Will You Take Me Home?

by xChiexchanx

After the war against Valentine, Simon has to pick up what remains of his life and his heart and try to keep going. That's it, until Magnus calls him saying that Raphael's hurt and needs him. What if in his pained haze Raphael lost control and marked Simon as his own? Set after ep 1x13. Saphael

10. Chapter 10

Beautiful morning, please don't wake me from my sleep
'Cause I need some comfort, to regain my sanity
I don't want to feel this crazy,
I don't want to feel discarded
Shattered in a million pieces
I'm so broken hearted
No where left to run
No where left to go
So I hope

Pray for Forgiveness, by Alicia Keys

---

*.*.*.*.*.*

After everything he'd been through, after the war, the isolation and all the physical and emotional suffering, Simon was almost ashamed to admit out loud that at the moment that office's door seemed scarier than anything he'd ever faced before. For all of Lily's "It'll be fine" and Melissa's "Don't be a pussy", he couldn't find the strength to touch that handle as if it could physically hurt him. Deep down he knew that things couldn't get any worse for him than they already were, but he was terrified of confronting Raphael, still doubting Lily's words and not believing that it'd been the Leader's idea to accept him back into the Clan in the first place.

"Are you really sure he's not gonna kill me as soon as I step in?" he asked for the umpteenth time.

Lily sighed, clearly exasperated. "I told you, no one is going to hurt you, least of all Raphael."

"How can I trust you?"

"Oh mio Dio, Simon!" Melissa snapped, her patience running low "You're already here! That pretty much answers your stupid question." She frowned "This is what you wanted, isn't it?, the opportunity to fix this shit up, so stop wasting our time and open the damn door."

Simon grimaced, not happy to be scolded by a girl he barely knew, but he couldn't really retort anything 'cause she was right; they had been having the same conversation in different words for the last fifteen minutes – if they didn't consider all the way there from the Institute - and it was actually quite surprising the none of the two had tried to murder him yet even if they clearly were running out of patience.

"You could try being a bit more understanding, you know?" he huffed glaring at her, and in response the Italian scoffed, adding an annoyed "This is getting ridiculous."

"Baby, we know this is hard on you," Lily interjected, shaking her head "and we don't expect you to just take everything for granted after passing so much time on your own, thinking that we hated you, but if you don't open this door, nothing will change."

"What else you have to lose?" Melissa added, shrugging. "Make it or break it, right?"

Simon knew they were right, knew that sooner or later he'd have to open the door and face his mate even if he wasn't sure his unbeating heart could take it; he was just trying to win some more time to get ready, to think about what he was supposed to say, how he was supposed to apologize – still, it was obvious that he could spend the next year in front of Raphael's office and he still wouldn't be ready to go in on his own.

"I know it doesn't seem like it," Lily spoke again, her brow furrowed in a worried line "but you have a choice. No one will be mad at you if you decide to turn around and get out of here, you have all the reasons to do it, we gave you all the reasons to do it." she took his hand and squeezed it reassuringly "Don't think that this is the only chance you'll get."

Simon frowned at her, feeling lost and almost overwhelmed by it all. It really was hard to accept everything Lily had said to him in the last hour, and despite all her explanations and kind words, he still couldn't fathom why they were suddenly so willing to forgive him. He was confused, not understanding how did he get what he wanted; honestly, killing Camille didn't look like a deal big enough to win the Clan over, but that was exactly what Lily wanted to make him believe. He didn't think it was enough, far from it, and he was sure he didn't deserve it but, while standing there with just a single door keeping him away from his mate, it was getting harder and harder to hold onto his self-doubt and guilt, and he was about ready to yield.

"Okay," he mumbled to no one in particular "here goes nothing..." and despite his fears and worries he forced himself to lift his arm and knock, his hand shaking a bit. He still didn't know what he would do, didn't know if he should say something about the Mark or if he really should get ready for an attack, but he was sure that wasting time just standing there wouldn't be of any use, so he shoved his hesitation away, grabbed the handle and pushed back the heavy wood, knowing that he wouldn't have heard the Leader's answer to his knock either way since every room in the hotel was soundproofed - he knew that almost everyone used a 'do not disturb' tag when they didn't want to be bothered and needed some privacy, but Raphael's office had an open-door policy 24/7 and the knocking was just a way to not startle the boss.

