How Things Should Be
Part X
After a moment, Kurt stepped back from the embrace, although he still couldn't withdraw his hands – not after he hadn't seen Blaine for so long. This reaction was more intense than what he had expected. Blaine was looking up at him, a wide smile on his face. Kurt almost felt his heart stop at the way the boy looked at him, open and vulnerable.
"I've missed you so much," Blaine said softly. "I can't believe you're actually here."
"Well, I am," Kurt said.
Worry rose in Blaine's face. "Is this... I mean... you are happy to see me, right?"
Kurt's eyes widened. "Of course I am," he said, "I've missed you too."
"You're not here because you have to be, though, right? You... did you want to come here?" Blaine asked.
"I'm here because I want to be," Kurt said. He tried to sound calm, hoping it would transfer to Blaine.
Blaine sagged with relief. "I didn't dare to ask. I even thought I shouldn't have written to my parents that Brittany left, I had already sent it before I thought it through... You didn't want to come here, and I couldn't ask for them to send you here. But... you're here, it's okay. I'm so, so glad."
Kurt frowned. "Wait, Blaine. I'm not... I'm not staying here."
He almost wanted to take back the words as he saw Blaine's face fall, but he wasn't sure what else he could have said. But even worse than the pain was the way Blaine schooled his face back into a guarded, almost suspicious expression before he spoke.
"I don't understand," he said, "then... why are you here? It's not exactly a day trip from Dalton..."
"We're only here for a few day, we're helping with the feast," Kurt said.
Blaine frowned. "What feast?"
"Your birthday," Kurt said. "In three days?"
"My..." Blaine's eyes widened. "Oh. I... I actually forgot that. But wait, who is we? Who else came?"
Kurt started to feel uncomfortable. He had just thought of seeing Blaine again, hadn't expected that he would end up raising false hopes and tearing them down again. "A few servants from the kitchen, we're making the food for your feast."
Blaine smiled at that, though it didn't quite reach his eyes. "You are cooking?" he asked after a pause. "I'm definitely looking forward to that."
"You won't be disappointed," Kurt said, hoping that they could stay on this superficial level of conversation, at least right now.
But of course, Blaine continued. "So... my family...?"
"They... they couldn't..." Kurt wasn't sure what he was supposed to say. Was he supposed to repeat the obvious excuses the noble family had given? Would that be less hurtful than the truth, that the earl refused to go himself and wouldn't allow even Cooper to come?
But the light in Blaine's eyes got dimmer, a sad smile appearing on his face. "My father, of course, is very busy. And I assume my mother wasn't well enough for travel."
"That's what they said," Kurt said, nodding weakly.
"Of course they did," Blaine said softly.
"They send their love," Kurt said, "and gifts."
"Right, that's... thoughtful of them," Blaine said. His frustration was clear in the way he looked down, a frown on his face, but when he looked up again, his expression was neutral. "So how long are you staying?"
"Not very long," Kurt said, regretting that he had to say these words even as he spoke them, "we have orders to return for Dalton the day after your birthday."
Blaine nodded to signal he had understood. It was obvious that his mind was racing, but after a few seconds, he seemed to have come to a conclusion. When he looked up again, his expression was surer and calmer.
"About three days then. You won't be busy till the day of the feast, right?"
"We're free until then," Kurt said.
The smile returned to Blaine's face, and now it seemed more genuine. "It's not very long, but we'll make the most of it. Come on, I'll show you everything."
"You could show me the library first," Kurt said, "and drink that tea, you wouldn't want all the hard work to go to waste." He pointed at the tablet with the tea jar standing on the table.
Blaine looked at it not very impressed. "I guess," he said, "although they never get it right..."
Kurt frowned. It wasn't like Blaine to just ignore or dismiss somebody's work like that. Then again, that girl Kitty had seemed a bit flippant about her duties. From the short impression he had gotten of her, Kurt couldn't imagine Blaine would be her biggest fan.
"Try it," he said.
