Warnings: Boylove, paedophilia, swearing, shitty writing, so on and so forth. Go read my other fanfics if you don't like this one. Or flame me. I've never actually been flamed before. I think it'd be pretty funny.
Disclaimer: I don't even own a copy of KH3D yet, let alone the fucking characters.
Note: There will be more chapters. And more XigDem oneshots involving cheesecake. And so on and so forth. I just want to ask y'all not to murder me for the contents of this chapter. Or in general. But don't be angry with me, k? K. Big loves to y'all.
xxx
I realised something about myself quite recently.
I don't do well when I don't get my own way.
It first became obvious when Vexen point-blank refused to fix my guns for me. I flipped and, well, some things got broken. Including his nose. The rest of the Organization is more careful of me these days, even Axel. I kind of liked the distance, the way the atmosphere shifted every time I scowled or crossed my arms during conversation. Of course, one damn person has to be the exception. One fucking person had to smile warmly as he denied me the one thing I had wanted for what was getting near to a decade.
Demyx.
"So... let me get this straight..." I cleared my throat, utterly unsure of where to put myself or what the fuck to do. "You... you don't want..."
"I don't want a relationship with you. I don't even want to be your friend, really." He was lying, he was lying, please tell me that he was lying... "I hope you'll understand, Xigbar. It's just... I want to cut ties with people, right? Not just you, but like, my uncle and everyone. I've got some tough shit of my own going on, and I just..."
"It's okay." I swallowed hard. "It's fine."
I was lying. I was shaking as he closed his bedroom door, clearly busy getting ready for a mission or some shit, and I couldn't help but wonder whether this was what anger was meant to feel like. Fuck knows I had felt it often enough when I'd had a heart, and up to this point I was always getting high on shallow facsimiles of the strongest feelings, but that's all they were. Shadows. Fakes. Memories of how I was supposed to feel.
But I'll be fucked if I wasn't feeling at least a little bit at the news that actually, Demyx was more or less done with me.
Ten minutes later I was hammering on Xaldin's door so hard that my fists were going to bruise, accidentally punching him in the chest when he opened up to let me in. Silently I pushed past him and threw myself into his desk chair, burying my face in my hands.
"Demyx problems, I take it?" I nodded. "If it makes it any better, I hate the new guy."
"Why?" I didn't really want to talk about the little blonde mindfuck just now. Or at all, but fuck knows that Xaldin will bring it up sooner rather than later.
"Think about it, Xigbar. Take out the X, shuffle the letters –"
"The blonde gambler you dated!" I sat bolt upright, remembering the photo Xaldin (or rather, Dilan) had shown me very proudly, the smile that had lit his face as he pointed out his boyfriend's earrings. "Shit, Xaldin, I never realised –"
"Nor did I. He recognised me before I recognised him." Xaldin shrugged. "I guess it's karma or some shit. Anyway... Demyx."
"I don't wanna talk about it."
Xaldin shrugged. "Fine, I guess I'll just go have something to eat –"
"No, don't!" He smirked at me and I curled my hands into fists. "Look, I'm absolutely furious right now. I don't know how I've managed not to break anything yet. I just... just..."
"Aw, did little Xigbar not get his own way this time?"
I stood up. "I am fully capable of ripping out your stomach and flinging it through space onto your ex-boyfriend's head, you know."
Xaldin just smirked wider – I didn't even know that he knew how to smirk – and shook his head. "I think that Demyx will be good for you, Xigbar. A fair few places below you in the Organization, years and years younger than you, and still the only person able to say no."
"You are so funny, Xaldin. Are you going to give me some sort of advice, or am I just supposed to go and start breaking things?"
He shrugged, picking up some paperwork from the table beside his bed. He was so tidy and organised it was insane. "It's up to you, really. What would you like me to do?"
"I'd like you to make the little blonde mindfuck tell me the truth about how he feels about me."
Xaldin scoffed. "How he feels about you? You can't be serious, Xigbar, you sound like –"
"Shut up. I know precisely what I sound like, all right? It's just... I waited for him for years, and now he's just..."
"He's just playing with your head, that's all he's doing. Just don't cave, and he'll be on his knees begging you to take him back by Friday. Haven't you ever noticed Zexion and Lexaeus?" I shook my head. Why would I pay them any attention? "VI is always trying to manipulate V, and after a while Lexaeus realised that there was no way he could win unless he just ignored it. So now you have about three days a week when they don't talk to each other, one day when they're muttering to each other about how sorry they are and how different things will be this time, and three more days when they're all over each other."
"Okay, I really didn't need those images in my head, thanks." I shuddered and started for the door. "I'll just leave before you say anything grosser. And Xaldin?"
"Yes?" he answered, opening the door and gesturing for me to go first.
"Thanks for everything. I know I'm a pain in the ass sometimes, but..."
"Sometimes?" He laughed. "Don't mention it. I'm sure I'll be whining to you about my little blonde problem sooner or later, anyway."
xxx
Deep breath. Deep, steady breath. Just reach out, knock on his door, hand over the paperwork, and get the fuck away from him before he could mess me up any more. Easy. Simple.
Fuck.
I reached out and knocked on the door, swearing so much within my own head that I was surprised nobody had bothered to censor my thoughts yet. It was mostly just a chant of fuck shit fuck shit fucking fucky fucker fuck, but it was enough to make me feel uncomfortable considering I was about to enter the presence of someone who was meant to be much younger than me, and of course a little bundle of innocence.
"Hello?"
"Open up, I have some paperwork for you." There was some shuffling and then the door opened just a crack, one of Demyx's eyes appearing on the other side. "You're going to have to open the door to take it off me, genius."
He laughed nervously. "Yeah... um... thanks, Xigbar. I'll just... uh..." He stuck his hand through the narrow gap between the door and his frame, just about managing to grab the sheaf of paper and pull it out of my hand. "See you around, I guess –"
"What are you hiding, kid?"
"Don't call me kid, and I'm not hiding anything." He went to shut the door but I stuck my foot in the way, ignoring the painful crunching of my own toes.
"Don't give me that bullshit. Open the door and show me."
He took a deep breath and kicked the door open. "Will you please go away now?"
Luxord.
Luxord was in his bed.
Luxord was in his bed and he wasn't wearing any clothes.
I turned away. I think that I knocked some of the papers out of Demyx's hands. I sprinted to the end of the corridor and leaned against a wall, sucking in air.
Well, Xaldin was right, he was going to be whining about his own little blonde problem soon.
Why the fuck did I care? I didn't. I shouldn't. I shouldn't have been shaking like a building in an earthquake. I shouldn't have needed the wall behind me for support. I shouldn't have my guns in my hands and my trigger fingers shouldn't have been flexing.
Something about Demyx was completely fucking me up.
Wouldn't it be ironic if I were allergic to him?
xxx
A/N: I need to tell you guys something. Something real important. Lean in nice and close, okay? Closer. Closer still. So close that I can hear you breathing. Okay, that's close enough. The thing is...
I give a fuck about you.
Every single one of you, whether you live fanfiction or just dabble in it, whether you adore my stories or whether you just use them to kill time. Big, small, happy, sad, boys, girls, neither, both, straight, gay, bi, trans, everyone. And I figured I'd just tell you all this because it's Thursday today and Thursday is the most common day of the week for suicides. I don't want any of you to die. Just by upping my story stats and reviewing, you save me from the depths of hell every single day. (Maybe not always literally, but you know what I mean.) I love you all, and I want you to know that. I probably sound like a creeper now, but oh well. I just needed to get that off my chest. Loves and kisses and review whoring as normal.