He stepped forward on shaking legs, looking down all the way in, and it was only when the door shut closed behind him that he found the courage to look up, meeting his mate's dark eyes right away. He took a moment to appreciate the man sitting behind the big wooden table, taking in his dark slightly curly hair, his broad shoulders and strong body wrapped in an expensive-looking suit, his hands clenched in fists and resting on the desk – honestly, if Simon's heart could still stop it would've in that precise moment: seeing his mate safe and sound was something that he was sure he would never get to see considering his kill-Camille-and-die-in-the-process mission, and he didn't know what he was supposed to do now with all his bottled up emotions that were threatening to break free and make him cry like a baby.

The silence surrounding them was heavy and uncomfortable, and for someone that usually couldn't keep his mouth shut, Simon couldn't utter a single word for the life of him, not knowing how to start what would surely be a painful conversation. Surprisingly, it was Raphael the first one to speak, greeting him with a terse "Fledgling.", his expression unreadable and his body tense.

Simon was still thinking carefully about his next words, knowing that he had to handle the situation cautiously, when he unintentionally blurted out a quick "Are you okay?", worrying that even if the older looked fine maybe he actually wasn't and he'd been hurt during the fight, or maybe whatever poison Camille had used had some sort of side effects that he wasn't aware of.

Raphael lifted an eyebrow, looking perplexed. "Should be the one asking that, I'm not the one that slept through a whole week."

Simon frowned. "It was just four days," he corrected without thinking "and you were kinda out of your mind the last time we met."

That comment seemed to worsen the already grim mood, silence downing on them once again. In his nervous state, Simon started fidgeting in place, averting his eyes and wishing he hadn't brought their last meeting up so soon.

G-, I'm so fucking stupid.

He was wondering if running away would be the best thing he could do at the moment when Raphael sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose.

"Is this how this conversation will go?" he asked, looking exhausted all of a sudden "It's ridiculous." he frowned "And annoying."

"Well, if you have some suggestion about how this should go be my guest, 'cause I have no fucking idea what the hell is going on anymore." since fidgeting wasn't enough to keep him from freaking out bad, Simon started crumpling the hem of his shirt, trying to not tear it up with his claws "You kicked me out, you tried to kill me...and now..." he couldn't finish the sentence, having no idea about what he was trying to say. He should've been apologizing, should've been asking for forgiveness and begging on his knees, but he was petrified in his confusion and couldn't spit any other word out for as much as he wanted to.

The Leader scowled. "What else did you expect? You betrayed us, you broke Camille out and put everyone in danger." He narrowed his eyes "You left me no choice."

Simon nodded somberly, knowing that he was right, that he'd been the one to force that decision on him – still, every word was a hard blow to his still-bleeding heart, his eyes stinging with tears that he was desperately trying to hold back.

"I'm sorry, I'm so, so sorry..." he eventually said, his voice faint and quivering "I fucked up royally...but I miss you so much, I want to come back, and I know I don't deserve it, I know nothing will ever erase my mistake...and this is killing me...and I..."

In the blink of an eye, Raphael was in front of him and Simon would have bolted, scared that the other would hurt him after all, if his mate's hands hadn't kept him on place holding firmly onto his arms.

"This wouldn't have happened if you'd just listened to me." he practically growled "Didn't you trust me enough to know what I was talking about?" he narrowed his eyes into thin slit, looking murderous "I fed and protected you, I gave you a family and a place to belong to, everything you could ever need," he grimaced, his fangs pocking lightly his bottom lip "and when I refused you one single thing for good reason, you betrayed me and chose to follow her."

And then Simon finally lost it, bloody tears sliding on his pale cheeks.

"I had to do it," he whispered "I had to! Jocelyn is like a mom to me, I couldn't lose her too!" his voice was growing stronger and higher with every word, Raphael's hold on his arms getting tighter "I should've looked for another way, I know that, I put the Clan in danger, I put you in danger!, and that was the last thing I wanted to do, but you have to understand I couldn't just let her die!" He knew he shouldn't be saying that, knew he had to apologize and not try to explain his reasons, but he couldn't stop, because despite everything he didn't regret what he'd done - he wished he'd done it differently, but he didn't regret it. "I'm sorry Rafa, I'm really sorry, but she's part of my family..."