With a hardly audible sigh, Blaine nodded. Kurt poured a cup and gave it to him. With little enthusiasm, Blaine took a sip, and his eyes widened.
"Well?" Kurt asked.
"It's..." Blaine stopped and looked at him. "Did you make this?"
Kurt shrugged. "I may have helped with the end product," he said.
Blaine drank again, and a bit of the tension in his shoulders seemed to dissipate. "It's almost like I remember," he said.
"We'll get this to 'exactly like you remember', don't worry," Kurt said.
Blaine looked up to him with gratitude shining from his eyes. "I'd like that," he said. "I'd really like that."
It felt too heavy, the way their eyes were connected. Kurt had to remind himself that he was now talking to a married man, no matter how happy Blaine was to see him. It didn't change anything.
"So, what is your husband doing?" Kurt asked, partially to remind himself of this.
It was amazing as well as scary, how quickly Blaine's face shut down. His expression hardly changed, but now it betrayed no emotion at all.
"He's not here," Blaine said, "he went on a hunting trip with his brother. They usually stay out for several days. I guess he'll be back tomorrow."
Kurt raised an eyebrow. "He does that a lot?"
"All the time," Blaine said with a shrug, that didn't appear even half as nonchalant as he probably had intended it to.
"Oh," Kurt said, not sure how to react to that. "Um, so... I'm sorry, I have to ask... But what happened to your hair?"
Immediately, Blaine's hand went up to his hair, somewhere between self-conscious and proud. "Do you like it?"
Kurt tried to show actual enthusiasm in his smile, but he wasn't sure how convincing it was. "It's... different. New."
"It's... you know, southern fashion," Blaine said, "curls aren't very modern at the capital." He hesitated, as if waiting for a reaction, but then he looked down and shrugged, just taking a few more sips of the tea.
Kurt shook his head. "Anything would look good on you," he said.
Blaine looked up again, rolling his eyes, although he couldn't help smiling at least a little bit. "Thanks. That might be the nicest lie anybody ever told me."
"Not lying," Kurt said. He was not a fan of the grease, but... it was Blaine, and it was probably in Kurt's blood to find him beautiful. But the moment had turned weird again, too intense, and he didn't quite know how to defuse it. Unless...
"So... how about we start the tour of the grounds now?"
Blaine grinned, probably relieved too that they changed the subject. "Very well, follow me then."
If anything positive could be said about Smythe castle, then that it was really magnificent. There was art everywhere, the gardens were huge and full of colorful flowers, a lot of which Kurt hadn't ever seen before. There was even a fountain, surrounded by elaborate marble statues. It was beyond impressive.
Blaine seemed more confident as he led Kurt through the castle, pointed out the places where he spent most time. The library seemed to be one of his favorites, but there was also a small part of the garden holding statues of the angel and the saints. They passed a chapel, although they didn't go inside but just walked past.
What Kurt noticed was, that while Blaine could tell him all about the Smythe family portraits, lead him around the castle and tell amusing anecdotes, there really wasn't much enthusiasm. They passed servants occasionally, but they kept their eyes down and Blaine looked away, his expression hardening. It didn't seem right. Blaine had never been distant to the servants at Dalton. Why would that have changed here?
Blaine even let him look into his own rooms. They were bigger than the ones he had at Dalton, decorated lavishly. But just looking inside made Kurt feel like he'd been punched in the gut. None of it looked like Blaine. The room made it look as if he had just disappeared into this life. Instinctively, he took hold of Blaine's sleeve. It was a childish gesture, but he had to make sure that Blaine was still here, still himself. Blaine looked at him in surprise.
"It's a bit much," he said, trying to laugh it off.
"The word is 'tacky', Blaine," Kurt said, although there wasn't much bite in his voice. "Come on, show me the rest."
"The stables, maybe," Blaine said, and there was actually a glint of happiness in his eyes.
Kurt suppressed a frown. He didn't really care about horses, or stables in general. They were dirty, and they smelled horrible. But if this was something that brought Blaine happiness, he'd bite his tongue off before he'd say a thing.
