Author's Note: This took forever, I know, and I've no excuse. But I will say that I have no intention of letting this story go. On the topic of this chapter, I hope I've done a good job making Ed sound confused; I ended up confused by the end of it, so I'm not sure. Also, there are some reviewers who don't sign in and so I can't reply to them. I was thinking of replying to them at the end of the chapter next time. What do you think?

Ed stared at the person in front of him, and registered dark eyes and dark hair and pale skin over delicate features and a shadowed, angled form, and put it together into the image of Roy.

The only thought that was in his mind was that it didn't make sense. Roy couldn't have kissed him; it didn't make sense. Roy was the Colonel, and the Colonel liked girls, and anyway Ed knew the Colonel had never liked him, and why would anyone like him like that?

Roy was standing there, so perfectly still and silent to Ed, and he couldn't see though Roy's blank mask, he could only see a glimmer of something his eyes.

Ed breathed in and out, dropped his eyes to the ground and tried to think.

He doesn't, he can't…actually care about me, like that. Ed thought, sure of that one thing if nothing else, Because the Colonel didn't, so he can't.

Ed looked back up at Roy, and he looked so much like the Colonel that Ed couldn't see a difference between the two.

"Ed? Have you died from shock?" Roy asked, and Ed knew that particular tone in that particular voice. It was the tone the Colonel used when he had just revealed the game he had played with Ed that mission, smug and touched with cold amusement at Ed's confusion.

"Fuck you," Ed snarled, torn between desperately wanting to break Roy's jaw and asking why Roy had decided to play such a cruel joke on him and what he had done wrong. He hadn't done anything wrong he knew – except he must have, for Roy to have hurt him like this. No, Roy hadn't hurt him, Roy couldn't hurt him, he didn't care about Roy Mustang.

"Ed, calm down," Roy said firmly.

It was exactly the wrong thing to say.

"Calm down?" Ed repeated in pure fury, glaring at Roy's face, which looked absurdly perfect and fragile, like a priceless cup made of china. The sight should have made Ed even more furious, but instead the familiarity of Roy's face made Ed feel like a child; angry about broken hope that he had no rational reason to think would be kept intact. Why would Roy care? He was bratty and he had ruined Roy's life, why would -?

Ed's fingers unclenched, and he let his head tilt down so that his bangs could cover his face.

Then he turned and ran.

It was easy to run. He didn't want to hear what Roy would say next, what his friend would say next, he just wanted to be gone, because in theory he could hurt Roy but in reality Ed knew he couldn't even try to, because it was Roy.

"Wait!" Roy called, his voice louder than normal, "Please!"

Ed didn't look back.

Ed stopped running when he got into the town. He stopped walking when he reached a little stone bridge on the outskirts of the town.

He folded his arms on the railing and looked down at the creek underneath the bridge, which didn't seem to be more than a few inches deep. He studied his bright yellow reflection that was blurred slightly by the slowly running water as though he could find answers to every question he had if he just looked hard enough.

Should be someone beside me, Ed thought vaguely, Al, or Winry, or…someone. Someone, there's always someone.

The feeling of being alone hit him with an almost physical force.

He hated being alone. Without anyone there to distract him, without anyone there for him to protect or talk to, Ed's own thoughts simply ran around and around in his mind, and they were never happy; the closest Ed got to happy was the simple satisfaction of sorting out an array. Without someone whose problems he had to fix, an obligation he couldn't shake off, Ed felt lost, an eleven year old in a train station calling the Colonel because he didn't know where to go. He was used to being bound by the chains of duty, of honour, of love, just chains, there were always chains and without them he didn't feel like Edward Elric.

Ed could never see the point of living if he didn't have anyone to live for.

And he hated, hated, hated being alone. It scared Ed even more than the Gate did, and it always had; he had risked his life to get Al back from it when he was ten just so that he wouldn't be alone in the world. After that, he had Al, and while trying to get Al's body back was hell, at least he wasn't alone, all alone in the dark. Ed still hadn't quite forgiven himself for being grateful his little brother was with him even when bad things happened, even when being with Ed meant that Al was incomplete.

Then he went back, and he was alone, and he hated it, but he didn't try to change it. Ed had long since decided that dragging anyone else into his life wasn't something he'd do again, since they always ended up hurt because of his mistakes. Part of him was almost happy about the second chance given to him by going back in time, where no one would know him, and part of him was just very, very lonely. He was selfish, he knew he was selfish, but he hated being alone, he didn't want to be alone, he didn't want to be back there lost in the dark and the blood.

