Long after Jarpr's departure, my body lay unmoving in the bed. Muscles tensed from the stiff positions and I stretched my muscles. An immeasurable amount of time had passed as I had stared blankly towards the far wall and open balcony beyond. Frustrated, I tossed the covers from my body and returned my gown to my body, then walked towards the open balcony. The cold tile chilled my skin with each step I took, the flat underside of my foot plopped almost wetly against the stone, my toes curled and expanded as I walked. In just a few long strides, I reached the open balcony and rested my elbows atop the waist high wall to observe the night sky and land below. The mountain range sprawled lazily against the horizon; the tips seemed to reach towards the moon, the light reaching downward to bath the mountaintops in an eerie pale glow, while the base was lost to the shadows. The forest that stood between the mountains and the castle stretched almost endlessly, littered with tree branches that swayed and danced in the evening breeze. A lake lay beyond the trees, the reflection of the moon shone brightly on the still surface, so still among the dancing trees. Perhaps the little details were lost to me at a distance, perhaps the water rippled from the wind, or from fish that jumped into the night air to capture an instinct for dinner. It was so easy to loose myself in those woods, so easy to hunt and climb and not think on the confusion that surrounded my life. Had my life always felt this way? No. I had been happy, so very happy with my sisters, my father – everything had been right then. I frowned as I recalled the sinking in my stomach when I had occasionally thought of my someday marriage to Yåkov, but the thought had always been fleeting and I had comforted myself with thoughts that something would change that future. I recalled fantasies of meeting someone with whom to fall in love with, someone I would choose over Yåkov and that dreaded union would never occur.
It was in that moment that Jarpr's face – bathed in shadows, flashed before my mind. I grunted in frustration and ground my teeth together. Why did I have this reaction to a servant? Why did I allow my husband to use me? In a few short months, my life had gone from happy to confused at best, miserable at worst. Nightmares randomly plagued my sleep – either smokes and fire or Yåkov's hand on my body.
I felt – useless, helpless, and angry, angry because I was not any of those things. Angry because I could easily defend myself, because I was no one's pawn, angry because I had never felt so completely and utterly out of control. How could I regain control of my life? My body felt agitated and restless and I knew I would be unable to find sleep. Sharply, I turned on my heel away from the night sky and walked back into the room. Teeth captured my lower lip as I considered the options before me – I could return to my bed to sleep or go for a much-needed walk.
The bed loomed before me and I knew that was not where I wanted to be; decision made I slipped into my leather boots and swiftly exited my chambers with one location in mind – the forest.
The air nipped at my skin as I exited the hall and walked through the open courtyard. The arches, also bathed in a pale glow, greeted me as I passed beneath and walked towards the forest's edge. As my feet shuffled along the dirt and fading grass, I cursed myself for not changing from my gown into something more suitable. Too late to turn back, I knew I would have to make due with the long gown that brushed the earth below.
Leaves had begun falling from the trees, the night was cooler now as summer began to recede from the stifling hot days and warm evenings. The grass had also begun to fade, from the vibrant green of the spring to summer to a dull color that signaled the onset of fall. I passed by the large trunks and climbed over mossed covered logs until I reached the lake. It was quiet here, no noise from the forest animals could be heard here, surrounded by the thick oak trees the breeze was minimal here and while the lake was not as smooth as I had initially thought, the waters lightly lapped the edges where the dirt met the shallow water.
Yet, not even here could I escape my feeling of helplessness, and the anger threatened to bubble to the surface. With a groan I turned from the water to the nearest tree and decided physical exertion would surely help settle my mind. My fingers reached for the first branch and my leg stepped out to push against the bark of the trunk when a loud rip sounded by my feet.
I had ripped my gown.
That one action brought a smile to my lips.
My fingers released the branch and I knelt by the tree while I gripped the torn fabric and continued to rip along the edge until the fabric reached below my knees. The hem was now uneven and ugly, but the strange satisfaction gained from that one moment was gratifying. I returned my attention towards the branches and slowly began to pull myself upwards. Each branch I conquered felt like a small victory for me and I continued my climb until I was higher than I had been in a long time.
It had been years since I dared climb this high, and with a heaving chest from the physical challenge, I sat on a branch and peered down. I could almost hear the branches snapping as the memory of my fall filled my senses. The pain from the impact had been overwhelming and I had rolled around on the ground while the tears had fallen freely. The years were swept away with the wind as I recalled the blinding pain, the panicked guard, and then the knowledge that I was alone.
I had felt helpless then as well.
I knew something terrible had occurred, but the pain my body felt pushed the worry from my mind so a new terror could sweep through. The terror of being alone, possibly broken, on the forest floor, the knowledge that I was not as powerful or skilled as I had thought, the knowledge that none of my training could help me in that moment. It was a terrible feeling and yet, seated in this branch high above the forest and earth below, it anchored me to this moment. My breathing became labored as the stress threatened to overwhelm me, and no matter how I slowed my breathing or deeply I inhaled, my body still screamed for air. Blood ran cold and my fingers loosened their grip on the branch, they felt numb and almost frozen as I struggled to fill my lungs.
