Disclaimer: I don't own anyone.

A/N: Hi guys! I know I said that the last chapter would be the last before the end of the year, and I planned to have this chapter done by Wednesday or Thursday, but I'm getting this out of the way so I can use my last week of vacation to finish other important things before the New Year.

Chapter 10: An Afternoon Shower

It rained while he slept. Not a rumbling thunderstorm that shook the Tower, but a light shower that cleared up by the late afternoon.

Leslie came by to check on him a few hours later, when he had awoken from his nap. She took out the IV, though told him sternly that he needed to drink lots of water. Dick nodded, and she left him to his own devices.

He took a shower and scrubbed away his worries, and once he was finished he changed into clothes that had been left out for him. Nothing special, and certainly not his old Robin uniform. They seemed to belong to one of the newer Titans, for they were a little large on him.

Leslie did not return. Perhaps she was off speaking to Bruce about his medical condition, or maybe talking with the Titans. Dick didn't think he was hurt that badly. Even after his encounter with Bane he hadn't broken any ribs. Maybe bruised them a little, but Dick had allowed himself to be captured and therefore avoided serious injury.

Dick didn't mind that Leslie left him alone. He wanted to be left alone with his thoughts, even though they corroded his already unstable thoughts. Talking with people just made everything worse. No one would want to talk about his problems with him. They didn't want to hear about it, so he wouldn't bother them. So he ended up laying down on the bed and closing his eyes. He didn't fall asleep, but simply rested and listened to the ocean lapping against the base of the Tower.

He opened his eyes as something—or someone—sat on his bed. A green dog laid its head on the bed near his head, looking at Dick sadly, its tail wagging slightly when Dick noticed him. When Dick didn't budge the dog nudged his hand with its snout.

"Hey Beast Boy," Dick said, laying his hand on the dog's head.

The dog whined softly, an awful kind of whine that conveyed more than Beast Boy could ever say in words. Dick took his hand off Beast Boy's head, clearly unsettled.

Beast Boy turned around and trotted towards the door. Beast Boy didn't change back to his human form. Instead he bobbed his head, silently asking Dick to follow him. Dick grabbed a packet of gum from the nightstand, unwrapped a stick and popped it in his mouth. The urge to smoke grew stronger with every passing minute, and he knew that Leslie had thrown away any he had left in his jacket pocket.

They walked down the hallway towards the main room. Dick stopped outside the room that used to be his. Before he had left the Titans there used to be a plaque outside his door. Now someone else occupied the room. Well, at least the Titans had moved on.

"Dude…" Dick turned around. Beast Boy had finally assumed his human form. "You coming or what?"

Beast Boy wasn't trying to crack a joke or anything. He was quite serious, and maybe because he had no idea how Dick was going to act. He was treating Dick cautiously, like a criminal, even if he didn't realize it.

"Yeah," Dick replied. "I'm coming."

Everyone looked at him when he entered the main room. Resentment filled him as he walked past the Titans, though he didn't know why. Did he resent them for what had happened? Did he blame their existence for the way Slade had used them to control him? He pushed away these unhealthy thoughts, though he felt guilty for thinking them in the first place.

There were a lot of people he didn't recognize at first. Then he remembered their profiles that Slade had made him study, just so he knew how to fight them if they had to engage during a mission. Even though everyone was sitting—or lounging—on the couch, they were not relaxed.

"Take a seat," Cyborg said, gesturing towards an empty chair.

Dick sat down. Everyone else was facing him, and he felt like he was on trial; facing a panel of judges for everything he had done in the past five years.

"Can ya'll give us some privacy?" Cyborg asked the other kids. "We need some time alone."

"But what if he—" Superboy began.

"I won't attack any of you," Dick said. "I have no reason to."

After a moment the other young heroes left the room. As they filed out of the room Dick looked around and admired the re-modeling. They had redecorated over the years. It looked nice.

"We reviewed the evidence in that bag you gave to Bumblebee," Cyborg said. "You say there's more?"

"I'm in the process of clearing out Slade's Haunt. You can go there and take whatever you want."

Business, business, it was all about business at the moment. It was clear that each party was trying their best to hold their emotions back. They couldn't break down. Not just yet. Not until they were certain that this wasn't a trap, and that they could trust one another. Dick wished that it didn't have to be this way, but unfortunately he knew that he would have to prove his innocence before the Titans would trust him again.

"Mr. Wayne's doctor said that you killed Slade," Cyborg said. "Is this true?"

"Yes, I murdered him."

Every time he admitted it the words became easier to say. It was unnerving, but it was the truth, and he couldn't hide behind lies anymore. The Titans glanced at each other.

