DISCLAIMER: I base my stories on Intellectual Property (IP) owned by BioWare™ and EA™. I pretend to live in their world.

SPOILERS: I refer to information from the games, the novels and the comics. If you have not played or read, please beware.

A SONG IN THE STILLNESS

Chapter 10: Return to the Deep

9:32 Dragon, Cloudreach === Kirkwall

Anders stopped just inside the entrance of the Hanged Man and began to laugh. He looked at Alistair. "You live here?"

"What?" Alistair grinned.

"Looks more like my kind of place," Anders drawled.

"Part of my disguise," Alistair said as he wiggled his eyebrows. "Scar, questionable lodgings, unusual companions, lots of bad ale and Wicked Grace, dual blades…always thinking 'what would Zevran do?'" he shrugged. "Seems to work."

Anders smirk faded. "It does, at that…Ser Alun."

"Just Alun. I've dropped the Ser. Only raises questions of where I trained and who I served. That worked at the Peak, but not so much here." He squeezed Anders on the shoulder. "Let's get started on some of Corff's ale…after a few mugs you'll forget how bad it is."

The two found an empty corner table where they could talk without being overheard. As they sat, Anders leaned over and whispered, "You're leaving out one thing Zev would do."

Alistair coughed into his ale. "Yeah, well, I'll leave that part to you. I did spend a few evenings at the Blooming Rose." He smirked when Anders' mouth dropped open. "Just didn't find much comfort or diversion."

"Right, I'll keep quiet…The Blooming Rose? Really?"

Seeing Anders and Alistair deep in discussion, Varric guided Fenris, Isabela and Merrill to another table where, for a change of pace, a raucous game of Diamond Back diverted them. Neither Rory or Bethany Hawke joined them. Anders guessed that Bethany, well-versed in plant lore and potion making through her father's training, had drafted Rory to help when she arrived at the Clinic. He assured Alistair that the two of them could be at the Clinic quite late, particularly if Jowan called on Bethany to assist with patients.

Alistair brought Anders up to date on his own story, from Zevran leaving, his discomfort at the Peak, and his trip to Kirkwall in the crate, to joining Varric, Hawke and their companions. Surprising himself, he admitted he felt content here. He had taken up sketching again, had his own room where he could practice his forms, read, write, or draw, and had acquaintances, if not friends, who provided good company and, he grinned, a source of income. Anders laughed when Alistair noted Zevran's lessons in how to play Wicked Grace and Diamond Back had, literally, paid off in winnings. Alistair painted a picture of contentment, which Anders believed was sometimes true. He had spent enough time alone and on the run to know moments of despair and frustration intruded. He suspected Alistair retreated to this room of his during those times or found a sparring dummy to destroy.

Anders had a lengthier tale, beginning with the joyful news of Kieran's birth and ending with Jowan's disturbing merge with Justice. Alistair had known about the Architect, the Mother, and had fought childer grubs and destroyed Broodmothers in Kal'Hirol, but had not heard about the attacks in Amaranthine and the final mission to Drake's Fall. Anders completed the story, relating the wardens mission to Drake's Fall in the Dragonbone Wastes where, after a great battle, they defeated and killed both Mother and Architect. He explained that the Architect had tried to convince Liam to ally with him, even sending the Messenger to warn of the attack on Vigil's Keep, but Liam would have none of it. When the creature appeared as they made their way to the Mother's lair, Liam attacked. Somehow, the entire company survived that battle, but Colum and one of his Nevarrans died in the subsequent battle with the Mother and her minions.

At that news Alistair's eyes had closed as his teeth clenched. "Such a good man," he said after a time. "He-"

"-he died doing what he lived to do, destroy darkspawn. He leaped up onto the Mother's breasts to deliver the killing blow." Anders saw Alistair flinch at his words and realized it's what Alistair had expected and, maybe still believed, should have happened in Denerim.

Undaunted Anders forged ahead. "Colum," he explained, "had been a warden for too long to benefit from the new Joining potion. He saved us by sacrificing himself."

"In death, Sacrifice," Alistair murmured, staring into the clay mug he clasped. He looked up at Anders. "Was he feeling his Calling?"

