Take a good look at me now
Do you still recognize me
Am I so different inside?
This world is trying to change me
The lights were dimming, a simulation of nightfall so human circadian rhythm wasn't affected by long term space travel. Kylo looked around, having spent the last hour counting floor tiles on the other side of the window he was trapped behind. All had been deafeningly quiet for too long. He figured he was the only one here by the sheer fact that he hadn't heard any screaming. He wanted to scream himself, but allowed the anger to bubble within him, give him more strength for the moment when Amora made the mistake that would allow him to end her.
He felt the release of the cuffs on his wrists. The chains fell away with a thud, giving way to the burning ache that replaced them on his skin. He pulled his arms up across his chest, rubbing his wrists. He looked up at Amora, who stood in front of his cell. She was wearing a dark silk robe that ended just above her knees, her long locks tied in a braid across the side of her head. She looked down at him, and he quickly looked away from her. He didn't like the look she was giving him, like he was a wounded animal in need of care.
And I admit I don't want to change with it
And I admit I can't go on like this anymore
She kneeled down, took a seat on the cold tile on the other side of the window.
"I'll take it you haven't found it in your heart to forgive me yet," she said after considerable amounts of silence. He scoffed.
"For which part? Tricking me into believing you, or tricking the First Order into believing you were loyal?"
"I was never loyal to them. I was loyal to you, Ben," she answered back immediately, defensively. He glanced at her, those sparkling eyes staring back at him. He felt the pang of guilt resurfacing, reminding him that this was all his fault no matter how he spun it.
"How long?" he asked quietly.
"A year, or so. I reached my breaking point. Made a decision. I found Poe drinking in a bar on the moon of a planet the Resistance had an outpost on. Poor kid couldn't hold his liquor to save his life, but his droid agreed to send word to the Resistance for me, offer them information. That's how they knew you were coming for the last part of the map to Master Skywalker. I told them."
The rage overshadowed the guilt.
"So this whole time you've been undermining me?"
"I've been protecting you. Protecting you, and as many others as I could manage to protect. They could have had whole Resistance fleet awaiting you on Jakku. I was promised no harm would come to you."
The guilt took hold again.
I'm better alone now
See I'm torn from my mistakes
And I stopped believing that I could make things change
"I can take care of myself," was all he could manage as response. She nodded, tugging at her braid a bit and looking down at her bare knees.
"I'm sorry," she whispered. He looked over at her, her pretty face again drenched in tears before him. As much as he hated it, wished the feeling to break into tiny pieces; he wanted to get up and hold her.
How much can I take
When I know that it hurts you
How long can I wait
When I can't go on like this anymore
"What brought back Ben? I haven't seen an ounce of him in you for a long time," she asked. He searched her face, the same pretty features he had admired as a young boy, her big blue eyes, her strong cheekbones. She was always so beautiful, even in tears. He wondered what she would say if he told her the truth.
"I met someone," he managed, going back to the scratches on the wall across from him.
"Rey, of Jakku," she answered back, her tone practiced and neutral. He nodded.
"Do you love her?" Amora asked, not as practiced. She didn't want the answers to these questions. But she needed it.
"She was the only person I'd ever met who..." but he was wrong.
The biggest champion of his redemption was on the other side of the glass, her pretty eyes drilling into him, waiting for him to finish.
"I didn't know there was anyone left who would forgive me until her. I thought I'd lost you, just like you did me," he finished. She reached out, touched the glass. He met his fingertips to hers without thought.
"I have every intention of ridding the galaxy of everything Snoke created. The First Order, the Resistance, Kylo, Amora; everything."
It was strange to hear her proposal. It was exactly what he'd said to Rey not long ago.
"If I let you out, what will happen?" she asked, searching his eyes for an answer he couldn't practice; as though he would ever lie to her.
Erase this monster I've become
Forgive me for all the damage done
It's not over
Say it's not over
I'm begging for mercy
I'm only the monster you made me
"No more tricks," he said, standing up, "no more tricks, and I'll stand with you."
She smiled, though the tears remained. They both knew what was awaiting them. The last fleet of the First Order was what remained of hers. And the Vincit was on steady course into a fray that they were greatly outnumbered for. Kylo knew that Amora was resourceful, skilled in combat; but there was a lot at stake here. Especially now.
The glass between them disappeared, and he stepped forward, taking her hand and pulling her to her feet. He wrapped his arms around her, this tiny woman who had held onto hope for him all these years. That had saved his life more times than he could recall, more than he ever knew.
'Cause who I am
Isn't who I used to be
And I'm not invincible
I'm not indestructible
I'm only human
Can't you see
The beauty in me