A story by The Blue Darling

Edited by my beta sgswan15

The Missing Lighthouse

Chapter 10

Jasper's P.O.V

Carlisle Cullen was too nice for his own good, I thought, as I stepped out of the bus, and looked up at the dark night.

If he thought he could trust me, or believe me when I said I was going to take a walk, he was wrong. If I wanted fresh air I could just have opened my window, or sat on the porch, but on no, Carlisle serious believed I needed to walk.

But he wouldn't be suspicious, at least not yet, as it was only a half hour ago that I left Forks. He probably still thought I was outside, getting some fresh air, and well I was outside, just not for the fresh air.

I admit my plan was very… stupid. So yea I was in La Push now, but could I even find Jacob Black, and if I did would he help me? Perhaps he was asleep and would ask me to fuck off, but if this guy respected Peter at all, he would give me what I asked for.

So it was clear Carlisle would get pissed very soon, especially when I didn't pick up my phone, and probably didn't go home tonight. He would know exactly what I had been up to, but I also knew I would give him a chance to spank me. I more than once considered never going back at all, but he would find me at some point, so I could just as well go back and ignore him.

Because La Push was fucking small. It was some kind of native community or something, and to be honest I couldn't see where there could be any gang, but Peter wouldn't lie to me. On the other hand, it was so small I simply had to find them, or they wouldn't be here, but again Peter wouldn't lie to me.

It was actually easier to get here than I thought. The bus ticket was paid for with the money Peter gave me, for situations like this, and Carlisle believed every word I said. He didn't even check if I had my phone on me, or in which direction I walked… he just let me leave.

And it was even simpler to find Jacob Black, or at least where I would imagine he was. Because as soon as I reached the beach, there were a huge bonfire, and what looked like a lot of empty bottles. Young guys around my age, if not younger, were sitting around it, chatting…

And looking pretty high to be honest.

All of them looked like Native Americans, with their brown skin and dark hair, and this was truly a fucking tribe or something. The rest of the town had to be old people, who went to bed hours ago, while the sun was still up. This was also far away from most houses, and even with their loud music no one heard them.

This was actually a genius place. I mean it didn't look like there was any police stations in this city, not to mention no sheriff would be up, and they could pretty much do what they wanted to.

Slowly my eyes went over every person, and ended up with nine people. Only one of them was a girl, who was sitting on the lap of who I only could guess was Mr. Black… or at least that was my hope.

The guy was just one six-pack, full of muscles, with a pretty little face. He looked cool enough, but I bet a fist in his face would make him run home to his mommy, and make him look weak. Peter always told me every guy had a weak spot, and this one was just playing tough… the truth was he didn't even know what a fight was.

It wasn't before I reached the beach when they saw me, or those who were still awake, and not smoking some kind of joint. The leader himself looked sober enough, just like the guy beside him, and their eyes narrowed into mine as I approached.

"You must be Jacob Black," I said coldly as I reached them, and made sure they understood I was a dangerous person, someone you should show some fucking respect.

"Depends who is asking," he said slowly, and kissed his bitch on the mouth. She looked a bit older than him, with short hair… but I guess she was pretty enough, at least for their standard.

"I am The Major," I introduced. "A part of The Captains gang," I explained, and his eyes widened as I mentioned The Captain. It was Peter's gang name, and was mostly used when he sold drugs or alcohol. Everyone in our gang had a name, mostly a title from the navy or the military…

I was Major.

"Leah, find somewhere else to sit," ordered Jacob harshly, and more or less pushed the girl of his lap, as I suddenly had his attention. "The Captain, you say?" he asked, and raised an eyebrow. "If you know him, tell me… what's his real name?" he asked clever… but to be honest, he was an idiot.

Before he could blink, or even breathe, I slipped my hand around his throat, and squeezed a bit. Just as I expected he was fucking weak, and panic went through his eyes. Even the guy beside him didn't move, and the rest was too high and drunk to react.

"Listen Black," I spat, and moved my face so it was inches away from his. "If you think I am stupid enough to tell you the captain's name, you're fucking stupid!" I hissed, and made him gasp as I squeezed a bit harder. "And if you think I am that easy to fool, you are dead wrong!"