Anders shrugged. "Not sure, but he was what, fifty-something? So perhaps. The wardens in Ferelden and Nevarra will honor him."

Continuing with happier recollections, Anders spoke of Nathaniel and Delilah's reconstruction plans, of Liam and Morrigan's reunion at Soldier's Peak after the battles, and of what he knew of events in Highever and Denerim. Alistair listened quietly for a time, but finally, suspecting Anders of avoiding another unpleasant tale, he interrupted, asking why Anders and Jowan had come to Kirkwall. Anders had leaned back in his chair, closed his eyes and said nothing for a long time. Alistair sipped his ale, watching the mage's face. Finally, Anders opened his eyes.

"I mentioned the spirit we acquired in the Black Marsh."

Alistair nodded. "A spirit of Justice, something like Wynne's spirit of Faith?"

Anders let out a breath. "Yes…and no. Yes, it is a spirit locked out of the Fade and inhabiting a person, but no it did not, at first, possess a live human body."

"At first?"

Anders, taking a deep breath, began Jowan's story with the final collapse of Kristoff's corpse after the battle at Vigil's Keep. Justice had proposed a merger to Anders, but the mage had refused.

"Maker knows I hate templars as much as any mage, but even more I want fair treatment. I've seen Highever and how they treat mages there, I believe Nathaniel will continue those practices in Amaranthine and that the Regents will spread them to the rest of Ferelden. For the first time in my life I have a small spark of hope. Justice…its intensity frightened me. With the spirit, it's all right or wrong, black or white…I feared it would overwhelm me." He stopped and stared into his ale. "Or that my anger would distort it."

"Jowan didn't?"

"You know Jowan. Always feeling overlooked and undervalued, but blaming others for his shortcomings. Clingy, needy, and lazy. I never understood why he and Reina remained friends…but I digress," Anders said, taking a deep breath before continuing. "He never worked to develop his talents, and he does have talents, he just expected them to come forth, fully formed, when he cast. He saw a shortcut to attaining the skills, the power, he wanted - blood magic - and he used it, ruining Reina's life in the process when he forced her to join him. Everyone believed she helped him and that she was a blood mage too, but I don't. He swears he forced her, but no one listens to him. Liam's not even sure and he knew Reina well. She's probably dead…or in Tevinter, if she went north."

"The templars tracked her after they escaped?"

"Her phylactery was already in Denerim, so, yes, I assume they tracked her once they got it, but since it all happened just before Ostagar, getting the phylactery could have taken weeks. Once the Circle fell and the Blight hit," he shrugged," who knows. Maybe they forgot, or they may assume she's dead." He stared, unfocused, across the room. "I never saw Liam lose his temper, but he did after he learned what Jowan had done with Justice." Seeing Alistair's surprise, he added, "Oh, not in front of everyone. Just me. He took me to the room he used as an office in Amaranthine City and, well, interrogated me about how it happened. He didn't blame me, but he threw a pot of ink across the room. He said the only good thing was Jowan only harmed himself this time."

"How did it happen?"

"We'd been healing injured soldiers all day and I fell asleep. Jowan went in to check on Kristoff/Justice and they merged. He - Jowan - says he agreed, which," Anders shrugged, "he probably did. He probably planned it - waiting until I slept. I've never seen Justice use mind control or any other such magic." He sighed. "Although he probably could."

"Wynne's spirit possessed her, right? How is this different?"

"It's not. Wynne, as annoying as she can be, is a person of faith. She and her spirit of Faith work together. Faith…umm…joined her to save Wynne's life. Faith enhances Wynne's healing, and the Spirit has saved her life more than once. Faith is a benefit and not at all scary, but it's not something I'd mention to a templar."

"No, but why is Jowan scary? He wants Justice to help him improve treatment of mages, right? To work for better rules, maybe more like those in Highever. Is that bad?" Alistair leaned back in his chair.

"Jowan won't work for anything… and Justice reacts with violence when he sees what he believes to be an injustice," Anders said, hunched over and staring into his ale. "It's all black and white, no mercy, no consideration of why." He looked up at Alistair, who remained silent, but with eyebrows raised. "Right. Not always the most thoughtful person myself, but," he shook his head side-to-side. "They carry it too far. Their justice results in punishment, including death." Anders hands, lying folded around his cup, grasping the pottery vessel. "I hate templars as much as any mage, but…. I don't wish the death of every templar. I'll defend myself, but I won't attack them simply for wearing the armor. I'm not a murderer."