As they walked through the stables, Kurt wasn't so sure what he was supposed to be impressed about. His father sometimes had to shoe horses, so he had gotten used to them, but the ones he saw here were nothing like the animals he was used to. These horses were southern breeds, beautiful and slender, but Kurt wasn't sure how well they'd do in a storm, or walking through snow. But Blaine ignored all of them and walked to the very end of the stable. There, in the last box, was a horse quite different from the others. Kurt only needed to take one look to see that it was a northern breed, shorter but more stable than the other animals in the stable. Its fur looked a bit rougher, colored in a beautiful chestnut tone, and on it's forehead, there was a black spot that could have been a V or maybe even if Kurt used his imagination, a small bird.
Blaine walked up to the horse and led it forward, so Kurt could get a better look at it. Just looking at his face, Kurt couldn't regret coming here. The horse bowed its head, and Blaine knocked his forehead against the horse's dark spot, before he turned to Kurt, a smile on his face that was genuine and relaxed.
"She's mine," he said, softly and proudly. "Sebastian gave her to me for my birthday last year."
Kurt smiled, although he hated to hear this name anywhere near the serene smile on Blaine's face right now. "She's northern," he said instead.
Blaine shrugged, although his expression darkened. "A northern horse for a northern..." He stopped and shook his head. "It doesn't matter. I got her on my ride here from the capital. It was the stable boys' idea of a joke. They think she's a second class horse, because she isn't as polished as the southern breeds. Thought they can give her to the northerner... But I don't care. She's a good horse, better than any other here."
"You're not a northerner," Kurt said, frowning. At least true northerners always thought of Dalton as a part of the south, at his home in Lima he himself was said to work for "that southern lord".
Again, Blaine shrugged. "I am as far as anybody here is concerned," he said, "and I don't mind that either. Honestly, the more time I spend down south, the more I think I want to be a northerner."
Kurt frowned. There was some bitterness shining through. He hated it, even though he himself had predicted that Blaine would be miserable, but he still hated to see it. If only he knew just what was going on.
Kurt stepped closer and put his hand onto the horse's fur. It didn't feel as rough as it looked. Even from his limited knowledge of horses, Kurt could tell that she was well taken care of. He looked up, waiting for Blaine to meet his eyes.
"She's beautiful," he said, never taking his eyes off Blaine. "Ignore what anybody says about her."
The young lord looked at him with uncertainty. "You think so?" he asked softly.
"Absolutely," Kurt said.
Blaine looked at him out of wide eyes, and there was something vulnerable about him. For a moment Kurt thought that it would break out of him, whatever was hurting him, but then he looked away, focusing on the horse again.
Kurt wasn't sure what to say, if this was the right moment to ask, or if it had passed. With a sigh, he turned to the horse as well.
"What's her name?" he asked.
Out of the corner of his eyes, he could see Blaine was starting to smile again.
"Caverra," he said softly. "I named her Caverra."
"Like the tree?" Kurt asked.
"It doesn't grow here," Blaine said. "It's like..." He stopped, and even in the profile Kurt could see that his eyes were glistening. "...reminds me of home."
"Blaine..."
"I miss it," Blaine said without looking up. "I wish I could visit at some point. But it doesn't look like my father would allow it, does it?"
"I... I don't think so," Kurt said softly. "I'm sorry." He hesitated, but nobody was here that would see them, so he stepped closer, let an arm wander around Blaine's waist. "You're not happy, are you?"
Blaine shrugged. "As I said, I'm just missing home," he said, "but I'm okay. I really am."
Kurt didn't believe a word. But he could see how Blaine was closing off. If there had been a moment, it had passed. For a moment, they just stood there, Kurt keeping contact with his arm around Blaine, and the young lord absentmindedly petting the horse.
"Maybe we could make a little trip tomorrow, ride out. There are a few spots a bit further away that are really relaxing," Blaine said.
Kurt disliked riding, and he was still exhausted from the long travel. But there was vulnerability in Blaine's voice, a softness in his eyes, and saying no somehow wasn't even an option anymore.