"So it's true," Beast Boy said, his ears drooping.

Why wasn't Raven saying anything? Her hood wasn't even down. Her face was clouded in shadow, and she refused to look at him in the eye.

"Where's Starfire?" Dick said.

Every single original Titan was there except for her. Why didn't Dick notice it before?

"She's outside," Cyborg said. "She doesn't live here anymore. She got here last after we found you here."

"I see," Dick replied.

So she didn't want to see him right away. Well, he didn't blame her. If she didn't want to see him right away, then he wasn't going to make a fuss about it.

"We don't know what to think, Dick," Cyborg said. "It's been five years, man. What do you want us to say?"

"What do you want me to say?" Dick demanded. "Aside from Gotham, this is the only other home I have. I'm not taking over Slade's business."

"The only evidence we haven't seen is Slade's body," Cyborg said. "Until we know for sure—"

"Is it because I killed him?" Dick demanded. "Is that why you don't trust me? Do you really believe that Slade sent me here to do you harm?"

Everyone merely looked at each other. Beast Boy looked guilty, as though he hated how Cyborg was treating Dick, and his ears drooped even more as he looked from Dick to Cyborg. Dick hated how coldly business-like Cyborg was acting, but he didn't blame him. Of course the Titans would treat him this way, after everything Dick had done.

"Was it an accident?" Raven asked.

"No," Dick replied. "It wasn't an accident. I murdered him during a contract. I murdered him because I…had…to…get…out."

For the first time since he started talking to the Titans his voice wavered. Was he admitting that it wasn't an accident now? Was he finally taking responsibility for his actions?

"Look," Cyborg said, his voice softening, "it's both rough for all of us, and you most of all. But no one except the original Titans understand what you've done for us. And even then, we haven't talked to you for five years. Me, personally…I don't know you anymore. I don't know how I can trust you, even though I know how much you've done for us."

As Dick looked at all of them he realized how true this was. When he formed the Titans everyone was a kid. Now they were all young adults, and the years had changed them all. They may have known each other well a long time ago, but now they seemed complete strangers. At best, they were all mere shadows of the people he had known, for time changed people.

"Kicking you out isn't the right thing to do," Cyborg said. "You can stay here as long as you need to, man, but I know that Mr. Wayne is calling you back to Gotham. Maybe it would be best for you to go home, Dick."

"I don't want to go back to Gotham. Not just yet."

"You do know what happened, don't you?" Raven asked.

"Bane tried to kill me." Dick's expression did not change. He had to keep his emotions in check, least they betrayed him again. "He told me that he wants to kill everyone Bruce holds dear, and that he would kill me in front of Bruce. That was when I learned what had happened to Bruce."

"So you snapped," Cyborg said.

"If you want to put it that way…"

"Ah, dude, he didn't mean it like that," Beast Boy cut-in with an uneasy laugh. "Like…well…"

Everyone shut up. Even Cyborg looked like he regretted his choice of words.

"You saw the evidence," Dick said finally. "I gave it to you to give you some idea of what hell I've been living through. Do whatever you want with me. If you want to arrest me, then go ahead. I won't stop you."

"The question isn't 'what are we going to do with you,'" Raven said. "It's 'what are you going to do?'"

"I haven't thought this all the way through. I don't know."

Cyborg sighed. "Like I said: stay here as long as you need to. We said we'd be here for you, so we'll be here for you."

Dick was done talking. He was rather surprised that he hadn't broken down yet, but maybe that was because he was too tired to do anything. Just mentally exhausted. Maybe going outside would help his headache, and then back inside for dinner and a nap. Maybe it would help all of them talk this through.

"I'm going out for a walk," he said, getting up from his seat.

No one stopped him from walking out of the Tower.

He didn't know how to feel about that. While he didn't want anyone to worry about him, he also wanted some indication that they cared. His emotions were all over the place, even if his face didn't show it, and he needed some time alone before talking to them again. Everything outside was wet from the afternoon shower. The wet dirt smelled rather nice as he walked around the base of the Tower. As he walked underneath some trees droplets of water fell on his head.

As he rounded the corner he saw something unfamiliar: six raised wooden vegetable beds on the ground. Half of them were full of dirt and the little starts were already assembled. The only thing he recognized were the lettuce leaves. A woman with a huge mop of red hair walked towards the boxes, and Dick recognized her at once.

