Disclaimer: All the characters known here are not mine.
Chapter 10
The sunlight slipped behind the window curtain and caught Dean's eyes, forced him to open his eyes. It's already noon, waking up in another cheap motel. Dean sits, his head feels shaky, his mouth tastes bitter, it means he was drunk and it's been a long time since the last time he had it. He remembers about last night when he went to a bar with Sam, celebrating their triumph for preventing the Apocalypse...without Ruby. Sam asked him why she's not coming and Dean said that she doesn't like the crowds.
And the next thing that got into his mind is her, Ruby. She's going to leave and not saying goodbye? Well, she said it, but that time she dumped him. He regrets everything, about the way he talked to her and what he said to her. Great, just great. Stretching his body then he goes to the bathroom.
Dean wears his jeans and double pocket shirt then putting his shoes on, "Rise and shine, Sammy." He looks at the sleeping man across his bed and Dean sees a laptop lying next to him. Seemed he was busy with it last night. "Sam." He calls again.
Under the blanket, a man pops out his head. "Mmmh..?" with his sleepy face.
"What time did you sleep? Gotta say, there's something about you and your laptop. I'm hungry. Let's go."
"I can't sleep last night. Go without me." he covers his face with blanket and continues his sleep. "I had to lifted you up last night. You were drunk and noisy..." says Sam under the blanket.
"Aaww, thanks Sammy. I guess I was too excited at the bar."
"Yeah, right."
"Come on, I don't wanna eat alone." he keeps asking Sam to go with him. "Hot apple pie, how's that?"
Groaning, "Why don't you ask Ruby?" now, Sam covers his head with pillow.
It pause him for a moment, because he hasn't told Sam about her. "Okay, I haven't told you." he paused for a moment, searching the right word, "She's not with me anymore, Sammy."
"...." Sam wides out his eyes then he sits, "What? I thought …" he paused, "Why Dean?"
"Don't ask me."
Sam looks at Dean for a moment, "She dumped you, right? That's why she wasn't there last night. Dude, what happened? What did you do?"
"What do you mean?"
"Well, because...you're...Dean?" Sam raised his eyebrows, frowned.
"No! It wasn't like that! Geez..."
"Dean, do you love her?" asked Sam.
Dean didn't answer it, glaring at his brother, making -here we go- look. Sam knew Dean was never like this kind of conversation but his curiosity forced Sam to ask.
He still not answers the question, putting his clothes into his bag, acts like he doesn't hear Sam. And Sam saw Dean turned his eyes away, Sam grinned wickedly.
Dean raises his eyebrows. "What?"
"Oh my God! You do love her."
"I haven't answered it!"
"If you did that, it means yes!"
"Sammy..."
"Since when?"
"Sam..."
"Did she know..."
"Sam!"
"Dean!"
"Hey, I'm the one who always did that!"
"Did what?" Sam raised his eyebrows.
"…Never mind…" Dean scratches his head.
"Dean, I'm not gonna stop until you tell me..."
"Hey, you said you want to keep something for your own. So am I. It's not like I'm gonna tell you the whole thing."
Sam holds out his hands, "Okay." But Sam asks him again, "But, she's special, right?" Sam thought Dean would mad at him, apparently, Dean replies Sam.
"Special...?"
"C'mon, man, you know what I mean. Do I have to spill the details? I know that you care about her." Says Sam. "Dean? With a girl more than one night? Wait... I think it's waaaay more than just one night."
Dean puts a glance at him. "Shut up, Sam."
But Sam continues, "If she means something then why don't you just admit it?"
"To you? Hell, no."
"Not me. Ruby."
Dean's face change a little. Then he says, "Well, I don't need to. She's the one who want it. See ya, Sammy." He stands up and walks out, straightening his jacket.
Sam makes a sigh, drop himself onto bed and get back to sleep again.
When Dean is ready to starts the car engine, he's wondering... He's hoping there's another way to change it, this is sucks. She sacrificed everything to save him, no one would ever do something like that to him, except Sammy, but it's different -Sam is his brother.
Dean doesn't want her to go, off course not. And Sam is right, he saw something different about her not just because she said it. She can understand him, he doesn't know how she does that and it makes him realize that she does mean something.