"And Jowan is?"

"It's why we're here. Maker, he…we were in Amaranthine City and we encountered a templar, called Rylock. She led the search for Jowan and Reina after he fled the Ferelden Circle and continued to track him despite having no phylactery. She arrived in Redcliffe after you all left with him, but learned he still lived and had become a warden. The Order forbade her to take him, but she didn't care that he was a warden. With all the confusion in Amaranthine, after the Mother's attack, she saw her chance. I was a bonus. Another mage to return to the Circle."

"How did she trap you?"

"We'd heard rumors that Reina survived, first in Denerim and, later, from Nathaniel and Taina after they discovered the hidden fortress. The women they rescued spoke of a white haired, female, elven mage. Taking her from the Circle Tower was one thing Jowan honestly regrets. He wanted to protect her, end any search. He convinced me to go with him to a warehouse where he said we could destroy all the phylacteries of Fereldan mages."

Alistair eyes widened.

"Not so unrealistic and not a bad idea. The Chantry moved the phylacteries there when they fled Denerim before the battle. Only, by the time we arrived, they'd been moved back. All we found were Rylock and half a dozen templars." Anders jaw clenched, and he grimaced. "I barely threw a spell before they drained all my mana, but Jowan…or Justice, somehow, protected himself with a shield spell. He had taken to carrying a staff with a wicked curved blade on one end. How much the two have merged became quite clear as I watched Jowan, who had trouble focusing his magic with a staff, wield that blade. Between his spells - mass paralysis, walking bomb, his repulsion glyphs - and Justice's skill with that blade, they were all dead before I could caste a healing spell. He left Rylock for last and didn't just kill her. He dismembered her. We had to leave Ferelden after that. We returned to our room, got our things and took the first galley out of the harbor. It brought us here."

"Liam doesn't know where you are?"

"No, not exactly. I left a note, saying I'd keep watching Jowan and try to stay safe, so he knows we're alive and together. I've sent a few messages through Varric, but just to say we're safe."

"So, we're all fugitives?" Alistair frowned. "Should I worry when Jowan meets me?"

"Jowan…or Justice? I don't know." He stared into his mug for some time. "Jowan knows you have templar skills, and he's suspicious; he may think Liam sent you." He held up his hands. "I know. You came here before we did, but he…they, are not always rational." He frowned. "One thing that might convince him - do you know there's a mage underground?"

"There always is, but yes, I know. Hawke's done some favors, helped some mages fleeing from Starkhaven, and rescued an elf-blooded boy called Feynriel, and I've gone along."

"That's good. Jowan's very active-" he saw Alistair's eyebrow rise. "Me too. If you help us-"

"-I'll do what I can, but can I trust Jowan not to reveal who I am?"

"No, at least…maybe Jowan, but I can't speak for Justice. Maybe I can convince him not to if you're helping mages escape." Anders fell silent for a time. "Maybe you won't have to meet him at all. He and I work separately, to ensure the Clinic's always open. You can help me. Worst case, we work at night. In the dark, with your helmet on, he may not recognize you."

They drained their mugs and signaled Norah for refills, which they downed in silence. Standing, Alistair headed for the door and Anders followed. "Look, I do this alone all the time. You don't have to escort me."

"It's dangerous for Hawke, but not for you?"

"I can cast lightning."

"And no one would notice that."

Anders snickered and shrugged.

As it happened, no bandits attacked them as they made their way towards the entrance to Darktown and headed for the Clinic. At the top of the stairs, just outside the door, Anders grabbed Alistair's arm and held out his hand. Alistair took it.

"You always made good calls as Warden-Commander. We missed you…and Mel."

Alistair did not smile. "Yeah, me too," he said. "I missed all of you…and Mel. Tell Hawke, if she's still in there, that I'll be at the bottom of the stairs."