Starfire had always been tall, but she had grown in the last few years, just as Dick had. Everything about her seemed more strange and wild than he remembered. She wasn't wearing her typical purple uniform, but grungy clothes and old tennis shoes bespattered with dirt. Gardening gloves covered her hands, and she carried a bag of planting mix on one shoulder. Her knees were covered in dirt from when she knelt in the ground to care for her plants, and Dick found that he could not stop staring at them. After a moment he caught himself, and looked up at her face.

"You garden?" he asked.

"Yes," she replied. "I work here occasionally. It is the springtime, so I must work. We donate the vegetables to shelters in the city once they are ready."

When she spoke he noticed that her usual foreign stiffness was gone. While there was a trace of her Tamaranean accent still present in her words, she seemed to finally have a grasp on the English language.

"I see," Dick replied.

She turned around continued pouring the planting mix into the raised bed. Dick nearly tripped on the wire gopher baskets as he walked over to her.

"Hand me that one," Starfire said, pointing to another bag of dirt leaning against the wooden box.

"But it's different—"

"Yes, that is the point. We must amend the soil. Do you wish to help me?"

Dick stopped to stare at her. Just who was she now? Still pretty—no, now she was beautiful—but a stranger. Since when had Starfire been interested in gardening? What other hobbies had she cultivated? He handed her the bag, and the weight caused every tired muscle in his body to groan in pain. Digging around in the dirt wasn't exactly his idea of fun, so he decided to decline.

"I still feel tired," Dick said, wiping his hands on his jeans. "Thanks, but maybe later."

He felt silly just standing there watching her work. She seemed to know what she was doing, and he couldn't help but admire her for it. Though he felt much better after his nap and some food, he still felt immensely tired. Sluggish, almost.

"So, you killed Slade," Starfire said, not looking at him.

"Yes."

"There is a word from my planet called rutha," she said. "It means 'weak.' It is the closest equivalent to 'nice' in my language. The people of Tamaran are a warrior race, and we do not look down upon killing if it is necessary for our survival. I have read some of the history of Earth, and I know that many of your warriors believe the same. When I escaped from my Gordanian captors I killed some of them. It was inevitable. It was the only way I could free myself."

Rutha…weak…

Yes, he was weak. He was rutha. Was he nice? No, but he was weak. He wasn't nice because he agreed to commit such terrible crimes. He was weak because he had allowed Slade to manipulate him.

"Some may call you rutha for waiting so long to kill him. But…I will not." Starfire took off her gardening gloves and tossed them to the side. "Do not mistake our aloofness for abandonment. We will not abandon you, and we are not disgusted to see you."

How was she able to put his uneasiness into words? His eyes blurred with sudden tears, and he wiped them quickly on the sleeve of his sweatshirt.

"I almost forgot about the Gordanians," he said, avoiding her gaze. "I forgot a lot of things, to be honest."

"I understand."

There was gravity to her words; something about her tone made him believe that she truly understood, or at least was trying to understand as best as she could.

"What happens next?" Starfire asked.

"I don't know." Dick looked towards the bay. If the alarm sounded for an emergency, would he go and help them fight the bad guy of the week? No, he wouldn't. They wouldn't trust him, and he couldn't blame them. "I won't stick around. I'll be leaving."

"For Gotham?"

"Probably."

Starfire looked at him and did not avoid his gaze. "Many things have happened while you were away. We have lost many friends and gained some. We've missed you, but the others don't know how to express it. I believe Raven feels your emotions and does not speak because she is simply attempting to absorb it all, attempting to understand you through her empathy. Beast Boy will try to speak with you later. And Cyborg…he is conflicted because you have admitted that you murdered Slade."

"I killed him for a cause, but that doesn't make it right."

"What would have happened if you did not kill him?"

"Someone else would have died. I would still be there."

"Do you not remember how I nearly destroyed this city when I came to Earth? You only killed one man to save yourself and others. I nearly destroyed an entire city for my freedom."

"It's not the same."

"Maybe not. But I understand, Dick, or at least I wish to understand. We all do." She put a hand on his shoulder and squeezed gently. "We have missed you, even if we do not show it."

Dick stepped away from her. He did not push her away, but gently lifted her hand from his shoulder and stepped back.

Perhaps the sudden shock of having him back, without any sort of fight or escalating drama, scared the Titans. How could they believe him if they didn't see the evidence? If they didn't see Slade's corpse? And they knew that Slade left Dick his criminal empire, so why wouldn't Dick become the next Deathstroke?

This shock left them all emotionally bereft. They could not comfort him because they did not know how. They didn't want to be near him because they did not know him anymore, and anything they said could worsen the situation. However, perhaps some time alone was what Dick needed at the moment.

A/N: Things will pick up in the next few chapters. I promise.

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