned. Failure…a miserable failure… He finally collapsed, breathing in ragged gasps, praying for unconsciousness.
But it refused to come, and so he laid helpless on the damp, cold forest floor, waiting for his death in the dark. A large hand, trembling hand cautiously rested on his shoulder.
"A-are you okay now? Mr. 192…ah…er…you know…I mean…" 123's voice broke and he gave a soft sob. "You aren't s-stopping, are you? You're okay now…r-right?" Two swallowed and was surprised in a dull sort of way when he felt his own tears fall. Gods, what have I become…? What's happening to me? He dug his fingers into the cool earth, unable to face someone that despite all of their differences he had come to consider a brother. An apology would never be enough; he knew that personally. He had become like the person he loved and hated most in the world. I hate him. I hate him so, so much. Arms wrapped around him, and he was lifted into a sitting position. "Oh…your eyes…th-they aren't r-red anymore…I-I hope you're okay now…I hope…" 123 gave in to soft sobbing again. Two covered his face, ashamed in the wake of such sincere concern. And after I… and 32 was nice too…and… I…I never believed that anyone could really… He took a deep breath. I need help. But in that same moment, he knew he could never bear to ask for it.
Suddenly he became aware of voices in the trees, and within a few seconds fireballs burst into view, a brightly shining 56 in the lead. When he saw their two lost members, he gave a weak smile, and the spell and his light went out. Totally spent, he would have tumbled in a heap if 44 hadn't caught him.
"Boy are we glad to see you," he said in a choked voice, gently lowering his friend to the ground. He watched as Shorah ran to 123, fell to her knees, and hugged him.
"I thought we lost you, I thought you were gone, you scared the crap out of me, you know that?!" she cried, shaking the bewildered mage. Two stared at the ground and swallowed. Well…the way I've treated her…I guess it's to be expected that she doesn't care about me…no surprise either if she doesn't want to remember me…He sensed someone's presence at his side, but didn't bother to look up.
"Um…Mr. 192? I…um…if you're worried or anything, I mean…I don't blame you for trying to…you know…I'm okay and everything, and…I guess what I'm trying to say is that I don't hold anything against you and we're all glad you're okay…I mean, you are feeling b-better, right?" 163 asked nervously wringing his hands. Two didn't have the energy to pull away when strong arms wrapped around him slowly, tentatively.
"Glad we found you…" 44 said softly. "No matter what happened, you have no idea how worried we were…and to think we found you both in one place…" He swallowed again, humiliated and ashamed, terrified of what might happen if he lost his control again. "Listen, we were almost out of the forest when we lost 123…there's a town just on the edge, and they're having a festival. Shorah says she'll go in and get us all kinds of good food. That'll be great, huh? You must be so hungry…" His stomach growled dully in reply, but he was too exhausted to think about food. All he could hear was 123, who had finally burst into tears. Shorah held him and tried to hush him, but he would not be quieted.
"I was all alone…I was so scared…! Don't leave me anymore…I don't wanna be left behind anymore! You want me here, right? It's okay with everyone if I'm here, right?!" he cried with halting sobs. Two shuddered as sleep finally began to overtake him. It's only a matter of time until he tells them what really happened…and I'll deserve it if they leave me while I sleep… No matter how much they had shown that they were glad to have him back, he could not make himself truly believe that they loved him—there was simply no reason that they should care.
Author's Note: Sorry so short! You'd think that if I had this long I could hammer out another 20-pager, but alas…my muse is on vacation. I'm not really satisfied with this chapter, but as always reviews and constructive criticism is welcome! I'll try to post more quickly next time.