A/N: Thank you for your reviews
Disclaimer: I don't own Silent Hill or Jerad/Subway or Spongebob or Candy Land or Killar Instinct
Where we last left our friends and enemies Walter took Peter the baby Pyramid Head to Toys-R-Us while at the Church the others were reclutent to have Heather engage in a duel with Pyramid Head if they won they would keep Peter and escape but if HE THE PYRAMID HEAD won they would be his torture slaves and keep his son. Vincent was torn between escaping and being a sex slave for the hot demon nurses.
At Toys-R-Us Walter was being Walter stabbing to death a sales clerk while Peter look at one toy and then another like they were jewels or diamonds in a cave of riches. He picks up a stuffed SpongeBob Squarepants and a Candy Land game and runs over to Walter.
Peter: Uncle Walter which one should I choose?
Walter: (looking up from his blood bath) Why choose one its your birthday take both
Peter: Yay! (goes up to the cashier) Here is my birthday money ma'am!
Meanwhile at The Church Richard comes in with some lunch
Richard: Who is up for some subway sandwiches?
Jerad from the Subway ad appears magically.
Jerad: (POOF) ...and each sandwich has only sixty grams of fat.
Richard: Shut it Jerad (takes out his gun and fires) eat freash this asshole
Jerad: STOP FUCKING SHOOTING AT ME!
Richard: You were stalking me all the way here! Taste some more fatass!
BANG BANG BANG BANG
Jerad: XP (dies)
Pyramid Head: (clears throat) Anyway, lets get this over with!
Heather: Okay!
Leg Mannequinn: (goes over to Pyramid Head) Permission to eat Jerad's dead body sir?
PH: Permission granted.
Leg Mannequinn: Oh boy! (takes out the steak sauce and grosses all the humans out) Mmmmmm, nice and tender
James: (nudges Maria) Hey isn't that what you said last night heh heh heh?
Maria: That wasn't me James
James: O.O
Harry: That was me-(stops reading)DAMMIT AUTHORESS YOU ARE A DEAD WOMAN!
A/N: Hehehehehhehe, aren't I a baaaaaaaaaaad girl?
Heather: Okay enough crap...lets get this over with...
PH: Since you inititated this deal you choose first
Heather: (takes out her Killar Instinct Gold game) Weeeeeeee!
Vincent: We're dooooooooooooooooooomed!
Eileen: If Heather cheats with PH like she did with me we are! (faints)
Vincent: (starts groping Eileen)
Henry: Hey! (beats Vincent with his metal pipe)
Vincent: Gah! (cowers)
Heather: (sets up the game system) I DO NOT CHEAT EILEEN!
Meanwhile, Walter and Peter are skipping out of the store. Walter is covered in blood and grim while Peter is covered in stickers.
Walter: What should we do now?
Peter: Ice cream!
Walter: Okay...!
They both take each other's hands and skip merrily off.
Back at the Church
Claudia: Someone untie me its very uncomfortable
A demon nurse comes over and unties Claudia
Claudia: Thank you...
Suddenly, Frank lays his eyes on the demon nurse and tiny little red hearts flutter over his head as romantic music plays, the nurse demon looks over at Frank and an equal number of little floating red hearts appear around her uhhhhh "head" as well. They walk slowly towards each other as James just stands there looking at the demon nurse and his father back and forth and back and forth clueless.
James: Uh...dad...daddy?
Frank: Not now James! (turns to demon nurse) Do you like long walks on the beach, listening to Lawrence Welk and collecting various prenatal bodily parts of abandoned infants?
Nurse Demon: Grrrrrrrrrrr... yes...grrrrrrrrrrrrrr (jumps straight into Frank's arms and they start to make out)
PH: Enough of this side joking lets get this over with! I choose...uh...Maya!
Heather: Maya! Pfft, just because you can make it so that she is all naked dosen't make her as good as oh lets say...Sabrewolf!
A t.v. set is hooked up and Heather and PH are sitting on bean bags playing the game and if you have ever played it then you pretty much know how it goes down.
Heather: AAHHHHHHHHHH! Stop using the same attack you cheater!
PH: I am not quit trying to knock me down dammit how do you do her special move
Heather: She has no special move you freaking suck!
PH: Bite me whore!
Harry: HEY! WATCH IT!
click click click click click click
PH: I wanna different character!
Heather: You can't awwww sweet! GROUND SPARK! IN YOUR FACE!
CLICK CLICK CLICK CLICK CLICK CLICK
PH: NOOOOOO YOU'RE KICKING MY ASS!
Heather: Yes! Yes! YES! YES! YES! YES!
Eileen: (wakes up) What the...is Heather cheating?
Heather: Grrrrr SHUT UP!
CLICK CLICK CLICK CLICK CLICK
Vincent: Heather, please reconsider, (pleads) think of my poor unused sex life...I need this...all those nurse demons and hot Cult sisters...please Heather just this once!
PH: Um, Vincent, I proceed over every sexual torture that is just what I am
James: (whispers to Vincent) Its true...
Vincent: Yeah but...I will be okay, you don't need to make sure it dosen't get heh too "rough" so to speak...right...RIGHT!?
PH: Who says I watch while supervising priest...I like joining in...sometimes...I just let the demon nurses and the hot cult sisters watch you know, in case any of them are first timers
Vincent: But...only on the uhhhhhh...chicks right?
PH: Nope...both guys and chicks...
Vincent: (gulps) three minutes of silence cross his face...BEAT HIS ASS HEATHER COME ON DO IT FOR PETER! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN!
The doors to the church suddenly open and Walter and Peter come walking in carrying a bag of toys and licking ice cream. They walk past Frank who is still making out with his demon nurse lover and go over to Eileen who is laying on the floor still.