"It sounds like a good plan."
To his relief, their little riding excursion wasn't as exhausting as he might have feared. It shouldn't have been a surprise, really. Blaine still remembered that Kurt wasn't the biggest fan of horses, so he only took them to a small lake nearby. It was beautiful, peaceful too. Kurt could imagine that Blaine came here often. There was a small tower overlooking the lake, some sort of watch tower that hadn't been needed in almost a century but which gave them a spot to rest, eat a little snack and talk while taking in the view.
When they returned to the castle, Kurt was in a really good mood. Blaine had been relaxed and happy, asking about stories from Dalton, news about his parents, but mostly about Cooper and his family. There had been a few moments of melancholy, and Blaine's weird mood from the day before hadn't completely disappeared, but mostly he'd been happy. It had almost felt as if they were still back at Dalton, as if maybe the last two years hadn't happened. It had been a good day.
Kurt almost found it in himself to hope that yesterday had been the exception, that maybe it wasn't as bad as he had thought and Blaine had been in a weird mood, or just not felt quite well.
That hope lasted until they arrived back at the castle. Blaine was still busy making sure his horse was taken care of, not wanting to leave her in the hands of the stable boys who Kurt noticed were sneering at them. As Kurt waited and looked around, he could hear the sound of hooves, and then a small party of men on horses rode into the courtyard. Two horses rode up to them. Kurt recognized one of them as Sebastian, beside him there was another young man, looking a bit older. His hair was darker, but they looked quite alike, down to the conceited expression. It was Sebastian, who spoke first.
"What are you doing?" he asked, ignoring Kurt completely as he brought his horse to a stop beside Blaine. "How often did I tell you, this is work for the servants."
"And as I keep telling you, I don't mind it," Blaine said. Kurt was surprised at how annoyed he sounded. "She's mine and I like to take care of her."
"What a strange concept, wanting to take care of what's yours," Sebastian said with a tone that Kurt couldn't quite place.
Blaine rolled his eyes instead of answering. All relaxation from earlier had fallen off him. Maybe the last year had been enough time to show him that Sebastian really was the horrible person Kurt had pegged him as.
"Well, let him," the dark-haired man said, "everybody needs something to occupy their time, and getting along with horses isn't the worst thing for a young lord to do. Definitely better than getting along with the stable boys, as Quinn Fabray had to learn. Don't you agree, Blaine?"
Blaine snorted. "I wouldn't know, you'll have to ask your brother about that, Hunter."
"At least I let them work for the money the get," Sebastian said.
"Ah yes, so generous of you," Blaine said. "A good thing though, that they're already so proficient at riding."
Kurt gasped when he heard that. On the one hand, it did distract Sebastian from whatever he was going to answer, on the other hand it brought Kurt himself into his focus.
"And who the hell is that?" Sebastian asked.
"I assume one of your former servants?" Hunter said, looking at Blaine as he spoke.
"You're assuming correctly."
"What's he doing here then?" Sebastian asked. "Oh, right, that dumb feast thing..."
Blaine's face darkened, and Kurt could see him take a firmer hold on Caverra's reins.
"You have to excuse my brother," Hunter said, "our little excursion wasn't as successful as we'd hoped it would be. He was actually hoping to shoot a deer for the feast – largest beast I've seen in that forest, if you can believe that – and he's still frustrated that he didn't make the shot. I'm sure after a bath and some rest, he'll be more agreeable. But I'm glad you had somebody here to keep you company. I hear at Dalton you almost treat your servants like friends? It's good that you weren't too much on your own, even if you dislike hunting."
It sounded amicable enough, but Kurt didn't believe a word Hunter was saying. Even if he had, there was no mistaking the way both Blaine and Sebastian were looking at him in bewilderment.
"You're being weird," Blaine said.
"Oh, call the town crier, we actually agree on something," Sebastian muttered.
Before Blaine could reply, Hunter turned his horse. "Be that as it may, I believe Sebastian and I need to discuss things with our father. How fortunate that the stable boys have time to take care of our horses right now. Well, we'll probably see you for dinner tonight. Have a pleasant day."