Raphael flinched suddenly and took a step back, one hand clawing his front-shirt. Simon looked at him with evident worry on his face but the Leader ignored him and walked towards his desk, keeping his back to him.

"The Clan always comes before anyone and anything. When everything else is gone, the Clan is the only thing that stays." he eventually said, "We are the only family that will last."

"I know..." Simon whispered, because there was really nothing else he could answer to that. He knew that Raphael was right, knew that Clary, Jocelyn, and any other person he cared about were mortals and would in the end surrender to the passing time and grow old until death would take them forever. He knew that but he couldn't forsake them just because he knew that he would lose everyone in the end, they were still alive, and he wouldn't refuse them his help if it was needed. "I'm sorry..."

"You keep apologizing," Raphael finally turned around to stare at him, his handsome face pulled into a hard scowl "but we both know that you don't regret it."

Being subjected to direct sunlight would probably have hurt less, and Simon actually flinched at that as if he'd been slapped, a tiny sob escaping his lips; he wished he could say something to defend himself but there was no denying the truth behind those words.

"I'm sorry..." he repeated once again dropping his gaze to the floor, knowing that with his silence he was digging his own grave and probably giving up his only chance to be accepted back, but he refused to try to win the Leader over with lies and sweet words with no meaning.

"You freed the bitch," Simon attempted a glance towards his mate keeping his head down, seeing that now he was leaning back on his desk, arms crossed over his chest "but you almost died while dealing with her in the Clan behalf, and I supposed that has to mean something." this time Simon's head jerked up so fast that he almost gave himself whiplash. Raphael sighed and shook his head, then stared him down with a determinate look. "It's not going to be easy, but I want-" he cut himself off mid-sentence, frowning a bit "We want you back."

"What-?" Simon croaked out 'Is this for real?'.

"The Clan is willing to give you the benefit of the doubt, so consider yourself on trial." Raphael continued "Prove us that you want to stay here and want to be part of this family. It'll surely take time, but that's something we don't lack, do we?"

Simon started nodding ferociously, still not believing his own ears, not knowing if he should apologize again or thank the Leader for his mercy, so in doubt he just kept crying in relief while fighting the need to run to his mate and hug him until he couldn't discern his own body from the other's.

"Go feed and rest, you still need to take it easy." Raphael walked around the table and sat down, piling some of the paper sheets that were spread over it "You can have your old room." he added in what was clearly a dismissal.

Simon almost felt offended to be sent away like that after a nerve-wracking conversation that would probably haunt him for a while, knowing that there still were things that needed to be discussed such as the Mark situation, but he was too happy to complain: now that he was finally back, now that he'd live in the Hotel again, he'd get other chances to talk to his mate, so this time around he could afford to just let it go, taking what was offered and no more. He was already opening the door when the older stopped him.

"Simon." he said his name for the first time, slowly, carefully, as if tasting it in his mouth after so long "Welcome back." and the smile that Simon gave in return was as bright as the sun itself.

---

*.*.*.*.*.*

As soon as Simon closed the door behind his back, Raphael sighed and unfastened the first two buttons of his shirt, feeling breathless and sweaty and unsettled. He had to be honest, for as much as he could control his emotions, meeting his mate had taken a toll in his already worn out mind. He knew that he'd be hard to carry out the conversation considering their delicate situation, but what had influenced him more than anything else had been Simon sending wave after wave of chaotic emotions through the Bond since the moment he stepped in, making him feel dizzy and confused. It wasn't the first time he felt his mate's feelings so clearly – the fear, the guiltiness, the pain - and even if during the tracking spell it'd been way worse, keeping an almost controlled appearance for the whole ordeal had been complicated to say the least.

Raphael couldn't say that he was satisfied with how their meeting had gone. Yes, many things had been said, many apologies had been cried, but he knew there was a point he had consciously avoided and that Simon wasn't the only one that needed to ask for forgiveness. He still thought that Magnus' suggestion was stupid and dangerous, but when he saw his mate right in front of him, looking lost and mortified, he couldn't utter a word about his own faults, didn't want to be the one looking like that under his mate's disapproving stare, and he was ashamed of his own cowardice. He shouldn't have kept something so important from Simon, shouldn't have betrayed his trust, but now that the damage was done he had to find a way to make things right, to admit everything and try to start anew with his mate. He was wondering if following Simon and telling him right away would be a good idea when Lily pushed the door open, startling him.