What she said yesterday, she didn't mean it, he can see it from her eyes, he knows there's reason why she said it. The problem is he doesn't know why she did that.
He called Ruby but she didn't answer the phone. He tried over and over still no answer. Where is she now? She didn't tell him about her last day, but at least he can see her for the last time. Or has she gone already? He begins to panic. He could have asked her even though they were having a fight yesterday and now he feels terrible. Then he remembers one name, Castiel.
He can't think, he just drives, and honestly he doesn't know where he could find the angel...and especially Ruby. Eyes straight ahead, he drives anxiously in a full speed. "Cas! I know you can hear me! I need your help!" shouting, feeling dumb talking to himself, but hoping the angel would heard him.
And he does, Castiel shows himself, he sits on the passenger's seat, "Looking for me?"
This time Dean wasn't that surprised, "Cas. About time." he stops the car. "Where's Ruby?"
"She's not with me if that's bothering you."
"You're not taking her?"
"Eventually… yes."
"Okay... When is this eventually mean?"
"Today."
"WHAT?! You're kidding me!"
"I'm not, Dean." He turns his eyes at him.
Dean felt guilty and pissed at the same time, why he didn't asked Ruby before, about the time, or the day when Castiel would take her. "Why don't you let her go? Lilith's back to her crib, then why she has to go with you?!"
"You mean the deal? I'm sorry, you can't."
"Why? Without her, Lilith maybe still walks free. She helped us and she saved a lot of people, she's hunting with us."
"That's not enough. Ruby wants you alive, but there's something more than that, it's not that easy."
"Why?" he frowned.
"She's a demon, Dean."
"She was a human, Cas."
"Yes, Dean. That's the reason why she must go."
He scoffs, "Not like this, Cas..." he waits him to reply, but he continues, "I tried, y'know, to trust you."
"Off course you have to trust me. If I told you that this was a test, what would you do?"
"Are you mocking me? I had enough tests in my life! That's why I don't have a life! You don't know what I've been fuckin' through. So, screw this holy ass test!" he said to his face." Then he takes a deep breath, "I know you think I'm a jerk, I'm sorry." He goes softer. "Please, is there something that you can do?"
"I can't."
"Fine! Then I'll make a deal with you!"
"You can't make any deal, Dean." he speaks in a cold tone and he disappears again.
"Ugh!" he hits the steer-wheel. "Dammit! I hate it when he does that!"
That's it? There's nothing I can do? He leans his head on the wheel. Knowing that there's nothing he can do, he drives to the motel, with disappointment. But he needs to find her first.
He's back at the motel. Maybe Sam can help him, he runs to the room; which on the ground floor. He was just to enter the room, he can hear her voice, she's here talking with Sam. He decides it to stop and waits behind the door and takes a peep on them.
"So where are you headed?" asks Sam, sitting on his bed, he yawns, can't hide that he's still sleepy.
Ruby stands and leans her back on the wall, "I don't know. Where the dead people go?" she shrugs.
"Sounds easy for you." says Sam.
"What? You want me to cry and lean on your shoulder?"
Sam chuckles, "But if you go, it means you..."
"I know, Sam. It means I would never see Dean again..."
"And you dumped him?" asks Sam and Ruby nods, "What did you said, Ruby?"
"I said to him that we can't do this anymore."
"Why, Ruby?"
"I have my reason."
"What? Better be a good reason."
She closed her eyes and make a long sigh, "The truth is I can't face him. I don't want to say goodbye to him, like lame goodbye or spending the last moments with him. Cause that's depressing." her voice sounds desperate. "That tortures me."
"I can't believe it! That's why you dumped him?" Sam opens his mouth, almost breaking his jaw.
"I don't know, Sam! I don't know… It confuses me. I don't wanna hurt him but I just did... I thought it's gonna be a lot easier for me, but it's not."
Dean smirks, that's why she did that, she didn't mean it. She acts cold just to hide herself, what her true feeling.
He waits for a while, then Dean shows up, he opens the door, and it startles Sam and Ruby.
"Dean…" she makes a cocky grin.
"Where were you? I've been trying to call you."
"Around. And I trashed the phone, I don't need it anymore."
"So... You're leaving and you didn't tell me first?"