Peter: Ice cream mommy Eileen?
Eileen: AHHHH WALTER!
Walter: Uh, hi...I hope I locked the door before we left, what is going on?
Eileen: Heather is dueling for our freedom and Peter.
Peter: (looks at PH sitting on his bean bag) D-Daddy...?
PH: (stops playing much to Heather's angst) Son?
Heather: NOOOOOOOOO YOU SON OF A BITCH! I DON'T LOSE! I NEVER LOSE!
Harry: Heather calm down...
Heather: (takes out her knife) I NEVER LOSE DADDY!
Harry: I hate this author...(backs away from his daughter) I felt safer in the other humor fics...
Anyway...
Peter: DAD!
PH: SON!
They embrace
Everyone: (collectively) Awwwwwwwwwww...so sweet...how lovely...
Richard: (makes gagging sounds with his finger)
Henry: (rolls his eyes and whacks Richard upside the head)
Richard hooks Henry into a head lock and punches him in the stomach repeatidly.
PH: Son, I have missed you! (hugs Peter)
Peter: I was being taken care of by my mommy Eileen and daddy Henry and my sister Heather-
PH: Speaking of which-(turns to Heather) HAH I WIN BY DEFAULT! You all belong to me now-go on son-
Peter: and...and...unky Vincent, and aunt Maria, and aunt Claudia, and unky Richard, James, and Harry, and grandpapa Frank
Frank: (going into second base with the demon nurse) Mmmmmmmmmmmfptf...
Peter: I had fun!
PH: Awww, that is sweet, well now you can keep them as long as you want...BECAUSE THEY BELONG TO ME NOW MUHAHAHAHAHAHHAA!
A flash of lighting ensues
James: O.O DADDY! (hides under a pew)
Mannequins, patient demons, sniffers, and various other demons appear and grab the humans. Two Mannequinns drag James out from underneath the pew and pull him towards the Pyramid Head. Frank is grasped by his lover and dragged over. Richard, Walter, and Maria try to fight them off but its no use and Heather is carried along with her father towards the altair.
Frank: No Noreen you can't do this! I love you! I love you Noreen!
Noreen: Grrrrrrrrrr...sorry...grrrrrrrrr
Peter: (jumps out of PH's arms) DADDY NO! These are my friends, you can't do this!
PH: But soon as promised they belong to me if Heather lost and she lost
Heather: Only by default!
Walter: Sorry...
Henry: Ahh we're doomed!
Vincent: NO! At least leave me in the hands of a sexual-
Heather: SHUT UP VINCENT!
Peter looked around and saw those that had taken care of him in the grip of The Pyramid Head's minions about to be dragged into the deepest darkest dungeon to be done with as he pleased, he was clutching his SpongeBob doll worridly. What could do? They would be slaves to Pyramid Head and at least he didn't want his "mommy" and "daddy" (Henry and Eileen) hurt most of all by his real father's violence. He looked back at his real father and made him stare into his big sweet puppy dog eyes watering with saddness.
Peter: Please daddy...let them go...they are nice...well...some of them...Unky Richard likes to hit daddy Henry and peer in on mommy Eileen while in the shower...but...but...they took care of me and they love me...please have pity on them...please?
Walter: Yeah, and don't forget me, I took your son out for toys and ice cream...in a non pedophile sort of way...
PH: (looks over at his captives and down at his four year old son) Well...
A/N: And suddenly, the long dramatic pause is shattered by a latina whore in a revealing purple top named Cynthia who flies in on batlike succubus wings and descends on everyone grabbing Henry and Peter...(evil laugh)
Cynthia: Now I got you my pretties! (Wicked Witch of the West laugh)
Peter: DADDY! DADDY! DADDY! (flails)
Henry: EILEEN! EILEEN! EILEEN-HELP THE WRITER WANTS CYNTHIA TO STILL KEEP BANGING ME WHAT DO I DO!?!?!
Maria: (screams) Play dead Henry! Play dead!
Peter: XP (plays dead)
Claudia: Awwww isn't that cute?
Eileen: You will never please him like I have Cynthia!
Cynthia: Hah, in your dreams, if that was the case then the writer would have you guys having sex!
Eileen: At least I don't have to force myself on him...he wants it willingly! So there!
Cynthia: We will see! (flies off)
Henry: (off screen) HEEEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLPPPPPPPPPPPPP!
Eileen: Noooooo!
PH: MY SON!
Frank: (grabs James) No! Take him!
Vincent: (waves his arms frantically) NO! TAKE ME! I WANT TO BE RAVAGED BY A SUCCUBUS! (laughs to himself) heh heh heh "suck"-ccusbus
Walter: Don't worry...I will save them!
Dashes out of the church heroically.
Eileen: Should we let him?
Heather: Meh, why not?
They follow Walter out except Frank who holds Noreen the demon nurse by her hands.
Noreen: Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr...oh Frank...I am sorry...Grrrrrrrrrr
Frank: That's okay you were following orders...marry me?
Noreen: GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR...YES!
James: Yay! Maria look I gots a new mommy!
Maria: (rolls her eyes) Joy...(after four minutes beats James with the plank) idiot...
TBC
Yeah, now they have to do another rescue, the whole "Cynthia the succubus" is based off my other short fic "Special Favored Returned" I just thought of adding a funny spin on my first sex fic and I am sure you are dying to know what Cynthia will do with Peter while Henry is sort of (cough cough cough) kinda obvious...BRING ON THE WHIP CREAM! In the next fic we deal with the subway station and Richard learns better than to leave out of a moving vechicle.