"Our baby looked like he was in seventh heaven," she started with a wide smirk on her face "so I supposed everything went smoothly."

Raphael grimaced. "It could have been worse."

Hearing his dejected tone Lily lost her smile and frowned. "That means that it could also have been better."

"I suppose."

She crossed her arms over her chest and glared at him. "What did you do?"

He sighed, leaning back in his chair. "I didn't tell him about the Bond." he eventually admitted, knowing that he couldn't quite lie to his second-in-command.

"You what?" she hissed, looking ready to jump at his throat "Are you insane?"

He almost flinched, feeling like a child reprimanded by her mother. "He was already stressed without adding this burden on him right away."

"Try again." She glared harder, probably feeling that that was not everything.

Raphael sighed again, knowing that she knew him far too well to fall for that half-truth. "Fine." he grumbled, "I didn't know how to tell him without looking like a complete bastard." After that admission Lily seemed to calm down a bit, but she still didn't relent and raised expectantly an eyebrow. "There's no way to push this on him without undermining his already faint trust in me."

"Keeping things from him won't help you in that regard."

"I am aware."

"And do you also realize that this will come back to bite you in the ass sooner or later?" Lily said flopping down on one of the chairs in front of his desk. "It's not like you can keep the Mark a secret." she pointed out "Every Downworlder will sense it and it's bound to happen that someone will comment on it and then, you'll be fucked."

"Thank you for pointing that out, Lily, I hadn't thought about it." he retorted wryly.

"Give me one good reason why I shouldn't just follow Simon and tell him everything you didn't." she asked ignoring his sarcastic comment.

"I don't have any, I really didn't think this through." he admitted, "Magnus' words probably stuck more than I thought they would."

"Bane? What about him?"

"His advice...was to not tell Simon about the Bond if we didn't want him to think that we called him back just because of my mistake."

"And you thought it was a good idea."

"Oh Dios no, it's a terrible idea, but we know Simon. He already has doubts about this, he's still not sure that we really want him back, so yes, there's the possibility that he won't accept a pity welcome from us and will leave again." Raphael stared at her "I will not take the risk."

For a moment it looked like Lily would slap him or something, but after a brief, tense silence she sighed, shaking her head in disbelief.

"Fine." she exclaimed, defeated "I don't agree with this stupid decision of yours, and I'm still considering if I should just kick your ass, but I don't blame you if you want to be extra careful with Simon and the Bond-thing." She frowned "Still, you know I never liked to lie, least of all to someone I care about, so I'm giving you a couple of weeks to fix this shit, and if you don't, then I will."

Raphael nodded, grateful for her understanding and agreeing to her terms, knowing full well that she would really tell Simon everything if he didn't settle things before she lost her patience.

He wasn't proud of his behavior and he knew that he'd have to tell Simon about the Mark and the Bond sooner than later, but now that they were under the same roof once again he'd have other chances to fix it. He'd give his mate some time to get used to his new life with the Clan, to understand that they really wanted him back, and when he'd be sure that he wouldn't run away the moment he told him the truth then they would talk and decide how to proceed from there. It wasn't ideal, but he'd make do.

---

*.*.*.*.*.*

In the last year or so Simon's contact list had been cut down almost to the bone, with less than ten people on it. Considering that half of them were members of the Clan that could just knock on his door to talk to him and the other half were his family's numbers that he refused to delete even if he couldn't really call them, he already knew who the caller was when his phone started ringing, especially since said caller had been pestering him non-stop since he'd returned to the Hotel two weeks ago, exaggeratedly worried for him. He shook his head, refraining from rolling his eyes just because there was no point in doing it if she couldn't see his reaction. He wasn't bothered by her attention, not really, and it wasn't like he was trying to avoid her, but answering the same questions over and over again was kinda getting on his nerves, and they were stressed enough without having to worry about his friend too.

"Hey, angel." he finally greeted his best-friend.