After that, I tightened my grip around his throat, until he stopped fighting, and all life seemed to fade from his eyes. His huge brown eyes was staring into mine, knowing life would be over in a few seconds, and I would be behind it. But just before he wouldn't have survived, I released him, and gasping he fell to the ground, placing both hand protectively on his throat.

"Now listen to me!" I commanded, as it seemed like he could breathe again. "It's only those the captain trusts that knows his real name, and he would never trust… a fucking mongrel like you! You own pack wouldn't even stand up and help, probably all eager to take over!" I spat, and watched with disgust the miserable excuse God chose to call a human.

But no matter, I was speaking the truth. His own brothers wouldn't even stand up to help him, and every one of them would gladly be the new boss, and deal with Peter. Jacob Black could easily be replaced, and he knew that, and that was the only thing that made him shut up right now.

Instead he only nodded, and tried to get up, but I pushed him down roughly.

"I am not finished!" I hissed, and kneeled so I was close to his face. Once again I grabbed his shirt, and dragged his face even closer to mine, as I enjoyed the fear his eyes displayed. "Just know, that if you ever try to trick me again, I will kill you!" I threatened, and whispered so only he could hear it… but the message was clear enough.

The truth was I have never killed anyone, and I was not sure if I could, but it didn't hurt to threaten people. Even Peter's hands were clean, but on the outside rumors said we were both murders, but we started those rumors ourselves to gain respect.

"I get it… I won't ask again!" promised Jacob with a hoarse voice, as I allowed him to get up again.

"Good," I nodded, and sat down on his chair, so he was the one who would have to stand up.

This was all about getting respect, and I know it seemed a bit… violent, but that was how you get to guys like Jacob. I knew Peter didn't care about him, he was just another one on his list, but Jacob cared a lot about Peter…. Since it was his only way to get drugs.

I knew before I arrived what type Jacob would be, and I knew he would try to trick me. He would play strong and hard, but he was just a small puppy who would bark and then run. It was only logical for him to see if I would tell Peter's real name, so Jacob could use it later to blackmail Peter. Tell him to send drugs for free, or he would give the name to the police, and Peter would be a dead man if the police caught him.

"Now Jacob," I began, and leaned back his chair. "I assume The Captain has told you I will be here for some time," I began, and continued as he nodded slightly. "Then I assume you remember what he told you?" I asked, and wanted to hear him admit.

"He… he told me The Major from his gang would be here for a few weeks, and I should give him whatever he asked for," he muttered, so low I barely heard it, but no reason to repeat it… this just made him look even more weak.

"That's correct, and you should be happy I don't report this little accident of yours," I spat, and saw panic for a brief moment in his eyes, before it was replaced with relief.

"Thank you," he muttered grateful, as we both knew Jacob was nothing in Peters eyes, and if I told this… he would never receive anymore drugs, alcohol or cigarettes.

"Now get me a bottle of vodka, two packs of cigarettes and joints," I ordered, and he ran off with full speed to get what I asked for.

The rest of his friends were just staring at me. Some with fear, and some just dumb because they were too high to understand the situation. The guy beside me, even moved a bit to get away from me, and Jacob's bitch Leah looked on me with interest.

It didn't take long for Jacob to get what I needed, and two minutes later he came running back with a brown bag. He looked almost scared as he offered it to me, and skeptical I opened it to see if everything was there. Jacob was even sweet enough to but a lighter down there, and with a nod I stood up from his seat.

"Very well Jacob, now I just need your car keys," I smiled, and stretched my hand out.

"What?" he gasped, and looked on me like I was insane, but I was dead serious.

"I said give them to me," I repeated, a bit more impatient this time.

"But it's my car…" he muttered, almost whining like a child.

"Yes and if you want to live it will be mine for now," I hissed, and was beginning to consider if this boy was dump or something. "Now give me your keys!" I demanded, and considered if I should let him say hello to my fist.

But Jacob must have realized how badly this would end, as his found his keys, and sadly gave them to me. With an evil grin I accepted them, and was going to walk away, but I could see there was a question on his lips.

"It's the motorcycle by the entrance to the beach," he explained, almost ashamed. "My car is at home,"

"Well this will do fine," I sighed irritated, and waited as I could sense there was more.

"And umm… when will I see my Harley again?" he asked scared, and almost looked afraid… like I was going to hit him.

