A/N: And now for the conclusion
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Once the whole nanny mess was cleaned up, Aizen had his Espada back in the meeting room.
The ones, who were to be judged, were still wearing their gigai. It wasn't as if they wanted to. Aizen gave them all the look that said: disobey and die in a horrible manner.
"So what now?" Grimmjow had to stand in his chair; he was too short to sit. If he did, he couldn't see above the table and only his spiky blue hair could be seen. It looked horribly cute for the homicidal Espada. He would die from shame if anyone took pictures and sold them.
Too bad Gin had snapped pictures of them all. And stored them in several places with copies.
"Your next task and the last one." Aizen pulled down a banner. "American IDOL!!!"
Everyone stared at him blankly. "American Idol?" Szyel questioned trying to remember where he heard that before.
"It's that singing thing right?" Surprisingly it was Nnoitra who knew what it was. He liked looking for hot and dumb chicks.
Grimmjow cringed. "Singing?"
"It's also broadcasted live on TV."
"Hell no." Grimmjow said flat out, small arms crossed against his little chest. He was pouting as well, eyes narrowed and teeth bared. Watch our Sora, you got competition in the cuteness department.
Two hours later, the whole gang and a few extras found themselves in a foreign land. "Behave." Was all Aizen ordered them. "Listen to Ulquiorra."
Ulquiorra and Sora were there, each in their respective gigai. Ulquiorra was the chaperon and wherever Ulquiorra went, his son followed along. Ulquiorra brushed the hair out of his face, looking at his charges. Zommari, Szayel and the noveno he could expect to behave. It was Grimmjow and Nnoitra he'd have to look out for.
"Let's get this over with." Ulquiorra said calmly, as he started for the line. Already there was already people there, people who have camped out for ages.
Since the competition did not allow children, they had different gigai this time. They looked appropriately aged, and more human-ish. No holes, no masks, no tattoos and normal human proportions.
And no swords.
Absolutely no swords, Aizen had to frisk them all.
The group slouched into the line. Hours passed. The screaming started. The Espada were bored silly, even exuberant Sora felt drained of life.
"This is taking too long." Nnoitra muttered, kicking the wall repeatedly with his foot. He flicked his bangs before muttering again. "Can't we just kill a few of them?"
Ulquiorra would have loved to hurry this up but he knew his orders. "That is against orders."
"Fuck orders." Grimmjow was grinding his teeth and picking a fight. His blue hair didn't stand out so much in this weird human mass of pain and shit.
Finally after hours more of pain and weird screening, the team got through. Except for Zommari, he couldn't get through the first set of judges. Apparently he was so comfortable with his position in the Espada he wasn't trying. Either that or he can't sing.
The noveno could't decide on who was to sing and on what. He got dismissed as well. He did get someone's phone number though.
Finally they were all given a number, even Sora. He was deemed 'cute' and given a fake number so he'd look like his dear daddy. His other 'son' Grimmjow was considered someone who need psychiatric help but would be a great surprise for this 'Simon'.
Ulquiorra fingered the paper he was given and repressed a long and painful sigh. How did he get roped into this? He was the chaperon not a contestant. His life and status was not on the line.
Szayel was first. He entered the room.
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Szayel sauntered in calm and prepared. He had his song ready.
"So, tell me why do you think you are the American Idol?" Simon, the judge started off.
Szayel combed his pink hair back with a hand before smiling. "Because I am perfect."
Paula raised her eyebrow. She wasn't drunk yet to see that the pink haired, effeminate boy was perfect.
"Let's see what you got." Randy hoped this aspringing star could at least sing.
Szayel cleared his throat, adjusted his vocal cords and sang. "U-G-L-Y u ain't got no alibi you ugly eh hey you ugly!"
The judges stared as Szayel, clearly a male sing like a young girl. It got to a point where Paula burst into giggles as her brain couldn't match the voice with the body.
"Please stop." Simon shook his head. "You…." He had no words.
"You got a good voice but…it's not what we're looking for." Randy said gently.
Paula recovered her sanity. "Yeah, it's a nice voice honey."
Simon rolled his eyes. "You sound like an underage girl. You're a man, unless you have some sort of medical condition you should sound like a man or even a boy who hasn't hit puberty."