Anders watched Alistair…no, Alun, walk away. He's hardened. But then I guess he's had to, here all alone. Maybe we can help each other.

x==========x

Alistair had added two high backed wooden chairs with arms and cushioned seats to his rooms. Facing the small hearth in the sleeping alcove, where he had placed a table between them for keeping a mug, book, and candle close to hand, they offered an alternative to the bed for reading or conversation with a visitor. After their first meeting in the tavern, Anders had taken to dropping by every few days. He enjoyed being away from Jowan - and Justice – and Alistair enjoyed not having to guard every word.

Outside gray skies released torrents of rain, lightning and thunder. Inside, Alistair and Anders ignored the weather, talked, and sipped bad ale and acceptable cheese and bread. The small charcoal fire took away the damp chill that permeated the old concrete buildings in Kirkwall's Lowtown.

Since their first meeting, Alistair had helped Anders with two mage escapes, although not in the way they had both initially envisioned. Before Anders could ask for his assistance, Alistair had gone off as a guard for a small group of merchants heading to Tantervale. When he returned he explained to Anders that, while he often worked with Hawke, he needed to support himself and served as a sword for hire, hence the trip. He also mentioned his paying work as a scrivener and illustrator.

Anders had sat up, almost spilling his ale. "You can create documents?"

"If they're not too complex. Ah, I see. Passes and such for the mages. I'm not a forger, but I can write standard Chantry script or copy from an original. You'd have to provide the verbiage and appropriate parchment, ribbons, wax, and seals."

Anders grinned. "I remember you drawing. You're good. If your documents are that good, it will get mages past most scrutiny." He rubbed his chin. "Jowan won't have to see you either."

During the next month Alistair had created passes for several mages. He had to trust Anders' promise that the mages would survive as apostates and not be tempted into blood magic or possession. Given the rumors from the Gallows about increasing numbers of Tranquil and Anders' own tale about his friend Karl, it seemed a worthy undertaking. Anders said he tried to send the mages to Ferelden, Markham or Nevarra, where, with the passes Alistair created, they might rejoin a Circle or find other duties in more tolerant cities. A few insisted on heading north to Tevinter, but he encouraged the other destinations. One he had sent to Liam as a warden candidate - Varric had helped smuggle him into Soldier's Peak. Alistair had laughed, thinking he probably did it the same way he had smuggled himself out.

x==========x

Some weeks after Alistair's return from Tantervale, Hawke had taken her fifty sovereigns to Bartrand and arranged to join the dwarf's expedition. Alistair and Anders had agreed to join her, but they did not know who else Hawke might bring along. On this day, Alistair and Anders' conversation revolved around the upcoming Expedition.

"Aveline's too busy training for her new duties as Guard Captain," Anders said, bemoaning the fact that the Fereldan would no longer join them on the Expedition.

Aveline, with Hawke's help, had discovered her former Captain's crimes, which had endangered the lives of his own Guards, and reported them to Viscount Dumar. He had rewarded Aveline with the Captain's job. Aveline valued leading the Guard over the gamble that the Expedition would result in great wealth.

"So, Fenris?"

"Yeah." Anders said. "I argued that we only needed one warrior, but Rory wants two. I'm not backing out now, but we don't exactly see eye-to-eye. I'm sick of his whining."

"Whining? Seriously? He had lyrium incised into his flesh, Anders. He has Tevinters hunting him. I know he has nothing good to say to you, but he's not exactly suffering from a pinprick."

Shifting in his chair, Anders muttered something about Alistair always giving people the benefit of the doubt. He looked at his companion. "I know, that includes me and, especially, Jowan, but I don't want to listen to his remarks."

"That I can understand, although you give as good as you get."

Anders smirked. "I do, don't I."

"I'm selfishly glad you're going, although," he frowned, "not looking forward to you and Fenris arguing."

"Right, because then I can be the one to sense darkspawn, not you. And don't worry about the snarky remarks. Hawke's told both of us to back off." He looked at Alistair and smiled as he changed the subject. "You can still sense them even though you took the Blight pills, right? How have you given darkspawn warnings up to now?"