Then the voice was carried by the wind.
It was familiar, hauntingly so, and I felt my body begin to relax and my lungs finally filled with the air they so desperately needed. Was this the memory again? Did the memory wash through me and calm me now? The years were once again swept away in my mind, as that same voice continued to hum an unfamiliar tune, the voice perfect in clarity and pitch, and most importantly – soothing. As the panic subsided I struggled with my thoughts and memories.
The guard had departed, sought help and I had been alone. My cries had ripped through me until it felt as though someone were pressing down onto me and my body struggled frantically for air. It was then that the haunting melody had carried through the trees and almost immediately calmed me. The pain still pulsed through me, but it was almost as if it were background noise, no longer at the forefront of my awareness. The song had continued until the blackness consumed me, and when I had awoke – the guards had returned and were carrying me with great care back towards the castle.
Peering down again from the height of the branches, I acknowledged it was a good time to climb down, before any more panic consumed me or the forest sang any more forgotten melodies. Carefully, I climbed back down the tree, and further ruined my dress. I chuckled darkly and looked forward to throwing the garment into the fire in my room.
The return walk to the castle and my chambers was longer than I recalled the initial walk out, but it was still evening when I walked through the doors. Curiously, I toed softly towards my sisters' chambers to find their beds still empty. My brows knitted together as I wondered where they had spent the day and this night.
About to return to my own chamber, I heard a soft knock at the door. Turning, I walked towards the door and slowly opened it. On the other side stood an abashed Leif, who looked surprised by my answer.
"Good eve Leif. What brings you to my chamber?" I inquired. His eyes bulged slightly as he took in my appearance, no doubt dirtied from the forest and my gown ripped scandalously high about my knees.
His eyes averted my body while he spoke, "I was concerned Highness, and wanted to make sure you were okay. You seemed greatly troubled," he explained.
I was about to dismiss him with my thanks when a new idea formed in my mind. "Thank you Leif, I appreciate the thought. Will you head to your room now?"
He shook his head, "No, I was unable to sleep and feel restless, I'll probably walk the halls." The idea blossomed in my mind at his answer.
"Would you be willing to train with me?" I requested.
Confusion bathed his face before he composed himself again, "Er, yes Your Highness, I can do that. Would you like to train in the maze again?"
I laughed, and it felt freeing as it bubbled from my chest onto my lips. "No, I had something quite different in mind. I train in the maze daily, but rarely get an opportunity for hand-to-hand combat, something I fear I am dreadfully less skilled in. Would you be able to train me, as the guards train?"
A bright smile lit his whole face as he nodded, "Yes, Highness. Meet me in the training courtyard in about half an hour?"
I nodded and excused myself to change. My body hummed with the excitement of a new challenge and my mind whispered to me that this would make me feel more in control of my life. Quickly, I moved to my chest and changed my attire.
The stars twinkled above me as I drank in the cool night air of the training courtyard. Patiently, I awaited Leif's arrival with my knife laced to my side and a shield by my feet.
"Highness," the voice startled me and I whipped my body around in a start. Leif was bowed at the waist, his eyes cast down towards the ground, his arm behind his back. After a pause, he straightened his posture and towered above me.
Leif was dressed in a grey fur tunic and dark blue wool trousers, a large shield was gripped in his left hand, while a spear was held in his right hand. Dark eyes peered down from me, his blonde hair secured at the nape of his neck and a few strands tickled the tops of his shoulders. Alabaster skin gleamed in the moonlight in stark contrast to his darkened furs. "Are you ready to begin my Queen?"
"Yes, thank you Leif." With a nod his torso curved as he reached behind him and retrieved an odd bat wrapped in leather bits. He held the odd article out, extended towards me in offering. Curious, my arms reached for the item, my fingers slid down the surface feeling the sensation of cool leather that hinted at something beneath. "What is this?" I asked.
He nodded towards the article in indication that I should take it from him. I narrowed my eyes in confusion, the skin between my eyes pulled down in a slight "v". My arms extended to remove the bat from his grasp, fingers gripped around the center of the leather, and pulled upwards. The bat was exceedingly heavy and I struggled to hold it level as Leif had, my muscles ached from the exertion. "That is quite heavy, what is it?"
A chuckle escaped his lips as he watched my struggles, "This is the shaft of a battle axe wrapped in leather to create a more blunt instrument. It is used for Gilma training, which is what I will teach you."
"I can barely lift this, how will I train with it?"
