Back to Love?

Sasuke couldn't explain what he was feeling as he roamed the streets. There were so many things pulling at his subconscious at once. Sakura loved him. For whatever reason, Sakura loved him. Had she ever stopped? Then again, she was smashed at the time. She probably couldn't even tell her left foot from her right foot. He couldn't take anything she had just said to him seriously. Right? He should be relieved that he couldn't hold her confession to any kind of criterion. He should feel that way, but he didn't. He felt agonizing pains ripping through him. Like someone had hollowed out his insides. The very thought of her not meaning anything she said tonight was something he didn't want to accept. On the other hand, the fact that someone like her loved someone like him wasn't exactly east for him to swallow. He wished he could just, be different. She's loved him longer than anyone ever has. She's been by his side even when he was walking away. The fact that he even thought he could leave her behind was ridiculous. Wherever he went, she was always there. She was a constant reminder that he was never alone. The fact that she could find anything in him to love was hard to believe. If only he could be different. If only he could deserve her. She was someone who should be happy. He was someone who couldn't give it to her.

So you're just going to bottle up everything you feel? Lock yourself inside and throw away the key.

What do you expect me to do?

Gee, I don't know, Sasuke. How about tell her how you really feel. You know, what normal people would do.

I'm not telling her.

Why? You finally admit to someone that you at least have FEELINGS for her and you refuse to act on them?!?

I already told you. She deserves someone who can make her happy and I CAN'T DO THAT. She needs to find someone else.

I'm telling you she's not going to find someone else, Sasuke. There's a reason she fell in love with you. Do you think she just walks down the street and says, "Hey, I think I'll fall in love with that person today." Sakura doesn't just say things like that meaninglessly.

It's pointless for her to love me, just a waste of time.

How can you even say that?

Because it's true. What good is her loving me if I can never love her back?

I don't know why you say that, Sasuke.

It doesn't matter why I say it. All that matters is I believe it.

(The Next Day)

Sakura started her day very unpleasantly. She cracked her eyes open only to find the streaming sunlight blaring at her like a thousand headlights. She tried to sit up straight ... big mistake. Her entire world felt like it was spinning out of control. She felt like her brain was slamming into the sides of her head, begging to be let out. Miraculously she managed to pull herself together just enough to pull off decent. She stocked up on advil and headed out the door. Once she reached her office she dropped her bag to the floor and slumped down into her chair. She picked up her pen and started signing off on all sorts of documents. Since this was a relatively mindless task, Sakura tried to piece together her night. She knew that she left for Naruto's party, then she drank ... a lot. Here was where it started to get fuzzy and unclear. She briefly recalled ending up in some perv's arms, but she didn't go home with him. Then there was the question of how she even got home. She would think that she brought herself home, but she highly doubted that to be a possibility. She tried to remember absolutely everything about that night. All her friends where there so any one of them could have brought her home. But, didn't someone not show up? She ran through the list of all the people she saw there. Ino and Shikamaru where talking at the counter to each other, Hinata and Naruto were at one of the booths with Kiba and Neji. Tenten was talking to Shino while Chouji was having an eating contest with Lee. Which left only Sasuke not there? With the mention of Sasuke's name memories opened up like flood gates. Given some parts where still questionable and rough around the edges, but she got the overall picture.

Sasuke had showed up and led me away from that guy. Then he carried me home. Sakura blushed at that thought. Took me inside and placed me on my bed.

The fact that Sasuke was there while she was very much drunk was more than mortifying.

Oh crap. What if I said something to him?

Her thoughts were interrupted when the very object of her dilemma walked through her door.

"Apparently you and Naruto both need to join the, I've never heard of knocking, group."

"Aa."

Sakura let out a long sigh. "Why are you here, Sasuke?"

"The dobe mentioned something about us all going to go to ramen for lunch. He wanted to know if you would be there."

"Sure. What time?"

"Lunch time."

Sakura looked up from her paperwork and set a deadly glance his way. "Thank you, Sasuke. That was very informative."

"Just leave on your lunch break, Sakura. We'll meet you there."

"Thank you, Sasuke. Now, it's not so hard when you use your words, is it?"

"Hn." With that Sasuke turned to leave.

"See you then!" She called out to his retreating back.

Well, if I said something it sure didn't affect him.

(Sasuke POV)

Well, there's my answer. She obviously doesn't remember a thing she said to me last night.

That doesn't make it any less true.

Yes, it does. If she really meant it, she would have remembered it.

There you go again! Do you even hear yourself when you talk? Because you make no sense.

There is no flaw in my reasoning. If she doesn't remember then there is no reason for me to act on it.

How about the reason that you LOVE her, because that seems like a pretty big reason to me.

I never said that I loved her. I have feelings for her, that's completely different.

Get that stick out of your ass, Sasuke and just admit that you love her. It's exhausting.

What's exhausting?

Keeping up with your stupidity.

Hn. Whatever.

I'm starting to think that that's your response to everything. What are you going to do if she actually does move on? If she marries someone else and starts a family. How will you live through seeing her have someone else's child?

Sasuke just kept walking. This was not something he wanted to think about. Sakura loving anyone but him was wrong. It just didn't feel right.

At this rate you're going to end up alone, Sasuke. You can't spend forever like this. Your parents would want you to find someone. Why are you turning away from her if you already have her?

I don't have her. I don't have anybody. When it all comes down to it there's just me.

You may think that, Sasuke, but you're wrong. You may not want to let people in, but that doesn't stop them from breaking down your barriers. You're just scared because someone cares enough to stick around. Well, get used to it, Sasuke.

So you're saying that Sakura will be in my life forever?

So far that's what it looks like. But she won't be there forever, Sasuke. You can't just keep taking and taking from her. There's only so much she can give with getting nothing in return. I don't think you realize all she does for you. You treat her like she's some kind of replenish able constant, but eventually she's going to get tired of waiting. No matter how much she loves you there is only so much heartbreak she can take.

I have never meant to break her heart. I have never tried to break it.

You may not mean or try to, but you do. You torn her heart into a million pieces and thrown it to the wind. You can't keep playing this game with her, Sasuke.

All the more reason to let her move on. You said it yourself, I just break her heart.

I don't think you should let her move on. You may break her heart, Sasuke, but you're also the only one who can make it complete again. Even if she moves on there will always be a gap. A gap that only you can fill.