Szayel groaned and shuffled out. "They'll regret denying me." If they are the reason he loses his rank, he will come back and devour their souls!
He slumped into his chair next to the others.
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It was Nnoitra's turn now. He arrogantly walked in.
"Why are you the next American Idol?" Simon started off, his voice utterly bored. So far they've gone through some strange, and very sucky singers.
Nnoitra grinned. "It's cause I have the stronger her…" He coughed, remembering words he shouldn't say. "It's cause I'm the sexiest thing here in the room!"
There was a silence, Paula snorted into her cola/alcohol drink.
"Um…please sing for us." Randy said, coughing.
"I bring the sexy baaack!" Nnoitra said, pumping his hips and rubbing his hands down his body. He was staring at Paula lewdly, and licking his lips.
Paula got really scared, her eyebrow twitching as she was the direct attention of someone who didn't look attractive. When the song and dance was finished, the teenager had somehow migrated from the front to right next to her. She nearly jumped out of her skin.
"Uhh…..I say no." Paula did not want this guy near her again.
"You suck at singing, not to mention dancing. So leave please." Simon came to the rescue of his fellow judge.
Rnady was one second away from calling security. "Yeah dude, you should leave."
Nnoitra grinned wildly before lunging forward and grabbing Paula's breasts. Paula screeched and security came in. Nnoitra was dragged out screaming and kicking. Ulquiorra intervened, speaking quietly to the security guards before the guards departed.
Nnoitra looked up just in time to see Ulquiorra's eyes turned a different shade of green. Oh, he looked really pissed. Or rather he didn't look pissed but you couldn't really tell with Ulquiorra.
He meekly sat on his chair next to Szayel and Zommari. Maybe the groping was a tad obsessive.
Grimmjow was next.
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"May I ask why you are the next American Idol?" Asked Simon again, Americans these days he thought looking at the blue hair.
Grimmjow started ranting. "I'm only here cause I got forced. I swear it has to be child abuse. He threatened to kill me! That's child abuse right?"
The judges stared at each other. "Okaaay." Randy said dryly. "Please sing."
Grimmjow grunted out a few lines from the Lion King.
"It's uh….nice." Randy said with a great deal of patience.
"But not good enough." Paula continued.
"Sorry but you're not going to Hollywood." Simon finished.
Grimmjow stared at them before scowling. "Fuck this shit!" He yelled before stomping out. "Don't need to be a freaking star!"
He sat down on his chair, grumbling.
It was Ulquiorra's turn. With one hand, he gripped Sora's hand and with the other, he grabbed Nnoitra by the ear. "Behave. All of you." He twisted once before letting go.
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Ulquiorra entered, Sora following closely behind. He could only hope the other moron didn't do anything too foolish.
"So, why are you the next American Idol?" Simon asked, wondering exactly where there was a little kid in the room as well.
"Whose the little fellow?" Paula asked, smiling at the child.
Sora peeked out from behind his father's legs. "I'm Sora."
"Aw. Sora you're so cute." Paula gushed.
"Do you happen to be related to that blue haired kid from before?" Randy linked the two together.
"Nope." Sora tugged his dad's pant leg. "Father says its just unfortunate luck."
"You're the father?" Ulquiorra nodded to Paula's question.
"Well, before we get sidetracked, shall we begin?"
Paula gestured. "Hey little guy, come here and we can both listen to your dad sing."
Sora walked around the judges table to sit on Paula lap. He was sitting in a position envied by many. He clapped his hands together. "Sing Daddy!"
Ulquiorra sang his voice deep and enchanting. Paula was immediately caught in it, ignoring the overly emo tones. He had such a good voice.
When he was done, Ulquiorra waited for their critique.
"Dude man, that was nice. A bit pitchy and your song choice didn't really let you exercise your vocal ranges." Randy started off.
"You have a sexy voice." Paula murmured
Simon shot a look at his collegue before speaking. "Your voice does have range but I'm afraid it isn't something that will work out. English is not your first language is it not?"
"I speak Spanish primarily, then Japanese." Ulquiorra said calmly. "I just picked English up."
"Hm. Yeah, your accent needs some work on." Simon wasn't as near as insulting as he could be.