Again, both Blaine and Sebastian looked at Hunter as if they'd never seen him. Kurt wasn't sure if he was trying to be subtle, but if he did, he had failed miserably.
"I'm not sure what that was," Blaine said, shaking his head. Without looking at Kurt, he turned his head to Caverra again. But Kurt could see that he was upset, that the tension was right back in his frame, and the discomfort from yesterday was in full force again.
"They're not usually nice to you?" Kurt asked. Maybe this was the moment when he could get Blaine to open up at least a bit.
But he closed up immediately. "It's complicated," he said instead.
The whole thing seemed complicated, at least to Kurt. Just what was going on here? But once more, a moment had passed. The best he could do was be there for Blaine and hope that eventually he'd open up to him. But with the second day coming to an end, Kurt wondered whether he'd have enough time for this. He'd leave soon. How could he leave Blaine behind in this place if he didn't know what he was dealing with every day?
"You can go inside, if you want to," Blaine said, "I'll need some time until I have her taken care of, that can't be very interesting."
Kurt rolled his eyes. "You're not getting rid of me this easily," he said.
Blaine's shoulders sagged, but the tension seemed to lessen at least a little bit. It wasn't enough, but it would do for now.
Sebastian tried not to be too obvious, after all he did have his pride. Still, even on their way inside and to see their father, he couldn't stop looking back to Blaine and that boy with him. When he wasn't eying the serving boy, he kept his eyes on Hunter. He couldn't remember ever seeing his brother this... polite, or pleasant, and certainly not when talking to Blaine. Half the time, Sebastian wasn't even sure if Hunter even bothered to remember his name.
"Stop staring like a complete idiot," Hunter snapped. Well, at least now he had found back to his usual tone.
"Who the hell is this guy?" Sebastian asked.
Hunter rolled his eyes. "That squire yesterday actually fucked your brains out, didn't he?"
"He was adequate, would it kill you to keep a closer look on who you're hiring?" Sebastian asked.
"I'm hiring them to serve my estate, not as whores for you," Hunter said, glaring at him. He really looked like their father when he got like that. "And about the boy, he clearly is servant boy from Dalton – and a former lover of your little pet out there, obviously."
Sebastian stopped in his tracks. "What?!"
Hunter shrugged. "I just assume so from how I observed them," he said.
"Well, you're wrong," Sebastian said, although he felt his temper rise, "Blaine didn't have any lover, I was his first."
"Were you?" Hunter asked. A grin was forming on his face, reminding Sebastian of a cat – or their father. "See, this is an advantage with women, with them you can actually tell if you were their first."
Sebastian rolled his eyes. "You can tell anyway, unless you're a complete blind idiot or a selfish asshole. Oh wait, I forget who I was talking to..."
"Well, I'd bet ten Crowns that there was something going on between those two at Dalton. You did notice that they just returned from a riding excursion, right? And I didn't see any other servants with them, so..." Hunter shrugged. "I'll leave it to your formidable imagination, brother."
Sebastian glared at him. He hoped the anger would mask how he really felt – as if somebody had drawn the ground from under his feet. But it was ridiculous. Not Blaine, he wouldn't... He was too smart to start something with a servant, anyway. And too nice. Besides, they weren't even fighting at the moment. Not much, at least. Things were... well, not good, but they had been worse. Winter had been horrible, but ever since the beginning of spring, he thought things had improved. It was a good thing, too, Blaine had punished him way too long for one stupid moment of inconsideration...
"Still, I would hope you have enough sense to keep that budding jealousy to yourself," Hunter continued.
"I'm not jealous," Sebastian snapped. "He's mine, end of story. I don't have to worry about some servant boy."
"Well good, then how about next time you try and be actually nice to him?" Hunter said.
"Since when do you care how I treat servants?" Sebastian asked.
"I care very much about how you treat servants," Hunter said, "mostly I'd very much care for you to treat them somewhere I don't have to look at it. But leaving that aside, were not talking about one of our own servants. He's from Dalton. I hope you understand what that means?"