Laughing, Alistair said, "Nicely done. Hope you can distract Fenris that easily." Then, answering the question, he said, "Not as well as I used to, but yes. It seems some things stay with you. Fiona can still sense them too. I say I hear them, or smell them…or see signs and suggest we go carefully. I've let them know I fought darkspawn in Ferelden, so I have experience they don't. Since I'm always right, Hawke believes me, but I think she wonders and Varric…well he calls me Grey for a reason. He knows I came from Soldier's Peak. He might think I'm a runaway warden. Neither say anything though, so I leave it at that. With you there…I can keep quiet about darkspawn. And you're good company. I don't have to hide with you."

"Happy to be of service. I know what hiding yourself feels like. It's nice when you don't have to." Anders stared at the fire. "What about Isabela?"

"I have no idea. She knows who I am and let me know that soon after she arrived here, but she's never said a word that I know of. She has her own worries after losing her ship and seeking some treasure she failed to deliver as promised. Unless I'm worth something to her, I don't think she'll say anything." Alistair's eyes narrowed as he watched Anders expression soften. He's smiling like he found Ser Pounce-a-Lot.

Anders had told Alistair the story of the cat Liam had given to him. He had left him behind at the Vigil in Taina's care when he flew to Amaranthine to join Liam. Losing the cat was one of many things Anders held against Jowan. He had told Alistair that Colum hated it when he took Pounce with me on a mission, but he never made the mage get rid of him.He looked up realizing Alistair had gone quiet.

"Have you...?"

"A gentleman never tells," Anders said.

"A gentleman never does. So, have you?"

Anders laughed. "A few times. As Isabela says, no strings. She enjoys lightning-"

"-all right, all right, too much," Alistair said, his hands going over his ears.

"You asked. You may see some flashes in the Deep Roads if she's along."

Alistair's laughter sounded more like a groan.

Anders peered at him. "And you're not blushing."

"Not completely at ease, but no, no blushing."

"Speaking of blushing-"

"I haven't been back. I just don't… they're not…I-"

"They're not Mel."

"No, they're not."

"I can't say I understand. I've had strong feelings for someone and been faithful for the time we were together, but I've always wanted sex, even when I was mourning."

Alistair shrugged. "Zev said the same. I don't. At least not now; maybe someday? I don't know."

"You believed in forever. That you could be with her forever, didn't you?"

"Is that wrong? You sound like you're accusing me of a crime."

"No. No, it's just not something I ever thought about. I always expected I would lose anyone I loved. Either I would leave or be sent away or they would. I guess I believe in taking comfort where it's offered."

Staring into the fire for a long time, Alistair finally nodded. "I either hoped we could be together, or I knew I could never be with anyone-" He stopped when he saw Anders puzzlement and explained. "As a templar or warden, I didn't think I could marry or be serious with anyone. But I thought she would always be there - alive in the world. Her dying…I never expected that." He sniffed. "I know, we risked death every day, but…I didn't think she would." He looked at Anders and shook his head. "Silly of me, but I still think I'll see her in a crowd or…." He stopped. "Very different points of view."

9:32 Dragon, Bloomingtide === In the Deep Roads

"Ah, the faint stench of darkspawn, the glow of lichen, side tunnels, cave ins, and the heat of flowing lava. How I missed them! All we need are spiders, nugs, and brontos to complete the picture," Anders said, as the faint light from the Deep Road entrance faded behind them.

Rory Hawke, and Fenris each gave Anders their version of a sidelong glare and Varric snorted, but Alistair laughed. "Careful what you wish for, Anders, although I'll be a happy man if all we meet are nugs, spiders and brontos."

"Good point," Anders conceded, as he and Alistair led the way onward.

The other four companions exchanged puzzled looks before marching along in single file behind the two men, through the narrow path descending deeper into the earth below the Free Marches.

The full party had entered the Roads early that morning, with Bartrand's mercenaries leading, and Bartrand, his dwarves, and Bodahn and Sandal following. Anders had seen Bodahn looking at Alun, eyes narrowed, and spoken with the merchant, joking that Alun looked a lot like the dead Warden-Commander. Bodahn had gone along, but Anders feared the clever dwarf had doubts. While in the Deep Roads they had more things to worry about than a Alun's appearance. Deciding how to react to Bodahn could wait until the Expedition returned to Kirkwall.

