.hack//Resident Fangirl! Third headache…
Part 1
From now on…it's Pi!
Reporter: Welcome back from our too long break. Well the Fangirl hiatus was short-lived. Fangirls are once again returning to there everyday creepy life of writing horrendous fanfiction and ugly drawing that make us sane people want to puke and gouge our eyes out. In the latest news (channel changed)
Haseo: Boring…
Alkaid: Well if that's so boring I have a fun idea.
(Haseo wakes up)
Haseo: AHH!
Bordeaux: What's the matter Haseo? Would you like me to love you to sleep?
(Haseo wakes up)
Haseo: AHHH!
Shino: Oh Haseo, hit me baby one more time.
(Haseo wakes up)
Haseo: BLESS YOU AURA!
Haseo's Mom: DAMN IT THIS IS THE THIRD TIME THIS MONTH! GO TO (censored) bed!
Haseo:…why do I bother…
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(At school)
Haseo:…Man I couldn't get back to sleep (yawns)…
Kuhn: I couldn't get any sleep…in my dreams…
Haseo: Only you…
Kuhn: Giggity!
Haseo: Aura save me now…
Kuhn: So how is your psychology going?
Haseo: I no hide when I hear the 'c' word.
Kuhn: Clo-
Haseo: DON'T SAY IT!
Kuhn:…Anything else?
Haseo: I no longer fear the girls (this includes Endrance).
Kuhn: Seriously?
Haseo: YES! It's finally over!
(In the hall…)
Atoli: Now that Haseo is better my salad will win his heart and I will win the bet! (See chapter 6)
Alkaid: Fat chance! My instant ramen is made of win!
Bordeaux: My bratwurst will catch Haseo's stomach.
Endrance: Onion soup will catch his heart!
Shino: My dumplings will win Haseo's love!
Tabby: Wow, you sure are taking this Shino.
Shino:…so what…
Aina: Don't forget about what happens to the loser…(I know I didn't!) By the way Tabby, why didn't you bring your fish from before?
Tabby: I forgot. Oh well, I brought lobster.
(Yata's classroom)
Yata: (Lost to Gaspard yet again…) Dangit. Same time tomorrow.
Gaspard:…Suuuureeeee….(walks out leaving him alone in his classroom).
Ms. Pie: Yata…
Yata: Ms. Pie? What are you doing here.
Ms. Pie:…From now on it's Pi.
Yata: Huh-
Pi: And from now on-!
(Back in Pi's classroom)
Haseo: What are you doing?
Atoli, Alkaid, Bordeaux, Endrance, Shino, and Tabby: Giving you food.
Kuhn: Why don't I get any food?
Aina: (Explains to Kuhn)
Kuhn!!!
Aina: I take it we will collaborate for the most optimal outcome…
Kuhn: I wouldn't have it any other way…
Bo:…I swear we get more depraved every day.
Gabi: I'm Gabi :)
Pi: Hello class, time to get to the studies!
Kuhn: Ohhh, Ms. Pie is in a good mood, you can tell cause her bre-
Pi: WHO WANTS EXTRA-CREDIT!
(Ensuring bricking…)
Kuhn: Oh…the pain…
Pi: That never gets old. Well class, I am happy. As of now I am Pi at last!
Kuhn: I prefer Ms. Pie…
Pi: Shut up! Today's lecture is about how Morganna decided to screw up the life of some emo girl and made her think she was a he.
Class: (not paying attention)
(Yata's Class)
Yata: And cosine is the opposite side over the hypotenuse. Any questions?
Gaspard: (raises hand) What happened to our teacher that did nothing but play card games?
Yata: Card Games? Those things are so stupid and such a waste of money.
Gaspard: (Gasps)
Class: (Gasps)
World: (Gasps)
Yata: What did I say?
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(Lunch)
Haseo: Hmm, what to eat?
Atoli: MY SALAD!
Alkaid: MY RAMEN!
Bordeaux: MY SAUSAGE!
Shino: MY DUMPLINGS!
Endrance: MY SOUP!
Tabby: My lobster!
Aina: (Scheming with Kuhn) For the best results we would want Endrance to win.
Kuhn: Ya, but we're not the mean to put him up with him…
Aina: Then what do we do?
Kuhn:…What if (whispers)
Aina: Perfect!
Bo: What are you two doing?
Kuhn: NOTHING!
Bo:…I know you too well to believe that.
Aina: Then you should know us well enough to know that this is top secret stuff.
Ovan: NOT HIDING ANYTHING FROM YOUR BROTHER, RIGHT!
Aina:…Ya, keep telling yourself that.
Gabi: I'm Gabi :)
Bo:…Okay.
Gaspard: GUYS, GUYS, IT'S TERRIBLE!
Kuhn: What?
Gaspard: Yata doesn't care about children's card games anymore!
Bo: How is that bad?
Gaspard: Well things like this don't exactly happen without something more happening.
Aina: You know Pi also got her actual name back. That has to mean something right?
Kuhn: Interesting things are happening lately.
(UFO's are abducting random children left and right. People are yelling on the streets. Some clouds are raining bricks. Haseo is being force fed all the meals. Penguins are being chucked and explode on impact. Morganna decided to screw over another emo.)
Saku: No, that's the same random stuff that always happens.
Azure Kite: (Making out with Azure Blackrose)
Everyone: THE WORLD IS FALLING APART! THE AZURE TROLL GOT A GIRL!
Gaspard: See, I told you the universe was off balance.
Kuhn: We believe you now.
Aina: Man, the universe is seriously screwed up now…
(Somewhere else)
Pi: I would like a lemonade Yata.
