Chapter 10

Hamilton was still in shock after their long webcam chat. She didn't know. His parents had kept that secret. Part of him was happy that she didn't know, yet part of him wished that she did. "It wouldn't have brought her back to me any sooner." He said aloud to himself. He was glad he would be staying with Scout. He didn't want to be that far away from her, he wanted to be able to be there whenever she needed him. His plane was leaving very early and he knew he should hurry up and finish packing so he could sleep, but that's the last thing he wanted to do. He wanted to talk to her again, see her again.

*ring ring* It wasn't his cell phone so he let it go and continued to daydream about what might happen when he saw her. *ring ring* He pretended not to hear that one either. *ring ring* "Seriously! Stop calling, I won't answer!" He screamed at the cordless phone sitting 10 steps away from him. He waited for it to ring again but it didn't. Good, he thought, they finally gave up. *ring ring* this time he leaped up and stomped angrily to the phone. The caller ID was a New Rawley number, which was strange because everyone who mattered there called his cell phone.

"Okay. Hello? You have me on the phone now who is it?" He was done being polite. He was busy and he really only wanted to talk to one person.

"It's me. Bella." And it wasn't this person. He hung up immediately.

He was furious. How had she gotten his number? He hadn't talked to her since that one stupid night and he didn't want to. He always avoided her whenever he had gone home to visit his parents. *ring ring* He picked up the phone and nearly screamed "Seriously Bella! I don't want to talk to you. I haven't for 5 years and how the hell did you get this number anyway!?"

"Hamilton you have to listen to me. It wasn't easy to get your number. In the end Sean gave it to me. Look I know this is going to sound weird but you have to listen to me." He was even more furious now.

"Sean? Well that's just fantastic. No. I don't have to listen to you. Goodbye." He hung up again. He knew she would want to talk about what happened but he didn't. He never wanted to talk about the party or her. He still hated himself and he hadn't drunk alcohol since that night. Although now a drink was sounding pretty good. *ring ring* "Well you won't give up so I'll just leave the phone on speaker and ignore you. At least then I can pack for New York without the incessant ringing." He set the phone down and hit the speaker button.

"Okay I deserve that." Yes you do, he thought to himself. "About what happened, I'm sorry that you lost her because of it. You said it was over and I…I'm sorry okay?" He didn't answer. He was tuning her out, or trying to. He didn't want to hear her apologies. "Okay this will be a one sided conversation then." No kidding Sherlock. He threw pictures into boxes. "You need to know the truth Hamilton. I'm sorry I didn't tell you this years ago but I need to now. I wasn't drunk. I was sober. I knew what I was doing Hamilton." He froze and glared at the phone laying there on his table. "But you can't tell me you didn't feel…" He snapped and grabbed the phone.

"Feel what! Utter disgust? Because that is ALL I felt Bella. And what the hell do you mean you weren't drunk? You were Jake's best friend; you wouldn't have done that if you were sober." He was shaking now and he felt the sudden urge to hit…something. "Answer me! I want answers and I want them NOW!"

"Disgust? Hamilton. Yes, she was my friend but things changed. You both changed. I saw it. Feelings change and I couldn't hide mine anymore. You said it was over and something changed Hamilton. You don't remember but I told you how I felt that night and you didn't push me away." He shook his head. "You didn't want it to happen either though. You protested a lot but then you stopped protesting. You kissed me back Hamilton. It felt right." He exploded.

"No Bella. It didn't feel right. Yes, I remember you telling me everything. It's fuzzy but I've always remembered. I didn't kiss you, well physically yes I did, but at that point I was so drunk I was beyond caring. I blacked out Bella. I thought it was me and Jake. When I came to, I hated myself. I still do. Why do you think every time I've come home I've kept it a secret? I've been avoiding you. I don't want to see you. I don't want to talk to you. And, I certainly don't want to think about that night again. I did what you asked me to do. I listened to you, now listen to me. Okay?" His manners in the end were getting the best of him. He knew he had probably already hurt her but he needed to say what he knew would hurt the worst of all, because yes he did know she had feelings for him.

"What Hamilton?" She was crying it sounded like. Oddly enough, he didn't care.

"Don't call me again. Don't try and find me again. I don't have feelings for you. You were a good friend and that's all. I'm sorry but our friendship is over. Goodbye Bella." He hung up. He didn't like to hurt people, especially people who he cared about. Yes, he still cared about Bella but he couldn't be friends with her. Not after what had happened, and to learn now that she hadn't been drunk, he was still in shock. He unplugged his landline and went back to his packing.

10 Hours. That's how long he had. 5 until he had to board his plane, 5 until he landed in New York. He was still excited but now he had something new to worry about. "No more secrets Hamilton. If we are going to do this we have to be able to tell each other everything." That's what she had said before her laptop had died. How was he supposed to tell her something like this? He couldn't keep it to himself; he didn't want to start out ruining things with her already.

The only thing he could think of was to somehow get Bella on the phone and convince Jake to listen to her. "Yeah that's going to go over about as well as me driving nails in my eyes." He said aloud to his CD collection. I'll have to tell her, or at least start to tell her. It was never Bella, not in his head, in his head it was always Jake. How could he explain that? He didn't know but he was glad he had 10 hours to figure it out.

Please don't let her hate me.