Erik's POV

How can someone feel all the happiness in the world, only to have it drained from their body within a single second? That's exactly how I felt upon finding out about my angel. For days, I waited for her to return, but she never did. Days turned into weeks, weeks into months… My life was meaningless without her. I fell into a deep depression, spending most of my time wrapped up within my coffin. Each time I would pass her room, I couldn't help but think of her. Christine was all around me… And when I would stare into her room, I would see her bed, and the crinkled covers from when we made love. I hadn't bothered making up the bed, for there was no reason for it. My opera house went on to soar to greatness once again, but with Carlotta as the lead soprano. If there was anything I loathed, it was her voice echoing down to my lair as Paris applauded the woman! My entire life I had felt nothing but sadness, but this…this feeling was lower than low…it had to be the epitome of the earth! I was not happy, nor could I be, not without Christine.

"Erik, come on man…"

I was laying in my coffin one morning- Or was it perhaps afternoon? Maybe it was the evening. I wasn't sure, for I never kept time, not anymore. Though, once in a while if I heard Carlotta's screechy voice echoing down to my lair, I would know that it was the evening. Nadir frequently came down to my lair in order to make sure that I was eating, but most of the time I wasn't even doing that.

"Erik, you've been laying in that casket for days." Nadir groaned. "Come on, man…"

I wasn't even facing him, for I didn't plan on moving.

"Erik, Christine has been gone for nearly eight months now. I think it's time that you began living again. I'm here…"

"You're here…" I stated. "When has that ever been a good thing."

"Erik-"

"No, Nadir. I'm in no mood for games. If anything, I wish I would die."

"Erik, you're the one who wanted to run this opera house. And quite frankly I've been the one doing so for the past eight months. You hardly tell me what to do with anything anymore, and you haven't written a blasted aria since Christine left. I've been using old manuscripts for shows."

"Without Christine, there is no music."

"Erik, will you please come out of this dreaded lair?"

"I refuse, Nadir…"

"Rehearsals for Hannibal are starting within the hour. Will you not join me in box five to watch them? Please, Erik. You need to get out of this house. Christ, why don't you lock the door to Christine's old room? You've left it as she had, Erik… Horrible memories."

I couldn't take this any longer! I sat up within my casket, looking at Nadir with tear stained eyes.

"Don't you ever say that about her, Persian! Her room is not a horrible memory."

"The blankets are wrinkled, making it obvious that she up and left pretty fast."

Oh, how I wanted to tell Nadir what Christine and I had shared, but I couldn't… I'm not even sure he would believe me if I told him.

"Erik, please come with me today…"

I knew Nadir wasn't going to leave unless I agreed to go with him, and so, I agreed. I hadn't been out of my lair in weeks, and I wasn't in the mood to do so today. There I was, hidden up in box five with Nadir, looking down at Carlotta as she rehearsed her part in Hannibal. Just the mere sound of it made my ears bleed. Oh, where was my angel? Where was my Christine. I wasn't even paying attention to rehearsals, really. Was music even my life anymore? How could it be when I couldn't even concentrate on music without my Christine being present? Oh, she was my muse-My beautiful muse.

When I could no longer take Carlotta's singing, I stood from where I was sitting, Nadir looking at me as I did so.

"Where are you going?"

"Far away from here…" I growled.

But, it wasn't very far at all, just my angel's old dressing room. No matter how hard I tried to rid my angel from my mind, I could seem to do it. When I entered her dressing room, her rosy scent filled my nose, images of her sitting at her vanity brushing her chocolate curls plagued my mind. Oh, how I missed her. It had only been eight months, eight months too long. At last, I found myself leaning face to face up against her mirror, placing my palm flat on the glass, expecting to see her standing behind it. Come to me! Please, oh, Christine…Just one image is all poor Erik begs for. But there was none. I placed my head on the cool surface, closing my eyes tight as silence surrounded me.

"I'd thought I'd find you here…"

I opened my eyes, seeing Madam Giry's reflection through the mirror. She was coming through the door, closing it behind her.

"Madame, I am hardly in the mood for your presence."

"Oh, I guess you don't want to hear the news…"

"News?" I growled, banging my head against the glass.

"Oh, haven't you heard? Monsieur Viscount has passed away."

My eyes opened, and my heart stopped.

"You lie."

"Me? Lie, monsieur? I am only telling the truth. A carriage accident."

"And Christine?" I gasped. "Is she all right?"

Madame Giry nodded. "She was not with him when this accident occurred."

"How did you come across this information?"

"Christine wrote me recently…"

"So, she's writing you now?"

