Flashback

"Have you ever loved anyone Jay?" The small blonde asked of the boy who held her in his arms. She heard him take a deep breath and slowly let it out.

"Does it matter?" he asked, his voice ragged. She could tell he didn't want to talk about this, to him the matter was dropped. However, she couldn't let it go. She needed to know. Only a few months ago she had confessed her love for him and he had practically laughed in her face. Maybe he couldn't love her because he loved someone else. Was he still in love with Alex? If he was still in love with somone else she thought she could handle it. If there was no one else...well...then why couldn't he love her? What was so wrong with her?

"Yes," she said simply. Jay untangled himself from her and slowly stood up from her bed. He began to gather his clothes that were scattered around her floor. He pulled his t-shirt over his head and pulled his jeans on. She watched him, silently, as he walked towards her window and undid the latch. Just as she thought he wasn't going to answer her question and just leave her there, he paused, but did not turn around.

"To answer you question, Emma, I have loved someone, more than you can possibly know. She's too good for me, though. She deserves better," with those words he crawled out of Emma's room and into the dark night.

A tear trailed down the blonde's cheek as she wondered who it was he loved.

Emma Nelson had never thought it would come to this, but somehow it had. She could not understand Jay's outburst that morning and she did not mean to let him get away with it. She was more angry than she had been in a long time. At first she had only been shocked, then talking to Sean in her room only twenty minutes before the anger had begun to fill her up. The look on Sean's face had been one she never wanted to see. She had hurt him more than she had ever dreamed of doing, more than she had ever wanted to. She loved Sean, she just didn't love him the way he loved her. As much as she had tried to love him as she had years ago, she just couldn't. Sean was many things to her, but never again would he be her one and only love. He didn't deserve this, none of them did. Emma closed her eyes for a moment, collecting herself, before knocking on the door in front of her. She waited a few minutes before knocking again. She knew he was here, his car was in the drive and she could hear sounds coming from inside the large house in front of her.

Truth be told his house shocked her. She had never dreamed that Jay would live in a home like this. So many questions rose inside of her at the sight of the beautiful, three-story home. She shook her head, bringing herself out of her thoughts and knocked once more on the majagony door. Finally she decided to just go in. If he didn't want to see her right now, well too bad because she was going to give him a peice of her mind whether he liked it or not.

She walked into the the front hall and slowly made her way towards the noises. She glanced around at the photographs hanging on the wall, taking notice of one in particular. She guessed it was Jay as a child, he couldn't have been more than six in it, he was grinning happily at the camera with a bright green stuffed bear in his chubby little arms. Emma could feel a smile tugging at the edges of her lips at the sight. She continued walking through the house until making her way into the living room. She noticed the mess first, a mess that looked so out of place in an otherwise immaculate house. There were a few beer cans lying carelessly on the floor in front of the couch and a big bottle of brandy about halfway empty sitting on the coffee table. Jay's hat was perched on the armchair of the couch and an empy pizza box lay open on the couch beside him. She stared at Jay, who was sprawled out on the couch watching football on tv, before making herself known.

Emma cleared her throat loudly and Jay slowly turned his head and Emma was shocked by his eyes. His eyes, usually a peircing blue, were dull and sad. The aloof expression he usually kept on his face at all times seemed sorrowful. Emma took a deep breath and shook these thoughts from her mind. She would not feel sorry for him right now. What he had done had been uncalled for and completely careless.

"What'da want," Jay slurred out the words.

"Oh just lovely. You're trashed," Emma accused, sarcastically.

"S-so what? Not like YOU care anyways-s," Jay managed to sputter out.

"You know I care, Jay. But that's not why I'm here. What was your problem this morning Jay?" Emma asked, exasperated by his state of drunkenness.

"You think I don't have feelings," Jay said, then broke out laughing.

"At the moment, Jay, I'm having a hard time caring that you have feelings. You really hurt Sean. He didn't deserve it. You know he didn't deserve it. What did he ever do to you?" Emma yelled at the dark haired boy in front of her.

"What did he do to me? That's rich, Emma," the comment seemed to sober him up a little as his speech wasn't as slurred.

"You love him, that's what he did to me. Sean the lost soul. Sean the first love. Sean the heartbreaker. Sean the hero. Sean the prodigal son. Always about Sean. Sean. Sean. Sean. I can barely stand to say his name anymore!" Jay's outburst filled the living room. Emma just looked at him as if she'd never seen him before. No words would come to her because there was nothing for her to say. How could she respond to that? She'd already told Jay she didn't love Sean anymore, but he hadn't believed her. What was the point anymore?

"I told you, didn't I? That night you told me you loved me. I told you that you didn't. Told you I was just a replacement until he came back. You had the nerve to deny it! Ha! You went back to him almost as soon as he returned. Proved me right," Jay continued ranting.

"What do you care, Jay? You've made it clear from day one that I'm nothing more to you than a good lay now and then. I'm nothing to you, but you're dirty little secret, something for you to be ashamed of in public. Is it so wrong that I didn't want to be alone anymore?" Her words came out strangled. She could feel the tears threatening to overflow, but held them back. She would NOT cry in front of him, not this time.

"No. No, all lies. I lied," Jay whispered. She could tell that he was just as surprised as she was by his words. His blue eyes widened, staring at her, waiting for her to reply.

"What was lies Jay? Because I'm starting to wonder if you even know anymore."

Jay simply sat there, not saying a word. He was drunk, but he could still sense "the danger zone". He was close to telling her his true feelings, but he couldn't. He could never do that. She deserved so much more than he could give her.

"I told you I loved you once, Jay. I wasn't lying. No matter what you think, I wasn't lying. You didn't want me. That's what it came down to, what it comes down to. You don't want me, but you don't want anyone else to have me. How is it that I never realized how pathetic you are?" At that Emma spun around, but before she could leave Jay spoke.

"I didn't tell you why he moved out, Emma." At his words Emma stopped, but did not turn around.

"He questioned me about us. He knew...before this morning. He knew."

"I know, Jay. I know that he knew. Unlike you, apparently, I could see it in his eyes," She said softly.

"You're putting all the blame on me, Em. I wasn't the only one...you had a choice in this too," Jay's voice was quiet.

"Don't you think I know that, Jay? Don't you think I've felt nothing, but guilt since I got back together with Sean?" She spun around so she was facing him now.

"He's been nothing, but good to me since he came back and I've been cheating on him. It doesn't matter how I feel...cheating is low no matter the reasons. I've turned into the girl I hate. It would be easy for me to blame you and say it was all your fault...but it wasn't. I did have a choice. I see now that I made the wrong one," this time when she left he didn't say anything to stop her. He simply stared at the place where she had just stood and mouthed the words, "I love you."

Then for the first time since he was a little boy, Jay cried.