"Don't start anything." replies her.
"I'm not. Today's the day, right? That's why you're here."
"Yes." Doing her favorite posture; crossing her arms. "I was just saying goodbye to Sam."
They just stare at each other, makes Sam feels awkward. Dean's thumb pointing at the door behinds him, "Out, now." he gave her an order.
"Okay, Grumpy." Ruby walks passing him.
Sam was just about to ask but Dean ignores him. Dean walks behind her, and he closes the door, "C'mon, Ruby. This is not you." He begins.
"Apparently yes." she smirks, "Surprised?"
"Ruby..." he scoffed at her.
"I'm done. Gotta bounce. I'm here for Sam, but then you're here, so...bye again, Dean." She turns to leave him.
But Dean grabs her arm, "Knock it off."
She pulls her arm, but Dean won't let go. "Dean." She warns him and fights to let go off his hands, "Dean, let me go!!!"
"I said knock it off!" shouting at her, then pushing and pinning her onto the wall, straightly expands the knife over her neck. Her own knife.
"What the hell..." she's panting, sticking her head on the wall.
Dean presses the knife on her throat. "You heard what I said."
Sam opens the door because he hears a bump, and found Dean and Ruby with a knife on her neck. "Dean?!" shocked when he's looking at them.
"Back off, Sam!" he warns him.
Sam's face looks confuse, "What's going on, Dean?"
"I want to kill her...with this knife." he stares at her, Ruby stares him back and she's in a bit shock.
"What?!" Sam moves forward to near his brother.
"Sam, BACK OFF!" now he yells at Sam but still gazing at her, and Sam stops.
"So..Now you want to kill me?" asks her, looking conceited.
"Ruby... I already said knock it off!" he pressed the knife harder on her neck and made Ruby gasped.
"Dean... Calm down." says Sam.
"You calm down!" now he's eyeing Sam, with the knife on his hand still sticking on her throat. "I don't give a fuck with her deal!" then gazing at Ruby again, "You said there's nothing I can do about this deal. I guess you're wrong, baby. Cause I'm going to kill you by myself!!"
"You must be hated me like Hell." she grinned. "Come on… Do you think that I didn't know it? You hate me because of who I am. I bet you stick with me was just to make your job a lot easier. Aren't you, Dean?"
He twitched, "I'd never..."
"Right... You won't trust me. I'm a demon, and demon lied. Didn't ring a bell to you, huh? I heard it when you were talking with Sam. Remember Wisconsin?"
It's true when he said demon lied and Dean, is a man who will never trust a demon. And they have planned to use her –at first, but they didn't and she should understand that.
He scoffs, "So, that what was all about? Really? Come on Ruby, you know it. We've been through this before. So, stop denying and acting like I didn't mean anything for you!!"
Sam are feeling guilty, cause he was the one who got the idea, "Ruby, I'm sorry, but it was my idea, not Dean."
"Now, stop making excuses!" Dean shouted at her.
Staring at her eyes, waiting her to talk... But Ruby turns her eyes to somewhere else, she didn't say anything, she doesn't want to stare him, she can't.
Suddenly, Dean takes the knife out, and set Ruby free. "Okay…" he moves backward still holding the knife. It confused her why suddenly he pulled the knife off from her. Then he hasty puts the knife over his own neck. "Then I have to kill myself then."
And that startles Ruby.
"Dean!" Sam moves to stop him.
"Don't move! Or I slit my throat!" He threatens them.
"Dean, are you crazy? Have you lost your mind?" Sam whined at his brother.
"Maybe I am! I don't care and I had enough of this shit! Demons, angels, they're all the same!" he gazes at her who's starting look worry, Sam gets panic. Grinning at her, "Well... See you in another life…" He begins to scrapes his neck with the knife.
"Dean, NO!" Sam rushes to him, but Dean has already made a tiny scratch and the blood comes out from his neck.
But Ruby is faster than Sam and snatches the knife from Dean, makes him hit the wall and drops the knife. She pulls his jacket and puts his face so close to her. And there it is, she drops a tear.
"Look! I made that deal because I can't... I don't want you dead! I don't want you becoming like me! And I've never want this happen, Dean! I've never wish that I would never see you again!" then she dropped another tear.