Yata: Here you are my object of obsession.
Pi: Ohh, say that again.
Yata: Object of obsession.
Pi: More obsessed then children's card games.
Yata: Who would have cards over you?
Pi: I think I could die without regrets.
(The gang burst in)
Kuhn: Step away from the bre-
Pi: (Knocks Kuhn unconscious)
Haseo:…
Gaspard: Yata, look what I have. Holographic Foil Five God Dragon Card!
Yata: REALLY!
Pi: No, you don't like cards!
Yata: That's right!
Gaspard: No Yata, you like cards!
Yata: That's right!
Pi: No, you hate cards and love me. The thought of cards infuriates you!
Yata: THAT'S RIGHT! (Takes card and tears it in half)
Gaspard: (Can't breath…he tore it up!)
Pi: Now all of you head home. There is nothing to see here.
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(Haseo's house)
Haseo: (Phone rings and answers) Hello?
Kuhn: Haseo! Bo, Aina, and I are going to sneak into Pi's house. I bet she's hiding something.
Haseo:…I have nothing better to do.
(In front of Pi's house)
Saku: This is a stupid idea.
Aina: I know…
Kuhn: I asked for Bo to come…
Saku: Why?
Kuhn: Cause I felt like it.
Saku:…I think I will step back now.
Kuhn: I'M NOT A PEDO!
Haseo: Shut up you idiot. Do you want to wake up Pi?
Kuhn: She's out.
Haseo: Were?
Kuhn: Idonknow? But let's just sneak in.
(Sneaking in)
Kuhn: Judging by the décor this is Pi's bedroom…meaning this must be Pi's underwear drawer! JACKPOT!
Haseo: A panty-raid…
Aina: Even I'm not this lewd.
Saku: WHY AM I HERE!
Kuhn: While this is a bonus this isn't the reason we are here.
Haseo: Then why you perverted moron?
Kuhn: Well as you know I accidentally put the yuri fest XXXX in a broke-back mountain case that my mother asked me to rent for her.
Saku: Yah, sure.
Kuhn: I MEAN IT! Well the other day I was at the video rental store and I saw Pi returning a broke-back mountain and when I checked the case inside I saw it had yuri fest XXXX! And when I watched to the Fangirl Queen wasn't inside.
Haseo: DO YOU KNOW HOW RISKY THAT COULD HAVE BEEN!
Aina: YOU HAVE YURI FEST XXXX!
Saku: WHY AM I HERE!
Kuhn: Pi must have watched it and got possessed or something and I'm looking for proof.
Haseo: But she hasn't produced any of the symptoms other then making Yata not into cards, which is a huge feet in itself, but nothing really Fangirl-ish.
Kuhn: Well let's just keep exploring and I will give you proof! (Exploring House and find a locked door). Here is your proof!
Saku: Other then you're a paranoid idiot…
Kuhn: Just watch! (Breaks down door…idiot)
Haseo:…It's just a teddy bear inside a glass case trying to break out…huh?
Teddy bear: (Has Fangirl Queen's voice) I WANT OUT!
Haseo: YOU!
Kuhn: YOU!
Aina: YOU!
Bo: YOU!
Haseo: You switched…
Teddy Queen: I was tricked by that evil forna-
Kuhn: How?
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(Flashback)
Fangirl Queen: I can make people not like cards.
Pi: GIVE ME YOUR POWER!
Fangirl Queen: Fine, all you have to do is surrender your will to me! HAHAHA!
Pi: I have a different idea. (Unpauses the paused yuri fest…)
(The following is to adult for most of you and we don't want people suing from brain damage from the hard-core yuri….)
Pi: (Pauses)
Fangirl Queen: Is this what I have been doing to bishies…I'm horrible…Oh well. PLEASE DON'T UNPAUSE!
Pi: Give me your power and I will let you inhabit the body of this teddy bear.
Fangirl Queen: FINE JUST LET ME OUT OF HERE!
(End Flash back)
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Haseo: YOU DESERVE WHAT YOU GOT!
Teddy Queen: Couldn't care less...
Kuhn: So Pi now has the power of Fangirls?
Teddy Queen: Yep…
Aina: But what would level-headed workaholic kill-joy Pi do?
Bo: I guess we'll find out some time.
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(Back in class)
Pi: Hello class. I have great news!
Class: What?
Pi: I decided that I should try my hand in total domination. So while I am gone taking over the world here is your substitute Tifa.
Tifa: Hello, I am Tifa, I usually substitute at FF high so I'm new.
Kuhn: Hmm, who has bigger bre-
Tifa: (Throws a brick at Kuhn)
Pi: You learn fast. Well, I'm off on my campaign of domination. Bye (Leaves).
Bonus Chapter------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
(Haseo and the Shrink)
Shrink: So what are your problems.
Haseo: I want to kill myself, and I cower at the thought of clo…of clo…of…clo…se…ts…
Shrink: Why?
Haseo: Well you see, these girls (and Endrance) trap me in a…well they trap me in one and…have their way.
Shrink: That would be traumatic.
Haseo: Tell me about it…the worst part is that one of these girls is really a guy…
Shrink: and he-
Haseo: YES! DEAR AURA AHHHH!
Shrink: Calm down.
Haseo: Okay…okay…
Shrink: Let's try some exercises. Take this doll, imagine it's someone, and do what you want to that someone.
Haseo: (Rips off dolls head and eats it)
Shrink:…Who did you imagine…
Haseo: (Lists everyone)
Shrink: You have quite a list…
Haseo:…
End Transmission--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------