"Your accent is sexy." Paula said dreamily.
Sora scrambled back to his dad. "I can sing too." He said happily, jumping up and down adorably.
"Let's hear it then." Simon decided to indulge the kid.
" Dog. Kitty. Looooove furry things! Dance for me." He chirped out, dancing a little.
"Awwwww…" Paula has officially been melted. "You're too cute."
Sora blushed and went back to hiding behind his dad, all the courage used up.
"Well dude, sorry but it looks like you're not going to Hollywood but I wish you the best of luck man."
Ulquiorra nodded, scooping his son up. Sora waved goodbye and the two left.
The outside of the waiting room was chaos. Grimmjow was punching someone with blue hair while Nnoitra was kicking the security guards shins and using a piece of wood as a weapon. The noveno was dumping water cups on people, and was reaching for a live electric socket to electrocute a few people. Szayel had removed himself from the situation entirely by making a small fort and staying in it. Zommari did nothing.
Skillfully, Ulquiorra waded into the mess, dragging out his comrades by their ears and sneaking away before the police could get called in. They arrived back to Los Noches safe and sound.
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Aizen reviewed the video, chuckling at bits that amused him. When it was over, he looked at his Espada, quite amused. That was never a good idea. Fools amused Aizen, fools who lose body parts.
They were removed from the gigai to the delight of all.
"Can't we just fight it out?" Grimmjow demanded, drawing his sword. "First one knocked out is the loser."
"I agree." Nnoitra was itching to kill someone.
Szayel sighed; it would be in his best attention not to participate in this brawl. But if he objected, he'd look weak.
"Perhaps Aizen-sama already has a person in mind." Zommari said quietly.
"I do actually." Aizen stood. "After reviewing the tape and calculating your worth, I have decided who I wish to demote."
There was a long pause as Aizen walked around his Espada. He stopped and pointed. "You are fired!"
Zommari stared at his precious Aizen-sama. "Me?" He was shocked.
"Yes. You." Aizen narrowed his eyes. "You will be replaced by another. During which, you'll be given a grace period to challenge for your rank back."
"So whose going to replace him?" Barrigan asked, quite bored with the subject entirely.
"Sora-kun will."
Shock rippled through the Espada. A few thought Ulquiorra was trying to gain more support by putting his own son on it. Others wondered why Sora? Did Ulquiorra do something 'special' for Aizen?
Sora blinked. "Me?" He shook his head. "But Aizen-sama…I'm not really suited."
"Nonsense." Aizen waved any concerns by. "You're young, powerful and besides you need the experience. It's only temporary. You still have to do your chores and train, you'll just replace Zommari at the table. It's like a trial period or an intership."
"I'll see you next week during the mandatory meeting Sora-kun." Aizen stood. "You are all dismissed."
Zommari stared at the wall blankly as his brain tried to comprehend why HE, the most loyal of them all, was dismissed like that. This was just a test. Of course it was. The true task was in how he dealt with this.
"This is bullshit." Yami cursed, the tenth did not like being skipped over for a mere brat.
"It's funny, that's what it is." Nnoitra cackled. "Life got so much more interesting."
Grimmjow tched. "Aizen's just screwing with us all." He stood. "I'm going to go kill something." Nnoitra joined him, for he too wanted to kill something.
One by one the Espada left leaving only Szayel, Ulquiorra and Sora.
Ulquiorra patted his son's back to assure him. "Do not worry; I will make sure you will be well prepared." Sora looked up at his dad and hugged him fiercely. Sora was scared. This was a meeting for 'Big people'.
"I'm helping too." Szayel pulled out a needle. "A few modifications and you'll be ready to go."
Ulquiorra stared at the needle before shooting the suggestion down. "Perhaps it would be better to simply train Sora in battle."
Szayel shrugged, pocketing the needle. "I suggest we start looking at his abilites more. This way he can perfect his skills."
The adults soon lapsed into training talk while Sora had to slowly adjust to being suddenly thrusted into the adult world.
It was scary.
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A/N: I bet NO ONE GUESSED THAT!!!
mUAHAHAHAHAH!~!!!
And now back to your reguarly scheduled programming....