He motioned to one of the large wooden pillars scattered throughout the courtyard and took long strides towards it. The pillar was as thick as an oversized warrior and stretched high in the sky, several feet above the tallest warrior. A thick-corded rope wrapped snugly around the pillar, like a snake around its prey, and continued upwards, stopping a few feet below the flat top. "Do you know what this is used for, Highness?" I nodded and he continued, "Well of course, this is used for climbing, but in Gilma training it is used for combat. Allow me," his hand extended to reclaim the shaft. With ease, his hands encircled the bat and swung mightily first to the right side then to the left. Each strike extended his limbs fully then his muscles bunched and strained as he pulled the bat from the elbows over his opposite shoulder to land another blow. He repeated the action a handful of times before he turned to me with explanation, "The shaft is meant to be heavy. It prepares a warrior for the strength required to carry both a shield and their sword or spear. You complete twenty strikes per side, and then we will progress to Buxantök. Though you are small in frame and as I have witnessed Highness, rather deft in speed and escape, you lack the skills to stand your ground, protect yourself, and fight."
My pride was stung with his comment, but it rang true. I had lost a brief yet simple sparring match to an untrained servant, how well could I expect to stand my ground against skilled and trained fighters and warriors? He returned the heavy article to my waiting hands and I struggled to keep the instrument level. With a grunt he instructed me, "Highness, strike the pillar – fully extend your arms and then return the shaft over your shoulder, repeat this action on each side." Thick, muscled arms demonstrated the actions while he spoke.
I nodded and took a deep breath. Muscles screamed in protest as I extended my arms and struck the pillar. The impact jarred me, shook me, and my fingers lost their grip about the hilt. With a soft thud the bat fell to the ground, my toes inches from the impact. I panted with the exertion of one strike, and then lowered my gaze to my heated palms. Angry red splotches littered the inside of my palm and along the delicate undersides of my fingers. "I need something smaller, this is too heavy," I panted in an attempt to catch my breath.
Eyebrow arched, in amusement or confusion Leif answered me, "No, if you are attacked, your greatest weakness if your size and strength – both to endure and with which to attack. The primary focus here is to increase that endurance and your level of strength. An attacker will not care if something is too heavy for you, they will want it to be too much for you. Now – do it again."
Every nerve in my body screamed in protest as I reached out again for the bat and lifted it level with my chest. Again I struck the pillar and again the impact alone jarred and shook me. This time however, I did not drop the bat and I considered this a small victory. I turned my head and grinned at Leif, who with a smirk replied, "Eighteen more strikes My Queen, get to it."
Still wearing that goofy grin, I raised the bat again for another strike. By the time I completed twenty strikes on one side, my palms burned and itched, my shoulders were sore, and my back screamed in protest to my continued actions. However, stubborn as I was, I would not quit until I had completed twenty strikes on each side. After I completed the required strikes on the other side of the pillar, I turned towards Leif, chest heaving and asked, "What's next?"
I was cut short as he barreled towards me, his large warrior's body on the path for impact and I dodged to the side at the last moment. He turned back towards me and with a smirk stated, "Highness, you're not supposed to dodge the attack. You are supposed to be able to withstand and hold your ground. However, that will come later. Tonight, we are finished. Next time, we will complete twenty strikes and then use the shield." My eyes fastened to the large, thick shield he held and the smaller one I had brought with me, I was doubtful I could swing the bat and then hold the oversized shield or even my smaller one. Ever observant, Leif answered my unspoken objection, "You cannot do this yet, but the point of the training is that you will be able to do so by the end. Come now, you must be exhausted." I nodded and allowed him to walk me back to my chambers.
The sky had lightened and I knew dawn rapidly approached, and with it a new day. After bidding Leif goodbye and changing into a dressing gown, I crawled back beneath the sheets of my bed, and allowed the exhaustion to pull me into a deep slumber.
A/N: To give you an idea of the time frame we are dealing with here: Yåkov and Izabel were married in late spring or early summer and two months later Jarpr shows up as a wedding gift from Tyr. The first half of the story takes place from mid/end of summer through what Americans celebrate as Halloween (which is a different observance for the Vikings). As such, we're going to see some developments in the coming chapter to set everything up for the whole second part of the story (which is again complete).
I hope you are all still enjoying Izabel, even though I know the last two chapters her actions and decisions have been questionable at best. But remember that this is a different culture, she's in a very difficult position right now, and she's trying what she feels is the most non-violant approach to find a solution. So don't be too hard on her. She's also very much human and is prone to mistakes.
A bit of history: what Leif is teaching her is actually how Viking warriors trained, they really used the heaviest battleaxe hilts, wrapped them in leather, and beat them against corded poles or thick pillars. As Leif explained, the point of that exercise is for strength - to build up the ability to not only handle, but also fight with heavy and large weapons. After a warrior completed the strikes, they would have to wrestle (did you know Vikings invented modern day wrestling?) one another in one of three body positions - the first and easiest being bent at the knees while the last and most difficult was closest to the ground (knees on the ground).
If you're liking the story, please consider leaving me a review. They always brighten my day and give me an extra pep in my step. Plus they let me know what you're thinking of the story, what theories you have, etc. And you know, I just love to read your theories - do any of them involve radioactive spiders or are they all of bad guys? ;-)