"Did you know, monsieur, that she is with child?"

Oh, how my heart hurt! That bastard had gotten her pregnant…She was going to be left to raise the child on her own. My mother was a single parent, and I knew just how hard such a task can be. I, myself, was a handful, a handful that only wished to be loved. And then, I asked Madame Giry the question that has been boggling my mind.

"Has she mentioned me in any way?"

There was a long silence, and then, the disappointing words I hadn't hoped for.

"Erik, she hasn't said one thing about you."

At that moment, I knew I had meant nothing to her! Nothing! My eyes were burning with tears, my body aching with more pain than I had ever felt before. She didn't love me… Christine did not love me!

"If she happens to ask…" I growled, pushing my way past her. "I died of a broken heart."

Later that evening, I sat at my piano that was in my lair, pressing down on a few keys, not really in the mood to make music. Without Christine's smile, there were no symphonies to be made. In my kitchen, Nadir bounced around, making unbearable clattering as he prepared dinner. I wasn't much in the mood for eating, nor have I ever been. But, I had made my own hell by allowing myself to ever think that perhaps I would be accepted as a manger. No, instead, I was forced to have a body fill in for me…

"Here, Erik, drink this…"

Nadir placed a cup of tea down in front of me, but I was hardly interested in it.

"Erik…" Nadir placed his hand beneath his chin as if trying to make a sick dog eat. I placed my head down on the piano and deeply sighed.

"Is there not one thing in this world that would lift your spirits, Erik?"

But I did not answer him.

"Erik, please answer your friend. You don't look so well, not well at all."

Nadir took a seat beside me, speechless on what to say to me, speechless on how to make things better.

"Man, if this is about Christine-"

"Leave me alone, Nadir!"

"Erik, we need to get you out if this lair. You need fresh air… " he paused, and then smiled, as if he had the solution. "I've been going to this gentleman's club on the other end of town. I would really like it if you joined me tonight. There are a few really nice girls there that would be inspired by a well traveled man like yourself."

"No thank you…"

"Come now, Erik. Please, just do this for me. You need a night out in the fresh air."

"I don't enjoy going out into public. Besides, I'm a wanted man."

"Ah, that's why I've been constructing this for you."

From out of nowhere, Nadir produced a flesh colored mask, one of my exact skin tone.

If you wear this, no one will ever know who you are. Come now, Erik, it's time to get some life into that body of yours."

My heart was aching, and the last thing I wanted to do was go out, but I was tired of laying around in my lair, tired of being alone. All I ever thought about was Christine and perhaps a little time out would clear my mind. I put on that horrid mask, walking around with Nadir on the streets of Paris like any normal man. When I wore the flesh colored mask, no one could even tell that there was something wrong with my face. Oh, what a relief it was. When we arrived at our destination, I became uncomfortable, for this was not a gentleman's club, it was a brothel! Yes, nicer than some of the ones on the other end of town, but being in such an atmosphere did not suit me.

Nadir pushed me towards the bar and took a seat beside me, the smell of tobacco and sex filled the air. Half dressed women romped around, the usual ones that knew Nadir paraded around him and teased his neck with their large plumes. I kept my back turned however, and kept to myself, even when I felt the softness of one of the plumes touching my neck… It was a tickling sensation, one that filled my body with pure ecstasy. I had never been to one of these places until now. Yes, in Persia there were plenty, but I wasn't interested in exploring the bodies of women who would never love me.

"Nadir, who's you're handsome friend?"

Yes, the woman's voice was sweet, but I knew she only wanted me because she thought I was rich by how I was dressed. Wearing a suit and overcoat could make anyone think you came from money.

"That, Victoria, is Erik. He's a good friend of mine…"

"Erik, is it?" the woman stood in front of me now. She was not as pretty as my Christine, but she certainly wasn't ugly either. She had red, curly hair and green eyes.

"Well, Erik, aren't you going to say hello?"

My heart was pounding from within my chest, for no one had addressed me by my name before, no one besides Nadir, Madame Giry and Christine, of course.

"What is it that you do for a living, Erik?"

I opened my mouth to speak, but Nadir answered for me.

"He writes music, Victoria."

"Music?" her eyes lit up. "I love composers. Music is everything… Without music, there is no life."

I looked away, seeing another woman teasing Nadir. It was obvious that he knew her. When the woman began to pull Nadir off of his chair, he patted me on the back and assured that he would return shortly. Oh, men! Why is it that the human race based everything around the need to make love! When Nadir's seat became empty, Victoria sat herself down, obviously still interested in speaking to me. Why, was beyond my wildest idea, for I surely was not interested in her. If only I could tear off my mask and see if she still held an interest. I highly doubted it, for Christine was the only one who had seen my face and still… Oh, I couldn't think about her! I wanted her to be here with me, not this strange whore.

