Chapter 10
I'm not an obsessive person, most of the time. Once I'm in a relationship I usually take it for granted, I don't feel the need to call someone 50 times a day to check in, I'm not particularly romantic, I try to make gestures to show my love but really I'm quite distant and let them do all the chasing, I like it better that way. I like to be in control. That's why Tegan threw me so completely off balance and ruined my perfect system. She took control, made everything on her time and what she wanted, I had no say and that difference was exciting and just made me fall harder.
She threw me off guard, I didn't know which nights I'd receive a visit or how she'd treat me, what way she'd react the next day. At first I hated it, but I couldn't change it, I'd agreed to it for God's sake. It became exciting, thrilling, it was a game. When I saw Emy everything was the same, it was safe, we did the same things, spoke in the same way and knew what was going to happen. Nothing was ever like that with Tegan and I soon became addicted to the danger of it all. The fact that everything could instantly fall apart if anyone found out was an unbelievable turn-on and I couldn't get enough of the way Tegan would push the boundaries. She would grab my bum when the band wasn't looking or kiss me hard when Emy turned her head. It was irresistible and Tegan had me under her spell from that moment on. I had fallen hard.