Dean shocked and relieved with what just she said, and blood are falling down from his neck, actually it's not that deep, and he was just trying to bluff her. "Ruby, I... Maybe I can.."
She shakes her head, showing him that it was a dead end. She can't run from her deal. "If you break it, you'll die again. And I don't want that happen." She let go his jacket.
"Ruby, why... You know you can tell me the whole thing..."
"I know ...but I can't. I know I'm not human, but this is too hard for me. It's hurting me, not to see you anymore." Grasping her chest, "I've done bad things on my past, Dean. I want to change, that's why I want to help people like you, with you. Cause that's the only thing I can do..." She wipes her eyes and cheek. "You're back and got your second chance, you deserved it. You saved lots of people and you have a brother, who loves you and needs you... Who would die for you? But me?" she scoffs; shaking her head.
He saw her cry for the first time, even though she's not sobbing, he knows that she's hurt. He doesn't know what to say, he just staring at Ruby, speechless.
"Dean, you are my second chance, you are the only one I got in this world, and you make me feel, not being a cold-heartless bitch, you make me like… human again. But I can't be like this forever." pursing her lips, looking at the sky, avoiding her tears to falls again. "Think about this girl I'm riding, she's sick... for years, she spent almost her entire life on bed, that's why I found her in some hospital. She's still here, inside of me, and she's dying, I've told you that before."
"Dean." Sam approaches to him, "I know.. I didn't mean to intervene, but she's right. Ruby's suffering for centuries and maybe this is the best for her. Think about the girl." Sam is trying to convince his brother.
"But not like this." Dean says in whimpering tone. "Oh, come on!" he shouts.
"Dean, cut it out. Just think about her."
"It's easy for you to say, Sam! You know nothing; you're not in my situation!"
"What's the matter with you, huh?" Sam grabs his shoulder.
"Why, Sam? Why I cannot be selfish?! We never live our life, our 'normal' life. We're just a bunch of crazy people! We raised our own hell, Sam! And in the middle of finally I found someone, who really sees me, who fits me... " Dean points his own chest. "Then you're gonna let her go away in front of you? Ugh! Don't you know that feeling?" he grips his head.
Sam's eyes saying 'I know' to him, of course he knows it, "I wish there's something we can do. I'm not saying it's easy. But this is far from our reach, man. She did all of these for you. That's huge. She's..."
"Dammit, Sam!!!" Dean cuts him, "I know… I fuckin' know it…", then he turns his head to look at her, standing behind Sam, staring at Dean. "I just... I..."
"I know she means a lot to you. I'm happy seeing both of you together. I do. But you didn't think that she's gonna be stuck like this forever, right?"
Sam is right; she hates it when people called her 'demon', because that's what she hates the most. Lilith turned her into a demon. And the girl's body are not gonna hold on forever too. But Ruby, she fits the body too well, like it was her own body.
He puts his hand on his waist, thinking for a while, and then throws his hand through the air, "Fine!"
At the same time she can feel that Castiel is coming, and she can feel her body's shuddering, she scared, because this is the last moment she'll have and she will never gonna see him, forever...
"We must go now." Castiel appears, ready to take her.
Ruby nods at the angel, "Well, this is it." then she's saying goodbye to Sam, gave him a farewell hug, after that she walks come to near Dean. Sam moves back and stands near the door.
Scratching his head, "You can't run, eh? I told you they're the same." Dean glares at Castiel.
She did the same glare like him, "I guess you're right."
"You're okay?" asks Dean awkwardly.
"I think you're the one who needs help." She takes a look at the wound on his neck with her hand.
Dean hissed when she does that, "Yeah.."
Ruby touches his face, then she tips her toe so she can kiss him on the cheek. Dean frowned and closed his eyes at the same time when she does that.
"Take care..." she said while she's stroking his cheek, Dean is staring at her eyes, a pair of beautiful blue eyes that he always loved.
She stares at him back but just a few seconds, Ruby turns and walks to Castiel. Dean just standing there, it's okay if Dean didn't say anything. Maybe it had to be like this. She pulls her lips trying to smile, but actually she was holding herself not to cry.
