A.N: First of all, still do not own Twlight or Sweet Home Alabama.
Secondly, I am officially on Spring Break. I'm driving home tonight. I will post the next chapter later tonight, so be on the lookout. I'll also be updating Just and Ordinary Day and Just the Beginning. =) Thanks for your honest review guys. And those of you that want Alice/Jasper to meet, you'll get that next chapter. For those of you that are sick of Jacob, this is for you. But he's not gone yet.
As soon as he saw me, he stood. I carefully walked over to hug him, already paranoid about what my mom had told him. He didn't seem angry or upset, so they must not have been talking long. I hadn't gotten the chance to warn either of my parents about the extent of my "pen name" with Jake. With Jake, it wasn't so much a pen name as a completely different person. He didn't call me Bella like the rest of my friends. I was Izzy or Isabella, or a pet name.
"Um, Jake," I was able to choke out, "Can I talk to you for a minute? Upstairs?" I asked.
Crap. My mom was totally going to think we were having sex or something up there.
"I just want to talk to you about something quickly," I added. He nodded, smiling brilliantly, and motioned for me to lead the way. As I walked up the stairs to my room, I felt like I was walking towards my execution. I was not ready for this talk. But I had to do it. I had to tell him 100% the whole story, because he needed to know, 100% the real me before he married me. When we got to my room, he looked around, smiling.
"Wow, Bella, is this seriously your room?" he chuckled, looking around. I blushed, and sat on the bed, scooting to lean against the headboard. I just nodded shyly.
"Wow, I can't believe I'm in Isabella James' room. I'm so gonna get under her bra tonight," he joked, coming to sit next to me on the bed. I smiled, and turned towards him. I sat cross legged, facing him, my knees pressed against his leg, holding his hand.
With his free hand, he cupped my cheek.
"Sweetheart, what's wrong?" he asked. "I'm really sorry I showed up unannounced. You just sounded so down when I called that I booked the next flight out. I came here, but couldn't get ahold of you. I was eating at that diner in town and your mother came in and recognized me and took me home," he laughed. Now that he explained what had happened, I stopped panicking. At least he didn't know anything yet. I looked down, taking deep breaths to avoid the tears. I had to get through this without crying.
"Jake, about that. There's something I need to tell you," I told him, looking into his eyes. He looked worried instantly, but didn't say anything, waiting for me to continue.
"Jake, before I go any further, I want you to know that I love you very much. But, there's a side of me, the Forks side, that I've hidden away from a lot of people. Well, everyone actually, including myself," I paused to try to gauge his reaction, but he was intent on listening. Good sign. I took another deep breath.
"I need you to promise me something. I need you to promise that you will listen to this entire story without interruption. Please don't get angry and storm off. By all means, feel free to feel whatever you want, but please just hear me out, then once the story is over, if you so choose, you can leave". I told him seriously. He looked slightly more worried, but only slightly so. He just nodded for me to continue. I hesitated, and he picked up on it.
"I promise," he said, leaning over to kiss my cheek. I smiled in gratitude.
"I need to start by telling you that my name is not Isabella James. That is a pen name. My real name is Isabella Swan. Well, actually, it's still Isabella Cullen." His eyes widened at this piece of information. I decided to just go ahead and say it, not wanting to keep him in suspense for long.
"I married my high school sweetheart right out of high school. I got pregnant, and we thought it was the right thing to do." His jaw dropped, and he glanced hurriedly around my room, no doubt trying to look for evidence of a child. I shook my head.
"No, we lost the baby," I told him in a low voice, looking down at my lap. This was the hard part of the story. If I wanted to not cry, I could not look at him. I sniffled before continuing.
"Edward and I married young, and our marriage was not strong enough to withstand the death of a child. I was feeling so guilty and broken I needed to get out of this town. As you could probably tell, Forks is an incredibly small town, and gossip spreads quickly. I couldn't be here, with everyone talking about me." I didn't realize I was crying until Jake moved to wipe the tears away from my cheeks. One hand holding mine tightly, the other playing with my hair. It was comforting.