"Hey, Sy. How you doing?"

"Nothing changed since the last time you texted me," he answered while checking his watch "around two hours ago."

Clary chuckled. "I'm getting annoying, aren't I?" she said sounding sheepish.

"What? No, of course not, it's just that I'm running out of things to say."

"That's bullshit, you could spend an entire day talking about the weather."

"I'll take that as a compliment."

They both laughed, and he was happy to be able to talk to his best-friend like that, almost as they did before their lives took a supernatural turn. It was actually comforting thinking that even with their problems they had been able to get close once again, it gave him hope, making him believe that his complicated relationship with the Clan could get better too.

"Hey, I'm going to Taki's with Jace and Izzy, you wanna tag along? It's being a while since the last time we went out together."

"Nah, I'm not really in the mood to go out. I think I'll just put some movie on or something like that."

"It's the fifth time you say that. Did you even leave your room since you got there?"

"Were you counting them?"

"Simon."

"Oh, come on! Stop worrying, I'm fine."

"You always say that you're fine, but are you really?" she sighed, and even if he couldn't see her he knew that her face was pulled into a worried expression. "You avoid talking about the Clan, and the only time you mentioned Raphael was to say that he didn't kill you yet."

"I'm fine, Clary." he repeated once again, trying to soothe her worries "Yeah, things are not perfect but they'll get better, I promise."

"I'm just worried that you'll be lonely there."

"I'm not, trust me. Magnus visits almost every day, sometimes with Alec, and Lily always comes to bother me when she thinks I've spent too much time alone."

Yes, it was true that most part of the Clan didn't consider him, refusing to acknowledge his return, but he didn't care much about that because who really mattered was happy to have him around again. Lily, Melissa and Malia spent almost every night in his room, watching movies and cuddling on the bed with him, making sure that he felt accepted; Stan and Elliot forced him to go to the gym saying that he needed to train more if he didn't want to kick the bucket sooner than later, and even if he knew that it was just a way to make him leave his bedroom he was content to accommodate them; even Emily, Ivan and Julian talked with him when they met in the hall, and considering that those were pretty much the only people he'd gotten close to before his betrayal, he couldn't complain too much.

"Okay," Clary's voice interrupted his musings, bringing him back to the conversation "maybe your friends forgave you, and don't misunderstand me, I'm happy about that, but..." she stopped for a moment, probably thinking about what she would say next "What about Raphael?"

Simon was tempted to shut the call in that exact moment, wishing he could keep avoiding that topic for a bit longer. Honestly, he didn't understand why she kept asking how things were going between them, it wasn't like she'd ever been interested in his love life before, but since she'd figured out that Raphael was his mate she'd been persistent and wouldn't leave him alone about it for as much as he tried to escape her curiosity or worry or whatever that was. Even if things with some members of the Clan were getting better and he knew that with time it would only improve, Raphael was another story, and he wasn't looking forward to discuss it. After the Leader had officially accepted him into the Clan, they hadn't talked again, and the only time he'd tried to the Leader had practically closed the door in his face, clearly avoiding him, and everything had gotten even more uncomfortable and awkward. Thinking about it just made him want to crawl into bed and cry to his heart content, because it wasn't going as he'd wanted. He'd been naive, he'd thought he'd be able to get close to his mate, to be at least his friend again since he couldn't hope for more, but apparently even hoping for a friendship had been too much.

"I told you, we politely avoid each other." he answered eventually, trying not to sound as hurt as he felt.

"And you're fine with that?"

Simon grimaced. "It doesn't matter if I'm fine with it or not, that's how things are and there's nothing I can do to change it."

"So what? You're not even gonna try?" she was clearly annoyed by his cowardice, and he couldn't really say that he hadn't thought about giving it a chance, but the consequences for his certain failure were too big to handle - being greedy wasn't an option when he had what little he'd gotten back to lose.

"I can't risk it..." he muttered, still unsure if he wanted to keep dwelling on that topic "It's been hard enough to get where I am now, I didn't think I'd be ever accepted back into the Clan in the first place, so now that I've got this chance I'm not going to fuck up and make things more complicated than they already are, it could even get to the point where I'll have to leave the Hotel, and I'm not letting that happen ever again."