"So…Erik…" she cooed, twirling her finger playfully in a lock of my dark hair. "What kind of music do you enjoy writing?"

"Every kind." I quickly replied.

"Perhaps you would like to show me, how one writes their music."

When I didn't respond, she giggled and cupped my cheek. Oh, how it brought back memories of my angel when she used to do this to me. In my mind, Christine's smile flashed before my own very eyes. How I missed her.

"Erik, are you listening to me?"

"Excuse me?"

Once more she giggled.

"Would you like to come with me?"

"Come with you where?"

Victoria found her way into my lap, something that woke every muscle in my body. I lightly gasped, as her hands ran up and down the fabric of my shirt.

"What's the matter, Erik?" she teased. "Haven't you ever had a woman before?"

I closed my eyes as her fingers brushed against my neck, causing me to lightly groan. Her lips moved to my neck, something that made me weak… Oh, to go through life without feeling this every night. When Christine had done this to me, I became as soft as putty…

"Oh, yes…" I sighed.

Her hands fumbled around my body, but at one point, I felt them at the side of my trousers, reaching into my pocket slyly in order to grasp hold of my wallet without me knowing. My body woke, for I knew the truth right then and there… She wanted my money and nothing more. I quickly turned back into the old Phantom that I was, grasping her hand tightly, the hand that was holding onto my wallet. She cried out in pain as I snatched it back and forced her off of me.

"You little whore! Do you enjoy pick pocketing innocent men!"

I grabbed my coat and walked out into the night air, my heart burning with every step that I took. The world was a cruel place! One with no compassion to be found. I was slipping, slipping and allowing myself to believe that any woman would want me. When I arrived home, I stripped off my clothes and entered Christine's old room, crawling into her bed for the first time in eight months. I laid there with my eyes closed, inhaling the scent of Christine that was indented into the sheets. This was pleasure…this was all I would ever know. That night was a memory and nothing more. I must have drifted off to sleep, for when I woke again, I heard Nadir's voice.

"I've been looking all over for you."

I didn't turn to look at him. No, I stayed still, laying there with my back facing him.

"Erik, crawling into Christine's bed won't bring her back."

"Right. Neither will paying whores to fuck me."

"Oh, Erik-"

"No!" I barked. "Is that what your plan was? To bring me to that despicable place and expect me to pay for my pleasure? That won't bring me happiness, Nadir."

"You deserve to feel it, if only once in your life, Erik."

"Feel what? Betrayal?"

"No, Erik… You know what I'm talking about. You've lived your entire life without ever experiencing sex. You need it… It will take your mind off of things."

"You mean Christine?" I snapped. "You're not helping, Nadir. Maybe that's your way of putting the memory of your wife to rest-"

"Erik-"

"No! Maybe that's your way, but it's not mine. You know nothing about me, for if you did, you would know that I am not as pure as you believe me to be. I fucked in my lifetime….Maybe only once, but I did."

"You did?" Nadir gasped. "You're lying…"

"Why would I lie about such a thing?"

"To get me off your back."

I sarcastically chuckled. "You would think that."

"Who was it with then?"

I didn't want to ruin Christine's name, so I didn't say another word. The last thing she needed was to be embarrassed and humiliated because she bed me, a monster!

"Well?" Nadir impatiently asked.

"Forget I ever mentioned it, Nadir."

Nadir sighed, and shook his head.

"Man, you really need to distress yourself. I was just trying to help you, Erik…"

"Don't help me…"

"Tomorrow is the last rehearsal before opening night." Nadir said, quickly changing the subject. "I think you should be there."

"Me? With you?"

He nodded. "That mask is certainly a good look for you. It will get you far…"

"I don't think-"

"I don't care what you think, Erik. We are partners! Don't you forget that."

"Someone will notice me…"

"No one has ever seen the opera ghost, Erik! No one besides Christine! Stop being foolish. You are quite a handsome fellow when you wear that flesh colored mask."

Nadir made it to the door, turning to face me one last time.

"Noon, Erik, on stage. Don't make me come back for you."

And when Nadir left, all I could do was look down at my only picture I owned of Christine and sigh.

"How can I be whole, when my heart is broken in two?"

And we are back on track! Please review everyone. Sorry I didn't update last night...Had a long day in New York, but Phantom was awesome!