But instead I just gave him an evil smile, patted his shoulder almost hard, and looked into his eyes with a hard stare.

"You will get it back when I don't need it anymore," I informed him, and didn't even give him a chance to talk, as I walked away.

I almost wanted to laugh when I found his Harley. Because it was an old piece of shit, that barely could drive, but I guess than it was better than taking the bus again.

Twenty minutes later I found a good spot, close to the Cullen home, but not on their ground. It was a small space in the forest, where I could keep the motorcycle safe, along with my alcohol and stuff. You couldn't' see it from the highway, and here I could actually be alone… like I was meant to be.

So I don't know how long I was there, or what time it was, but I do know everything was feeling great for once. The combination of vodka and joint were perfect, and I made sure I didn't overdo it, but just enough to feel great.

If anyone came by it must have been a beautiful view, me sitting there with my joint, and taking a sip from the bottle. If it was me who was watching I would have thought, what a lovely view, this guy looks peaceful…

But I guess people like Carlisle would have called the hospital.

So over the years I have done this a lot… taking drugs and drinking, and the more you do it, the harder it gets to be completely drunk. The good thing is you have more control, and can reach the point where everything is just perfect! Perfect doesn't actually fit it, it's more like God for once looked down on me, and blessed me. It's like I see his goddamn fucking light for once, and for once he allows me to be happy, just for a moment at least.

But even God won't let the light shine on you forever, and I knew I had to get home… or at least back to where I lived for now. Even in my state I knew it was way past curfew, and Mr. Perfect would be pissed, but that didn't mean I cared… at all. Right now I was where I wanted to be, and even his ugly angry face couldn't destroy that.

So I left the motorcycle and the bag in some bushes, where only I would find it, before I stumbled back to the highway, and tried to get home. I knew it would be best to leave everything in the forest, or Carlisle might find out exactly where I had been, and then there would clearly not be any more trips to La Drugs... or what was it now named?

I tried to get back home, knowing I looked like an idiot, and was walking like I was handicapped or something. I more than once fell down on the ground, only to try and get up again, mostly because I couldn't feel a shit with this stuff!

At some point I finally found the white house, and tried to walk down their driveway. I don't know how long it took me to get there, and hour perhaps… or just five minutes, but at least it was still dark. Not to mention the lights were on in the living room, which meant I would have to face Mr. Perfect, but I had a few things to say if our paths did cross tonight.

It felt like forever when I finally reached the porch, and more or less fell against the door, before I grabbed the doorknob and steadied myself. When I was stable enough, I finally opened the door, and stepped inside.

"Why is it so fucking bright in here!" I complained, and tried to hide my eyes from the horrible light. In my ears, I was speaking perfectly clear, but from earlier experiences, I knew people only got the half of what I said.

I half expected Mr. Perfect to answer, or scream something else, but for some reason there was only silence.

So perhaps he was asleep? Maybe he was just sweet enough to leave the lights on, so I could find my way back to his house?

I decided to take the chance, and just go into the living room, but as soon as I stepped inside, two pairs of eyes were staring straight into mine. An ugly grimace went along with it, and I watched how something that almost looked like sadness crossed his eyes, but I decided I was mistaken.

Because in an armchair, like some fucking mafia dude, sat Carlisle Cullen himself. He was still dressed in his casual clothes, and wore his nice dress shoes, not to mention his hair sat perfectly. To be honest he looked fucking tired, but still awake, and looked like he was some kind of FBI agent.

But for some reason he remained silent, like I was supposed to say something first. Did he want me to apologize?

"Why the fuck are you still up?" I asked, and threw myself down on the couch in front of his chair. It looked like he wanted to talk, so we were going to fucking talk!

He looked a bit surprised, raised an eyebrow, and gave me a skeptical look… not that I get what his fucking problem was.

"I was waiting on you," he finally answered, with a calm cold voice. "But it seems like we have to teach you how a clock works, and what time means," he smiled, as he thought it was some kind of joke. "Because your curfew was four hours ago, so tell me Jasper has anyone ever taught you how to read a clock?" he asked, almost kindly… but he wasn't going to talk to me like a child!