"I moved to the city, and met you a year later. Edward and I didn't speak for five years, until a few days ago when I came here. I needed him to sign divorce papers. He'd held on tightly to our relationship after I left. He was convinced that I would work through my grief and come back to him, so he kept refusing to sign the divorce papers. I had to threaten further legal action to get him to sign them. But I went to talk to him last night, and once he found out about us, he said he would sign them." I spilled out. I knew I was talking too fast, but I had to get it out just as fast as I could. I took another breath and looked up at Jake. He was looking down at me, obviously shocked. I saw tears welling in his eyes, which only made my own tears begin to fall faster.
"I'm so, so sorry Jake…I was so scared…of everything…I should have told you sooner," I whispered, choking on the lump in my throat. He just nodded, seemingly needing a minute to process all the information I'd given him. He slowly dropped my hand, and removed the other from my hair. Both of his hands went to his hair. He was upset, I could tell. I could count on one hand the number of times I'd seen him like this in our four year long relationship. I just sat there for what seemed like hours, waiting for him to speak.
"Are you angry?" I asked softly, not able to handle the silence anymore. He looked up at me with sad eyes.
"Yeah, although I'm more hurt," he said honestly. I should be upset, but all I could feel was overjoyed that he was talking.
"I understand," I nodded.
"I just wish that you could have trusted me with this, Bella." He admitted. "If we were to get married, what else would you keep from me? I don't want to have secrets in this relationship. Don't get me wrong, you're entitled to your private thoughts, as I am, but this…I just feel like this is something you should have told me. I understand your hesitation to, and I even understand not telling me when we first began dating. But what about all those times that I poured my heart out to you, telling you about the car accident that claimed the lives of my mother and two sisters?" he asked, growing more upset and angry. I was actually relieved at this. I was afraid he would be overly sweet, which would only make me feel guilty.
"I'm just very sorry Jake. But I'm not going to make excuses for myself. I should have told you, end of story." He just nodded, staring at my engagement ring. Slowly, he moved his hand so that he was playing with it, and slid it off. I gasped.
"Jake?! What are you doing?" I cried.
"Bella, I am not breaking up with you. I am, however, ending our engagement. Not because I don't love you, because I do. You have no idea how much, Bella, but you're married. I can't be engaged to someone that is still married. I am going to check into a hotel and stay for three days. I promise I will leave you alone. You feel free to call me to talk, but I will leave you alone. Is-Be-you have a big decision to make. From what I heard, I think you are still in love with Edward. And it's to be expected. He was your first love, and you created and lost something precious. But I can't love you enough for the both of us. We both deserve to be happy. That's all I want, is for you to be happy. Please, think about this decision." He smiled for the first time then, which confused me. "And I want you to really think about it. I want you to remove Edward and I from the situation and think about it. I know you, well, I think I know you pretty well. I'm pretty sure you didn't change your personality," he joked, and I nodded in confirmation "It's because I know you so well that I know you will feel guilty about this. You need to forget about what I want, or what your friends or parents want. Forget about what Edward wants. Think about what you want. Again, I will be here for a few days and then I'm going back to Manhattan. Take as much time as you need, just let me know what you decide." He got up and kissed my forehead one more time. "Oh, and once more thing," he said, stopping at the doorframe. "I promise I will not make any statements to the press about this. If you and Alice make one, I will just have my rep confirm, or say 'no comment'." He assured. I smiled in gratitude.
I heard his car pull out of the driveway not long after.
I sat where I was, still a little frozen in shock. When I finally snapped out of it, I was completely humiliated. I could not believe how stupid I had been. My mistakes just continued to snowball and I needed to stop it before it got completely out of control. I couldn't go back downstairs to face anyone. I just needed to curl up in a ball of misery and stay that way. It was what I deserved. I curled up under my covers and closed my eyes, praying for sleep.
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When I woke up, it was dark outside and there was a soft knocking at the door.
"Come in," I called, my voice cracking, thick with sleep. I cleared my throat and sat up in bed. Alice poked her head in. I smiled sadly at her, and she came to sit next to me on the bed, putting an arm around me.
"You know Bella, I am a firm believer in working out one's problems logically. I think that the best way is to face the people you are afraid of talking to and getting everything out in the open. However, sometimes, alcohol is best to do first-" I cut her off before she could get out another word.
"Let's go," I said, jumping out of bed.