Clary didn't answer right away, probably mulling over his words, and he was thankful that she was trying to understand his reasons and his fears even if it was obvious that she didn't agree with his decision.

"I've lost Jace more than once, for a reason or another, and every time it hurt just as much as the first." she stopped for a moment, and Simon was too curious to find out where she was going with that to say anything "I know what it means to love someone that you think you will never get...it's maddening, and painful, and you just wish you'd never fallen in love in the first place." she sighed, and he really couldn't understand why she was telling him that, he knew perfectly how that felt and he was desperately trying to survive the pain it brought upon his very soul "There was always something standing between Jace and me, something that I had to fight to get him back, but for you is different, there's nothing stopping you, you're just afraid." and that was like a punch in the gut. He was stunned, shocked into silence by her brutally honest words, not expecting them.

"W-what?" he stuttered, not knowing how he was supposed to retort to that.

"I'm not trying to hurt you, Simon, that's the last thing I want to do, but I can't keep silent when I know that you're suffering from a heartbreak that didn't happen."

"He banished me." he interjected weakly "He ignored my calls and texts when I tried to apologize. And now that we live under the same roof he doesn't even want to look or talk to me. Maybe I wasn't open about my true feelings, but he was."

She sighed again, sounding tired. "I know it looks desperate, and considering everything you told me you have all the reasons to believe that he doesn't reciprocate your love, but I still think that telling him would be for the best."

"I don't think so..."

"You're already hurting, it wouldn't change much," she argued "but at least you'd be able to put a finishing point to this situation and then, maybe, you'd be able to move on." she sighed "You will never know if you don't try."

Probably luck was smiling down at him in that moment, because as she finished her sentence his door slammed open, startling him but giving him the chance to escape that weird and hurtful conversation.

"Rise and shine, cupcake." Magnus greeted him with a blinding smile, entering his room without care. "It's time to have some fun." he added smirking mischievously.

"Is that Magnus?" Clary asked, thankfully distracted from their conversation.

"Yeah." he answered trying to keep his voice even "I'll call you tomorrow, 'kay?" and he cut the call without waiting for her reply.

"Oh? Were you busy?" the warlock raised a questioning eyebrow, probably wondering if he was actually bothering his friend.

Simon smiled weakly and shook his head. "It was just Clary, she won't mind." he frowned confused when he saw Lily standing right outside the door. "Something happened?" he asked, suddenly worried.

"Yep, we're done letting you mope in this depressing room." Magnus stared at him intently "You have five minutes to get presentable before I drag you out of here."

"What if I don't want to?" he retorted just to be annoying, knowing full well that he didn't stand a chance against his friends if they really were planning to make him leave his room – actually, it was pretty impressive that they had resisted two whole weeks before calling him out on that.

"Then you'll be going around a very crowded pub with those hideous pajamas on."

"How dare you?" the young vamp feigned hurt and looked horrified "This is a best-seller, it's absolutely impossible to find this Avengers' pajamas nowadays, it's out of stock in every shop, thank you very much."

Magnus chuckled and shook his head. "Half a minute is gone, sunshine, you better hurry."

Simon laughed and jumped out of bed. If he had to be honest he wasn't in the mood to go out and stay around people he didn't know, and he wasn't looking forward to the loud music and the overwhelming mix of smells that he'd have to deal with, but his talk with Clary had shaken him a lot, and for the first time he felt the need to use alcohol to try to forget his problems, hoping that maybe he'd have a good time with his friends if he loosened up a bit. He didn't want to go out, but he'd been really a long time since the last time he'd tried to have some fun, since he'd tried to put his pain away enough to have a normal night, and he had to admit that staying 24/7 in the Hotel wouldn't help to keep his mate out of his mind, so giving it a try couldn't really hurt.

When ten minutes later he left the DuMort surrounded by Magnus, Lily, Melissa, Malia, and Elliot, he was part nervous and part enthusiastic, as if he was a teenager once again and that was the first time he went out clubbing with his friends, and even if he knew that feeling like that was ridiculous he couldn't help it.

It's really been too freaking long.