"Look about that… curfew thing, can't we just skip it?" I asked innocently, and didn't even know why I was asking… I guess it was the vodka speaking. "It's not going to work anyway… and… and I am too old for it!" I pointed out, and thought I sounded smart.

Carlisle looked calm enough still, perhaps a bit disappointed, but calm. He actually looked almost amused, and leaned back in his chair… I guess this was going to be a long conversation.

"How much did you drink Jasper?" he asked instead, and totally avoided the curfew subject… perhaps he didn't have some smart answer?

"Umm… I have no fucking idea, enough," I answered, and knew there was only one vodka bottle… but how much of it did I drink?

"So you can't even tell how much you drank, come home three in the morning, but you think you are old enough to take care of yourself?" he asked amazed, and sent me one of those I know best looks.

But I was fucking responsible! I knew how to survive this shit… this fucking thing called my life, and many couldn't claim that! I was a fucking survivor, like… well like all those hero's in movies, and he shouldn't sit here and tell me I was a child! He was acting like I fucking needed him, when the truth was I mostly wanted him to piss off, and never come back.

"Listen… dude!" I began, and tried to keep myself from falling of the couch. "I have fucking taken care of myself… forever!" I told him firmly… or at least I thought it was firmly. "And you haven't been there, Esme haven't been there, my fucking dad wasn't there… and even my mom fucking left! So yes, I am fucking old enough!"

If it wasn't because I was so tired, I might have been angry, and probably ended up hitting him, but right now I was too drunk. Instead I was just fucking irritated, and felt like he was talking about something he didn't understand.

"Well Jasper you have done a poor job," said Mr. Perfect sadly, and shook his head… like he thought I couldn't understand his words. "I do know people haven't been there for you in the past, but Esme and I are here now, so I think you should try and accept that. But more importantly you should be thankful, and understand that when I set a curfew, it's for your own good. Just like I don't want you to drink and smoke, all for your own safety," he said like he was some fucking wise person, but his words were shit in my ears.

"I drink because it's good for me!" I argued, and crossed my arms like a child.

"Well why do you think it's good for you, why do you drink Jasper?" asked Carlisle calm, like he was my psychologist or something!

"Because it makes me feel good!" I informed him, and remembered how many foster parents I told this shit too. "I drink because I see the fucking light for a moment, and feel there is a space for me… just for a few seconds," I told him, and somewhere in my mind I registered he looked sad, but I was too drunk to understand why.

"You don't need to drink for that, Jasper. There is space for you in this world," said Carlisle, and I was beginning to get irritated as he used my name all the time… I knew he was speaking to me! There wasn't anyone else.

"No… no there is not!" I snorted. "You see there are the rich people, the normal people, and then there are the invisibles," I explained, and thought all that made sense in my head. "You and your family are clearly in the richest ranks, while I, I belong with the invisibles, and do you know why we are invisible? Because there is no fucking space for us! There is no future, or light at the end of the road… there is just alcohol," I informed him, and didn't really care what he thought about my view, but I was going to say it anyway.

"That's not true," he tried to convince me, and didn't even look angry anymore, or even disappointed. "There is space for you, right here with your family. Your future is right here, with us…"

"Don't you get it!" I interrupted, and didn't care what he was saying. "My future is with a bottle of vodka, and some heavy drugs… not with you! You and your whole family are some kind of strange aliens, I don't understand you! And I never will!" I spat, and thought it would be good for him to hear the truth now, then it wouldn't hurt later.

"I hope you will understand with time," he sighed, and stood up. "Now let's get you to bed," he ordered, and grabbed my arms to stand me up.

"I don't need to sleep, not tired dude!" I complained, and tried to sit down again, but he was already guiding me upstairs.

"Well I am sure you will sleep anyway," he told me patiently, and more or less carried me…

That was the last thing that happened, before darkness surrounded me, and I fell into a peaceful sleep.

So i am osrry to those who expected some kind of punishment in this chapter, but Jasper was drunk, and Carlisle would want him to remember this. But instead i hope you guy got a small bite of why Jasper drinks :D

Not i am updating so fast to say thanks to all those who helped me reach the first 50 reviews, because you have just been so amazing, and i would really like you to continue being so :D

And for those who waited on Jacob... sorry, he is not exactly a hero in this one :D

Now do you best, and REVIEW :D