Chapter 9
"Step up," She said quietly. He felt her hand shift down to his hip like she was going to help him climb up into her ship even though they both knew she couldn't lift him. Backlash obeyed, raising his foot until he met the edge of the ship. She was right beside him, leading him up and inside the ship she'd crash landed in days prior. Backlash let her guide him, becoming completely dependent on her the moment he left the moon's surface.
He knew his ship. He knew parts of the moon. Her ship was a complete mystery, and he had no idea of where to go. "Theres a place for you to sit in here," She said, shifting against him. Since she'd pulled him to his feet, she'd become attached to his side, under his arm. It was odd, and the contact made him uneasy like it always did, but he was thankful for the first time that she was there. This way he knew exactly where she was, and through her where he was. The thought of her turning on him and using his weakness to take the shield was always creeping on the edge of his processor, despite the femme making it clear that she wasn't going to.
Primus, she'd given the shield back to him, and he couldn't understand why. He thought so hard about it on their way to the ship, mostly to block out his growing fear of being completely blind, that his processor was aching from the effort. Wasn't the shield the whole point of all of this? Wasn't it the center of her attention, the one thing she wanted from him? She had a perfect chance to take it, and she didn't. Now it was back in it's place in his armor, safe. She had put it there herself.
"Sit down here," She said, taking his hand in hers to reach out and touch his fingers to what felt like a pilot's chair. Backlash did, though he didn't relax completely. He couldn't, not in this crippled state with his sight gone and a thief standing in front of him. She left him suddenly, the loss of contact a shock. His spark twisted with anxiety and he resisted the urge to reach for her. She was a massive pain in his aft, and she talked too much and she had no respect for personal space, but he was blind. He was blind, damaged, low on energon and low on energy. Though he was trying his hardest, the fear was clawing into his spark.
He hated being blind. It was the one fear that had remained from his sparkling years, one of the few things that got under his armor and worried him into a mess of paranoia. It was why he counted his steps every where, why he learned the layout of any place he was staying in for an extended period of time, so he'd know exactly where to go in case something like this did happen. That wasn't the case here, and as frustrating as it was, she was the only thing that was familiar.
Some banging around across the room pulled him from his thoughts. He listened, gladly accepting the distraction before he lost his processor. She came back, her foot steps heavier than usual. The femme was getting tired, too. She stopped in front of him, "Its not the good stuff like you got on your ship, but its something." A cube of energon was pressed into his hand.
"Why are you doing this?" He asked.
"Doing what?"
"This," He motioned towards the ship.
"Well you've put up with my slag for most of the week, it would be rude if I didn't return the favor, you know?"
Backlash vented quietly. That answered none of his questions. He swallowed some of the energon. It was bitter, but it gave him some of his strength back. His thoughts returned to finding a motive for all of this. What advantage could she possible gain from pulling him out of the wreckage and even dragging him unto her ship? It didn't make sense. Then again, neither did her returning the stolen tech so easily, or her placing the shield on his back. Was this all a plan meant to confuse him? If it was, it was working.
"Why do you wear the visor?" She asked, "other than that it helps you see in the dark."
Backlash wished he could see her expression to see where she was going with this. "Why do you want to know?"
"Because you're freaking gorgeous and you shouldn't hide behind a piece of glass." She said it like it was the most obvious thing in the world.
He tensed. He hadn't been expecting that response. When she leaned closer, he shifted back automatically, clenching his jaw when it put more strain on his back strut. She touched him lightly on the face, fingers soothing over the scratches across his cheek plates.
"Pits, you're handsome," She muttered, "has anyone ever seen you without the visor?"
"A few," He said, becoming more uncomfortable by the minute. If he wasn't blind and damaged, he would have stood up and walked away from her. He started, hoping to distract her from getting any closer, "I don't...hide behind it. It serves a purpose."
"What purpose."
"My optics are light sensitive."
"...Really? Is that why you keep a lot of rooms dark on your ship?"
"Yes."
"I had no idea. Are the lights in here bothering you?"
"No. The optical sensory wiring was disrupted somehow, I can't see or feel discomfort from the lighting."
"So what are you going to do? You can't see to repair your injuries, and I don't know what to do."
"I don't know." Exhaustion was beginning to set in. "I need to contact the autobots on earth and tell them what happened. If my creators have any say in it, they'll be up here in the next forty-eight hours."
"It doesn't look like you'll be doing anything right now," She said softly. The hand on his face slid down his throat to rest on his shoulder. "You look tired, mech. Finish your energon and recharge."
He worked his jaw. His medical training told him that it was what he needed to do, before his body went into a forced stasis from all of the strain. She was right. He couldn't tend to his injuries, but he needed to rest. Backlash couldn't, though. Not with her so close and perfectly fine, touching him and probably watching him very carefully.
She seemed to understand, because she shifted back a little to give him some space, though keeping both hands on his leg. She asked, an odd note to her voice, "Backlash...why did you save me?"
Backlash racked his processor for an answer, asking himself the same thing. Really, it had been more of a reflex. Once he saw the spilled energon pooling towards the sparks, he knew it was over. He could have dropped right then and expanded the shield, left her outside. Then he wouldn't have had to deal with her anymore. He went to her instead, risking those last few seconds to get to her and protect her as well.