There was a pause, as Hunter waited for him to respond. Sebastian frowned. He usually kept up with politics really well, but lately, his concentration had slipped. Stress in his marriage made him prefer to visit the wine cellar, not council meetings.
"There's no problem with Dalton," he said. "We're happily allied."
"We are allied," Hunter said, "and we'd very much like to stay allied, especially at the moment. We're on a very thin edge politically. The situation could easily turn into another war between north and south. The king needs Dalton to stay in the fold, which means the alliance between them and us is more important now than it was a year ago."
"So?"
Hunter sighed. "I give up," he said. "I can't believe father insisted that we need you around for your political mind. You may not be completely dumb, but you've really lost your touch these last few months."
"Things are... difficult," Sebastian said, trying to block the question.
"And whose fault is that?" Hunter asked.
"What, are you saying it's mine?"
Hunter gave him that look again, as if he'd been hit on the head too often. "You wanted him," he said, "you said you'd turn over a new leaf and be a model son if father gave you that boy."
"That's not what I said."
"And now look at you," Hunter said, as if he hadn't been interrupted. "You're pathetic, Sebastian, and I still believe it would have been a smarter move for our parents to cast you out when they caught you with that monk the first time."
"Aren't we all wondering about that?"
Both boys looked up when they heard their father's voice. He was leaning against the wall. Sebastian frowned, not sure just how long he had been standing there. With his father, it was impossible to tell.
"Have you met some of our guests already?" their father continued, his tone conversational and pleasant, but Sebastian knew that the steel was never deep beneath the surface with him.
"Why does everybody here care so much about a bunch of servants?" Sebastian asked, not even trying to keep the exasperation out of his voice.
"They are servants from Dalton," his father said. "The northerners have a different approach to treating their servants, more closely than we do. It has the side-effect that a lot of the servants have an investment into their lords. They actually care. From reputation, your boy used to be the favorite family member. They will care how their lord is doing here, and if they're unhappy with the treatment he receives, they might very well carry that news to Dalton. You see where this might be a problem?"
Sebastian rolled his eyes. "Right, because I'm treating him horribly. Why, before I went out hunting I actually locked him up in our chambers, because I'm a monster that can't stand him to even see the sunlight."
"You're not exactly the model husband you promised to be," his father said, ignoring his protests. "Not a model son, either, by the way. But be that as it may, for the next days, I want your boy to be treated like royalty. That goes for all of you, by the way." With that he glared at Hunter. "He has a name, and you're going to remember it. You'll be pleasant and treat him as an equal. Did I make myself clear?"
"Of course, father," Hunter said. "If I may be excused..." He hinted a bow, before he turned to leave, showing Sebastian his teeth in another cat-like smirk.
"Yes, father," Sebastian gritted through his teeth, before he walked into the other direction. He was seething, but he had learned a long time ago that it was useless to let his family see how he felt about something. Who the hell did they think they were, talking to him like he was a complete idiot? Why would he think of the servants' perception? Nobody ever did, after all. Sure, they talked a lot, and technically the Quinn Fabray affair had taught him they weren't to be trusted, but now he was supposed to be on his best behavior, just in case some servants didn't like the way he treated his husband? And why were they insisting that he was doing so horribly? Really, it wasn't his fault if Blaine wasn't happy. What was he supposed to do about that?
As he walked up the stairs, he could hear laughter. He turned around, only to see Blaine and the servant boy from before, walking down the hallway. The boy had said something, and Blaine...
Blaine was laughing, his head thrown back, and even from the distance Sebastian could see his eyes sparkling. He froze, unable to take his eyes off the scene, even if it meant that he might get caught staring. Those first few months – or weeks, maybe – he had been able to make Blaine laugh like that, but not anymore. He wasn't exactly sure when he had even heard the sound the last time.
Somehow, Sebastian managed to break himself out of the staring. He turned away and walked upstairs. All he wanted right now was a bath and not having to worry about his marriage, or how he had to take care of his behavior. It was a stupid waste of time, anyway.