The Pandemonium was exactly as he remembered, full of people, and noises, and smells, as if the war that had raged for a year and had ended barely a month ago had never happened. All around him Downworlders and mundanes were mixing together, dancing and drinking and smoking, and for as much as he was trying he couldn't look at all that with the same eyes of the first time. Then he'd been still a mundane and had a very different knowledge of the world he lived in - now, he couldn't ignore that young girl, clearly mundane, kissing the hot vampire, wondering if she knew what she was getting into; now, he noticed a vamp get too close to a group of werewolves, and hoped a fight wouldn't break between them; now, he saw a warlock use some kind of spell on her partner's drink and couldn't help worry and ask himself if they knew; now he knew how defenseless mundanes really were, and how certain Downworlders would happily take advantage of that weakness, and he didn't know how he was supposed to handle all that.

He turned his head when someone put a hand on his shoulder, and he couldn't quite understand why Elliot was looking at him with an almost sad expression on his face.

"Going out as a Downworlder for the first time can be overwhelming." he eventually said, a small smile on his lips "You'll get used to it."

Simon sighed and shook his head. "I hope so...I didn't expect to feel like this, it's weird..."

"Try not to think about it, and let's grab something to drink."

He followed his friend through the bustling pub trying to get to the bar, but it proved to be more complicated than it should have and he lost Elliot after just a couple of steps into the crowd. He shook his head, a bit annoyed, but didn't worry too much, already seeing Magnus and Lily take a seat at a table in the far corner of the Pandemonium. He jostled against the people surrounding him, getting to his friends in a couple of minutes.

"Well, that was awful." he commented sitting down next to the girl. "Didn't remember it was so hard to get through that rabble."

Lily chuckled and pinched his shoulder. "That means you've been locked in your room for too long."

"If this is what I get when I do go out, don't think you'll convince me so easily next time."

Magnus rolled his heavily made-up eyes. "Stop complaining and drink, cupcake, we're doing this for you."

For the next hour or so blood and alcohol came his way without a break, and he drank and laughed and had fun, enjoying the chaos around him and forgetting for a bit everything that wasn't his glass and his friends. He was a bit tipsy, definitely not drunk and planning to keep it that way; a part of his mind wanted to know if he could get really, really drunk like a mortal, but for as much as he was enjoying the night, he wasn't looking forward to finding out if a vampire could have a hangover too.

It was when he was sipping the last cocktail Melissa has brought him that Alec joined them, slipping in the seat next to his boyfriend and kissing briefly his cheek, earning back a fond smile, and it was then that Simon's heartbreak began haunting him again, out of the blue, because leaving him alone for more than a couple of hours was asking too much. He signed and drowned his drink in one go, excusing himself to go outside and get some fresh air. Magnus, probably understanding his sudden reaction, smiled sheepishly, as if it was his fault that Alec loved him back while the two vampires couldn't even be friends anymore. Lily sent him a worried glance but didn't say anything, so Simon slipped out of the booth to face the crowd once again. Two steps and he was already annoyed by the chaos, and his already grim mood went rapidly down when a guy blocked his way moving right in front of him, suddenly grabbing his waist and pulling him close.

"Hey, pretty thing, why don't you dance with me?" the stranger all but purred into his face, and the smell of smoke and alcohol mixed together almost made him gag.

"Uh, I'm flattered, really, but my friends are waiting for me." Simon tried to slip from his grip and luckily enough the guy didn't seem too far gone to hold him against his will and let him go immediately – yet, he didn't move out of the way.

"Weird, I just saw you leave their table." the guy commented, smirking with evident satisfaction as if calling him out on his lie would get him anywhere.

The fledgling sighed. "Sorry, uh-"

"Chuck."

"Uh, yeah, sorry, Chuck, you seem nice and all, but I'm not really in the mood for this kind of thing."

"I'd be happy to cheer you up."

Simon looked at him, with his easy smile and bright eyes, with his sandy blond hair and athletic body, and wondered if having a drink with the guy could actually help him go over his mate's rejection. He knew that it was probably the alcohol in his blood to make him even consider the option, but the more he looked at Chuck, the more he thought that giving him a chance couldn't hurt – it'd been really a while since he'd felt wanted, desired, by someone. Before he could do something that he'd later regret, Lily appeared at his side, grabbing his arm and forcing him to take a step back and put some distance between them.