"I've been thinking about it since I found you and I just can't figure out why you'd do that for me." She moved again. He felt the brush of her armor against his shins and then she was sitting on the floor at his feet. She crossed her arms over his undamaged leg, leaning against him lightly. "I was the reason the ship blew up in the first place, wasn't I?"
"You've been the root of all of my problems since you landed on the moon," He said tonelessly.
"Exactly. Why would you save me if you knew that, after all the times I tried to take the shield or hurt you?"
Which brought him back to wondering why she'd pulled him from the wreckage and given him the shield back. This femme was slowly driving him insane, her actions and her words and all the conflict she was causing inside of him. She patiently waited for him to answer. "I," He began, "I don't know. Why did you save me?"
He felt her shrug, "I don't know. You were just laying there...and at first all I could think about was the shield but then I saw that you weren't moving, and it kinda freaked me the pit out. Then you came back online, but you were damaged, and you were weak, and you couldn't see me. But I could see you, and its the first time I've seen your optics and you were afraid. You're never afraid. I couldn't leave you. Just thinking about it-pits, it hurts."
Backlash searched for something in her voice that told him the femme was lying. He paid attention to her posture, but there was no change, no hint that she had a hidden motive behind all of this. There was only honesty. A pained, confused honesty that she didn't even understand herself, and it did something to him.
His spark shifted and pain flared through him, sharp and piercing. He didn't understand. None of this made sense. She was a thief, just a thief. She shouldn't be saying these things, or doing these things that were completely flipping every thing he knew. Suddenly all of her other actions, every thing else she'd said and done that didn't make sense came rushing to the front of his processor. Her words the last time she was in the brig, the way her optics had saddened when she gave him the speech about being damaged, when she asked him when was the last time he was happy. Its been years.
The sense of understanding in her gaze when she'd said the words, like she knew exactly what he was feeling every day. The pain and the emptiness rolling chaotically beneath the frayed surface of his spark. All at once, he thought through the past week. Trying to figure her out, trying to find an answer. But there was nothing.
"Backlash?" She asked, a hint of concern in her voice.
"Why are you doing this," He whispered, "this was your chance. Why would you let it go so easily when all you had to do was take the shield and walk away? This is what you wanted. This is what you've been working towards. You wanted my trust. You wanted me to become dependent on you. I did. And you're still here."
"I don't know!" She snapped, "Don't you think I've been trying to figure that out myself since we got here?! I have to get that shield, every thing depends on it, but I couldn't because of your stupid fragging ridiculously pretty optics and your weakness and the way you put your arm around me-Primus!" She jerked away, getting to her feet to stomp noisily away. A few stressful intakes, and she started over, voice strained, "I could have taken it when the burrowers were attacking, too. And I thought about it, I really did. You were recharging, and you weren't waking up any time soon and the burrowers would be a big enough distraction until I got away when you did, but..."
"But?" Backlash pushed.
"I don't know whats wrong with me. No one goes back for me, and I don't go back for anyone...anyone but you...I don't know whats wrong. This hasn't ever happened before."
Shes telling the truth. He didn't know what worried him more, the things she was telling him or the fact that she was being completely honest with him. It was picking at him, making his processor ache and his spark wrench harder, causing more pain. She was telling the truth, and it was bothering her just as much as it was bothering him. It was clear in the tone of her voice, and the raw tension in her frame he could practically feel from across the room.
"Jinx," He said. She hesitated before coming back towards him. A hand slid over his arm. "I'll go into stasis soon," He told her, voice soft, "and I don't know when I'll wake again. Shouldn't be longer than twelve hours, but I can't be certain with this sort of damage."
"I'm not leaving this ship," She said, "the doors to the control room still lock. We'll be safe in here."
"Good. I need you to contact the autobots. Are the ship's comm. lines still online?"
She pulled away briefly. He heard fingers tap across keys, then something inside the ship hummed. She came back to him, relief in her voice, "Finally, some luck. They're up." Backlash gave her the code to accessing the base. She repeated it back to him flawlessly, and he nodded to her in approval. Her hands landed on his shoulders, easing him back into the chair, "Rest, Backlash. I'll call them as soon as I get some energon."
He didn't move for a moment, confused out of his processor about things and worried about what would happen after he slipped into stasis. She promised, "I swear I won't try anything on you. No non-consensual groping or grabbing the shield."
Backlash frowned at her, the expression making the scratches on his face sting. Her voice quieted, "Trust me? Please?"
He resisted her for a moment longer before leaning back against the chair. He didn't have a choice but to trust her. A hand ghosted down his arm to squeeze his fingers, "I'll be here when you online."
Uneasily, Backlash settled. Already he could feel his systems shutting down. He let go, forcing himself to stop thinking about her and this mess she'd caused. The pain in his spark followed him, sharp and unforgiving and familiar.
He didn't realize until he was sinking into stasis that it was hope.
Hope everyone had a great fourth! Love you all, and I hope you enjoyed the chapter!
Jinx, Backlash, the burrowers, and the story belongs to me. Transformers does not.