That's it? Just like that? Come on, Dean. Say or do something, don't just stand here and watched, he said to himself, tighten his fist. "Wait." says Dean. She stops, "I haven't answered your question."
She knows what question he means, "... You don't need to. It doesn't matter." replies her without looking at Dean.
"But I want to."
She raises her eyebrows to Castiel, and the angel nods telling it's 'okay'. She turns her body against him and waits for him to talk, they're standing opposites.
"You're different, Ruby, just like you said. Not just because you remember what was like being human or you were human once. I saw you want to help people, and you did it sincerely. You never gave up. You helped us and take care of Sammy when I'm gone, because you know I don't want bad things happen to Sam. You're keeping my words, Ruby, because no demons would ever do that. And you brought me back, and took all the risks for me."
Then he continues, "When you told me that you remember what it's like... that night, seemed like you knew me. I mean, we were strangers before, different in all the way but had one thing in common. And you came to me, because you were afraid that I would become like you... I thought you're just one of who was on top of the list to ganked Lilith, but you're not." Ruby stares at him, still listening to him. "And I don't need other reason why I wanna be with you."
"... Why?" She bites her lip, she can feel her lips are shaking.
"... Because... I feel safe when I'm with you, it's nice to be with you, I'm happy when I'm with you...and...and..." Dean tightens his jaw "…I love you, Ruby."
She knows that her eyes are covered with tears. Pursing her lips, holding herself to not drop any tears again but she can't stand it any longer. Dean rushes to hold her and she fell on his arms. "I love you too, Dean." she whispers to his ear and let herself cry.
"I'm sorry, baby...." he stroked her hair to comfort her, then kissed her forehead. "I'm sorry."
Not far Sam watches them and smile, looking relieved.
"I'm scared... of this moment when I had to leave you." She hugs him tight.
"Ssshh... I'm here, I'm still here...we still got time. You'll be okay, I promise. If I could change it, I'd never let you go. I won't."
Dean holds her face, he pulls up her head towards him. Then Dean presses his lips on her, gently, one hand curled her back and the other holding her neck. This is strange, because every time they kissed, his heart beat faster and it tasted so good and sweet. But why it feels agonizing right now. He'll miss everything about her, her eyes when she was looking at him, or the way she stared him, her voice, her smile... everything. Ruby knows he drops a tear, and so does she. Their last kiss may not be last long but they make it everlasting.
Castiel wants to break them, but Sam stops him, "You're not in a hurry, right?" Castiel nods then turns his eyes to somewhere.
When they're pulling away, Dean stares at her. "Y'know, I'm not good at words." He smirks.
"Really? But it wasn't that hard... was it?" She wipes her tear, while Dean strokes her hair again.
"You could have just hated me for being an asshole-jerk."
"You just said that you're a jerk?" she asks, Dean glared and raised his eyebrows, "How could I hate him if I love that jerk?"
Dean chuckles, "You know... My dad fell in love with my mother, at the first sight and it grew stronger and it never changed until he passed away. Once I asked him why he loved my mother, and he said 'sometimes you don't need reasons to love someone. You just look at her eyes… so deep and you know it.'… I don't buy that kind of stuff. Off course it sounds cliché to me... Lame, yeah. But apparently it's true. And it happened to me, Ruby."
She smiles again, "I'll miss you, Dean Winchester... And thank you... for everything."
"No, thank you." replies Dean. "I'll never forget you , Ruby." They're staring at each other, blue meets green for the last time. Then Dean kissed her again, then slowly they break away.
She walks to Castiel then stands next to him. She waves at Sam and he replies her.
Dean knew, from the way she looked at him was heartbreaking. Her tears are keep falling on her cheeks, even though she's trying to wipe it, her lips are shaking and there's nothing she can do but looking at him and so does Dean. Castiel looks at the boys showing that he's ready to take her.
This is it, says Dean on his mind. His heart are pounding, he's not sure if he can get through this, but he's got to, as a man, he must be strong, for her. Because if he goes nuts (and if he could he will), but he didn't cause it only makes her more sad.
After she's leaving, everything would never be the same again. There will be no Ruby in his life.
Then he hears the thunder are rumbling, Dean turns his eyes up and see that the sky are getting dark, he can see lightning are showing between the clouds. He's back to look at Ruby again, worried, something's bad are coming, he knows it, and he can feel it. She looks confuse seeing him like that.