"Is he bothering you?" she asked with a deep frown on her face, glaring at the guy with evident distrust.

Before Simon could say anything, Chuck decided to dig his own grave.

"So it's your duty to keep anyone away when the boss is not around." he scoffed, clearly annoyed by the girl's interruption. "If he doesn't care enough to stay with his Marked one when he's upset, then he doesn't deserve this pup."

It took Simon around half a second to understand what he was talking about, and when he did, he froze in place at the implications of the words. Weirdly enough, that was the first time someone pointed his Mark out so carelessly, and he wasn't sure how he was supposed to react.

"What?" Lily hissed, looking ready to murder the oblivious idiot. "Keep your mouth shut when you don't know what you're talking about." Her voice was venomous and he was tempted to take another step back even if this time around she wasn't addressing him, while Chuck kept bravely facing the raging girl.

Before things could go south, Simon took Lily's hand to stop her from doing something reckless and turned around, marching out of the pub as fast as the crowd let him. He let the girl go only when they were out into the cold night and he was sure that she wouldn't try to go back inside.

"That asshole! How dares he?"

The fledgling sighed. "Cut the guy some slack, he wasn't doing anything wrong."

"Anything wrong?" She glared at him, seeming personally offended by his bland reaction. "It doesn't bother you one bit that he was hitting on you when-" she stopped mid-sentence, frowning "Wait a minute..." she pondered, probably catching on the situation and what had been said only in that moment. "You're not surprised at all..." she eventually muttered, bewildered. "You know Raphael Marked you, you know you are his mate."

His first instinct was to try to avoid that discussion as he always did, but looking at Lily's expression he knew this time around there was nowhere to run, that she wouldn't drop it like a hound that had smelled blood, so eventually Simon attempted a sheepish smile, hoping that she wouldn't get too angry with him for not telling her the truth. "Yeah, I've known for a while."

"Why didn't you say anything?"

"Why didn't you?" he retorted. "I'm not that much of an expert when it comes to all this mates stuff, but I do know that Downworlders can sense the Marks, so when no one commented on mine I just thought that you wanted to avoid bringing it up to not make things even more awkward than they already are."

"What? No, that's not it. We thought you didn't know, and it's been hard enough for you to come back, we didn't want to stress you with this before you'd gotten used to life at the DuMort." she shook her head, disbelieving "And we didn't want you to think that we wanted you back just because Raph fucked up."

"Oh, that's...quite nice of you." he smiled, happy that the Clan had been so mindful of his feelings. "I'm sorry for not telling you." he eventually added.

Lily sighed. "I understand not telling me or anyone else, really, but why didn't you tell Raphael? This concerns him too."

"Are you crazy? I can't tell him, he'd kick me out in half a second."

"Oh God, you two will drive me insane!" she finally snapped, narrowing her eyes "I'm done waiting for you idiots to sort this out by yourselves." Simon opened his mouth to defend himself but she didn't let him, pointing menacingly at him with a finger. "I shouldn't be the one saying this, but this has gone on far too long. I can't stand it anymore!"

"Lily, what-?"

"You love him? You go tell him!" she ordered, her voice a bit too loud.

"I can't! I'm fine like this, I don't need any-"

"He loves you too, for fuck's sake!" she interjected, "He's been moping and pining for the last year, it's ridiculously embarrassing!"

Simon froze as if she'd slapped him, his whole body tense and his mind turning completely upside down, not a single coherent thought left. He wanted to scream, wanted to call her out on her lie, wanted to beg and ask why she was being so cruel with him, but he stared at her, at his exasperated but fond expression, looked straight into her eyes and could see nothing but the truth. He tried to keep his composure, a larger part of him terrified that everything would blow up in his face and that he'd end up crying in a dark corner once again, but his little, treacherous heart was already burning with hope, not doubting for even a second his friend's words, wanting oh-so-much to believe that she would never play with his feelings like that.

Probably Lily could see all those mixed emotions displayed clearly on his face like words in a book's page, because she hugged him right away, trying to reassure him.

"You've been suffering all this time, and so has he." she pecked him on the cheek and smiled. "Don't you think it's been long enough?"

And just like that Simon was running at reckless speed through the night, not caring one bit that someone could see him: he had a mate to talk to.