Blaine was almost happy as he sat down for the feast. The last few days had been... confusing, if he was honest with himself. He had gotten used to the way people treated him around here, not like a member of the family but more like some sort of exotic pet Sebastian had acquired in the north – not that Sebastian had ever gotten anywhere near the north... But ever since the servants from Dalton had come, things had changed. Even Hunter had been pleasant to him, which had turned out to be really creepy.
Sebastian on the other hand had been ridiculously moody ever since he had returned from the hunting trip. There were a lot of meaningful looks between Sebastian and his brother and father. Something must have really ruined his mood, although Blaine wasn't sure whether that had been since the hunting trip or because Blaine now actually had people paying attention to him.
But really, Blaine found that he didn't care at the moment. Even with his mood always on the brink of an explosion, Sebastian hadn't lashed out once. It wasn't that hard to figure out what was going on here. They were probably worried what the servants would tell Earl Anderson once they returned to Dalton. Blaine had no idea why they even bothered. He couldn't imagine his father caring about whatever treatment he received here. But if it made things easier on him for at least a few days, then he would take it.
And then there was Kurt.
When Kurt had left that night over a year ago, when they'd been at the chapel, Blaine had been sure that they'd never meet again. Even now, it was only for a few days, but it was way more than Blaine ever could have hoped to be granted. It was a relief from this place. It had been ages since he'd had somebody he could actually talk to, someone who cared enough to listen.
It was like an oasis, to have Kurt here, with his smiles and comments, his casual touches, given out of care and not just lust, the way he looked at Blaine. It made his heart beat faster, even as he felt calmer than he had in ages. It might be harder once Kurt left again, and it made Blaine question things he thought he had come to terms with ages ago... but he'd be able to deal with it. The time was almost over, and it would be hard to let go. But these few days had been just what he needed, something to help him refresh his energy. He would be fine from now on, at least for a while. These days would be something he could draw strength from.
So as he sat beside Sebastian, he could actually feel relaxed. Maybe tomorrow already things would look different, but for now it was fine.
Beside him, Sebastian downed his cup of wine in one gulp and refilled it.
Blaine frowned, as he watched his husband drink. This wasn't a promising start. With a sigh, he looked around the small hall. The Smythe family was gathered here, only the two girls hadn't come to visit. All influential knights – and those who hoped to become that – were gathered for the feast, although Blaine had no illusion that their presence had anything to do with him personally, but was something they did for Lord Smythe's favor. Still, the hall was so filled that he could almost pretend to himself that this was a genuine celebration.
The first course was served, and Blaine was hit by a wave of delicious smell. The spices and herbs reminded him of home, the taste was even better. If he closed his eyes, he could almost see himself back at Dalton. He felt the smile appearing on his face. Just maybe, this would actually be good.
The food was perfect, almost like a small journey back home. He even only drank diluted wine, as he didn't want to dull any part of the experience.
It could have been amazing.
But of course, there was Sebastian. Blaine had lost count of how many cups of wine he had already drunk, while he watched over the feast with a dark expression. At first, Blaine tried to ignore him, but as the evening progressed, Sebastian started to comment on everything from the taste to the temperature to the fact that he had to be here in the first place.
"Kills you, doesn't it?" Blaine asked once the servants had brought a cake for dessert. "A whole evening about me, people who actually care... and you have to be on your best behavior. Not that you're really sticking to that..." He threw a glance at the cup of wine that Sebastian had just been about to drink.
"I drink whenever I want," Sebastian said with a glare, although he put the cup down.
Blaine sighed. "Can you at least try to behave yourself? At least while the people from Dalton are here?" He had managed so well so far. He didn't expect his family to back him up in any way. The least thing he was hoping for was to keep his face, to not let them see just how bad he was doing here. Kurt suspected, of course, but he didn't have any concrete idea, and as far as Blaine was concerned, that was good enough. Tomorrow they'd leave, and he'd probably go back to how it had been before, but at least his dignity would bee intact – if only Sebastian managed to behave himself for one evening.