Varric's group, led by Hawke, brought up the rear. As Anders had guessed, Aveline had declined Hawke's request; she had not asked Merrill, and Rory had left Bethany behind to placate Leandra, their mother, and help Jowan in the Clinic, where she could feel useful and keep out of sight. Aveline and Isabela had promised to check on her and make sure she had company when she made the trip between the Clinic and Lowtown.

While neither Jowan nor Bethany specialized in healing, Anders believed they could handle most illnesses and injuries with their limited skills and Bethany's potions. Anders hoped Bethany's common sense would restrain Jowan's impulsiveness, too often encouraged by Justice's outrage when it came to mage rescues. He did not want to return to find the two of them in the Gallows or, worse, made Tranquil. He hoped Jowan's nearly craven cautiousness would deter any foolishness and offset Justice's bravery. Both he and Alistair had spoken to Bethany, encouraging her to postpone any rescues until their return.

The entrance to the Deep Roads Bartrand selected had been through a cave several days journey outside of Kirkwall. A small side tunnel, easily missed in the dark by wanders with no map, finally widened into a broad, high ceilinged Deep Roads passage. As they entered the spacious, paved roadway, with a lava stream flowing along beside it to provide light and heat, they found Bartrand's group gazing in wonder, as Bartrand yelled at them to get moving. Instead, Varric, Hawke and the others also stopped to stare. Anders and Alistair looked at each other, smirking.

"Do you remember your first time?" Anders asked.

"In the Roads or fighting 'spawn? Or were you changing the subject?"

Anders chuckled. "Either would make a good story I suspect."

"First time with 'spawn was on the surface, near the Wilds when I traveled to Ostagar with Duncan and three other warden recruits. First time in the Roads…Orzammar. Haven wasn't really the Deep Roads, although I think some of those caves were dwarven." He looked at Anders. "You haven't been to Orzammar, have you?"

The mage shook his head, no.

"Pretty amazing. We spent weeks in the Deep Roads chasing down Oghren's wife, Branka. Saw the Archdemon for the first time and fought a Broodmother." He looked at the passage disappearing into the darkness ahead, held up by massive columns and dimly lit by the lava flow. "Saw more Broodmothers in Kal'Hirol. That's one thing I'd rather not find on this adventure."

"Maker's Knuckles, me either!" Anders said. "The Mother was enough for me. Right now, I don't sense any 'spawn."

"The Thaw can last years," Alistair replied. "It takes them time to repopulate. We can hope this thaig has no darkspawn."

"Right. And when we return to the surface all the mages will walk free."

Alistair raised an eyebrow.

"Just sayin'." Anders shrugged.

Bartrand's shouting finally convinced the mercenaries to move forward; the dwarves, who would help with digging, transporting the finds, and stone sense, fell in behind. Varric let them get ahead and then waved his companions on into the darkness.

x==========x

Bartrand had estimated that the trip through the Deep Roads to the ancient thaig would take a week, but with cave ins to work around and narrow side tunnels to navigate, a week went by and the thaig remained some distance ahead. Arriving in camp at what passed for evening in the permanent darkness of the Roads, they found Bartrand shouting and agitated, claiming everyone had failed him. Ahead, they learned, they faced an impassable barrier. The bridge over a lava flow had collapsed and Bartrand's scouts had found no alternate path. Sighing, Varric conferred with Rory, Anders, Fenris, and the man he knew as Alun.

"If there's a side path we'll find it," Varric finally said to Bartrand. "You all stay here, wait, and keep watch. Anders senses some darkspawn in the area."

After assuring Bodahn they would look for Sandal, who had wandered off, Rory, Varric, Anders, Fenris, and Alun set off.

Exchanging a look with Alun after their conversation with Bodahn, Anders chuckled softly. "I wonder if we should worry more about Sandal or the darkspawn?"

"That boy has some strange powers," Alun agreed, recalling him in Fort Drakon calmly standing amidst a lot of dead darkspawn, "but, Bodahn's right, he may just be lost."

A/N: Thank you for reading and to those of you who reviewed, favorited or gave kudos. Thanks to my wonderful betas Kira Tamarion and Elyssa Cousland whose efforts make this a better story. Any errors are mine. I hope you continue to read and enjoy.