Probably why I put up with looking after Roy, that month, Ed thought, not used to trying to figure out why he did what he did. He found instinct worked just as well as logic, and sometimes better. Logic hurt, it always hurt, because logically there was no reason for anyone to care about him, because logically he should just stay away from other people, it was the only way he could keep them safe. Except -

He leaned backward and slid his arms off the railing, making the decision he knew he was going to make ever since he had run, ever since he had known that Roy kissed him, ever since he had met Roy again, the Colonel who always managed to make Ed do whatever he wanted.

Ed walked into town, determinedly forcing himself to walk fast, it wasn't going to be any better if he waited; he knew that. And Roy could get hurt while he was gone, Roy wasn't the Colonel who controlled fire with a snap of his fingers, Roy wasn't the Colonel who could talk anything out of anyone if he wanted to, Roy was young and idealistic and so vulnerable that it made Ed want to put him in a concrete box so he'd be safe.

After a few moments Ed spotted him in the town, it wasn't that large of a town and besides, Roy stood out. Roy was just, just, Ed didn't know what, but he always got attention, no matter what he did, maybe it was because he was -

Ed cut that thought off, knowing his cheeks were flaming red though he couldn't see them.

Roy noticed him, Ed could tell because of that slight widening of dark eyes and the way he looked away quickly afterwards. Ed looked back, seeing Roy for the first time. He was coloured the heavy black Ed remembered from spending nights underground and a soft white that was exactly the same shade as the paper in the newer alchemy books Ed had read. Not the Colonel, Roy. And Ed still wanted to punch him, really.

He stomped over to Roy, and Roy met his gaze, looking as steady and as calm as he always did, as the Colonel always did.

"We're not, we're not goin' to talk about that. In the woods," Ed said, feeling as though he wanted to die or kill from embarrassment, "Okay."

"Ed, please, just give me a second –" Roy began, and he really did sound like he wanted, needed it, but Ed knew he couldn't handle whatever Roy said. He knew he needed something from Roy, he wasn't sure what, but he knew Roy could ruin it with just a few words; Roy was good at that.

"How hard is it for you to just shut the hell up?" Ed hissed, wanting to hit Roy and to at the same time to hear what he wanted to say, just to know a little more about someone he clearly didn't understand.

"Not very hard, generally," Roy said quietly, as though his voice being softer would make Ed feel better, "But I need to know why you're so upset. Do you just not like me that way?"

Ed blushed, because didn't understand relationships, he didn't think he ever would, and if that wasn't bad enough he was talking about it with Roy, who clearly did understand.

"I – it's," Ed began, and then actually comprehended Roy's words and said, "Shit. You were…..serious?"

The idea was so strange that Ed felt physically uncomfortable. He didn't even think that maybe Roy, who wasn't the Colonel, who was nice, could mean it, because why would he? Ed wasn't the kind of person people liked, he was the kind of person people stared at and backed away from as though he was dangerous. Ed was dangerous, and he wasn't friendly or nice, and he wasn't like Al, and he knew it.

"Of course I was," Roy said softly, and Ed can hear the faint hurt in his voice, can hear the 'how could you not know that' under his words.

"I - I don't," Ed said, "do this sorta stuff, I don't know -"

He wanted to run away again, from the confusion and the way Roy was so still, but he forced himself to take a deep breath and lifted his chin to meet Roy's eyes.

"I can't do that with you," Ed said as calmly as he could, "It isn't - I'm not good at that and you're my friend. That's it. Okay?"

"Fine," Roy replied, turning away from Ed to look over the town square.

Ed followed his gaze, but didn't see very much of the peple passing by or the dull gray store fronts. He scanned for something that could be a threat as he thought though, unable to turn that instinct off.

He wasn't sure if it was good Roy didn't sound hurt. It could mean Roy wasn't hurt, but it could mean Roy was just lying, and Ed didn't know which it was. He wasn't sure which he wanted it to be, not because he wanted Roy to care but because if he wasn't lying he was hurt, and Ed didn't want to hurt him, and if he wasn't lying then he was acting like the Colonel. Ed had decided Roy acting anything like the Colonel was bad when he first met him and wasn't about to change his mind.

Ed couldn't even make his own choice about being in some sort of relationship even if he wanted to, which he thought was unfair but he knew it was his fault. If he was less weird about people, if he didn't care so much when he got close, it'd be fine. But he did, which was why he had stayed far away from Al. He knew he'd tell Al everything if Al asked, everything about who he was and what he'd done and why, and no one else needed to know that. Ed didn't want anyone else to know what he did; he didn't even want to know what he did. And he would do anything for someone he loved, which was stupid, but he would, and so relationships were a bad idea. Espcially with someone he already liked.

Roy asked something, and Ed blinked and saw the place where he was for a moment. He figured it was probably a decent town since no one was screaming and there wasn't anyone staring at them.

"There's a hotel," Ed said, starting to walk towards it, "C'mon, we'll stay there until we get a job or something."