Chapter 10

Bella's Point Of View

I tossed and turned on the hard floor; my back and neck ached from being so stiff from laying on the hard wood floors for almost a week. I stretched and groaned loudly, half expecting Alice or Esme to be there when I finally did open my eyes. I smiled at myself and sighed a little content. I opened eyes to find the hallway and the stair case empty.

"That is odd" I thought to myself. "No one has left me alone since I have been here. Maybe Edward is finally out of his room and didn't want to wake me!" I thought foolishly.

If Edward was out of his room, he would not just let me lay on the floor, he would have moved me to the bed at least or cradled me while I slept. He would not leave me here on the floor...would he? I could feel my heart hammering in my chest...why? It made no sense, Edward was not dangerous to me at all. So why was my body trying to tell me different? It made no sense to me. I sucked in a deep breath thought my nose and let it out slowly through my mouth; I picked myself up off the floor and knocked on Edward's door.

When my knuckles came in contact with the door it opened slightly and my heart soared in my chest; I actually broke down in tears of happiness. He was finally letting me in. I pushed the door open and ran into the room, expecting him to be standing in the same spot; but he was not in his room. My hope and happiness plumited to the soles of my feet in less then a second.

"NO!" I shouted. "Edward...Where are you?" I yelled though my tears of despair. I ran into Alice and Jasper's room; it was empty. "Edward! Alice! Jasper! Esme! Carlisle! Emmett! Rosalie!" I shouted desperately; no one was answering me. I searched the whole house and nothing.

"Gone...they all are gone!" I cried "Why did they leave me! Why! What did I do this time!"

There was only one thing I could think to do. Because there was only one thing that I could do to ease the pain that unleashed itself from my chest; the pain was ten fold and I thought for sure Edward had come from behind me to rip out my beating heart where I stood. I had to look down to make sure I was still in one piece. Again physically I was fine but hope-I had once foolishly given into hope and look where it got me-hope was here to finish off the job it started so many months ago.

The pain crippled me to the floor and I screamed once in a pain so great I thought for sure my heart was being torn apart with every beat. With nothing but my will power to get out of the house I ran out of the house grabbing the spare set of keys to the Volvo and drove towards the meadow. I had no idea why I was headed there; I should be driving the other direction, I should have kept driving and found a different life some place else; but life was not something I planed on living much longer.

"Bella are you crazy! You plan on killing yourself! What about Charlie and Jake and Renee?" I screamed in my head; it was only now the self-preservation button was flicked on. "Why are all of my reactions backwards! I should not care about living with out my true love gone; he left me again, he broke his promise and took everyone with them again. I hated him so much; every scrap of love I had ever felt for him as dissipated into nothing." I thought trying to control my breathing; my lungs were detached again and my left arm was around my torso again, squeezing around my rib cage so tightly I thought I would shatter my own ribs.

It took me only a few minutes to reach the trail that was opposite to our meadow; the thought burned like acid in my head and I almost lost control of all my body function, I slumped over on my side; the gear shift was digging into my ribs but that pain was easy to ignore, I lay across the width of the car in agony, trying to get my lungs to work properly; my attention was caught by something shiny on the floor of the car. My razor for my legs, it must have fallen out of my bag and I had not noticed. I left it on the floor and left the car door open dying for an escape into the confines of the forest. I looked back once then continued deeper into the forest; I had become a lot better at hiking so it took me half the time it usually did and it helped I did know the way; it was not a search and trial hike this time.

The ache in my chest flared and breathing became harder and harder, but I pushed on until I got to the little creek; I sat on a fallen log and tried to catch my breath. Breathing was easy when you were human, it was the most basic need to a human; we didn't have to think to breathe it was just something our minds and bodies instinctively knew how to do.

So why could I barely breathe now when my mind was not reminding myself to breathe. I had no answer for that so I just kept moving forward.

The clouds were no where in sight when I stepped into the meadow; brilliant sun light filled the perfectly circular meadow, a light breeze blew thought the open space and the smell of wild flowers assaulted my nose and sent my mind spiraling into old memories, happy memories, memories I wished did not have so much power over me. I literally crawled into the middle of the beautiful meadow and let the pain pull me under.

It was twice as bad as before; it felt like someone had lit me on fire and left me to burn alone in one the happiest places in my life. My fingers dug into the earth as my body twitched and writhed in pain; the sunlight blinded me and the breeze stung my eyes. I screamed like I had so long ago; in my once forgotten nightmares or when I finally realized that he was never coming back for me. My tears burned as they leaked from my eyes. My skin was flush for screaming and crying; the salt in my tears burned my face. I thought for sure they would have burned steady track marks in my skin from all of the tears I have cried over the last two years; I had to blink quite a few times to try and clear out the tears that blurred my vision; It was painful. Everything was painful; breathing was painful, my beating heart was aching with every beat, my rib cage felt like it was bruised from holding it so tightly, every part of my body was hurting, throbbing and aching.

I must have been dying because I heard voices calling my name from some place far away; I couldn't hear what they were saying over my screams of agony; but I managed to catch some of what was said.

"Bella!" The angel cried. "Calm down please! Your Edward is here. I am here my love." The angel said to me. "I don't know, she's not injured, just screaming! Help her please!"

"Please just end my pain! Please just kill me now!" I screamed. "He left me, he killed me! Please kill me...please! Please end my life. I do not want to live without him anymore...please...kill me!" I cried thrashing around in cold arms.

Calm and peace hit my body like a wrecking ball and all of my pain stopped in that same instant. "Thank You for ending my pain; tell him I loved him, tell them all I loved them." I whispered before I closed my eyes. "Tell Rosalie I forgive her and that I love her like a sister. Tell Jasper I don't hold him responsible. Tell my best friend...my sister...I love her. Tell Emmett he was the best big brother a sister could ever have. And finally tell my second mother Esme she did a wonderful job of taking care of me and my second father, I loved him so." Blackness washed over me and pulled under.

I had finally died in peace.