"Wait…something is not right." Says Dean, Castiel were looking at the sky, too.
"What?" asked Sam.
"Cas?!" Dean called him. He stares at the angel, who's looking stun.
"Castiel? Dean, what's going on?" she begins to panic.
When he saw a flash of lightning, he knew it, he ran to her, shouting her name, "RUBY!!!"
Before she could see what Dean just saw, a blast of thunder are coming over her -in front of his eyes, and Dean can hear that she's screaming when it got her, then everything went white, blinded Sam and Dean for a moment.
What the hell?!
When the light was out, she has already gone, only Castiel who was still standing on the same spot. "Why are you still here?" Dean's eyes are sweeping the area, "Where is she? WHERE IS SHE?!!" he yelled.
"I believe she went to the place where she should have been."
Dean grabs Castiel's collar. "What was that?! Did you send her back?! What did you do!!!"
"No, and it wasn't me, Dean." replied Castiel.
"You lied, you said you're the one who take her!" Dean pulled and strengthen Cas' collar harder.
"Apparently there was a conversion." Castiel said in a cold tone.
"So what was it? Was it the higher power? Was it God?" Dean said it sarcastically.
"Dean, no." says Sam while he's holding his arm and pulling him back, afraid that Dean would do something to Castiel.
"Let me go, Sam!" he pushed Sam.
"I'll see both of you later." Then the wind blows stronger, blown the dust away, made both Sam and Dean covered their eyes. And when the wind stopped blowing, and at that moment he knew that Castiel has gone, leaving the boys alone.
"CASTIEL!" he screamed louder, "WAAIT, YOU SONOFABITCH!!"
"Dean…" called Sam. "There's nothing you can do, man."
Dean's panting, gripping his head. "Dammit." But Cas has confirmed it wasn't him, but the way she was taken was terrible. The thunder, picture when it got her and the voice of her screaming are echoing on his mind, where did she go? Is she okay? Is she hurt? Questions are filling his head now.
Sam watched his brother, he waited for a while until he made the first move. But he didn't, he just standing there. "Dean…" Sam called his brother.
"Wh... Where is she? Where did they take her, Sam? Don't tell me she went to the pit."
"I don't know, Dean. I... I'm sorry it turned out like this. But I'm sure that she's not down there." Didn't know from where Sam got the faith. "Maybe it was real the higher power. Maybe she went to…um.."
"Where, Sam?! We saw that thunder got her, and you said I just need to trust Cas?!"
"But there was no proof if she did go to the pit! There is no smoke or any sign of it!" says Sam, "Look. I don't think Cas was lying."
He still didn't look at Sam, he still watching at the same spot where she was taken.
"Dean?" asked Sam carefully.
Rubbing his face, he's finally turning his head towards Sam, "S'okay, Sam."
Sam got a bit shocked when he said that 'is okay'? A moment ago he was cursing then suddenly Dean becomes so...serene? "You're okay?"
"No. Hell no! Definitely not okay!" he's scratching his head. "She's gone, Sam! You saw that!! And I don't even know where she's...she's gone?!"
"So, what are you gonna do?" Sam asked him.
Dean makes a long sigh, "What am I gonna do, now? I don't know, Sam… Dammit!"
"I'm sorry, Dean." Sam is looking sad staring at his brother.
"I know we'll still hunting, that's our life, isn't? We're cursed, Sam. Our life is cursed. We're not normal, I should've never thought of that. Ever."
Sam narrows his eyes, "No."
"What?"
"I mean, we may have that thought. I think that's what makes us normal."
Dean slips his hands into his jacket, "Maybe you're right." staring at his brother, "Let's just get the hell out from here." Dean walks into the room. "I hate this place."
Sam knew that Dean are practically wounded with her leaving, especially with the way she's gone, but Sam believes Dean will manage, well... cause he's Dean. And Sam swears, he would do anything to cheer him up.
Then Sam follows him and takes the knife on the floor before he enters the motel room.
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-----tbc---
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Yeah... I know I'm a sucker. It's getting harder than I thought... Please don't hate me...
PS: I haven't changed the status yet. :D