It was doomed, Blaine didn't even know what he had been thinking. Of course, this wouldn't work.
"You really like this, don't you?" Sebastian asked, his voice already slurring a bit.. "All about this, playing the martyr. Evil Sebastian is such a failure as a spouse, and you're the poor innocent soul who has to bear with him. You should have been an actor, love, because you're actually playing the hell out of this. Even my father is eating this shit up..."
"You're blaming me for your father being disappointed in you?" Blaine asked. "That's your own doing, Sebastian. He didn't expect that much from you. I didn't expect that much from you, either, but he wanted even less. Seriously, all he asked of you was to be discreet, and you couldn't even do that."
"You know what, Blaine?" Sebastian asked, and downed the cup before smashing it on the table. "Go to hell."
"What are you doing?" Blaine hissed, but it was too late. Sebastian was already walking away. Blaine sank deeper into his chair. Even the taste of home couldn't compete with the sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach. Of course it would go wrong.
Kurt leaned back against a pillar, letting his eyes drift over the crowd. To his satisfaction even these southerners seemed happy enough with the food from Dalton. It was the first feast that had been under Kurt's management, and now that the last of it had been delivered, Kurt took a moment to see how it was received.
Or that was what he told himself. Of course, the most important question was how Blaine liked it. Kurt hoped that the food would make him feel like home, the taste remind him of Dalton and happier times. But that hope was quickly disappointed. While he knew that Blaine had eaten every scrap, the young lord didn't look happy at all. Kurt watched as he talked to Sebastian, who wouldn't let go of his cup of wine. The longer they talked, the darker Blaine's mood seemed to get. Kurt wasn't close enough to hear what they were talking about, but even from where he was, he could see the bitterness in both of their faces.
He flinched, as Sebastian slammed the cup onto the table and stood up. Blaine looked as if he wanted to disappear into the chair, while Sebastian made his way through the hall, up to the exit.
Kurt's eyes widened. What kind of behavior was that even? Who left their spouse alone on their birthday feast?
On the way out, Sebastian passed a boy, one of the few male kitchen servants the Smythes employed and whose name Kurt couldn't remember. To his surprise, Sebastian stopped to exchange a few words. Kurt just wondered where that was coming from, after all the Smythes hadn't given the impression that the cared a lot about the relations to servants.
The next thing he knew, Sebastian had looked back to the family's table, trying to meet Blaine's eye before he grabbed the boy's shoulders, pushed him against the wall, and kissed him as if his life depended on it.
Kurt gasped, staring at the scene for a moment, before he could tear his eyes off it. He saw the reactions from some of the knights around them – most of them looked just exasperated or even faintly disgusted. But it didn't mater what they thought. As if drawn by magnets, Kurt's eyes found Blaine.
He was looking at Sebastian and that boy, as if he was seeing through them. To his surprise, Kurt didn't see pain, just bitterness and... exhaustion maybe? Humiliation? It was hard to tell.
Sebastian had finally decided he needed some air and had separated from the boy. He turned around, looked right at Blaine, smirked – and went right back to what he was doing before. And Blaine...
Blaine downed the cup before him, refilled it with wine and drank again. He grimaced, which hopefully meant that this wasn't his normal drinking behavior, and then he stood up and just stormed out, the double door falling shut loudly.
Sebastian looked up from his boy, almost triumphantly back to the table. Kurt frowned and followed his line of sight. Why would he look back at the table? Hadn't he noticed Blaine had already left? But when he looked to the table where the Smythe family was sitting, Kurt realized that it was Lord Smythe he was looking at, and the lord was glaring back at his son with such an intense expression of fury, that Kurt almost felt terrified himself. Sebastian on the other hand just smirked wider, before he grabbed the boy's arm and pulled him out of the hall.
Kurt shook his head, trying to snap himself out of it. What did he care about Sebastian and Smythe family politics? Blaine was out there, and he should not be alone right now.
Good for him then, that Kurt had no intention to leave him alone again. And he already had an idea where to find him...